I want to punch someone.
No, actually, I want to pummel someone or something, preferable the douche who kicked off Yin to the curb which resulted in her losing her memories. Losing her memories with me, about me.
She forgot.
It's funny, because until now I never thought of myself as a forgettable person. Well, until now my world hadn't shifted and my axis was in equilibrium. The past week has been like a hurricane, from being informed that Yin lost her memories to losing to freaking Minnesota, oh and not to forget the fact that I need to find a house by the end of this week to crash in.
I surely cannot stay at Yin and my place. She needs time to heal and recuperate and I don't want to overwhelm her.
Fuck, this is so hard.
Plus, I cannot stay in the same space as her and not hold her. It will kill me. I would rather keep a distance and let her ease into the idea of me. I haven't heard from her since I left those notes for her. I did speak to her doctor, who did inform me that it is alright for me to visit her from this week. I was asked not to last week, in case it triggered her and she went into a fit.
Apparently, she didn't react properly when she was told about her condition. Yeah right, like there is a good fucking way to react when you're told that you lost the past two years of your life.
"You going to sit around moping all day or are you planning on using the shower?"
Mika Larson, my teammate, confidante and best man asks me wryly. From the tone of his voice I can feel him smirking and boy, do I want to punch him now. He's been nothing but a pain this past week, hovering over me and being a constant nagging presence as if I'd go roll over the deep end. I appreciate all the concern but I honestly, didn't know I'd gain a secondhand girlfriend by losing my original one.
"Fuck off." I mutter without glancing at him and burying my head into my hands.
"You stink. Go shower."
I glare at Mica and he just looks at me with a bored expression and throws a towel at me. "Seriously Noah, you're putting a skunk to shame."
Making a disgruntled noise, I relent and realised that showering is probably a good idea if I do want to go meet Yin after this. I spoke with her parents, and although they weren't thrilled with the idea, they understood my need to see her.
She is going to be living at the dorms with her friend Moon for the rest of the week until we figure out the living situation. My heart aches at the thought of going to yet another empty apartment tonight. It has been just over ten days since she stepped foot at our place, and it kills me to know that the last two nights before her accident she wasn't with me.
Maybe, if I wasn't so stupid and my ego wasn't so fucking big, she might have been with me in bed rather than miles away.
I hop off the shower and get dressed before shooting a quick text to Mr. Moreno letting him know I will be there at their hotel in half an hour.
"You're still going to see her?" Mica asks, looking at me like I'll explode anytime.
I feel like I might.
"Yeah," I reply without meeting his eyes.
"You know you can be nervous, it's normal to feel that way, man." Mica tries to assure me but he doesn't know what if feels like to look at the love of your life and see no light in their eyes when they see you. She's doesn't remember me.
I nod, not knowing what to say. "I'll see you later," I mumble and rush out of there before he could reply. I cannot get involved in an emotional conversation right now, not when my mind is already a wreck.
I don't know how much she remembers, from what Claudia, her mom told me, she remembers the night we met and that is about two years ago. The doctor did say that she may remember me if she sees me but there is a deep chance it won't come to her instantly, and it may come to her in bits and pieces.
Well, I hope the night we met isn't the only memory she has of me, because if she is anything like the Yin I know, my meeting with her is going to be one hell of an encounter with her then.
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"Are you fucking kidding me?"
That is Yin's response to my confession about us being each other's better half for two years.
"Mi hija, por favor, calm down and please behave." Claudia tries to calm her down. Yin looks anything but...calm. Her chest is heaving, which is so not a good sight for my sore...so very sore eyes and her neck is slowly flushing into a deep shade of red.
"Sweetheart, at least talk to him. Listen to what he has to say," Mr. Moreno tries to reason with her, but this is Yin we're talking about. She's got the kind of Latina temper that always had me hard and mad at the same time. Which is again...so not good for me right now.
Her parents are in the same room for fuck's sake. I blame not seeing her for over ten day and maybe...a tiny part of her body.
"This guy-" Yin points at me, "is the dude who was hitting on me at that New Year's party. He is a jerk, papa! He thinks he is somehow hockey royalty and can get any girl-"
"-untrue, I only want you." I finished, before she spilled anymore of that unfaithful encounter. It wasn't my finest moment to ask her to go down on me but in my defence, I was a stupid sophomore who liked some good dicking.
Her eyes widen and her face contorts into a distorted expression which I am guessing is a scowl. "That is the best you can come up with? Really? "I want you.""
I can feel the corners of my mouth curving up and I know without a doubt that she is going to burst out into a fit of rage looking at my expression. God, I missed this. I missed her tantrums, her fits of rage, having to be the person who calms her down and riles her up and the one who she can rant to.
"Now," I start, clearing my throat and making myself comfortable on the bedside couch. "If you're done with your temper tantrum, why don't you sit down so that we can start talking."
Her eyes widen, "Who the fuck do you think you are? Oh my god, see" she points at me and looks at her parents. "This is what I am talking about, this jerk things he's entitled to everything and you want me to talk to him? how are you guys okay with this?"
Her parents look visibly pained to answer any of her questions and I am guessing they haven't exactly told her the extent of our relationship. Hell, for all I know she just thinks I was some sort of a fling. Oh hell, no.
"Yinah, please." I implore her with my eyes and look at her parents who both have a guilty expression on their face. Okay, so I guess they left the difficult conversation to me. Way to put me in the deep end. Just great.
"We should give you two a moment." Her father states, before ushering her mom outside.
"Really?" Yinah calls after them and then sighs and looks at me with her arms crossed. "Fine, talk."
"How are you feeling, baby?"
I don't mean for it to happen, but the endearment just slips out of my mouth before I can stop it and for the life of me I don't have the strength to take it back because I meant it, dammit! But I also don't miss the slight hesitation and awkwardness in Yin's face when she hears it.
"Sorry," I mumble, "this will take some used to,"
She gulps and looks at me with a frown. "I've been frustrated, I am sorry I yelled earlier. You just caught me by surprise."
I nod, "That is understandable for someone in your situation. I just want you to know Yin...I-I am here for you, always. I know you aren't allowed to drive just yet and that your parents are leaving at the end of the week, you can move back to your old apartment and I'm here. To help, take you to therapy...anything."
She looks torn and looks at me closely for a minute, "Why did you sign the notes as 'Yang'?"
I smile at her, "Wanna take a wild guess?"
Her frown deepens and I realise that this is probably not appropriate, me asking her to take a guess when she's just lost her memory.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"It's your last name. Noah James Yang." She states and looks at me with wide eyes.
My breath comes out ragged and I didn't know how much I missed her saying my name until now. "You remember."
She nods her head mumble and sits down on the made bed. "I-I just...I don't know how that happened."
I shut my eyes and sigh in relief. "Well, at least we know that you can retain some parts, right?"
She looks at me and nods, her mind still elsewhere. "I think I want to go to bed, I need to lay my head down."
I can feel my chest constricting, but I get it anyway. "Yeah, of course. I-I was just about to leave anyway. I meant it, Yin." I look at her and continue, "Please call me if you need anything. I am not going to just leave you alone, as much as you want it. I am sorry, but I can't."
She sighs and shuts her eyes, "I will text you sometime later, Noah. Goodnight."
I glance at her one more time and take in her beautiful face. Her hazel eyes are still glinting, even thought they've lost some of their spark. Her lips are full, although there's a cut on her bottom one and even though she has changed her hair and cut it way shorter than it ever was, she looks gorgeous. Yeah, fuck giving up. I'm all in for this girl. "Goodnight, Yin. Sweet dreams."
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