OK, I can't sleep and I just.
I'm 15 and, and I've been like thinking about growing up and all that and that i don't know anything, and I've been doing nothing to know anything.
Like anything about my culture is just none existence in my head,
I feel bad for my future self, who I don't even know will have a future.
I'm just haveing an existencal crisis when I'm just about to sleep
Like every night. Maybe it's the stress of my family's current financial situation? Idk
I want to help them but I can't, I don't know how to, and I just-
Seeing and hearing about my dad's current mind state is just heartbreaking.
I hear that he woke up at 2 yesterday and he haven't been eating properly.
I want to help but, what do I do in this situation.
You know at one point you just starts to understand your parents and know that they are also people and they are like us, they can feel stress.
And once you feel that stress, you just understand them when you see that same stress you see in your parents.
I want to help them but I can't just go up to them and say its OK, we'll find a way tomorrow, think about it tomorrow. We both live in a different world, I live dependent off my parents and they live independently off themselves.
I just don't know what to do.
I can't calm my nerves anymore, like I want to try something to help them but I'm just a kid with no experience of the real world and I have no idea what to do, I'm naive, I'm an idiot and I'm stupid.
I'm not someone that can come up with realistic ideas, I'm just someone who isn't ready yet, still stuck in an optimistic bubble and afraid to come out, just someone who's a coward, someone who would run away from situation that I don't like.
Guess I'm ranting to wattpad because all my friends are asleep, huh
I have no idea why but only when it's at night, my anxiety would spike and go out of control.
Sorry if you guys have to check in on this, it's not an update on the story but
An update on my own life and how I'm just someone who's an idiot.
I'll update tomorrow, goodnight everyone and have a nice day or night, wherever you are just remember
You are someone that will be living with yourself and you are the only that can make fun of yourself, don't let assholes tell you how wrong your body are, girl or boy, female or male, any gender. You are loved and that love is by yourself, you are loved by yourself
Goodnighf