a s h t o n
"You are the piece of me I wish I didn't need." I smiled at Kayleigh and she just looked at me funny. She bit her pizza slice and then spoke up.
"Awh, that's both romantic and offensive."
"How is it offensive?" I asked.
"You wish you didn't need me. You do need me, or else you'll be lonely."
"Nah, I've got Rachel."
"Wow! You know how to make a girl feel special."
"You're not going to argue over this, right?"
"Of course I am not." She laughed and then picked another movie to watch because 'Epic Movie' had finished.
-
"Other girls want to make this 'The Fault In Our Stars' reference. Whereas you, you don't. I like that. Can Pizza be our Always?"
"I don't even know what a Fault In Our Stars? Is it where they get a load celebrities and just pick all their faults on tv and everyone laughs at them? Because I'm definitely up for that! Put it on!" She giggled and looked through the DVD pile to find it. I couldn't help but laugh at her enthusiasm.
"No, but that would be amazing to watch. It's a film about a girl who has cancer and she falls in love with a guy and she's all like 'I'm a grenade ' and it makes you cry because he dies and stuff. You should watch it." I said and she sat back up and ate some more pizza and then finally said.
"Oh, yeah, no, thanks."
"You're heartless! Ok, let's watch a comedy. You suggest, ok?"
"Insidious Chapter 2?" She suggested. Yeah? Umm.. I said comedy.
"I said comedy." I laughed and she looked around for the DVD case.
"We could get a few giggles Like when that women shouts 'DON'T YOU DARE' and then slaps Parker in the face because he's supposed to be called a girls name, I forgot, that's hilarious. Does anyone else feel a strange attraction to Josh when Parker is in his body and then he has that knife behind his back and he's just smiling. No? Just me? Ok."
"There is something seriously wrong with you. You need help."
"I need professional help." She sang, really badly.
"You can't sing, stop trying."
"Crushing dreams here, Ash, crushing them hard."
"Pick a film."
"Ok, Peter Kay: The Tour That Didn't Tour, Tour." She said and clapped her hands. She couldn't find the DVD.
"Who's Peter Kay?" I asked. If looks could kill, I'd be 6ft under.
"Get out!" Wait, what?
"W-What?"
"Leave while you still have your dignity and face."
"Is he a comedian?" I asked.
"Yes."
"I thought so, you get very defensive over comedians."
"Somebody has to."
"Rachel wants me to give you her number." I said and I thought she was going to flip. She's actually great.
"Ok."
"Here type it in your phone."
"Tell her thanks. I'm glad we could be friends."
"Kay, will you- move in with me."
"I thought that was heading a whole different way."
"Would you have said yes?" I asked and she laughed.
"Of course not. You haven't even asked me to be your girlfriend."
"What if I don't want you to be." I asked and her jaw dropped.
"Then I'd find that extremely rude. I'm fabulous." She said flipping her hair.
"I know. Will you, I mean. You're homeless."
"Wow! I'm still touchy on that subject. God! I'm going to have to get a job like everyone else. Ugh! I'm too lazy! I just want to sit doing nothing and eat pizza while masterbating to Josh's face when Parker is in his body and he's smiling."
"You're gross. I don't think I want you here anymore." I couldn't help but laugh.
"Yes! I'll move in!"
"No, you're not."
"I'll just move in with Rachel. She likes me more than you."
"Yeah! But I gave her something you can't."
"I could use a strap-on." Did she really? Really?
"I meant an STI, but ok." I said and I could tell she wanted to laugh but she was shocked and she actually believed me.
"Ew, get out." She said pointed to the door.
"My apartment."
"Really? STI?"
"Nah, I gave her money because she really needed a place to live."
"Why don't you give me that option?"
"I want you here with me."
"Cute. Ok, am I still allowed to live in Sexpartment?"
"The what? Trust me! This apartment hasn't seen sex since three years ago."
"You serious?"
"Yeah, I stopped fucking her after you went back to England with your parents."
"But you were dating her. You moved into a house together next to me."
"No, I bought her a house and stayed there for a little while we where touring."
"Oh. Cool."
"And, I didn't know you lived there so when I said 'I came here to find you' I wasn't being completely honest."
"Wow! I'm feeling so special." She said sarcastically.
"I'm glad I did find you though."
"I'm glad you did, too."
"You're adorable, Kay."
"I know. By the way, I don't masterbate to Josh's face when Parker is in his body and he's smiling. I masterbate to your face."
"Aw, that's both adorable and creepy." She's getting so comfortable with me. I really like. A girl who's not afraid to say anything.
"Jokes on you, I don't masterbate. It's icky. Besides, that's the boys job."
"Umm? Thanks?"
"You're welcome."
"Wait, so you weren't dating her?"
"Nope."
"But you said you where fake dating her and I would've had to share you."
"That was all part of my plan to get you to finally speak up for yourself and to tell yourself what you want and to go get it. That thing you wanted was me and you did all the things I intended for you to do."
"That's smart."
"Yeah and she was really good at acting and crying. She didn't mind playing the role because she's dating Luke."
"Wait, why did she stay here then?"
"Truth is, I don't like being on my own and she's my best friend. She sleeps here sometimes."
"Wait, so is that girl that Luke hooks up with and has an on and off relationship with, Rachel?"
"Yup."
"Small world." She smiled and then quickly turned to me in shock and realisation on what I said. "So you've not had sex for three years?"
"Of course I've had sex. Just not in this apartment."
"Good. I was worried for you."
"You're weird."
"Yup."
-
Kayleigh had fallen asleep during The Insidious and left me watching it here alone. We where up to the part where the little ghost kid was running around and 'Tip Toe Through the Tulips' was playing. I jumped a little and Kay woke up. She looked at me.
"I'm hungry, let's chow down, Dude." She said and I nodded, I picked her up to her feet and got her coat, putting mine on too. First thing she does when she wakes up is think of food. This is why I like her.
"Where are you thinking?" I asked as we walked out the door. She said Maccas and I nodded. When we finally got there Kayleigh ordered and I paid. Of course. The women behind the counter lingered her fingers on my palm a lot longer than she should have when giving me my change.
"So, is this your girlfriend?" She asked placing the food onto the tray.
"No I am not. Ew, he's got a lot of baggage." Kayleigh joked and nudged my side.
"I think I can handle it." The girl flirted and touched my arm. I just sighed. "Here's my number."
"Irwin, get in there." Kayleigh laughed and walked off with the food. I can't believe Kayleigh actually took the number off her. We sat down at a table and Kayleigh began to eat.
"If you where to actually have a kid, what would you call it and which gender would you prefer?"
"Irwin, you're all about the baby talk. Are you pregnant?" Kayleigh giggled and raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, I am. That's my secret. Bun in the oven. Up the duff. Preggers." I laughed and she threw one of her fries at me.
"I want a baby girl. I wanted to call her Darcy." She said and I smiled. "But, I can't have kids and every time you bring this up, it hurts inside because I had plans."
"I'm sorry."
"Irwin, It's fine." She said and bit into her burger. "Wait, did you accidentally get Rachel pregnant?"
"No! What the heck."
"Just asking." She said and went into her bag and threw a tampon at me. I chuckled.
"I hate you, Anna-Monroe."
"I hate you more, Irwin."