onika
I woke up with the worst headache ever. It had to be from when August pushed me into that wall.
I thought it was bad yesterday but it's been two days and it's only getting worse.
I pushed him first and I shouldn't have. We were having a normal conversation and I started it.
The smallest movement or sound would make the pounding in my head worse but I had to wake Imani and Amir up.
I got out of bed and held my forehead. Jesus.
I walked to Amir's door and knocked twice. He's a teenage boy, I know better than to enter his room without knocking.
"Five more minutes!" He sleepily yelled from the other side of the door.
"Amir I'm really not in the mood this morning, if you're not ready by the time we leave you're walking to school."
I was serious too, I'm not playing today.
I heard him get up and I went to wake Imani up. She was laying in bed with her little bonnet on. She had the outfit Bey bought for her laid out next to her like it was the first day of school.
"Good morning baby." I lightly shook her and she slapped my hand away. I'll give her a pass since she's asleep and she hates being woken up.
I picked her up and took her to the bathroom. I turned the sink on and put my finger under the water and put a little bit of water on her cheeks until she woke up.
She can brush her teeth by herself so I just leaned against the wall making sure she was doing it right.
"You okay mommy?"
"Yeah my head just hurts a little bit. I'm fine."
"Because of daddy?"
"Hmm?" I didn't know she saw that.
"When you hit your head it made a noise so maybe that's why it hurts. Ice cream always makes me feel better."
Hearing her say that made me want to cry. "We um.. we weren't being serious. It was just a joke."
"But you-"
"Imani." I really didn't even know what to say. "Finish brushing your teeth before you're late."
By the time I was done getting Imani dressed in her sweatsuit and fixed her hair, Amir was already downstairs eating cereal.
"Amir I'm just going to give you money to buy food because I didn't make you lunch."
"Again?"
I did the same thing yesterday because of my headache and it's even worse today.
"Amir please." I put Imani down in the seat next to him and went into the freezer.
"And why is my little sister dressed like a baby stud? This is so weird, what's going on in this house?"
"Mommy what's a baby stud?"
"I'm making you Eggo waffles. Do you want apple juice?"
Just like that she forgot about her question.
After they finished eating I dropped Imani off first then Amir.
I got home and laid back down. Usually I would come home and start cleaning or do laundry or something productive but I was truly tired and not feeling good.
I had a whole before I had to get Imani so I took some medication for my headache and took a short nap.
I woke up to my alarm and it was time to get Imani. Her teacher told me she had a bad day today and she didn't want to participate because someone spilled something on her new clothes.
She was so excited to look like Bey, she even wanted her hair like her so I feel really bad.
"What's wrong baby?" I asked her after I pulled away from the school.
"I want BeyBey."
"She's at work, I can let you call her later."
"I want BeyBey!" She started very loudly crying and usually I could just ignore her because crying isn't the way to get what you want but my head was hurting.
I called Bey and handed Imani the phone, I put it on speaker so I could hear too.
"Hello?"
"BeyBey!" Imani stopped crying that fast.
"You okay princess?"
"No. You can come and watch Princess Tiana with me?" Thats the only movie she likes to watch.
"I can't, I have to teach kids. Maybe another day."
"BeyBey a boy at school messed up my outfit. I wanted to match you." She sniffled for dramatic effect.
"Really? You want me to go down there and beat him up?" She laughed but I knew Imani is about to take her seriously.
"Yeah! I'll help you."
"I was just kidding but how about this, Friday there's no practice so I can come watch Princess Tiana with you and you can help me grade papers. We can even give Amir an F."
"Yay!"
"And I'll buy you a new sweatsuit so we can match, what color do you want?"
"Pink! That's my mommy's favorite color too."
"Okay, I'll get her one too. Can I talk to her for a second?"
I reached behind me and Imani passed the phone to me. I turned it off speaker first, "Hello?"'
"Hey. I don't want you to think that because of what happened yesterday I'm gonna stop hanging out with Imani. I'm just busy."
"I wasn't even thinking that, it's the middle of the school day and you're a teacher. It's fine."
"Okay good. I was just making sure. I have to go but I'll see your Friday."
"Bye." I hung up before she could and put my phone in my lap.
Things between us are obviously a little weird right now because she asked me out and I said no.
I wanted to say yes when she asked me but I couldn't. I barely have time for myself so it just wouldn't be smart to get her hopes up that we could possibly be something.
She's nice and she's good with kids but in some way that's worse, I don't need another August. My kids, or Imani since she's already so attached to her, don't need someone to come and play parent until they end up doing me wrong in someway and leave them like they're nothing.
I might've thought about it before the argument I had with August. His "threats" put no fear in my heart but it just helped me realize I don't need to be in a relationship ever again.
Plus I don't play about my kids and for him to even threaten to take Imani away was enough. He knows he could do it and he did it on purpose. He's obsessed with control.
Robyn was right though, Bey could definitely beat his ass.
I didn't eat lunch with her for the rest of the week. She never called me asking me to come and I didn't calm either.
On Friday, Amir only came home for a second to change and get his gym bag then he left to go work out with his friends.
This is one of the only days he doesn't have practice and for whatever reason he wants to spend it working out. At least he would be out of the house when Bey got here.
Probably 30 minutes later Bey rang the doorbell. I opened the door and she had a pink Nike sweatsuit on. She had two bags in her hand, I could see pink clothing in one and the other one was a laptop bag.
"Hey, come in."
I moved out of the way so she could come in and Imani came running from wherever she was. "BeyBey!"
She crouched down and put the bags down to hug Imani. "Hey princess, I missed you."
"We can match now?" She's been so excited to match with Bey since Monday.
"Yup." She handed Imani the bag with clothes. "There's an outfit in there for your mom too."
I laughed, "Funny joke."
"You don't wanna match with us mommy?" I could tell she was about to start fake crying.
"No I'm about to cook, you guys can do your thing."
"Mommy please?" Her and Bey both made puppy dog eyes at me.
I can't believe I'm about to do this.
I got dressed and helped Imani get dressed in these pink Nike sweatsuits. Imani had to get her hat to top it off.
Amir was right, Bey had my baby walking around like a baby stud.
I walked back downstairs holding Imani and Bey was sitting on the couch using her phone.
"Are you hungry Bey?" I know she came straight from school so she had to be. I grabbed some popcorn and put it in the microwave for them and came back in the kitchen to wait.
"No I was snacking the whole drive here."
"Can I have some of your snack?" Her first priority is food always. I let her down and she walked over to Bey and into her lap.
"You want chia seeds?"
Imani nodded her head, she doesn't even know what chia seeds are.
"Well they're nasty and plants will start to grow in your stomach if you eat them."
"But you ate them."
"I'm a superhuman duh, have you seen me?"
"Can I see your phone?" She sounds like me.
Bey handed her, her phone and Imani started taking pictures of the both of them.
Imani rolled her eyes, "Who's Smelly Melly? Make her stop calling, I'm trying to take pictures."
Bey looked at me for a second but as soon as she did I looked away like I wasn't already looking in that direction.
"You know how to read?"
The microwave started beeping after that so I went into the kitchen to get their popcorn. I put it in a bowl and went back in the living room and sat it down on the coffee table.
"Mommy you have to watch the movie with us." Her little ass thinks she's the boss of me.
"Just for a little then I have to go cook." She's going to fall asleep the second the movie starts again.
I sat on the other side of the couch so I could lean against the arm rest, my head didn't hurt as bad but it still hurt.
"Mommy you have to come over here so BeyBey can put her arm around-"
Bey cut her off, "No it's okay."
"It's not nice to leave people out."
"Yeah but do you remember what I said last time? The people in the commercial were mommy and daddy. Your mom and I are friends."
I scoffed, is she serious?
They argued about it a little bit more but Imani eventually she let it go. Not even 15 minutes into the movie she fell asleep.
"Are you mad about something?" Bey whispered to me.
"No. Why would I be mad?"
"Oka-"
"But I find the way you're acting weird. You said we could still be friends."
"We are? I'm not being weird but can you blame me for not wanting to cuddle with you after you just rejected me yesterday?"
"Whatever."
I knew it. Everyone has ulterior motives, the second I don't want to be friends with her she starts being weird with me.
--
don't expect an update from me tomorrow (take this very lightly, i'm a liar)
Bey?
Onika?
Is Onika overreacting?
Bey buying matching outfits for her Imani and Onika?
Onikas reasons for why she said no to Bey?
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