Last night Kakashi actually ate a bit of his dinner. He had only eaten a little. I had sat by him after finishing mine. I got him to eat a little more than he originally wanted.
We'd slept on the couch again. I was able to get a good amount of rest. Though I did wake up periodically to check on Kakashi. He slept through the night pretty well. I had to hold him the whole night or he'd start to shake and whimper.
The funeral was hard to get through. Kakashi held my hand tightly through the whole thing. He still hadn't said a word. He did eat all of his breakfast that morning. This brought us some comfort, but we knew he was still far from ok. He remained constantly by my side. The only times I cried were in the shower or when he was in the shower.
Mom continued to praise me for being so strong. Dad had said that I was doing well to keep my promise. They admitted that my being there for him eased their worries.
We all walked in the house together. Kakashi and I walked through the hall. We stopped outside of his bedroom door. Kakashi opened the door and let go of my hand.
"Do you want me to go in with you?" I asked gently.
He shook his before walking in and closing the door. I looked down the hallway to mom and dad watching from the other end. Fear spread through me slowly. Mom waived for me to come to her.
"It's ok, little love." She reassured me quietly. "He just needs a little space. I'm sure today hurt him a lot."
Dad kneeled down looking me in the eyes. "Is there anything you need?" He asked.
Tears filled my eyes. "I just want him to be happy again." I gave in crying quietly.
Dad hugged me rubbing my back. "I know, sweety. You love him very much. It's hard to see him go through this pain. I'm so proud of you for being so strong for him. You've been so worried that you haven't been able to process your own pain."
Mom joined us kneeling. "It's ok to cry, baby. We've got you. Eventually you will see him smile and hear him talk. We just need to be there for him. Think how much worse it'd be if he didn't have you. He loves you more than you understand."
I stood there quietly sobbing in dad's arms as mom rubbed my back.
"We can take care of him today if he decides to come out. You can go to your room, the cherry tree, wherever you need to. Let yourself feel your own pain." Dad said softly.
"Ok." I mumbled.
I walked down the hallway to my room. I grabbed one of my bears and sat on the floor. I buried my face in my bear and cried. I thought of all the times I got to see Sakumo. I thought about our talks. He'd loved Kakashi more than anything. How could he do this? It seemed so cruel a selfish. I just didn't understand. Even if the mission failed he had saved his friends. That was the most heroic thing he could've done. People were so horrible. Many of the ones that despised him had cried at the funeral. They didn't deserve to be there but I thought maybe they'd realized the consequences of their actions.
I laid there thinking of the times mom would send breakfast with me for the three of us. I thought of how Sakumo and Kakashi would smile as we all talked. Everything felt perfect then.
~~~~later that night~~~~
I woke up feeling a hand on my shoulder. I slowly opened my eyes to see Kakashi kneeling next to me not wearing his mask. He looked at me with worry.
"You're on the floor." His raspy voice whispered.
My eyes widened. He talked. I shot up hugging him tightly.
"I missed your voice so much." I said crying.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled.
"It's ok. Don't feel rushed to get better." I whispered. "You need to get through this at your own speed."
"It's ok." He whispered back. "I wanted to thank you for being there for me. You're the only thing getting me through this." He confessed sounding heartbroken. "I'm so grateful for you."
"I told you. I'll never leave you alone." I said sitting with my back against my bed.
"I'm sorry if I scared you earlier. You looked worried." He apologized. "I just wanted to let you have a break. I thought maybe you needed some time alone. I know you loved dad a lot. There were mornings I'd sit in my room letting you guys talk. You can cry with me. You don't have to constantly be strong for me." He held my hands as he spoke. "I'm here for you too."
Tears rolled down my cheeks. Kakashi scooted beside me. He held me as I cried. I held onto him and felt my pain. This hurt so bad. I wanted it to be over. I wanted things to be normal again. I knew that wasn't possible but it's what I wanted.
After a while I stopped crying. I was so tired. I looked to my window to see sunlight peaking around my curtains. Kakashi stood up to do something on my bed. Kneeling down he picked me up bridal style. He laid me on my bed and pulled my blanket over me.
"Get some sleep." He whispered hugging me tight. "I'll be waiting for you when you wake up."