While Saint Benedicts had been built to be an inaccessible as possible - or as inescapable as possible - the modernisation of the world had made it far easier for people to get to, and students to get away from. Whether they were being allowed to or not.
The school itself was built cascading gently down the side of a hill. It was picturesque and beautiful, with a road that wound down and around to the nearest town, which tumbled further down the hill slightly less elegantly. Bieityn was home to some few thousand people and paid homage to the Callahan Estate. As a family who enjoyed the finer things in life, the Callahans had been good to the people of Bieityn, helping them to create up-market restaurants and shops, all kept open by the thick wallets of the Saint Benedicts' students' parents.
While I hadn't been told - I was never told - what the plans were for that night or where we were going, I had assumed that Apollo would take me to dinner at Bieito, the town's swankiest restaurant. A place where the Callahans were treated like the royalty they liked to think they were.
As Valen pulled the car to a stop in front of the brightly lit windows of Bieito, I knew I was right. One of the maître d's strode towards the car and opened the door.
"Miss Vanguard," he said with a warm smile. "Happy birthday."
I nodded to him and forced a smile of my own. "Thank you."
"Park the car. Do what you like. I'll let you know when we're done," Apollo said to Valen before patting his shoulder then getting out of the car.
Valen looked back to me. "Enjoy your dinner."
Everything he said to me was disdainful. It came across like a threat. Though what he could possibly be threatening in a simple, 'enjoy your dinner', I wasn't sure. Knowing Valk the way I did, he could make a threat out of nothing more than existing.
"Shall we?" Apollo pulled my focus and I looked out at him standing next to the maître d'.
Apollo looked fine in anything, but it never hurt when he made an effort. And I knew him well enough to know he'd made an effort. Just not the kind that would matter to anyone else but me.
He wore simple chinos and a button down shirt, top button undone. His hair was artfully messy and he wore brushed suede shoes. Nothing about him screamed money, nothing except the fact that he was eighteen and taking his girlfriend to Bieito for dinner on a school night.
He held his hand out to me and the warm mischievous look in his eyes promised me the world. And I knew he could give it to me. Had he actually been offering. But Apollo had never once thought of offering me the world, only the parts he was interested in. It was to be expected, but it was also a stark reminder that we had a long way to go before our relationship was endurable.
I put such thoughts out of my head and put my hand into his. There were times to worry about my - our - future and times to enjoy the present, and this was most definitely the latter. Apollo helped me out of the car and shut the door behind me.
"Your usual table's ready," the maître d' told him. Not me. Him.
Apollo nodded, his hand going to the small of my back as we were led inside. "Perfect."
The weather was still warm enough that the jacket I wore was decorum only. So we still had to go through the palaver of taking it off and checking it. But this wasn't the sort of place where you got a stub in exchange.
"Usual to start, Mr Callahan?" Apollo was asked as we went to our table.
"Yes, thanks," Apollo said with a smile. He looked at me. "Unless you want something else?" he asked me.
Surprised by the thoughtfulness, I shook my head. "Usual is fine."
Apollo cocked his head as he looked me over. "You sure?"
I smiled. "I'll have what you're having," I said, giving in.
He grinned warmly. "All right. The lady will have what I'm having," he told the maître d'.
He inclined his head. "Certainly, sir."
At our table, Apollo pulled my chair out for me and kissed my cheek before I sat down, then he went to his own seat. When I looked up at him, his eyes were warm and taking me in carefully.
"What?" I asked with a laugh.
He shrugged. "Nothing. You look really nice."
I shifted in my seat. "I don't look any different than usual."
And I didn't. I wore a simple scoop neck dress, fitted in the bodice, flared in the skirt, with short cap sleeves, in a soft rose pink. I'd added a strand of pearls at my neck, another on my wrist, and one more around my waist. My hair was in my standard go-to 'going out' curls and I had on my white pumps. It was an outfit he'd probably seen too many times for society's approval, but I liked it. I felt good in it. We'd had some of our best dates with me in that dress.
"No," he agreed. "You don't. You always look really nice."
I scoffed. "You might not think that when you see me first thing in the morning."
His grin grew more rueful. "I'm sure I will."
Because it was a given it would happen one day. I didn't know when our relationship would progress from for show to something more real. When we left school? When he put an unnecessarily large diamond on my finger? When we'd signed the papers and I was officially Mrs Callahan? But it would happen. We both knew that and pretending otherwise wouldn't do either of us any good.
Apollo reached over the table for my hand and I gave it to him. He ran his fingers over my new ring and an uncertainty crept into his eyes.
"Do you like it?" he asked, his voice low, quiet.
I saw then that Florence had been right. There was a part of him - no matter how small - that was trying to compensate for his extra curricular activities. A less - or perhaps more - cynical person than I would call them extra-maritals. It all amounted to the same, but as much as I hated that side of him - hated who he'd become with everyone else - there was still the boy I loved. Very, very deep down.
I nodded and squeezed his hand. "I really do," I told him with the most sincere, reassuring voice I had. "I love it. Thank you."
The relief flooded his eyes visibly. They softened instantly, the corners of his lips tipping up gently like he was about to smile. This was the side of Apollo I rarely saw anymore. This was Apollo without the mask. Not that he ever really wore a mask with me. He was always honest and real with me. But I watched him wear it for everyone else. I watched him put on the show. I had to help him put on the show.
But not here. Not now.
Now, it was just us. Just him and me and us. Free from watchful eyes. Free from people speculating about how solid our relationship - and therefore our fathers' deal - really was. We didn't have to be the perfect God and his perfect princess. We could just be Apollo and Harlow, the way we'd been as kids.
The most obvious sign was when the waiter brought us two beers.
Apollo rarely let himself be seen drinking beer. It was considered lower class. But when it was just us, before dinner, he liked a beer. And tonight, I was having one with him.
"Happy birthday, Harlow," he said as we clinked glasses.
"Thanks, Apollo."
He took a sip and somehow managed to dribble a little down his chin.
"Frist time drinking?" I teased and he grinned widely.
"Shut up," he chuckled as he wiped his face.
"I'll show you how to do it." I mimicked bringing the glass to my lips and taking an exaggerated sip, without spilling it, then put the glass back down.
He shook his head, still smiling. "Oh! Thanks. Now it's all so clear."
I laughed and the smile we shared was full of warmth and shared experience. There was so much between us. So much history here. So much potential. So much love. We just weren't in love with each other. Not like we were supposed to be. Not like everyone thought. Well, supposed to think. I doubted the Magdalens he fucked thought he was in love with me. If they did, they must have thought he had a mighty funny way of showing it.
"I never pictured you as the having a beer kind of girl," he said to me, his tone musing.
I shrugged. "Call it Florence's bad influence."
The corner of his lips tipped up in a cheeky half-smirk. "All of Florence's influence is bad."
"She's my best friend, Apollo."
"So?"
"So, you don't get to judge my best friend."
"Why not?" he asked, but his tone was light and teasing and I didn't take him entirely seriously.
"Because your best friend is Valen Kincaid."
Even saying his name felt dangerous to me. Even just saying his name, knowing he was in the vague vicinity, had my stomach fluttering and made me want to bite my lip. Like that was going to hide what I was thinking rather than broadcasting it to the world. Thankfully, my beer saved me from announcing to the world just what my smaller head was thinking about Valen.
Apollo chuckled as he sat back in his chair. He was as relaxed as I'd ever seen him. He wasn't keeping one eye on the room around him like he knew we were being watched. He wasn't worried about acting accordingly. It was just us in our own little world.
"No, I suppose not," he conceded with a nod. "Valk and Florence. That'd be a pairing."
I wanted to say that jealousy didn't threaten to consume me, but I wasn't in the habit of lying to myself too often.
I covered with a sceptical laugh. "That would be like dumping gallons of petrol on an already burning church. Whoosh," I said, mimicking the explosion with my hand.
Apollo laughed. A full head back, belly rumbling laugh. "You're right. Even the cockroaches wouldn't survive that." He sobered somewhat, training his smile on me. "She's not too bad. Considering."
"Considering what?" I asked as I picked up my menu, a smile on my own face.
"Considering she loathes me."
"Oh, what's the matter?" I teased. "You just not used to girls hating you?"
"It's a novel experience, I'll admit."
"Well, I doubt she'll change her mind any time soon," I warned him.
He took my hand again and I looked at him.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing. I just... I really enjoy these times we have together."
I pressed my lips together. Uncharacteristically on the tip of my tongue was a scathing remark about how we could have more. How we could be real. We could do this and so much more. He just needed to put some effort in. But, at the same time, I didn't know that I wanted more. Not like that. Not now. Not yet.
The only reason I had to want it was that I knew it had to happen eventually. And so far, I couldn't see a way where we got from here to happily spending our lives together. Not without some effort on both sides, and less fucking around on his. But then, the reality of us changing now was just as scary as knowing we had to eventually.
"Me too," was all I could say.
He gave my hand a squeeze, then picked up his menu, completely oblivious to the push and pull that was constantly in my head and my heart.
"What are you having?" he asked.
Being a Callahan, Apollo didn't so much as have permission for us to stay out all night as no one dared tell him we couldn't. Even with all his entitlement, he wasn't stupid enough to keep us out past eleven. It didn't mean we weren't stupid enough to drink more than was perhaps sensible. The good thing about our country was the legal age for drinking was sixteen so, legally, no one batted an eye.
No one except Valen, who was in charge of helping my giggly arse back into the car at the end of an incredibly pleasant evening. I'd had such a good time with Apollo, that my half-drunk brain wasn't even that annoyed by Valen's existence.
"Thank you," I chirped to him, taking his hand as I climbed into the car.
I felt his hand tighten on mine and looked back at him. Something flashed over his face too quickly for me to catch, but I didn't miss the feeling of my hand in his and what it did to my insides.
It wasn't until my butt was safely on the seat and my legs fully in the car that Valen and I let go. Our eyes not leaving each other's. I didn't know what was going through his stormy grey head, but I just hoped that I wasn't completely giving away what he did to me. If he knew what went through my head when I thought about him, then I was completely screwed. And not in the pleasant, satisfying kind of way.
"Miss Vanguard," he said carefully before closing the door.
As we drove back to school, Apollo was glued to his phone. He'd had much more than me, but then his tolerance was also much better than mine. Still, I noticed the signs of the slightly drunk. He giggled once or twice, and he bit his lip like he had to concentrate on typing the write letters.
I'd have been a naive idiot to not know what he was doing. And while that was the persona I chose to show the world, I liked to think I was anything but.
So, I wasn't surprised when we pulled into the garage and Apollo slapped Valen companionably on the shoulder with a, "Take her back for me, yeah?"
There wasn't even a look spared for me as he almost stumbled out of the car and disappeared towards the boys' dormitory.
I felt heat prick my eyes and a lump threatened in my throat. I wasn't surprised that Apollo was off to lose himself in some Magdalen, but I was somehow also upset that he'd so carelessly do so after we'd had such a good night. He didn't owe me anything, and it wasn't like I wanted him to drag me up to his room for a night of unrestrained pleasure, but it still hurt.
I took a deep breath and jumped when the door next to me opened.
"Let's go, then, princess," Valen said, his voice low.
I plastered on my 'I'm fine' face and got out, careful not to touch him this time.
"So sorry to keep you waiting," I said sarcastically, throwing him an icy stare.
He gave back as good as he got in the glare department, but it wasn't until we reached the shadowed courtyard next to the girls' dorm side door that he spoke. "Apollo seems to be the only one waiting on you."
I frowned at him and started for the door. "You assume I'm the one holding out."
He scoffed. "Apollo's certainly not saving it."
I rounded on him, shoved him in the chest, and glared up at him. "So that means I must be?"
He looked down on me. In the relative darkness under the hanging wisteria vines, his features were shadowed, but I could feel our bodies brushing against each other. Warmth pooled between my legs and I ached for him. Florence had better be asleep when I got to our room because I was in desperate need of a date with my vibrator in our bathroom.
"If you know what's good for you, you will be," Valen snarled.
Oh! It annoyed me at the best of times that I had people dictating my life. Who I could talk to. Who I could see. Who I could think about fucking. None of it was my choice. I had to be a good little princess and wait around for Apollo even if everyone knew he wasn't waiting for me.
I was done.
I was also a bit tipsy and had the mad urge to run my hands over Valen's hard chest.
FUCK!
My hand was actually on his chest.
I looked back up and saw something flash over his face.
In a moment of bravery, I left it there purposefully. "You don't tell me what to do," I warned him.
He took a step, forcing me to back into a section of wall and gently laid his hand over my throat. "If it serves Apollo, I will."
"Apollo doesn't tell me what to do. Who to want. What to want," I said, lifting my chin in defiance. There was a little too much meaning in my voice, but I didn't care anymore.
The sizzle of something very definite was swirling around us. I didn't just think but knew that he was teetering on the edge of kissing me. Here he was, telling me I'd wait for Apollo - the 'or else' being heavily implied - and we were so close to the exact opposite. I felt emboldened. I felt a thrill run through me. I didn't care if it was just the booze talking, I had never been more certain about the fact that someone wanted to kiss me. My heart thudded in nervous anticipation.
A moment passed.
Two.
Like Valen was trying to stop himself from saying something he knew he shouldn't.
He held me against the wall, his hand dominating but exhilarating on my throat.
"You've wanted my cock in you since the day you laid eyes on me," he finally snarled like he just couldn't help himself.
So maybe he did know exactly what I thought about him all this time. Well, I wasn't going to be intimidated by the likes of Valen Kincaid, no matter what he did to my insides.
"You've wanted your cock in me since the day you laid eyes on me," I countered.
He growled, low and primal. His hand tightened ever so slightly around me, like it was a warning. I just didn't think I was the only one he was warning. "Apollo know about that mouth on you?"
I licked my lip to draw his attention to said mouth. It worked like a charm. "He wants a good little princess? He'll get a good little princess," I told him, surprising myself with the venom in my tone.
Valen's nose wrinkled. His lips rose in a snarl he seemed trying to suppress. His eyes narrowed. "You watch yourself, Miss Vanguard."
He pushed off my throat none too gently and began stalking away.
But I felt brazen. I felt charged. Too charged. Energy zipped around me. My nerves were going haywire. My heart pounded in my chest. But I wanted to push him that little bit further. I wanted to watch him bite back.
"I'll do what - or who - I please, Valk," I said, my voice even, controlled, commanding.
He paused and his head twitched like he was fighting the instinct to turn around.
"You will do nothing of the sort," he said slowly and firmly.
I walked towards him as though I had not a care in the world. "I don't see how you'd stop me."
Again with that twitch. He wanted to turn. I wanted him to turn.
I stood behind him and trailed a carefree finger down the back of his arm. "How would you stop me, Valk?" I pressed. "I'm dying to know."
He spun quickly. His finger lighted under my chin and tilted my head to make me look at him. He didn't touch me anywhere else, but my body thrummed, on high alert.
"He'd kill any man who touches you," he said, his voice ragged.
I cocked my head to the side. A challenge. "He doesn't get his hands dirty."
"I'd kill any man who touches you," he growled. He snarled roughly, then pushed through me and stalked from the courtyard.
The way he moved, you'd be forgiven for thinking he had to get out of there before he did something he couldn't take back. Before he did something he'd regret.
I breathed heavily.
Desire curled in the pit of my stomach. My clit throbbed. My nipples ached.
Because I'd seen the look in his eyes. It was personal. Not just obeying the command of his god.
I'd been right that day on the steps.
It wasn't just the booze talking.
Valen hated me.
Hated me as much as I hated him.
But he also wanted me.
Wanted me as much as I wanted him.