After getting the results of the test that day, Harry had sat down on the toilet and just cried. This could not be happening again. It just could not be. But it was. He was just in disbelief right now.
And he wasn't the only one. Zayn had been so shocked to find out the news that he went out of the house to sit on the back porch and just stare out into the yard. Because as it currently stood, he was the father of one child and soon, he would be the father of another.
Poor Benjamin had been cast aside in all this. All he wanted was for someone to play with playdoh with him. But he could tell in the way that things are going that he wasn't going to get that today. So he went to his bed and cried until he eventually fell asleep.
About an hour later, Harry finally emerged from his bedroom to check on Benjamin. He thought that Zayn had left. But he was surprised when he went to the kitchen and saw Zayn sitting outside. He opened the door and went out.
"Hi." He said skeptically.
Zayn didn't speak back.
"Has it registered in your mind yet?"
"No." Zayn simply said.
"Me either."
Zayn said nothing.
"Listen, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean for this to happen and I swear I didn't plan this. I would never do that to you. I just-"
"Harry. I don't... feel like going back over it right now. Okay? I'm just trying to process the fact that you're pregnant again. So can we please... not talk about it right now?"
"Sure. I can wait."
Zayn stood up and dusted his hands off.
"Where are you going?"
"I think I need to go back to work and just get busy for while so I can process things. But I'll be back."
"You'll be back?"
"I'll be back. And tell Benjamin I'm really sorry I didn't get to play with him."
"Wait. When will you be back?"
"Soon, Harry."
"Zayn..."
"I said soon. Just let me go."
Zayn left a quick kiss on his cheek and didn't bother to wait for one in return before he was gone. And the fact that he just left like that only made Harry cry again. This was that feeling he had a couple weeks ago that something bad was on the horizon. So he definitely foresaw it. He just didn't forsee that it would be a baby.
* * *
Harry had been here before. The part about finding out he was pregnant that is. It was just as much as an emotional roller coaster then as it was now. But the difference is that he expected to go through it alone because of what happened.
This time around wasn't like that time. Zayn was in his life and he loved him. They loved each other. The last thing he would ever expect was to have to worry that Zayn may not want to be around for a second time.
So as quickly as he could, he called up Niall and asked him to come over as soon as possible.
Being the great friend he was, he did leave home and come by right away. And even though he knew Harry did say to only use those keys for emergencies, he gathered this must have been an emergency. So he unlocked the door and came inside.
There on the couch was Harry lying down with red, puffy eyes. He rushed over to his side.
"Whoa, man. Are you okay? What happened?"
Harry wiped his eyes. He didn't beat around the bush.
"I'm pregnant again."
Harry's voice was a hoarse from all the crying and Niall wasn't sure he heard him right. So he asked him again.
"I'm sorry. What did you just say?"
"I said I'm pregnant again."
His jaw dropped. He definitely heard him right.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. I took more than one test."
"Is it Zayn's?"
"Gosh, yes it's Zayn's." He said angrily and he sat up.
"That's a really dumb question. You act like I've been having sex with someone else."
"Sorry. I didn't mean to imply that. I guess I just assumed the worse because you were crying so hard."
"And what does me crying hard have to do with anything?"
"Nothing, really. I was just thinking that maybe you were crying hard because you were afraid to tell Zayn for some reason. Does he know?"
He nodded.
"He knows."
"Is he on his way?"
"No. He already left."
"Left?" He sat down next to Harry and tenderly rubbed his back.
"Why did he leave?"
"I don't know. But I just have a feeling that he's not coming back."
"Why would you say that? Did he say he wasn't coming back?"
"No. But it's just the way he looked. It's the same way that I thought he would have looked five years ago when I was supposed to tell him I was pregnant then."
"Did he say anything?"
"He said he wanted to go back to work and clear his mind to think. But I know what that means. It means he doesn't want another baby with me. It means he's going to leave me and Benjamin behind and it'll all be back to square one again. Everything me and Benjamin had with him will all be for nothing."
"I'm sorry, Harry. But let me tell you something about you that I've learned. You think the worst about Zayn all the time. Even when he proves you wrong, you go and you make the same mistake over and over again and you hurt yourself. And I can see what you're doing now. You're trying to push him away before he even leaves."
"But that's not-"
"It is. That's exactly what you're doing. It's like that list all over again. But just like you always tell me you want the best for me, I want the best for you too. I consider you and I best friends. That means we always look out for each other no matter what. So even though I'm only nineteen, what I'm telling you is right. Just wait it out. I have a feeling that what you think Zayn is, isn't at all what he is."
"But what if you're wrong?"
"What if I'm right?"
Niall could tell Harry was really contemplating his question. So he pulled Harry onto him and held him. His touch only made Harry cry harder but not because he didn't believe Niall. It was because it was so wonderful to have such a great friend like him at a time like this. That certainly wasn't something he could say five years ago when he first found out he was pregnant as a young seventeen year old boy.
* * *
It was around eleven o'clock at night. Harry still hadn't slept for worrying about where Zayn was. So when he heard the sound of knocking on his door, he jumped out of bed and rushed to answer it. Much to his surprise, there Zayn was, standing there and looking just as tired and overwhelmed as he was.
"I'm sorry I'm late." He said.
Harry backed out of the way and let him inside. So Zayn came in and waited for Harry to lock the door.
"Can we talk?"
Harry shrugged.
"The couch is right there."
So Zayn trotted over and sat down and waited for Harry to follow before he spoke.
"I'm sorry about earlier."
Harry played with his hands.
"Sorry about what?"
"About leaving you like that after the news. I know you were taking it hard too."
"It doesn't matter what I was doing. I can't change anything. If I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant. I been through it before. I'll be fine."
"Yeah. But you went through it alone."
He forced a brief fake laugh.
"And isn't that what I'm going to do again? Aren't I just going to go through it alone again?"
Zayn turned to him.
"What? No. Why would you think that?"
"Because of the way you left today. That didn't scream 'I want to stick around for this.'"
Zayn shook his head.
"It also didn't mean I wanted to leave either. Because I don't. All I wanted to do was get some fresh air away from here and think about where things were going from here. I told you I was coming back. And I'm here."
"At eleven at night. You weren't in any hurry."
"Well a new baby is a lot to think about. And trust me. I did a lot of thinking."
"And what did you learn when you were doing all that thinking?"
He sighed heavily.
"Well first of all, I thought about my biggest flaw. I'm either a too much or a not enough guy. When you want me to do more, I don't do enough. But when I finally do give you something, it's like I overcompensate for not giving you enough and I give you too much. In this case, two babies. But then after I beat myself up for getting you pregnant again, there was another interesting thought that came to mind and it gave me comfort."
"What was it?"
"Do you remember the first night we had sex?"
"Zayn, that's a dumb question."
"Just work with me, babe. Close your eyes and tell me what you remember about that night."
Harry closed his eyes.
"I remember prom night. Hollywood themed. We were dancing for little while at first. But then... I remember we went outside for a break. Then it started raining. So we went to the car. And... well you know the rest."
"Mhm. Now keep your eyes closed and tell me what you remember about that night in April."
"I remember it was pouring rain. It had been raining all week. I came up to the store to make up with you and apologize. We ended up... well you know the rest of that too."
"Have you caught the common theme yet?"
He opened his eyes.
"No. What is it?"
"We unintentionally made a baby in the middle of April at a venue that was based on hollywood while it was pouring rain outside. And we did that exact thing twice."
Harry hadn't thought about like that before. But to hear Zayn say it made him stop to think about it.
"Whoa. We did, didn't we? What do you think that means?"
"Nothing. I don't think it actually means anything but I choose to give it meaning. I choose to accept this as a do-over. A chance to make it right where I couldn't make it right five years ago. I can't make it up for Benjamin and I know that. But I can make it up for you. By loving you every day and by being a father to my children. I worked hard to become become a responsible man and no one has taught me it more than you and that little boy that's sleeping in that room right now. I can only imagine the lesson that little one growing inside you right now is going to teach me too."
Harry started to cry so Zayn took his hands in his.
"Harry, I'm not going to leave you because I love you. And I always will. I told you then you were the one I've been waiting for and you still are. So what we get to bring someone else along for the ride? It's just another miracle for the world."
Tears were glistening in his eyes.
"And if it's another son with the same condition as me?"
"Then I'd say grab your journal and another pen. It might be time to start writing another book."
When Zayn laughed at his own joke, Harry lunged forward and kissed him passionately. That display of affection caught Zayn off guard but he didn't care. He welcomed it with open arms and kissed him back with just as much feeling.
One might call accidently getting the same man pregnant twice the most unlucky situation ever. But Zayn would beg to differ. According to his standard, he was actually the luckiest man on earth.
After all, the chances of this happening at all were one in thirty nine thousand. Not even his thirteen year old self would have bet on those odds.