THE REST OF THE weekend I spend time with Blake. I told him everything and I mean everything. What Weston did and how JJ handled it and what we argued about. I told him about Adrien and me beating his ass and him putting a gun to JJ and I's chest. I even told him that I'm—in love with JJ.
He wasn't surprised, which scares me. At first I didn't want to be the middle child. I think I have a superiority complex when it comes to being the oldest kid. Technically, I am in my house still but it feels nice having an actual older brother. John B and Pope are my brother's of course but it just feels—different with Blake?
Now I'm in class—the one with Dean, except he switched out last week. It makes me chuckle to look at his empty seat in front of me.
The teacher is going on about whatever. I blanked out a while ago. JJ as per usual is sitting next to me messing with Pope. Kie isn't here today and it worries me. Maybe there's something deeper going on that she can't explain to us just yet. What if she kills herself? Nah—right? My head is resting on my hand as I zone out waiting for class to end. "Ow—" I feel a tug on my hair and turn to see John B smiling at me, "Why?"
He shrugs his shoulders and I go to turn back around but he stops me, "Wanna come back to The Chateau or will you be with your darling brother later?"
I roll my eyes and whisper back, "Yeah—I want passenger seat though." A frown forms on John B's face, "Why don't you just talk to him? Are you really still mad because he was trying to protect you? Me or Pope would've done the same and you know it."
I stare into his eyes I wish I could tell him the reason I once again can't face JJ but all that comes to my head is realizing I never stopped Vanessa and JJ, "Wait—did he take her back to the house? Please tell me no." He opens up his mouth and tilts his head. No, no, he did take her back to The Chateau!
"Would you like me to tell you no for your own sanity?" I glance at JJ who is throwing paper at Pope. "Did they—fuck?" I whisper the last part so quiet I'm surprised JB can hear it. He leans closer to me, "I have no idea. She was gone by the time we got there but I saw her go in."
I let out a defeated sigh and let my head hang. The bell rings through the school and everyone grabs their bags. I take a second to get up. "Can you not throw paper at me while I do my work, jackass?" Pope tells JJ as we step into the hallway. "You're so smart you don't need notes, Pope! Me annoying you keeps me entertained."
"You must be entertained all the time then." The three of us giggle at Pope's comment but JJ is not amused. He mocks Pope's comment multiple times.
I feel so drained but somehow still—fine? Being with Blake all weekend helped. He's really smart and patient. Patience is something I lack and it's nice to have someone who actually has it. It slows me down a bit.
The rest of the day feels the same except the absence of Kie drains me a bit more. Despite her lack of communication with us, I miss her and I'm worried. I know the others feel the same but we have no idea what to do.
"You practically bounced the ball off her head, JJ!" John B and JJ laugh. "Well, maybe she should've been paying attention during volleyball, it's a dangerous sport."
We hop into the van and I get in the passenger seat like I asked to before. JJ and Pope hop in the back. JJ hasn't said a word to me—I think he's scared that if he does I'll run away again. He just keeps sending worried looks. I'm quieter than normal and I know that. I don't have the energy to blurt out a sarcastic comment or get bored and try to do a handstand.
About 6 months ago
"Sam—just because you're flexible doesn't mean you can do a handstand."
I don't listen to Kie and lean against the wall for the millionth time,"I can—do it!" I put all my focus into pushing myself up. Everything is upside down again and I feel the blood rush to my head which gives me an immediate headache. My back is bent and now all I have to do is push my legs up and balance. JJ walks over and sits in front of me,"Havin' fun?" He tilts his head and smiles. I'm really trying to push myself up so I don't answer and then suddenly, I feel my legs go up and everyone shouts in happiness for me. I smile at my own victory but then, everything gets blurry and my head is pounding. My victory is short-lived because I proceeded to lose consciousness and the last thing I felt was JJ catching me.
Never again will I do a headstand.
JJ's giggle kicks me out of the memory and I almost turn around to ask what he's giggling at but I stop myself. "You guys remember Vanessa?" I look at the car door handle and wonder how bad it would hurt to hop out right now. Hesitantly, John B responds, "Yeah—why?" We exchange a look and I get ready for him to praise my older half sister. "She's so nice, she's been texting everyday to check on me. It's so cute."
Adoration is clear in his voice and I audibly gag at his compliment. JJ scoffs but doesn't say anything. "Layla and I texted all weekend—we might hang out sometime this week." A large smile goes across my face, "That's really good, Pope. She's really pretty."
"Is she a touron or someone from here? I've never seen her," John B asks. Pope hops up and is leaving on our seats while crouched in the middle,"She's, uh, a year younger. Also, a—Kook." We all gasp at Pope. I turn to him with my jaw slightly dropped. "She's a Kook? She's so nice!" An unusual trait for a Kook. Pope has an eyebrow raised at me, "Dean is on The Cut and is an ass—"
"You act like you don't think the same about Kooks, Heyward," I sass Pope but he just rolls his eyes and goes on, "She doesn't associate with other Kooks though. Only Sarah—like Sam." Him mentioning Sarah reminds me I haven't seen her in a bit. Ward wasn't at my house this weekend, at least when I was there he wasn't. Sarah and I exchanged a few texts but she must've been at a different party or home because I didn't see her on Friday for the short time I was there.
"Pope getting laid? Never thought it would happen!" JJ laughs but Pope just sits back down on the floor, "I'm not using her for sex, JJ. Some of us are capable of more than getting laid."
A bitter reminder that JJ is into hookups and not relationships. It's not that I wouldn't have sex with him—it's just I wouldn't only want sex.
The real question is am I mentally stable enough for a relationship at the moment? "I don't just get my dick wet—" He stops and thinks for a moment "—I'm just very hard to keep down. I like to spread my wings."
"More like your legs." My own comment catches me off guard. It wasn't meant to be said out loud. The van is silent as I take in all my friend's faces. John B and Pope are amused while JJ—isn't.
"First thing you say to me in two days is that I am a whore. Makes sense." A hint of playfulness is in his tone but I can tell he's slightly annoyed by my comment.
I turn back in my seat and just stay silent as we pull into the house. John B's dad is home again but he's always in his little room.
We all walk in and immediately go for the snacks Mr. Routledge provides us. "Hi dad!" John B shouts in hopes his dad will come say hi. "John B, did JJ finish the fruit roll-ups?" Pope looks through the cabinets.
"No!" JJ answers. "Yes, he did," John B confirms and grabs some chips. "Why'd you rat on me like that? Such a narc."
"It's fruit roll-ups, JJ. Not cocaine," John B tosses me a bag of chips which I catch and open. Suddenly, the room that his dad basically lives in opens and his dad emerges, "Hey guys—hi, John B. How was school?" He looks tired. The bags under his eyes are painfully obvious. "It was—school, y'know?" His dad hums like he understands.
"I'm going to go meet a friend. Don't destroy the place, okay? I just bought food so don't lose y'all's damn minds and eat the whole pantry."
With that, his dad grabs the keys for the van and leaves us home alone. I can feel JJ's eyes on me. I can't even eat my chips in peace now. I feel too awkward.
"Is it okay if I invite Vanessa over?" I cough as a chip gets stuck in my throat at his question. The chip painfully goes down my throat and I look up and meet JJ's eyes, "Why would you invite her—it's not fuck Friday." I try to joke to make myself feel better but I literally want to puke. I catch JJ looking down at my hand and remember the ring.
Despite everything that happened, I'm not gonna just take the ring off. It means a lot to me now but JJ must've thought I would've taken it off by now. Pope senses that I do not want her here, "Maybe just wait or if you want to hang out with her, go without us."
Thank you Pope. Maybe he'll listen to you.
"She's just bored—she might be good company," He flops down on the catch but his eyes never leave mine. It's like he's waiting for another reaction from me. Like choking on a chip wasn't enough for him. If he's trying to get a reaction from me, I'll get one from him.
"I might hang out with a dude anyway so," I shrug my shoulders at JJ. He sits up a bit, "Oh yeah? Who?" His eyes narrow so I narrow mine. Think of a believable person, Sam. Come on.
My brain goes to one of the worst choices but it'll be sure to get a rise out of him, lBarry." I pop my lips at the B. "You are not hanging out with Barry. Don't be a dumbass," He leans forwards and I see his jaw clenching. Butterflies erupt in my stomach at the worst time. I'm hoping the pink tint doesn't show up on my cheeks.
"How do you know that?" JJ gets up and stands over me. "Because I'll personally hand his head to him if he goes near you," JJ says.
He's getting—possessive and the butterflies flutter even more. I'm sure JB and Pope want to leave the room right now.
"You think what you want will stop me?" My words challenge him. I see a switch in JJ.
His eyes are darker but it's not like he's trying to scare me. It's a look I've never seen or at least noticed JJ has given me. JJ opens his mouth to say something but quickly closes it. I want him to say what is on his mind. I want the butterflies to get bigger. "Do you not want me to hang out with Vanessa?"
No.
But I can't say that even though he just basically told me I can't hangout with Barry. "Do whatever you'd like, JJ." My words are the complete opposite of my thoughts. My own brain yelling at my mouth for saying them. "Okay, well. I'm going to hang out with Vanessa somewhere in case it goes somewhere. Unless you all want a lesson on how to make a girl—"
"Stop, stop the sentence right there," Pope has his hand up at JJ and he stops but a smirk still comes onto his face. I really want to text Vanessa and tell her to deny JJ but I don't even think she likes him. I think she's doing this to fuck with me but I've done nothing to this girl.
JJ gathers his things and sends a text to probably Vanessa. I want to grab his phone and tell him like hey, you're trying to fuck my sister but I don't. "I'll update y'all later," He winks at all of us and walks out the door. As soon as he's far enough down the property I aggressively throw the bag of chips. The boys flinch as the chips scatter everywhere. "I—I'm sorry John B. I'll clean it up—"
"No—no. I'll get it. He was trying to piss you off," He reaches down and starts to clean up the chips, "He likes you, Sam. He doesn't even want you near Barry or another dude that isn't one of us. The glares he sends dudes or even girls sometimes would kill them in Greek times," He lets out a laugh. "John B's right."
Then I remember I have to tell Pope about Blake and especially Vanessa. "Shit—Pope, I never told you. Weston has two older kids, they're twins—"
"What? Who are they? How long have you known and you just didn't tell me?!"
"Pope! My older sister is Vanessa! My brother is Blake!" Pope started flailing his arms around and jumping around,"HE IS TRYING TO FUCK YOUR SISTER?" His outburst makes us both jump,"YOU HAVEN'T TOLD HIM?"
"Nope," I sat down where JJ once sat a few minutes ago and let Pope take it in. Pope is at a loss for words as he paces back and forth. "Pope—calm down," John B grabs him but his eyes are still wide. "You need to tell him! That might be why he thinks he likes her, because she's like you and he thinks he can't have you!" Pope psycho analyzing the situation isn't anything new but I still stand in shock at his words.
"He doesn't want me Pope." I'm getting so tired of saying it and reminding myself. They both look at me like I'm crazy but just move on. "Does she know you like him?"
"I've got no idea but I don't think she does and she's just doing this to fuck with me," I rest my head in my hands. "Okay, okay. Let's take a break from this shit, okay? Let's get in the boat and just chill in the water." John B's suggestion actually sounds chill to me even if I don't like the small boat on the water. "Yeah—let's do that." I jump off the couch. John B grabs the keys and the three of us leave through the back door to the dock. "I'll race y'all," Before Pope or myself can protest, John B is off running. A second later we start running. Pope is the fastest and beats JB while the two of us get there at the same time. "Ha! I win," Pope brags. "I'll trip you," I tell him.
"That's—that's just rude."
John B gets in the boat and then Pope. We haven't been on the boat in a while and the small gap from the dock to the boat is back to scaring me. JJ isn't here to give me his hand. "I know I'm not your favorite dumbass but I will help you into the boat," Pope puts his hand out. He is so sweet it almost makes me want to cry. I grab his hand and very, very carefully get into the boat. "Startin' her up kiddos!" John B starts the boat and for once I'm happy to be on the boat. I feel at peace as he drives us through the water.
"Let's go get Kie, see if she's up for hanging out." Pope has so much hope and it reminds me he's never really lost a best friend. I have no idea if that's what's happening with Kie but it sure as hell feels like it. She's even ignoring Bailey though so I wonder if it's an us thing or a her thing. "She should be at The Wreck, she closes on Monday's."
"To The Wreck?" John B asks. "Captain Routledge, take us to The Wreck!" I salute John B and he copies me. He speeds up a bit and soon we're at The Wreck. "You guys stay here. I'll try to talk to her, see what's wrong."
I groan when I realize it means stepping on the dock alone but if something is wrong I don't want us all to show up and scare her. I hype myself up more for getting on the dock rather than finding out what's going up with my best friend. "Don't cause a scene!"John B yells.
I flip him off as a result. He just assumes I'll cause chaos no matter where I go. The Wreck is empty when I walk in, not even Kie is there. Being The Pogue her parents like, I walk behind the counter. If she's not here it'll be really embarrassing. The thought of her mom just finding me wandering makes me cringe. I step into the storage room and then walk to the small office. My hand twists the knob, "Kie?"
When I swing the door open, I'm hit with whiplash.
"Sam—" There was Kie, my best friend and someone who supposedly hated The Cameron's, sitting on Rafe Cameron's lap. They were making out when I opened the door and I'm trying really hard to get the image out of my head. She's making out with someone who has said disgusting things to me—to the boys—to her at some points!
"Sam," Rafe is smirking as Kie finally gets off her fellow Kook's lap, "Backup and let me explain," She pushes me out of the office and into the storage room, shutting the office door behind her. "I think the explanation is pretty fucking clear Kie!"
She closes her eyes tightly. She's trying to avoid directly looking at me because when he opens her eyes again she's looking at the floor. Anger and—betrayal—is all I feel right now. "Is this where you've been? Leaving us for some Kook dick?! You left Bailey for what? For this?" She's slightly taller than me but at this moment I feel ten times bigger than her. "Sam—"
"Stop!" I yell in her face and she flinches. I don't even feel bad that I'm scaring her and that scares me more. She takes a deep breath, "I'm sorry—it just—happened at a party Bailey and I went to. He's not that bad and I know what has happened between you two but you guys used to be fine—"
"When I was a kid, Kie! He changed—he's a whole different person from the one we know now. He's hurt me, so many times and you're fucking him?" The accusation of them hooking up pisses her off, "We're not fucking Sam! Shit just happens sometimes!"
I scoff, "You've left us—for WEEKS! Ditched us and moved seats all because of Rafe Cameron?" I dig my hands into my hair and I can feel the lump in my throat getting unbearable. She pauses, "Don't tell the others—okay—Sam, please—"
"So you can lie to them too?" She reaches for me but I move my hand away quickly. She stares at me with pleading eyes, "Please—don't hate me." I take a breath and look over her face. It's full of remorse but I give no fucks, "It's too fucking late Kiara. You're lucky I don't want them—our best friends who also get harassed by Rafe—to be heartbroken by your betrayal."
I turn on my heel and as soon as I do, the lump in my throat breaks and I begin crying. I push the door open and wipe the tears from my face so they can't see them. Pope offers me his hand again and I'm visibly upset, "Sam—what's wrong?"
I stare back up at the two boys who are littered with concern for both me and Kiara.
"She's in her fucking Kook year."
I sit and slump myself down as I leave the boys confused but I wasn't going to further explain. They'll realize she's not coming back.