"Wow. This looks really good." Zayn scanned over the meal in front of him.
"It does." Harry added.
"What is that again?"
"Spinach and cheese quesadillas with a chunky salsa dip."
"Yum. Seems a little more on the healthier side too."
"Mhm."
Harry took a bite of his cajun rice bowl.
"My meal is still as delicious as last time. The shrimp is so tender. I think I'm starting to see why you come here often."
"Haven't been here since I last came with you though."
"Really? Is it not the same without me?" He joked.
"Sure, it isn't. But if we keep using this place as a neutral location to talk about stuff, I'll stop coming here altogether."
Harry looked at him softly and reached over to put a gentle hand on his elbow.
"Zayn, you don't have to be nervous."
"Why not? People don't call meetings for no reason, H."
"It's not a meeting. Well, it's a meeting because we met each other. But we're not having a meeting. I'm just sharing information."
"At a neutral location because you think I'll get mad. I can only guess it's something bad."
Harry sighed.
"Okay. I wanted to wait until after we finished our meal. But if it's going to stop you from enjoying your food, let's just talk about it now."
"I would like that."
"Okay."
"Okay."
Harry stopped eating.
"I'll get straight to the point then. You know how I've been telling you that Professor Payne is my editor?"
"Yeah. For your column."
"That's not true."
Zayn titled his head sideways.
"It's not?"
"No."
"Who is he then?"
"My professor from college."
Zayn paused.
"What's your college professor doing at your house?"
"He was my Human Anatomy and Physiology Professor. You know, the course that teaches about the functions of the body- the organs and such."
"Okay."
"So basically, he is really into the functions of the body. Kind of obsessed but reasonably so, considering the topic he is most fond of."
"And which topic is that?"
Harry was almost embarrassed to say it. "Male pregnancy."
Zayn scoffed. "Are you kidding me? Don't tell me he was trying to have a baby with you."
"No. Gosh no. He wasn't trying to do that."
"Then what's his problem? Why is he hanging around?"
"Because I'm working with him on a book. It's a book about me and Benjamin. From conception to birth. I've written it and started typing it up. Now he's going to pay for it to be published and anything I need for it. All in the name of research."
Zayn held his hand out. He was confused.
"Hold up. Why does he want a book about you making and having our baby? That seems personal, don't you think?"
"It is. But it's also a scientific thing. It's supposed to be educational. It's going in libraries, colleges and schools."
"Are you getting paid for it?"
"Yes. Of course. I wouldn't do this without it."
"Hmm."
"Look, when he approached me with the idea, I thought it was crazy at first too. But then I think about how scary it was for me when I had Benjamin. I would have loved to have read about an experience so that I would know what to expect. One day, some other boy or man is going to find out he's pregnant and not know what to do. I want be able to help him, Zayn. So if it means telling them about that one night in the back of a car or what it was like when benjamin had been born and I realized I was sealed up with staples, then I'm all for it. I just hope you're on board with it too."
"I am on board with it. It's a good and unselfish thing you're doing. I'm just wondering why you would hide it from me or think that I would be so upset about it that we had to meet here. It's not like you slept with him."
Harry looked away from him.
"This is why I wanted to wait until after we ate. I didn't want you to lose your appetite."
Zayn sighed and looked up at the ceiling.
"So you did."
"It was before you and I got back together. I was lonely and he was there. But there was never any feelings. We always kept the sex casual. I'm sorry, Zayn. "
"You don't have to apologize or explain yourself."
"I do."
"Is there a new baby involved?"
"What?"
"Are you pregnant with his child?"
"No."
"Then you don't have to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. It's not like you cheated."
"I know that. That's not what I'm apologizing for. I'm apologizing because I have to work with him closely while my book is being published. I don't want you to think that we're still sleeping together or that there is something going on."
"I know you better than that, Harry."
"Still, you don't know Liam. But I do. And he was the one who told me he knew I wanted someone else. He told me I deserved someone better than him and that I should tell you how I felt. He's the reason I even showed up at your house that night. I just want you to be able to trust him. That's all."
"Do you trust him?"
"I do. I trust him around me and around Benjamin. He's been around us for a year now."
"Then I trust him too."
"You do?"
Not completely, yet. But it was to his benefit to say he did. He knew he had a secret of his own and this was the perfect time to tell him.
"Of course I do. To be honest, I'm just so fucking glad you're back in my life. Okay, you slept with him a few times, I don't care about any of that shit. You're back with me now. We actually love each other and that's all that matters. Besides, as long as we're being honest, you're not the only one keeping something from someone."
He was intrigued.
"Are you saying you're keeping something from me?"
"Mhm."
"It can't be as bad as mine."
"Actually they are equal."
"They are?"
He nodded.
"Back before you and I got together, I had told you that I wasn't seeing anyone."
"Yeah. I remember."
"That was a lie."
Harry nodded. "Ah."
"It's not that I wanted to lie. I just didn't want you to know. I still had feelings for you and I didn't want me being with someone to make you think I wouldn't be available to want you back. I always wanted you back no matter who I was with."
"So you were dating someone. Why should that be equal to what I did?"
"Because like you, I too had sex with someone I work with. The person I was dating was Louis."
Harry's eyes widened.
"What?"
"I didn't really want to do it. But he asked me out for drinks so I said yes and before I knew it we dated for three months."
"And when did you break up?"
"The same day you and I got back together."
He gasped.
"Zayn."
"Before I got back with you. So there was no cheating involved."
"Still. That means you broke up with him for me. Someone who really liked you."
"I know it was wrong to break up with him like that. I feel bad for it."
"Does he know you're seeing me?"
"Yeah. I told him the truth."
"And how does he feel about it? About me..."
Zayn's shoulders dropped as he thought about how Louis had been over the last few weeks.
"It's me he's not happy with, babe. He ignores me every day for everything except important work related things. Which is understandable. I hurt him."
Harry reached over and put a hand on Zayn's thigh.
"Zayn. Don't beat yourself up. What's done is done. Clearly we both have some regrets. But like you said, we're back to each other. And that's what matters."
Zayn leaned sideways and kissed Harry's lips.
"I love you so much. You know that?"
"I know that."
"Good. And look. I didn't even lose my appetite."
As he took a bite of his quesadilla, Harry smiled over at him lovingly. Apparently he made a bigger deal of things after all. And good thing he was wrong, too. Because he didn't know what he would do if it turned out that Zayn was upset with him.
➡️ ➡️ ➡️
Harry was in the kitchen. He had Salsa music playing as he swept the kitchen floor and occassionally danced with the broom as if it were his partner. It was Thursday evening and Zayn was supposed to spend the night. So while Zayn read to Benjamin on the living room couch, Harry finished up some chores he hadn't been able to do.
As he dipped the broom and then picked it up, he jumped backwards, colliding with someone. He let the broom fall and then brought his hands to his mouth to gasp.
"Zayn, I thought you were Benjamin. I would've felt so bad. Not that I don't feel bad for you. It's just he's four... and small."
Zayn picked the broom up off the floor.
"Why are you so cute?"
"Cute?"
"Yes, cute, endearing, adorable, sexy."
He folded his arms. "One of those is not like the other."
"Very true. How sly of me."
He tried to hand Harry the broom, but Harry let it rest against the kitchen counter and came forward to rest his arms on Zayn's shoulders.
"You want to join me? We could dance."
"Dance, hmm. I don't dance."
"You did prom night."
"When I was seventeen."
"But you still did it."
"I did a lot of things at seventeen. And we have living proof to show for it."
Harry threw his head back with quiet laughter.
"Wow. We both kind of did. Honestly, I don't even know what was wrong with us. I can't believe I let you take my virginity in the back of your car."
"Yeah, that was pretty fucked up of me to do that to you."
"You didn't do anything to me. I didn't have to have sex with you. I wanted to. So I did and it was amazing. I don't regret it, Zayn."
"You're sure?"
"I'm sure. Because without it, you probably wouldn't be in my life right now. And I love having you here."
Harry brought his hands to the side of Zayn's face and began to kiss him. First softly and sweetly. But for some reason with prom night now on his mind, he started to think of him that way and he began to kiss him more desperately.
The sudden shift was a surprise for Zayn. But he couldn't deny how much he loved the affection, so he returned it by by bringing his hands around to Harry's bottom and squeezing it. Harry gasped, moaned and then laughed at the fact that he did moan before leaning forward to bury his face in Zayn's neck and suck his skin. But before he could, he happend to look down and see Benjamin standing right there and he gasped out loud.
"Oh my gosh, Zayn stop."
He pushed Zayn away just as Benjamin ran out smiling.
"Whoa, Harry." Zayn laughed out.
"Are you getting turned on? Because I am."
"Stop it." Harry said and he was obviously annoyed and upset.
"What's wrong?"
"Benjamin was just in here." He said frantically.
"He saw you touching me. Oh my gosh. Don't you pay attention?"
Zayn narrowed his eyes at him a bit. This wasnt the first time this had happened. It happened before and confused him. But this was the last time he was going to let it happen without finding out why it was happening in the first place.
"What exactly do you want me to do? I was just following your lead. I need you to tell me why you initiate these moments all the time and then absolutley panic and push me away when Benjamin comes in."
Harry leaned on the counter with two hands. A tear had escaped from his left eye.
"You don't understand."
"No. I don't. That's why I'm asking you to explain. Why do you keep doing this to me?"
Harry looked at him then huffed before grabbing his hand. Then he dragged him out of the kitchen and to his bedroom where he closed the door. Then he sat on the bed and pat a space next to him.
"Sit down." Harry said.
Zayn came over and sat next to him. "I'm sitting."
"It's not you."
"I know. It's pretty obvious you're doing this because of Benjamin. But the way I see it, seeing his parents be affectionate with each other sometimes is good for him. It teaches him how people who are in love with each other are supposed to treat each other. I'm not saying we should just do stuff in front of him but if he were to accidentally see me touching your ass for a seond, it's not going to kill him, Harry."
Harry sniffled.
"I know. But I can't help but react like that. I'm afraid."
"Why are you afraid?"
He sighed.
"I guess you should know because he is your son too and you should be aware of it. But back when I was pregnant, I was doing some research on male pregnancy and I read online that twenty percent of the male babies that men like me who possess the Dual Male Reproductive System give birth to also have the Dual Male Reproductive System."
"Okay. So? What about it?"
"He's in that twenty percent, Zayn. He has the Dual Male Reproductive System just like me."
Zayn nodded.
"Okay... I'm still not understanding what's so bad about that. You live with it just fine."
"What's bad about that is that I don't want him to see people touching each other the way we were just now. Especially not me and other men."
"What are you saying? That you don't want him to be gay or you don't want him to like men?"
He frowned.
"You're twisting my words. That is not what I said. I said I don't want him to see the way people touch each other at all. That includes men and women in heterosexual relationships. Niall can attest to that. But it's just different with men because if he does grow up to like men and he likes them the way I like them, he... He could end up pregnant. I don't want him to be exposed to that kind of thing. I don't want him to end up like me. I don't want him to be exposed to sex or too many sexual gestures and I don't want him to end up as a teenage father. It's not fair to him. Because he wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me going out and having sex in high school."
He leaned forward and buried his head in Zayn's chest. Zayn pulled him in.
"Oh, H. I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry you're blaming yourself for something you had no control over. But just because he sees us being intimate with each other occasionally, it doesn't mean he'll want to start having sex right away. And just because you got pregnant at seventeen, it doesn't mean he will. You know why? Because he's going to have information that you didn't have. He's going to know what his body is capable of doing."
Harry lifted his head.
"How? You're going to tell him?"
"We're going to tell him. Once he's older and can understand what we're talking about, we're going to teach him about safe sex, pregnancy prevention and abstinence. All the things that will help him make good choices when he faces the pressure of having sex."
"Zayn, we had all that too. We even had classes in high school. Look where it got us. All it takes is one dumb decision to do it anyway because you're caught up in the moment, and bam- next thing you know, you're laid up in the hospital alone with a baby on your chest, wishing you never said yes."
Zayn kissed Harry's forehead softly. "Don't worry, Harry. You're not alone here. Not anymore. I'll be there now and when it's time to tell our son the truth. I promise. Do you believe me?"
Harry never did answer. He simply lay on him and finished getting out the rest of his tears. But Zayn didn't really need an answer. The way he clung on to him with his hands gave Zayn the answer he needed. Harry trusted him with him everything he had.