It was only a few days later. The last day of February to be exact. Snow had fallen overnight leaving a white blanket about four inches thick. Harry was really suprised to get that much snow so late after not getting any all winter. But he supposed it was better late than never because then at least Benjamin could go outside and spend the day in it.
So he bundled him up really good in his boots, coat, hat, scarf, gloves and ear muffs and they both went outside to make a snowman together the same way they usually did every year.
Around eleven thirty, Harry went inside to make lunch for Benjamin while Benjamin played outside. Since Harry's kitchen had a window that looked out to the backyard, he knew he could keep an eye on him without actually being out there. So he came inside and began to prepare soup and grilled cheese for lunch.
When he had the eletric griddle warming up and the soup cooking on the stove, he heard a knock at his door. That was a surprise. Last night, he'd had a phone conversation with Liam about writing his book today. But Liam had also added that if it snowed, he might not be there. Therefore, Harry wasn't expecting anyone.
That's why when he opened the front door and saw Niall standing there freezing, he frowned.
"Hello, Harry."
"Hey. What are you doing here?"
"If you let me in, I'll explain."
Harry stepped back.
"Yeah, sure. Come in."
After letting Niall in and closing the door behind them, he looked over him.
"The weather is bad out. Shouldn't you be at home and not roaming the streets?"
"Yeah, I should."
"Is everything okay, then?"
"Not really. Can I spend the night?"
Harry, sighed and headed towards the kitchen.
"If it means you won't be out in the snow tonight, then sure. Have you eaten?"
"Not yet."
"Okay. I'll get you something hot. How does tomato soup and grilled cheese sound?"
"Delicious."
"Then I'll make some for you. Tell me what happened this time though. Why are you running away from home again?"
Niall followed him to the kitchen.
"My mom. That's what happened."
"Is she alright?"
"She's good, I guess. Except for the fact that she thinks I need therapy."
"Therapy?"
"Yes. Therapy. That's what she told me."
"That you need therapy?"
"Yeah, exactly. It doesn't make sense. I don't need therapy."
Harry pulled back the top to another can of tomato soup and poured it over into the pot with the rest of the tomato soup.
"Did she say why?"
"Something about me always distancing myself from them. I don't know. But I don't need a family therapist. I don't want to sit down and talk about how annoying my parents are to me."
He plopped down in one of the chairs at the table and rested his chin in his hand.
"Ah, so you're saying she wants to go to a family therapist."
"Yeah. Me and dad. It's complete bullshit. Imagine having to tell some judgmental human why I hate my parents in front of my parents. It's just not a good idea. And I don't want to do it."
Harry peeked out the window at his son. He was making more snowballs.
"And did you say that before you left?"
"I did. Maybe not in the kindest way but who cares? They're trying to force me to go there against my will. But I'm an adult. I can choose whether or not I want to go to therapy."
"True."
"So I'm not. And that's the end of that. That means don't try to convince me, Harry."
"I won't. But also just know it doesn't make me happy that you run to me when your parents upset you. At the end of the day, I'm not your parents. They are. And you should talk to them. You may find therapy isn't as bad as you think."
"Yeah right. Whatever you say. But I came to you for a reason and it's not to be lectured on getting therapy. I can get that at home. Let's talk about something else. What about you and Zayn? All I know is he gave you these roses- which are finally starting to wilt by the way- and I had to pry that out of you. What's really happened between you two since then? Don't tell me you blew it."
Harry smiled.
"No. I did not blow it. It's just a lot has happened since then."
"Like what? Did you get together?"
"No. But... there is something I do want to tell you. And the only reason I want to tell you is because you know about me and Liam already."
"That you're fucking, yes."
"Stop being vulgar in my house."
"Oh right. My bad. That you're canoodling and humping."
Harry scoffed.
"Anyway, even before the day I got those roses, I just couldn't stop thinking about him. And I still can't. I wake up and I think about him. I eat and I think about him. I write and I think about him. And I lie down to sleep and I think about him."
"Sounds like you're still in love."
"Love. Not in love. That's the difference. But that's the thing, even if I do still love him, he just started coming around again. He probably doesn't even have the same feelings anymore. But that doesn't mean he's not always on my mind in some weird way."
"Trust me. It ain't weird. And you're talking like Zayn is some random man you just met. But he's not. He's Benjamin's father. Which means you've been intimate with him before."
"Yeah, so?"
"So you're probably having old feelings come up. Except they're not old. They're new again. And they're a continuation of what you already felt once before."
Harry groaned.
"I know it isn't appropriate. But when I see the way he deals with Benjamin and how he just fits right in, I can't help but think about that. He's such a good Papa to Benny and Benny loves him."
"So what's the problem then? Because that all sounds like good things to me."
"The problem is... I don't think he wants me as bad I think I want him."
"How do you know? These red roses say more than friendship to me."
"Because he had the opportunity to kiss me a few days ago and he declined. I mean he was right there. I could feel his breath on my lips. But it didn't matter. He had no trouble stopping himself even though he already told me he's single and that I was the best thing to ever happen to him."
"Oh. Sorry. So what are you going to do? It's not like he won't be around for Benjamin. You're gonna have to see him."
He opened a package of sliced bread and began to remove slices of bread.
"I know. And that's what's so frustrating. The other day I did something really, really bad. And I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for it."
"What'd you do? Go egg his house or something?" He joked.
"No. I slept with Liam and I was thinking about Zayn the whole time."
Niall's eyes got so big and he stood up from his chair in a hurry.
"What?"
"Yes."
"And... how was it?"
"Fun when it was happening. But when it was over and after he did me, reality hit and I just felt this terrible guilt inside. Not just because I did that to Liam but because I basically admitted to myself that I want to have sex with Zayn. Which is insane considering having sex with him led to having his baby, which led to everything that's happening now. I'm a horny idiot."
Niall threw his head back with laughter.
"Excuse me?" Harry said.
"What I have with Liam will never be the same anymore because of what I did. So what's so funny?"
"You. You're not an idiot. Don't you get it?"
"Get what?"
Niall came over and put his hands on Harry's shoulders then looked him directly in the eyes.
"You finally found what you've been using casual sex in place of. Zayn."
"You're wrong. I started this with Liam before Zayn ever came back in my life."
"Technically, yes. But in principle, you were waiting for your Zayn. For a feeling like the first love you ever had. It just so happened that it's actually the person who was your first love. Zayn."
To be honest, that made a lot of sense. He had never thought about it that way before.
"But let's be honest with ourselves, Harry. In order to go as far as imagining having great sex with Benjamin's father while having sex with Liam, do you really think it's just love? Or are you really in love with him?"
And no matter how sure Harry had been, it was the first time he didn't know the answer to one of Niall's questions. But not answering it just might have been the answer in itself.
Before he could think about it too long though, the doorbell rang. And instead of first wondering why anyone else would show up at his house, he took it as an opportunity to get out of answering the question and he rushed to answer the door.
Seconds later, he found himself face to face with the very man they had been talking about.
"Oh, my gosh, Zayn."
"What?"
"You're here."
"Yeah."
"In the snow."
"Yeah. The dry cleaners is closed today because of it. So I decided to come here and see what you two are up to. I really hope Benjamin is here today."
"Oh, he is." A voice said.
It was Niall and by the smile on his face, he was obviously pleased Zayn decided to show up in this moment.
"Come on in."
Harry didn't oppose. Instead, he stood back to make room for him to walk past.
That's when Niall put an arm around Zayn so he could guide him to the kitchen. "So how are you on this snowy morning, Zayn?"
Zayn looked confused.
"Uh... good, I think. How are you, Niall?"
"I am just great, Mr. Malik. What brings you here?"
"My son. By the way, where is he?"
"He's enjoying himself in the snow in the backyard. He's fine. But is that all you came for?"
"Niall, get your hands off of him and leave him alone."
"Oh right. Come on and have a seat. We're both in the kitchen."
When he and Zayn sat down, Harry peeked out of the window to make sure Benjamin was okay. He was still having fun out there.
"Did you eat anything today, Mr. Malik?"
"I had breakfast when I got up early this morning. Why do you keep calling me Mr. Malik?"
"But have you had lunch?"
"Niall."
"I'm just saying. If you haven't had lunch, Harry is making tomato soup and grilled cheese. I'm sure he is more than willing to make you some."
Zayn was really confused by Niall. He was acting so strange.
"You shouldn't volunteer someone else's services without their permission. It's rude."
"It's alright. I can make you some, Zayn. There is plenty here for all of us to eat."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
He stood up.
"Then I'll help you make it."
"No!"
Zayn drew back and frowned. That was a rather aggressive no from Harry.
"I mean... It's so easy to make. I don't really need help. I'm okay. Sit down and get warm."
When he sat back down. Niall put his hand on his chin as if he were thinking.
"So what has happened in the last few days?"
"Niall." Harry scolded.
"What?"
"Stop questioning him and go into the living room."
"Harry."
"No. I'm serious. Go."
Reluctantly, he got up and left the kitchen with a grunt and Harry exhaled deepely.
"Is uh... is Niall okay?" Zayn asked.
"He's fine. He's just a rather nosy human. What about you?"
"Am I a nosy human?"
That actually earned a quiet laugh.
"No. I mean are you okay?"
"Oh. Yeah." He smiled over at him.
"I'm fine."
"Good. Me too."
When he saw Harry began to knife butter onto slices of bread, he stood up.
"I'm coming to help you
regardless. We both know I know how to make your grilled cheese the way you like them."
This time Harry didn't decline his help. He simply watched Zayn wash his hands and then come over to him.
"So... we're going to need six slices for three sandwiches. Benny and I will split one. I already have four. So can you get two more and then butter all of them?"
"Sure."
Zayn had done as he asked, getting out the bread and buttering it. Then he put cheese on three of the slices, added the other slice of bread and put two sandwiches in the griddle to heat. By the time he looked back, Harry was done stirring the soup and was collecting the plates, silverware, and glasses he'd just gotten out. So Zayn came over.
"Let me help you with that."
"Oh. Thank you."
"You're welcome."
But their hands had touched and they stopped to look at each other.
"Uhm... About Saturday." Zayn said.
"What happened in Summerland."
"What about it?"
"I'm sorry. I know it was probably awkward."
"It wasn't awkward, Zayn."
"It wasn't?"
"No. It wasn't."
"Oh. But still there was the car ride home. I thought maybe you were mad."
"Mad about what?"
"That I... I didn't um... I didn't-"
"Good morning, Harry. Or is it still morning? I think it is."
At the sound of the voice, Harry faced the entrance of the kitchen. And what he saw made him freeze immediately.
"Professor Payne."
"Hi."
"I didn't hear you come in."
Niall leaned against the doorframe with a smile. "I know. I saw him pull in the driveway from the window, so I let him in when he got to the front door."
"I see. But Professor Payne, what are you doing here?"
"We're supposed to be working on your story. Remember?"
He tilted his head sideways. Suddenly he felt hot all over.
"I thought you said if it snowed you wouldn't be here."
"No. I said if it snowed and our plans changed, I would call. I didn't call. So the plans were still on."
"Right. Uh... well since you made the drive, I guess we can do something."
But when Liam saw Zayn go over and remove the two grilled cheese sandwiches he put in earlier, he became skeptical.
"Are you sure? You look like you have company."
"I do but..."
"Hi, I'm Zayn Malik."
Zayn reached out to shake Liam's hand and Harry couldn't bear to look at them being nice to each other when they had no clue.
"Malik, as in Benjamin Malik?"
"That's right. Benjamin is my son."
"Wow. Very nice to meet you. I'm Liam Payne. I've heard a lot about you."
"Really? Good things or bad things?"
"Many good things, sir."
Professor Payne took a look at Harry and he could see right away how uncomfortable he was to have him there because he wouldn't even meet eyes.
"Well, Mr. Malik, I suppose you want this time with your family. So... Harry, I'll take my leave and we can work on your story some other time."
It wasn't that Harry wanted the Professor to feel like he was putting him out when he didn't stop him from leaving. But what else was he supposed to do when he and Zayn were finally in the same room together? A second longer and it was a disaster waiting to happen.
"Did he say story?" Zayn asked.
Harry clearned his throat.
"Yeah. The... the mommy column."
"I didn't know you had help with that. I thought you wrote your own."
"I do. But he's like my editor. That's all. How are the grilled cheese sandwiches coming along?"
"I just have one more to put in. And then it's ready."
"Great. Why don't you go out there and suprise your son while I make the last one?"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive. Just make sure there's no snow on his shoes before he comes in."
When Zayn went out of the back door, Harry and Niall locked eyes.
"I can't believe you let him in. The last thing I wanted is for them to ever meet. You're the only one who knew Zayn was back in my life and it was supposed to say that way."
"Sorry. I didn't know."
Harry leaned on the counter with a heavy sigh.
"I wish I never got in a sexual relationship with him. It was a stupid idea."
"Trust me, Harry." Niall said.
"This isn't about the casual sex. This is about the obvious love triangle you have going on."
"It's not a love triangle. Only one of us here loves anybody. Get that through that hard head of yours."
"Okay then. Like triangle. Whatever. But don't deny the sparks between you and Zayn. I saw the way he was looking at you when his hand was on yours just a moment ago. So what he didn't kiss you that day? He's probably just waiting for the right time. Either way, you're just a blind fool if you still can't tell that he wants you as much as you want him. I'm really beginning to understand why you couldn't tell he loved you all those years ago."
When he left the kitchen, Harry turned towards the window to look outside. He saw Benjamin hugging Zayn tightly and grinning widely. It was really adorable.
But he still wondered, did Zayn really want him as much as he wanted him? After what happened in Summerland, would he have deliberately slept with someone else just so that he could pretend it was him? Was his level of desperation as high as that? Probably not. But what he did know was that Zayn most definitely wanted to kiss him that day.
And for whatever reason he stopped himself, it wasn't nearly as important as knowing they came so close. That's why right then and there, he made up his mind to end the casual fling he had with Professor Payne once and for all. So whenever the day came that Zayn was ready to kiss him- if ever, he'd be truly ready for him to do so.