This chapter contain mentions of self harm... please read at your own risk..
Jimin was in the kitchen when he heard the sound of the front door opening. He immediately dried his hands before rushing to the living room only to be wrapped in a tight embrace.
He smiled at the familiar feeling of his soulmate near to him, nuzzling his nose in the red locks as he hugged him back with the equal intensity showing that the feelings are mutual.
" You missed me this much?"he asked happily, slowly bringing his hand up to stroke Tae's soft red locks.
Tae pulled back with a smile to look at him before returning back to the previous position.
" I missed you so much", he mumbled softly, tightening his grip around the other. " I'm not gonna deny it even if I have to endure your cocky smile after this", he said, making Jimin feel the pain in his voice.
Jimin smiled nonetheless, happy to hear the words. " I missed you too", he said, sensing the other shift in his embrace. " It was tough, staying away", he said honestly. " But I needed that. Sorry if I hurt you".
Tae pulled back instantly, a frown etched in his face.
" It's not at your fault", he said sternly. " And I could totally relate to what you have been going through. So don't you dare apologize", he said, his tone indicating that he was not joking.
Jimin chuckled softly, nodding his head. " Okay, I won't apologize", he smiled. " Did you have your lunch?"
Tae looked at him, annoyed. " It's not even time for the lunch break. And you know that I won't step in that room during lunch break".
" Good", Jimin smiled again. " I've made lunch. Now c'mon",he said while taking Tae's hand and pulling him further into the house towards the dining room.
On reaching there, Tae gasped looking at the dining table and Jimin.
" Omg! Jimin, what's this? Are you expecting someone else?"
Jimin looked at him puzzled but then shook his head in disbelief.
" No. it's just you and me", he said before gesturing to Tae towards the wash room to wash his hands.
Tae complied immediately. Even though he was not hungry earlier, now he really wants to have something after coming across such a feast his friend has prepared for him and the aroma spreading in the room was too irresistible.
" But Chim, isn't this a little bit too much? I mean I could not eat that much", Tae said as he looked at the large no.of dishes arranged in the big table before him.
Jimin chuckled softly before coming to him. " I don't know", he sang. " But I'm not letting you rise from the table before you finish it all", he said playfully.
Tae looked at him shocked, glancing between the table and his friend who was standing there with a blinding smile.
" Then I'm not sitting down", he huffed, turning to the other.
Jimin sighed softly. " Tae", he called softly. " I'm kidding, just sit down".
The other smiled now turning to the table again but as soon as he neared the table he turned around to the blonde with an uneasy face.
" Chim", he called, with a puzzled look. " Aren't these dishes too spicy?"he asked, slowly removing the lid of one of the containers and he kept it back and slowly moved back with a sigh.
" You know that I can't handle spicy food", he mumbled, scanning the table.
Jimin chuckled softly before wrapping his arms around the boy and gradually pushing him to the table again.
" Don't worry none of these are spicy", Jimin assured, to which the other only shot a questioning glance.
" I know my baby can't handle anything spicy so I've done my homework well!", he smiled.
Tae chuckled. " So you were experimenting to fit my liking?"
Jimin scoffed lightly. " What is so surprising about it?"He raised his eyebrows. " You know that I would do anything for you".
Tae grinned widely at that. " But I still can't eat much", he mumbled.
Jimin shakes his head, done with the other. " No one is asking you to finish everything in a go", he said. " You could eat slowly, you know".
" But I would always prefer something sweet", the red haired boy said while walking around the table checking the dishes the other had prepared.
He let out a few gasps here and there, impressed by the other' choices.
" Don't worry! I have already baked a cake and mousse for you", the blonde said, making the other snap towards him suddenly.
" Really?", Tae asked, surprised. But soon his smile faltered as he remembered something.
" If you were planning to make a feast, you could have called early in the morning itself", he muttered slowly. " It's not like I was doing something productive at school".
Jimin smiled softly before taking a seat at the table. He was honestly tired after working earlier in the morning.
" It is my treat for you", he said. " Then how could I make you work for it?"
Tae turned to him with a skeptical gaze. " Treat for what?", he asked. " As an apology gift?"
Jimin shakes his head, waving his hands in the air. " No idiot!" He glared at him. " It was because I was making you deprived of my amazing cooking skills. I'm making up for it", he grinned, and it only widened as soon as he saw the irritated look the other was sending his way.
" Bitch!", Tae muttered audibly, enough for Jimin to hear.
Jimin smiled, getting up from his seat and moving to the other boy.
He dragged the boy to the chair.
" Sit down now!"He said while pulling the chair back and gesturing to him to take the seat.
Tae chuckled a little bit surprised. But nonetheless he complied and took the seat.
" Are you going to serve me?", he asked as he glanced at the blonde who was now keeping plates, bowls along with various spoons and chopsticks near him.
Jimin hummed softly, continuing to supply him with a few more utensils.
" I'm going to serve. Is there a problem?" He asked, as he placed a bowl of rice beside him on the table.
Tae smiled. " Stop being dramatic, my dear mochi", he said, but the smile intact on his face was enough to tell that he was enjoying this.
" I'm not listening to you", was all Jimin said as he proceeded with what he was doing.
" Jimin, are you fine?"Tae finally asked after keeping the question that he wanted to ask so badly to himself for a long time.
Jimin turned to him quite surprised. " I'm fine", he offered him a kind smile. " Why are you asking?", he asked, while shifting his focus back to the movie playing.
Tae bit his lips nervously. " I mean", he tried. " After everything that happened in the school", he dragged on. " That wasn't supposed to happen. Yet it did. And you told him that you know about him and Yoongi. And that was not something we expected to happen and", he was but interrupted.
" I have always expected something like this", Jimin said nonchalantly, munching on his chips as if he hadn't shocked the younger one with the revelation.
Tae looked at him horrified. " What?", he asked, he had a dreadful feeling taking over. He shifted in his seat, turning to face the older completely.
Jimin turned to him with a sigh. " You know, how Hoseok was being right?", he asked softly and Tae nodded because they both knew how much they were troubled by the said boy.
They were always keeping an eye out for possible threats, whenever they sneak onto the rooftop. And Hoseok was someone who was always on their need-to-be-avoided list.
But still, they were caught in the end.
" And were you really expecting, with Hoseok lurking around with his hawk eyes, that we could keep it a secret any longer?", Jimin asked while Tae stared at him with widening eyes.
" This would have somehow gotten his attention and this was much better than what I anticipated. And thankfully it ended without too much stress", he said, as he shifted his attention back to the movie.
Tae raised his eyebrows at that. It ended well? He scoffed.
Then what has been going on for the last three weeks? And all that Jimin was going through?
Jimin turned to the younger sensing the silence. And he frowned seeing how the younger was so lost in his thoughts.
" What happened?", Jimin asked with a smile.
Tae shrugged off before looking away and Jimin was not having it.
" Tae, what is it?", he pressed.
Tae looked back at him, a deep frown plastered on his face. " Park Jimin, don't try this with me", he gritted his teeth and Jimin was really taken aback by the sudden change.
Jimin looked on as Tae let out a scoff, starting again.
" Don't try to make me a fool with this im-so-fine act of yours. Because I've already tried this and I know you better than you imagine. So don't try to tell me that you are fine", Tae said, unable to keep it all in.
He was staying away all these days wanting to give Jimin the space that he needed. And he himself was trying his best not to crumble down and break apart. He was trying his best to keep himself together.
But what he didn't expect was Jimin acting around him after this long break apart from each other.
It's not like he wants Jimin to tell him each and everything that's happening in his life.
But at least can't he just trust him and let Tae there be for him? Was it too much to ask? Jimin was someone he trusted so much. Then why is the older trying to push him away?
Jimin stared at him dumbfounded, as he wasn't expecting something like this to happen.
Tae stared at the puzzled boy in disbelief. But somehow the silence from his soulmate crushed him more than he imagined. He was hurt.
Tears started rolling down his cheeks in no time.
" Why Chim?", he choked out. " If this was what you wanted, then why did you hurt yourself by telling him that? Why didn't you let him out us?", he sniffled, shaking his head.
" What could have happened?", he asked, tears not stopping. " Do you think that I care about what others might have thought? Do you think that I would listen to Hyunjin if he asked me to cut my ties with you? Did you? And do you really think that Hyunjin would ever ask me something like that?"
Tae looked down trying to keep himself in control, he is really tired of his emotions getting out of control all the time. But he couldn't stop it. He sobbed harder. Everything that he was trying to keep in these past days was bursting out.
And he feels even worse seeing how Jimin was looking away with a stoic face.
Tae sniffled. " Chim, why are you being like this? Are you also getting tired of me? Do you also think that I'm clingy? Then why did you even call me back?", he sobbed.
But still there was no response from the blonde.
" What are you even trying to do?", Tae asked, looking at the other. His patience was running out. He was honestly getting tired.
All these times, he was trying to forget and keep going. He thought at least he wouldn't be all alone again. Jimin has promised that he wouldn't be alone again.
But all the loneliness that he was forced to go through the past weeks was actually messing up with his head. He tried to get rid of all the thoughts. Moreover something so important is fast approaching him and he feels so unprepared and he couldn't understand what he was supposed to do now.
Tae cried harder putting his face in his palms, not really caring if all these crying could get him a hard headache later. He was tired of everything.
He was tired of fighting when the same thing is happening again and again making a fool out of him.
He was tired.
Jimin looked down, biting his lips. He himself was a lost case. He was already going through a lot and he doesn't know how he should make the younger understand.
" Can I go back?", Tae asked slowly, raising his head from his palms after what felt like eternity.
Jimin looked at him warily snapping out of his reverie. And his heart was breaking at the sight of the tear stricken face of his angel.
Jimin nodded slowly. " Sorry", he mumbled, looking down at his lap.
Tae sighed, wiping his tears harshly even though they keep flowing down.
" Okay", he said, before picking up his bag and marching to the front door.
But he stopped at the entrance of the living room. He let out another loud sigh, still the tears kept rolling down his cheeks.
He turned around to look at the older who was now weeping into his palms.
" Chim, please listen to me okay?", Tae croaked out, his voice strained and hoarse.
But the blonde didn't make any kind of response.
Tae sighed softly, while he tried to gather his voice.
" I know you are going through a lot. I know this is not easy. And all these mean a lot to you", he paused, taking a deep breath. " But I won't let you face it all alone", he said. " So make sure that you find me once you are actually ready to talk", he said genuinely.
Jimin still didn't make a move and it made the younger sadder.
" And once more I'm saying,"Tae said, continuing. " Park Jimin, I love you more than anyone in this world. So anything that is breaking you is enough to break me as well. So find me before you decide to do something stupid", he said sternly before walking out, fresh tears making its way down his cheeks.
Jimin looked up as soon as he heard the sound of the front door closing. He sunk back into the couch, rubbing his face with his palms.
" I'm sorry", he weeped. " I'm so sorry for letting you down. I'm sorry for making you wait. I know that you will always be there for me. But what am I going to do now? It's not the same anymore. I don't know what to do. I love him a lot. I can't let him go but I have to. Why did I wait all the time to have the chance to confess?"
" I don't know how you did that, Tae. I don't know how you managed to get over someone you loved so deep. But I'm not that strong. I can't do that how much I try. And now I'm hurting even you. I made you cry after promising you to never let you down. I made you question yourself. I am making you more sad. I don't want to. But this is what I'm doing now", he sniffled, leaning back.
Jimin heard the sound of Tae's car pulling away from his driveway. He couldn't understand why this is happening now. This is not how things were supposed to go.
" Min fucking Yoongi!!", he screamed, his body trembling.
" You filthy liar! Why did you play with my feelings? I am not a fool not to know that at one point I was not just a little brother or a childhood best friend that you had. I know that you loved me. I know I was not delusional!"
He sobbed harder, pulling his hair unable to get a grip.
Meanwhile, in his parked car Tae was crying his heart out, a few meters away from the house once was a place he could only feel peace and love.
This was not what he expected when rushed to this place from school. This was supposed to be a happy reunion. They were supposed to forget all the bad times and move forward..
But when the day is nearing its end only another lonely night lies ahead.
Jimin was already feeling down when he walked into the cafeteria another week after the day Tae visited him for the last time.
He doesn't know how to feel after coming back to the place which has given the worst of his memories.
He gritted his teeth, as soon as his eyes landed on the table where his friends had already gathered around as usual.
He halted for a moment, trying to calm himself before resuming his walk to the table with a blank expression. He doesn't have to let them know what he feels towards him.
It was Namjoon who first noticed Jimin approaching them and instantly he elbowed the one that was sitting next to him which was Jin. And the boy hissed a bit louder at the sudden attack glared at the former who just gestured him towards Jimin who was nearing them.
And all this didn't go unnoticed by the blonde who had by the time reached their table and took a seat near to Jackson who seemed to be the only one he can tolerate at this point.
Everyone stared at him wordlessly, the situation turning awkward all of a sudden.
Jimin sighed knowing that they were waiting for an explanation.
" I was sick and hospitalized", he lied effortlessly, a tired sigh leaving his lips.
And no one knows how to react to this. Because by the way Jimin looked now they could tell that the boy was not doing well.
So if he says that he was hospitalized, they couldn't do anything other than to believe it, it's not like they could simply demand a medical certificate just to prove himself to them.
But Hoseok was not very much convinced. But he was unable to say anything back seeing how drained the blonde looked and it seems everyone has bought his excuse.
" Are you fine now?", Jackson asked the blonde, with a worried gaze.
Jimin just smiled weakly, nodding in response. He was still too tired. He felt so weak and jaded. He was exhausted both mentally and physically and he didn't want to keep up a conversation with anyone now.
" You have been gone for like one or two weeks. Have you informed anyone from the faculty?", Namjoon asked.
Jimin chuckled softly, not really surprised by the ridiculous question which clearly was enough to tell how much they cared for him. But he is not really gonna care about it now. So he just gave another, not still refusing to open his mouth.
Jin sighed softly. " Are you sure that you have recovered?", he asked, glancing at the boy. " You still seem sick", he said.
Jimin smiled. " I'm fine. It's just that I'm still regaining my health. And a bit tired because of everything that has been going on", he mumbled softly, while he shifted his eyes from Jin to glance around the cafeteria.
He was actually looking around since he reached the school hoping to get at least a glimpse of the boy whom he has been missing a lot.
But even after keeping an eye out for him, the one who he was looking around for was nowhere to be seen. He knows that he could easily find him if he is ready for a conversation. But he is not yet ready so there is no way he could go there.
Meanwhile Hoseok was looking at his friends with a confused expression. One or two weeks? He thought slowly looking between Jin and Namjoon. Are they for real?
Jimin has been absent from the school for exactly four weeks. He knows that very well because he was keeping the count of days since the day the blonde disappeared from the school after the fight.
He was even thinking a lot about the boy these weeks and wondering what has caused him to act like this after the chaos he has caused in his life.
.Now it seems like they all have really bought that lie. But is it really the case? But he has seen Tae a lot around while Jimin was gone and if Jimin was really sick, why did Taehyung leave him in the hospital and attend the school even when it was practically for just fooling around?
..He could have stayed with his boyfriend and nursed him back to health instead of parading around him and causing him headaches.
Come to think of it, that may even be the case seeing how Jimin is looking now. But still something is not adding up and no way Hoseok is going to believe him.
..But now seeing how everyone is just making it look as if it was just two weeks of absence Jimin has taken from the school, he couldn't help but feel remorse and the worst part is that Jimin is not making any attempts to correct them.
He seems to be so okay with it.
How could they be so stupid and what was happening here again? He looked at the blonde and became even more confused seeing how the boy was looking around the room instead of their own table.
He sighed heavily as something clicked. Is this how ignorant they were about him? Was this what Jimin had been talking about the other day? Were they such bad friends? And there is no room for discussion because the answer is crystal clear.
He looked at Jungkook who was just spacing out as usual. He just sighed, what is happening here?
Now confused and irritated, Hoseok averted his gaze back to the blonde only to see him still looking around the room distracted. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. But what is he looking for?
Meanwhile Jimin was still looking for the one whom he hadn't contacted yet even after a week the boy had left his home in tears. He felt a pang in his heart. That was not meant to happen.
But yet it did somehow all thanks to something he has come to realize too late.
He looked back at the table immediately coming face to face with the one who was responsible for everything that was going wrong in his life.
Yoongi shoots him a soft gaze, offering him an assuring smile at him, still wondering what's going on with the boy. But instead of going soft at even a smile from his dearest hyung as usual, Jimin only felt his anger rising inside him this time.
He could feel his body slightly trembling, his fists already balled and his jaw was clenched as he remembered all that happened in the time he stayed back.
But as soon as he realized what he was going to do, he looked away immediately, not wanting to give away his resentment towards the older so soon.
Yoongi looked at him puzzled, not understanding what just happened. He was sure that Jimin had seen him smiling at him but unlike all other times Instead of mirroring his actions the younger has looked away. And he knows that something is wrong.
At first, Jimin disappeared from the school without any prior news or notifications and now he has come back with such a tired look and absolutely nothing like his usual self, and it seems like the younger has no energy for anything.
And in fact this boy doesn't even have the energy to answer their simple questions.
Yoongi was confused as hell after what Jimin just did. Was Jimin really ignoring him or is it just because he is moody now?
But what Yoongi also has no idea about is that Jimin has already discovered something that has always escaped his notice before and now he is planning to change the plans he has made for them long ago.
.Jimin leaned back on his chair blocking out their chatter not wanting to know anything they are so enthusiastic about.
..But his attention was grabbed by a question Kai shot at Namjoon. Jimin looked at the two boys in confusion as soon as the question got registered in his mind.
" Did you ask Hyunjin why Taehyung has been absent from the school for the past one week?'' Kai asked Namjoon and it instantly got Jimin's attention.
" Yeah", Namjoon said now, not even surprised seeing how each and every friend of his is looking at him with at most interest.
" He was sick and stayed back in their apartment", he informed them. " And yeah, he is already back in school. I saw him today in the council room when I went to see Hyunjin. I don't think you could get a glimpse of him though", he said now looking at the one who has entrusted him with the mission.
Jimin pressed his lips tightly, feeling a wave of sorrow hitting him. He didn't know that Tae was sick. They haven't talked since the little argument if that could be even referred to as like that.
He sighed looking at his lap, his head feeling more heavier now. It seems another pounding headache is on the way.
His eyes suddenly widened when he realized something. He knows that everytime Tae cries so hard, he always gets this awfully brutal headache and it sometimes leads to him getting sick also.
Was it because he made him cry so much that his baby got sick?
He gritted his teeth while balled his fists tighter under the table. He looked over at Yoongi again only to lock his eyes with his annoying boyfriend who was now looking at him with a frown, probably trying to figure out what was happening.
Jimin has to struggle even more to keep it in instead of lashing out at the two boys. One is doing a really good job at acting oblivious and sympathetic while the other is set on uncovering everything that has been going on between the two supposed to be boyfriends who have done nothing wrong to be treated like this.
Kim Taehyung, for a fact, was not someone who liked the thought of resorting to strange ways to ward off his thoughts which he didn't like dwelling on too much.
He absolutely hated the idea of inflicting physical pain in order to avoid the emotional turmoil that engulfs . And he could never ever imagine something like that to himself.
And he still has vivid memories of the utter confusion he felt when he came across this for the first time in his life.
.To be honest, he doesn't have any kind of experience with such a scenario nor has he come to know about it from the life of a depressed protagonist in a fiction he had read.
And he could never know it from a fiction on a serious note because this boy absolutely has zero interest in spending his time in reading anything fictional and not related to academics.
And to be honest he is seriously missing out, if you know better.
Well, so it was not in any of this way he has come to know about this way of reducing your emotional pain.
He was only in middle school when he accidentally came across that conversation between his mom and one of her close friends. And the reason that this particular friend of hers came to visit him with teary eyes is something done by her son who happens to be a college student at that time and someone whom Tae has seen several times at the parties which he has attended with his mom.
Maybe it's because of that the subject of the talk is someone he has taken notice of before even though they have not even greeted for once despite their moms being so close, this situation somehow got his attention and being the curious cat that he was he did something that his mom would never appreciate if she ever come to know about it. And she has never known about it either.
He stood outside the door and pressed his ears close to the closed door to get to hear the conversation.
He really felt bad at first, hearing the painful sobs coming from the other side and his mom's attempts to comfort her. But soon his sympathy towards her was long forgotten as confusion took its place.
And he couldn't understand what she meant by her son cutting himself.
He has no idea what that even means. How could someone just cut themselves?
But soon the realization that he was doing something wrong hit him and he retreated instantly.
But the doubts that were instilled in his mind didn't go away even though he tried to forget it considering the way he stumbled upon the confusing news. And not so surprisingly that thought kept him awake all night.
He kept on tossing around in the bed trying to summon sleep, but he couldn't get even a bit of sleep due to the questions that kept roaming around in his head.
So when finally he had lost all his patience to deal with his own grumpy self, he picked up his laptop from his side table at nearly three in the morning just to google what cutting means.
It was the only way he could think about, and the results he got from his late night investigation was not what he was expecting in the slightest degree.
He nearly threw up when he finally got what he was searching for and that was when he decided to stop without caring about his curiosity to know more about it.
But thanks to the keywords that he has typed into the search engine while trying to find out about the act, he comes across things he has never intended to come across, at least not as a middle schooler.
So he instantly closed all tabs, cleared his search history and slammed the laptop shut before he placed it back on the table. He really wasn't planning to know anything more than he already has.
In the years that followed, and since he entered the highschool he has found himself dwelling into those forbidden areas even though he knew he doesn't fancy any of those fantasies, absolutely not.
And he would only roll his eyes when he comes to find how people enjoys from pain during sexual activities and that too from such brutal acts. And he could only flinch when he browsed more into that matter and he has decided then that he totally despises the idea.
But despite his decision to think no more of the stupid things people does in the name of pleasure, he found himself thinking more about it and he has wondered how people really love it when they are practically being hurt.
And he has to his own despair, has even been thinking if he could ever get involved into something like that. But still at the end of his dwam, he was sure to remind himself that he is not that desperate enough to harm his own body just for the sake of a fleeting moment of heaven as they call it.
Anyway, when his younger self got a chance to know how people prefer hurting themselves physically in order to get forget the one which is even more painful, that is the emotional one never in even his worst dreams that he thought that one day he would actually think of resorting to those methods in order to ease his emotional pain.
It was when he was confining himself in the mansion of his paternal grandmother that his mind started playing tricks with him that he started thinking about something like that too often.
He was trying his all just to have at least a moment when it doesn't hurt anymore. He just wanted to forget everything that was hurting him, all the mental torture and pain.
But still even after contemplating so much on it, he held himself back from doing that not because he has got his pain reduced or he has found another option, but because of the fear of his mom finding about him engaged in such kind of physical tortures.
And when he finally settled in Seoul hoping for a change, but the suppressed memories kept popping up along with new troubles he couldn't help but think about it again and again.
No one would get to know about it even if he started cutting and moreover his mom who could catch up even with the slightest changes in him was not there.
But still he resisted the temptations and held his ground because he knew for sure that he wouldn't be able to stop doing that once he started for real.
And also he was thinking what could have happened if this is ever found out. His mom would be really sad that he knows because she has already made it so clear how much she hates it to see even a rash on his flawless skin.
And he doesn't want to hurt her feelings when he knows how protective and caring she is when it comes to him, and only him. After all, he has always been her most precious baby.
He was hoping that all his miseries and pain would vanish with the passing of time. But that wasn't the case and he was getting more and more depressed with each passing day and he could tell that the day that he would do it for real is not too far away.
But that's when he met Jimin, the boy who came into his life uninvited and unexpected but yet he found himself leaning towards him faster than he could ever imagine.
The boy who has his own troubles and pain to cry over, but yet in the middle of his own miseries he didn't hold himself back from helping someone that he was new to. He helped him when he was in pain and made him alive once more.
He held him tight through the hours when he would cry so hard in his embrace and kept on assuring that things wouldn't be the same all the time.
Jimin was the angel in his life even though it's Jimin's own pet name for Tae.
Maybe they are each other's angels who have appeared when they need it so badly. They were everything they needed for each other. A safe haven, peace and comfort.
But he was so lost again and Jimin has unintentionally become a reason for it.
He only wants to help the boy just like how he has protected him all the time. But it seems like Jimin doesn't want that from him actually.
Sitting alone on an empty bench in the garden, exposing himself to the annoying rays of the sun, Tae really couldn't feel the warmth. He felt rather cold.
He doesn't know what to do anymore. He knew that it's not both of their fault that things ended up like this.
He knew that Jimin was not really intending to hurt him like that. He could never do that to Tae, he didn't need anyone to spell out that to him.
But that day he clearly remembered how awkward the situation was from the very beginning.
Tae was happy that Jimin really took the initiative to call him back there. He was missing the blonde so much.
As soon as he stepped into the threshold, the intensity of the feelings only increased. Because just like how Tae missed Jimin, he really missed that house too.
Because ever since he has became friends with Jimin, he has been spending a considerable amount of time at that place and since they started the senior year and Hyunjin has been out of their apartment most of the time, the amount of time he spent there has increased tremendously and Jimin was happy to have him anytime.
But the three weeks away from his daily habit of visiting that house was literally a torture for him.
But things didn't go as he expected.
Jimin was clearly uncomfortable. Tae has noticed from the very beginning. It was like he was being forced to welcome Tae back instead of doing it willingly. He was not his usual self and clearly not doing fine.
And the way he carried himself around trying to be cheerful and happy, and the number of times they were running out of topics and that awkward silence lingered in the room. Everything was screaming to him that he is not welcome there and that realization was enough to hurt him.
This is not the first time Jimin has pushed him away, but the first time, after they have made up, things weren't like this. They were both at ease as soon as the air was cleared.
But that day things were getting more stiffened and puzzling. It was like Jimin was being cautious around him, trying to keep both his actions and words in control. And that was not the Jimin he used to know.
.And that only made him feel more sad and pathetic. He couldn't help but feel that he is becoming too clingy and useless. He couldn't even do anything to make the situation better.
He tried to keep the thoughts and pain to himself not wanting to ruin the day. He tried to ignore all the obvious signs but as time passed by and as Jimin started becoming more alert, he couldn't keep it together.
He couldn't make Jimin suffer anymore because of him. If Jimin doesn't want him there, it's better that he leaves.
But still he didn't expect that Jimin actually doesn't want him there and that thought alone made him more restless and sad and that's the reason he couldn't control his tears.
Tae knows that Jimin is not capable of hurting him after knowing everything about him. He trusts him more than Dale. That itself is a big sign of his trust in the blonde boy.
Jimin is keeping things to himself again. He is trying to fight his battles alone, to keep Tae away from all the things which are yet unknown to him.
But if Jimin thinks that it would help him, then that's completely wrong. Because it only made him feel worse. It made him think that he is just being too much, he felt more insecure even if there were no reasons to feel that way.
He was sure that Jimin was trying to mask his real emotions but Tae was not ready to let him do that. If Jimin needed more time, then he could just do that instead of acting around Tae.
He sighed sadly. It's not the fact that Jimin was unintentionally hurting him which made him more sad. Of course, the world doesn't revolve around him. Everything is not about him.
But he just wants to be there for the blonde. Jimin was always there for him and he wants to do the same for him. But the blonde is only pushing him away. And he doesn't know what to do with him. Is he supposed to wait again?
Maybe he may have to wait for him patiently but that's not an issue because Tae is ready to wait for as long as it takes.
Tae was again slipping into his reverie of thoughts when a cheerful voice greeted him from behind and Tae didn't even have to turn around to take a look because this voice had grown to be so familiar for him and he was not really wanting to complain about it.
But he didn't understand why Jungkook had to pop up at the most unwelcoming times.
" Hey", Jungkook happily approached him.
Tae looked up, feeling the presence near to him but didn't say anything.
He kept his gaze fixed on the ground, without paying attention to the other anymore.
Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows, surprised and confused by the behavior. He was already expecting to see him here and his prediction was true.
Now seeing him like this as if someone has sucked the life out of him, so tired and stressed he really was getting worried.
He wants to know what is going on with him, but he knows that's a big risk.
So he took a seat next to him, relaxing into his seat while he stole a few glances at the red haired boy who kept on sighing every one minute.
But Jungkook didn't open his mouth, even though he wanted to. But he was sure that Tae wouldn't appreciate it.
The time ticked away, the silence between them continued. Tae was not in a mood for a talk and Jungkook has decided that it's what is best for his own secure future.
But even though the silence was engulfing them like a thick fog somewhat muddling up their minds, still it was not uncomfortable.
It was calm and serene and Tae felt at ease. And it was honestly a surprise for the two younger boys but both of them didn't dare to voice it out even though one of them acknowledged it happily.
" Why are you here?"It was Tae who finally broke the silence.
Jungkook turned to him, feeling happy that the younger is finally opening up and he is talking to him without him taking an initiative.
" I don't know", he said lazily.
Tae hummed without questioning it. He fixed his eyes at the front again.
" I heard that you were sick", Jungkook tried softly.
Tae nodded.
" What happened? All of a sudden? You were fine when you left the school that day?", he asked worriedly.
Tae shifted in his seat at the mention of that day, but he soon relaxed, leaning back comfortably.
" Yeah", he replied simply. " It's so sudden", he said, but unknown to the ravenette who asked him, he was mentioning something else. And that is the sudden shift in Jimin's behavior and ways.
" It would be alright", Jungkook said nonetheless, maybe it's because he was a little bit suspicious of the double meaning of the words that have been uttered to him.
..Tae smiled sadly, not sure if he should take it that way? Is it possible?
" I don't know,"he mumbled softly, tightening his grip on the strap of his bag that was lying on his lap.
Jungkook sighed, passing a cheerful smile at him.
" I'm sure that you would overcome all those things which are hurting you in no time", he assured him with a kind smile and Tae was not sure if he should really think so.
He just shrugged trying to ignore the pain that was growing again, despite all the positivity he was trying to instill in his mind.
But sometimes it's not really easy but yet who had it all easy?
He chuckled dryly, blinking away his tears that were threatening to fall out at any moment.
Seeming to realize the discomposure of the red haired, Jungkook turned to him with a questioning glance and he could instantly tell that his intuitions were right.
" You know, the football practices are gonna start soon", he said simply, causing Tae to turn to him instantly.
" Who told you?", Tae asked quietly.
" The captain himself", Jungkook told him. " He has been looking for you since the morning", he chuckled. " And he doesn't know that you are here", he smiled amusedly.
Tae too smiled softly looking forward.
" And I'm not prepared enough yet", he said slowly, wandering his eyes around the place now a new weight adding to his list of worries.
Jungkook sighed. " That's why they are holding practice sessions to help you equip yourself for the game", he said sternly.
Tae didn't respond but he was listening and the ravenette could tell.
" You would be fine", the ravenette continued in his soft voice.
" I didn't get to see you playing that day. But I have heard enough how much of a match maker you are", he said his words somehow managing to clear out the fog of uncertainty filling up the red haired boy's mind.
" Just attend the practices regularly, try to build a good understanding with the team mates. And keep your spirits up even if you are feeling down", the ravenette said.
" And lastly, try not to get injured. Safety always comes first".
Tae smiled, his eyes brimming with tears. He didn't know why he was getting emotional all of a sudden.
Blame it on his stupid soft heart that melts too soon when someone shows a tiny bit of compassion and the encouraging words from Jungkook was actually something he was needing so much right this minute.
The ravenette kept on talking about anything and everything knowing very well that the boy is not really paying attention. But he was just speaking to not let the silence engulf them anymore.
He doesn't know why but he thought that it was necessary. And he acts upon it. And maybe he talked until he thought that was enough.
" Thank you", the red haired boy said finally.
Jungkook nodded softly, a smile spreading across his face. He was both happy and relieved to see that his precious angel was finally at ease and no more trying hard not to cry.
He wants to ask him what was making him so sad and shaken up. But there are limits that are invisible yet unapproachable that he shouldn't cross.
" What are you planning after high school?", he asked instead partly because he wants to stop himself from asking questions that could make the other uncomfortable but still to keep the conversation going.
And a part of him wants to know that for real. He wants to know it more than anything else.
Tae sighed softly. " I'm going to take over my family business, I guess", he said simply. " After all, I'm an only child so it's my responsibility".
Jungkook scoffed instantly. " You don't have to do that just because you are the only one apt for it", he said seriously.
" You could simply appoint someone that you found trustworthy and reliable".
Tae smiled, turning to the other, somewhat surprised by the sheer seriousness coating the ravenette's words.
" But I am really interested in it. And moreover my parents wouldn't force me into something that i won't like", he said, not caring if he is sharing too much information with the ravenette now.
Jungkook tilted his head. " Are you sure?"
Tae hummed softly. " And I'm sure that I am gonna be enrolled into a foreign B school once I graduate from here", he murmured softly.
Jungkook looked at him, concerned. He was not happy with the information even though it really surprised him that Tae is finally opening up to him, even if it's little by little and reluctantly.
" Baek hyung is now in the States majoring in business and at the same time working in my dad's company and next year I'm also going to do the same even though I'm not sure if I'm going to go there", he continued.
Meanwhile Jungkook was still in denial, unable to believe that it's all finally happening. And he was happy to have the younger spending time with him and even ready to share things without him really asking.
Anyway he was happy with it.
" But why is Baekhyun working in your dad's company?", he asked curiously. " I mean that's where you should be at. Right?"
Tae chuckled. " He is just gaining more experience and getting training from my dad and he has his own load to shoulder once he is ready", he said.
" And if you are wondering about Hyunjin," Tae started again. " I don't know what he is up to. He just hopes that he will figure it out by the time we are out of this place", he said, shrugging.
Jungkook looked at him, feeling himself getting tensed visibly. But he kept quiet not wanting to say anything to make the red haired boy more upset when he already seemed out of it.
Tae sighed softly. " I'm really hoping that I won't really dazed out during the game", he said looking forward, leaning back on the bench and Jungkook could only force a smile out trying to remain calm when he couldn't.
" Anyway, go back to the field this evening. I think I heard that the coach has asked the whole team to report", he said, making the other turn instantly.
" Are you serious?", Tae asked, sighing.
" I'm already tired. What do they want?", he whined, putting his arms into his palms.
Jungkook chuckled softly. " Stop whining. The football season starts only after ours!"
Tae turned to him with a frown.
" Does that make any changes in our schedule?"
Jungkook shrugged. " Uh..that's right", he smiled sheepishly. " But if you were in the basketball team, I would have let you skip the practice sessions", he offered, that amusing smile still intact on his face.
Tae looked at him with an unimpressed look, even though somewhat surprised by the offer because he knows for a fact how strict Jungkook is with his teammates when it comes to skipping practice.
He chuckled softly, maybe he felt somewhat better now, not because of the offer, that's clearly useless for him. But at least, he could accept the other's company without always being on guard.
Maybe Jeon Jungkook doesn't mean harm to him.
" Hobi", Yoongi called his boyfriend who seemed to be lost somewhere in his own thoughts. " Do you think that there is something wrong with Jimin?"
Hobi looked at him instinctively. " What?" He asked, looking up from where he had been sitting.
And they were in the music room just spending time together as usual.
But Yoongi has been acting weird since morning and Hoseok was getting worried about it.
And now he is asking about Jimin. Is there a chance for all this to be related?
Yoongi shrugged. " I don't know if it's just my thoughts, but there is something wrong with Jimin", he said, sighing.
And took the breath away from the other. But Yoongi was so immersed in his own thoughts, he missed the way his boyfriend turned paler.
Hoseok was seriously frightened. How did Yoongi notice it when all this while he was also completely oblivious to Jimin's change?
" I didn't find anything peculiar", Hoseok said finally, not ready to give away his own emotions.
Yoongi shakes his head. " It's not just a doubt. But I'm sure there is something wrong", he stressed.
Hoseok sighed softly wondering what was going on.
" Fine!", he frowned. " Even if there is something wrong, is there something that we could do to make it better?"
Yoongi turned to him abruptly, his brows furrowed.
" Should I have a one-to-one talk with him? It's been a while since we had some proper conversation between us", he sighed.
" I think the last time I talked to him personally was last year!"he chuckled softly. " I'm such a good friend!"
Hoseok gritted his teeth irritated with the other's words.
" He is not your responsibility. You don't have to worry about him. I'm sure that he didn't even want you anywhere near him!"
.Hoseok was angry. He couldn't understand Yoongi's point. They are already a mess, with this deal and dating which is still a secret even after two years and he still has no idea why they are even keeping it a secret.
And Jimin is not someone he is fond of, after what he has done. It's true that Hoseok always has a soft spot for the short blonde. But that doesn't mean that he would just forget everything and forgive him.
Jimin and Tae already know about their relationship but because of the deal, he cannot even say anything about all that to his own boyfriend who should be notified about this actually. But thanks to Jimin, he can't take that risk.
And here his own boyfriend is worrying about that boy.
And since Jimin is back in the school now, he doesn't even know what that boy is upto or whss he is going to do.
" I'm really worried. I don't even know where he is living. Should I ask him for the address?"
Hoseok looked at him bewildered. No. He can't let it happen.
Why?
For number one, he is sure that Tae visits Jimin in his home if they are still keeping Hyunjin in the dark regarding the matter. So the house is surely their meeting place.
And if he let Yoongi go ahead and ask him for the address Jimin would surely doubt that Yoongi is asking for the address because Hoseok has snitched on them.
And then, Jimin would surely reveal their secret. So all this is going to end up in terrible chaos.
" You don't have to", he pressed, not noticing that Yoongi was looking at him with a skeptical gaze.
" Why?" he asked, looking at the other.
" Yoongi, just listen. It's for our own good", he tried to reason. But except that there is no actual reason other than not offending the younger.
" What good are you rambling about?", he asked.
Hoseok sighed softly looking down. What is he supposed to do? But why is Yoongi acting like this all of a sudden? Oh god! How much does he have to suffer?
Hoseok sighed loudly causing Yoongi to avert his eyes back to him.
" I'm tired of this drama. I need a break!", he said before he stormed out of the room and Yoongi couldn't understand what he even did to offend the younger.