"Cause there's somethin' in the way you look at me. It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece."
- Christian Bautista (The Way You Look At Me, 2005)
______________
Y/N's POV
I kept my arms and fingers as steady as possible as I began to shape the wet clay into a coiled pot. It's been a while since I've done pottery, and I never knew how much I've missed it until now. I don't know where the sudden urge to do ceramics came to me, but I woke up this morning, and one of the first things I wanted to do was this. With the music faintly playing in the background, I kept my focus on my piece, making sure that it has my full undivided attention.
"How cool do I look?" I asked, catching Lizzie off guard. "Everyone who has watched me like this has fallen for me. Are you one of those people?." I looked up, her frazzled state made me smirk.
"Who fell for who?" Lizzie retorted. "Don't you think you're getting a little ahead of yourself?"
I chuckled lightly, "Says the one who was watching me so intently."
"I wasn't watching. You happen to be in my line of sight."
"Sure, whatever makes you sleep at night," I said as I dipped my hands into a bucket of water. "Speaking of which, how was your sleep?"
Lizzie took a seat, a few feet away from me, "It was good. What about yours?"
"Your snores were lovely, so I had the best night's sleep."
She rolled her eyes, "Haha, but, anyway, did you make that just now? It looks amazing."
I brought the vase/pot closer to her so she could get a better look. Lizzie admired every corner, her eyes fluttering with amazement as she spun it around the display.
"I did." I answered softly. "If you want, I could teach you how to make one exactly like that."
"Oh, really? You'd be willing to do that?"
I nod, "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" I laugh slightly. "Why don't you bring yourself over here, and we'll get started?"
Lizzie made her way to where I was. I grabbed the extra clay, weighing about five pounds. I clean up the wheelhead before throwing the clay in the middle. I told her about coning and centering, showering her steps on how to do it before letting her take full control.
"I don't want to mess up." Lizzie mumbled under breath, a bit hesitant to get her hands on the clay.
"You won't know until you try."
Eventually, Lizzie caved in, and allowed herself to let go of all the fear creeping behind her head. I watched as she followed all of the instructions I told her to do. I let her do her thing as I grabbed the remote beside me to play some music that could possibly calm her down.
Someday by The Strokes played faintly in the background as Lizzie indulged herself further into the clay, shaping it into a medium size vase. I admire her focus, the slight fear of messing up still very evident, but it's what's driving her to succeed.
When she hit a point in shaping, and straightening out the edges of the ceramic, I heard her slight frustration because she kept messing up. I huffed in the slightest, with a smile on my face before hovering behind her, my front flushed against her back.
Lizzie's body tense up a bit, a faint smirk appeared on my face. I wet my hands before guiding her hands, more so her fingertips into shaping it. I leaned further into her body, my face hovering beside cheek as I continued to lead her hands wherever it needed to be.
I wasn't doing anything on purpose, nor was I trying to get some sort of reaction out of her. Maybe it was the sudden close proximity between us that had her feeling something she never thought she would feel. But, Lizzie still let it happen.
"You're doing great." I mumbled, letting her take full control once more. "Keep it up."
I pulled myself away, and gave her the space that she clearly needed. Lizzie quickly gathered herself before bringing her undivided attention to her piece. By the end of it, she's very well satisfied with the finished product, but lingering thoughts of what she could've done better crept in the back of her mind.
"For your first time, you sure did knock this one out of the park." I clapped, obviously amazed. "You should be proud of yourself."
"I don't know." Lizzie second guesses herself. "I feel like I could've made it a lot smoother."
"Now, you're being hard on yourself." I shake my head, disagreeing with her input. "You did great. Definitely beat me when I made my first vase."
Lizzie giggled, "I do like how it turned out."
"See? I told you, you'd do we—"
A slight, sharp throbbing pain from my head stopped me from finishing my sentence. I normally don't get headaches, and when I do, they never stop me from talking. And especially not the way it did just now.
"Are you okay?" Lizzie asked worriedly.
I massage my temples in an attempt to shake the discomfort feeling, "Yeah, I'm okay. Just a slight headache that's all."
Lizzie didn't buy my excuse. She stood up from her seat, quickly washing her hands clean before making her way to my kitchen. In search of something, she began to open each cabinet, one by one, not really knowing where things are kept. When she finally found what she was looking for, she poured me a glass of water, making her way back to me.
"Here, I want you to take this." Lizzie showed me two tablets of aspirin.
A little hesitant at first, "I promise you, I'm ok—"
"I don't take no for an answer." Lizzie said sternly, putting the tablets on the palm of hand. "Take the medicine, Y/N. Now."
I nodded before doing what I was told. I've always hated taking pills, so I anticipated the way it would go down my throat. I flinched a little when I felt it against my esophagus as the water helped it descend into my stomach.
"Good girl." Lizzie gave me a look, taking the glass of water away from my hand.
As much of a perfectionist as she clearly is, Lizzie turned on the wheel once more, straightening her vase further as if it didn't look good already. I tried telling her it wasn't needed, but she was persistent, so I let her be. It took almost fifteen minutes until she was finally satisfied with everything that she nitpicked.
"Okay, I'm all done here." Lizzie cleaned her hands, drying it off seconds later. "I'm 100% sure this time."
I stood up, mimicking her movements, "You are? About time." I lift her up in celebration, the sudden gesture catching me off guard.
By the look on her face, Lizzie was taken aback by my actions just as much as me. Her eyes locked in against mine, and despite the shock, neither one of us clearly wanted to look away. Suddenly, everything stood still, and the world went quiet.
We gazed into each other's eyes, the blood rushing through my veins, and every cell in my body felt connected to her, and only her. I held her close, afraid that if I moved in the slightest, I'd be so far from her, and it would make my heart ache.
I carefully brought her back to the ground, her emerald eyes still softened against my own. My heart fluttered at the thought of being wanted by her, not by lust, but passion. The simplicity of it made me feel special, like I could do anything.
Without another thought, I slid my hands beside her face, holding her in place. I start to lean forward, our distance slowly diminishes, making my heart beat out of my chest.
Lizzie taps my nose with wet clay residue, preventing me from completing the contact. I didn't have the time to react as she did it more than a couple more times, making me retaliate. She ran around my apartment, her contagious, adorable laugh invading the vicinity.
By the end of it, we ended up looking like we jumped into a pool of liquid clay, our faces, and some parts of our body covered in smudges of dried clay. I showered first, and cleaned myself off. I stood in front of the mirror, checking myself to see if I've gotten every bit of it off my body.
The door swung open, Lizzie's gaze fell on my naked upper body, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I thought you were done." She tried covering her eyes, clearly flustered at the situation.
I laugh at her state, "That's okay." I didn't even bother covering myself up. I'm liking the effect I have on her. "It's not like you haven't seen me like this before." I teased, making her blush further.
She dropped her hands, her eyes completely uncovered. Lizzie scanned me from head to toe, "You're not funny. I'm leaving." Lizzie said rather quickly before closing the door behind her.
I laughed to myself, clearly amused at what just happened. I dressed myself and joined her in the living room, where I noticed that she's trying her hardest not to look my way.
"Oh, great, you're done and fully clothed." Lizzie said without making eye contact as she began to shuffle her way to the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower."
Before I could say anything, she closed the door, and I heard the lock indication. I chuckled to myself once more before making my way to the kitchen where I prepared brunch for the both of us.
I haven't gone grocery shopping, so my choices were very limited. I've been staying over her place and I completely neglected my own living space. And due to the lack of ingredients for brunch, I ended up going with making us pesto pasta.
I want everything to be perfect, so I made sure to put all of my undivided attention to the dish in front of me. Just like six years ago, and just about every time I would cook for her, I nitpicked every measurement more than usual. I would jump off a cliff if she doesn't like what I make her.
"What are you making?" Lizzie peeked over.
"Pasta." I mumbled, giving her a quick glance. I grabbed a spoon, and dipped it into the sauce, "Here, taste this, and tell me if you like it and if it's lacking anything."
Lizzie leaned over before taking the tip of the spoon into her mouth. I wait for response, hoping with every bone in my body that she likes it. A content smile lit up her face, making me release the breath I was holding.
"Wow, that's really good." She hummed in satisfaction. "I love yo— your cooking." Lizzie stuttered as she began to take plates and utensils from their respective cabinets.
After everything was done, I carefully brought the pasta, along with some breadsticks for the side. Lizzie's excitement to eat what I mad, and her adorable soft mumbles to herself while she scoops some pasta into her plate made my heart flutter.
We ate in comfortable silence, like the way domestic couples do. We would casually talk about a topic that either one of us would bring up, and shared soft laughters in between. She also couldn't stop complimenting my cooking skills, and that just about did it for me.
"Why are you staring at me?" I asked as I noticed that this is the tenth time she looked at me longingly. "Do I have anything on my face?"
I began to swarm my face with my hand, in search of food residue. When she didn't say anything, and merely just smiled at me warmly, I stopped all movements.
"What?"
"I listened to the voicemail you sent me." Lizzie said carefully. "The one before my accident."
My heart fell at the pit of my stomach as that was the last thing I expected for her to say. It was almost like I had seen a ghost in broad daylight, I'm lost for words.
"I want to go where it happened." She started with confidence. "Can you take me there?"
"Are you sure?"
Lizzie nodded, "Hundred percent."
• • •
The drive there was drowning in pure silence. Neither one of us wanted to speak, and quite frankly I wouldn't know what to say either. I could feel her nerves rocketing through the sky as she's definitely second guessing her decision. But, she knew deep down that her curiosity will always win.
It pains me to see her this way. So conflicted with herself. The weight of her problems, and how it's affecting her little by little as time passes by. I wish there was a way where she would leave this process unscathe, a time in place where she wouldn't have to relieve one of her painful moments. For her. And for us. But, the bottom line is, that's not reality. Bringing her to where it happened, this is her reality, and she must face it head on.
I put the car in park at the exact same spot. I took a breath for myself, very much anticipating my next move. And it seems like she's doing the same thing.
"We don't have to do this now." I said softly. "If you want, we could lea—"
"No, it's okay." Lizzie put up a strong front as she unbuckled herself. "I have to do this. I want to do this."
"Okay."
I led Lizzie out of the parking garage, and outside where we began to walk the path toward the stop light. With every step bringing us closer, I could feel every negative emotion take over her body. She's trying her hardest, and every way possible to make it through. I held her hand for comfort, and she confided in me.
"Years ago, when we broke up, I didn't really date anyone for a really long time." I start out slow and careful. "Nothing serious anyways. Nothing ever really stuck. Nothing ever measured up. It was like my heart had just stopped. And I felt that way for a really long time."
Lizzie listened intently, her grip on my hand loosening a bit, "When I came back after being gone for so long, I thought I was over the pain. I really did. But, the second I saw you again, everything came rushing back to me. It has been three years, and sometimes I think to myself; I should be over it. I don't think about you as often. But, every now and then, I do wonder what life would've been like if it worked out for us. If the timing had been perfect. But, when I saw you again after all the time we spent apart, you were just a stranger now. A stranger with all my stories."
I don't know what came over me, and tell her all these things. This was probably the last thing I should be doing, but I knew deep down that she was curious as to what went down with us, and the pain we had to go through.
"But, even after everything, I could never really push you away." I sniffled my tears back. "I tried everything in me to avoid the love I clearly still have for you. I dated someone new, hoping I would forget everything we've ever had, but I only made it worse."
When we made it to where I was standing about a year and a half ago, I stopped on my tracks, my gaze glued to where she was standing, "And when I realized I made a mistake, it was too late." I stared deeply into her eyes as tears began to pool out of them. "When I saw you across the street, I told you the truth and everything I felt. I stood here, watching you from afar, and all I wanted to do was run to you and tell you how wrong I was for pushing you aside and treating you like an option because you are more than that."
The crosswalk flickered to green. I held her hand once more, and led her to the exact spot where it happened. Flashes of the accident appeared in my mind, and it reminded me of every emotion and regret I felt that day. An indescribable pain that I wouldn't be able to define nor understand. All I know is that it shattered me in ways I could not even fathom.
"This is where it happened." I whispered, but loud enough for her to hear. "The driver came out of nowhere, and before I could reach you, your body collided with the car."
With her eyes closed, Lizzie tightened her hold on me, as flashes of memories that day came rushing to her, probably in ways that's overwhelming. Tears escaped her eyes as her body would flinch every second she withstands the images being fed into her brain.
"I held you in my arms, and I—" I choked on my tears as I was reminded of the pain I felt when it happened. "I thought you were going to die. Your heart stopped."
Lizzie fell into my arms. I held her close, giving her all the solace I could offer. We stood out of traffic, her broken sobs breaking me in pieces. I wish I could feel what she was feeling instead of her having to go through it. I couldn't stand the way she's gasping for air while her emotions get the best of her.
"Hey, it's okay." I caressed her back soothingly. "I'm here. I won't leave. And I won't let anything bad happen to you ever again."
She buried her face deep against my chest, and wept quietly, but they weren't silent to me. I could hear just how broken she really is.
• • •
When Lizzie found a way to calm herself down, I brought her to Luigi's Cafe. I felt solely responsible for having her experience the accident all over again, and the trauma that followed right after.
"I'm sorry." I said, my voice full of disdain.
"Don't apologize." Lizzie gave me a broken smile. "It's not your fault. I wanted to relieve it, and remember. When I, uh, listened to your voicemail, I felt something. I couldn't understand what it was, and when I saw the date it was sent, I knew I had to go to where it happened for me to really understand."
I nodded and listened intently.
"I saw flashes of you, our final moments together before everything went dark." Her voice cracked. "The way you looked at me as I was trying my hardest to stay awake, I felt guilty for letting go. I felt it. I wanted to hold on for you, but I wasn't strong enough. I'm sorry."
I squeeze her hand, "It's okay."
"The year I spent in a coma, I can't even imagine the things you felt and had to go through having to see me in such a fragile state."
I pucker my lips, trying my hardest not to break down, "There were a lot of tough days. For the most part, it was the holidays and birthdays I spent alone, and not knowing when and if you'll ever wake up to spend the next one with me." I stopped for a second, the feeling becoming too unbearable. "But, that wasn't what made it hard. It was the amount of times your heart stopped. And every time it happened, I didn't know if you were going to make it. I was afraid that I'd have to spend the rest of my life without you. I couldn't, uh, I just couldn't—"
Lizzie engulfed me in a warm embrace, rubbing my back for comfort. She held me close, masking in my broken sobs. Her soft murmurs of how sorry she is for everything, brought me to my limit. Admitting it, and saying it loud, it broke me. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life without her. I don't think I could.
Lizzie pushed my tears away, "I have an idea." She said with a smile on her face. "Let's pull Maya out of school early, and let's go to the amusement park."
Before I could say a word, she pulled my hand outside, pushing me inside the driver's seat. And just like that, here we are, in front of Maya's school, waiting for her in the lobby.
When the little one saw us, she ran as quickly as she could, engulfing us in a hug. Lizzie held her right hand, and I held her left as we walked out of the school and into the parking lot. I couldn't help but admire their excitement. It made me feel better. The only two people in my life that could ever really get me to do anything.
"Where are we going mom?" Maya asked.
Lizzie looked behind her, "We are going to go to the amusement park and have the best day today. Will that be okay with you?"
She nodded excitedly, "Of course! I can't wait."
Lizzie gave me a smile. I took comfort in it, knowing that despite the start of our day, and the trip down memory lane, I would have a great day with her and Maya. And it's obvious that's her goal for the day. For us.
• • •
After we bought our tickets, they pulled me toward a concession stand selling fairy hats excitedly. Their eyes sparkled with excitement as they couldn't stop bouncing up and down.
"Can you please buy us fairy hats?" Maya fluttered her puppy dog eyes at me. I can't say no to this, so I confided in her request.
I bought us fairy hats. I helped Maya wear her pink hat, and did the same with Lizzie's lilac hat. I wore mine last, going with the color, baby blue.
"Look, we're all fairy princesses!" Maya jumped excitedly. "We look so adorable, don't we, mom?"
Lizzie scrunched her nose, "Yes, we do." She gave me a look before taking my hand, and bringing me to the first ride they both clearly talked about without me. "To the carousel we go!"
I couldn't help but admire their interaction. It touched my heart, and it reminded me of the time we went here for the first time. I will never get over she's naturally nurturing with Maya despite the lack of memory of her. The little one was right. What the mind forgets, a heart will always remember.
Like a family that we clearly are from an outsider's perspective, the three of us rode in a teacup-like seat, buckling ourselves in place. Looking at them, and their child-like excitement, a smile slowly appeared on my face.
As soon as the ride started, Maya erupted into a pool of cute laughter, Lizzie joining on the fun. I did the same, but I was more so admiring the moment, knowing that I will be looking back at this moment like I did six years ago, and knowing that this is a heartfelt moment of impact that will stay with me until the end of time.
After the ride was over, we made our way into the path. Every once in a while, Lizzie and I would swing our arms in unison as the little one stood in the middle of us, staring at the many things that caught our attention.
"Oh my god, look at that cute pink fluffy unicorn." Lizzie pointed toward a basketball game. "You have to win that for me. Pleaseeeee?"
I bit my lip, clearly amused and giddy at her request, "Of course. I'll win it for you."
The man in charge of the stand told me that I have to make five consecutive shots in the middle hoop in order to win. I was only given seven balls, so there's not much room for mistakes.
"Give me a good luck kiss?" I asked, aiming the question at Maya, but when Lizzie leaned over and kissed my cheek, I lost it.
"Good luck, I believe in you." She flashed me a cute smile, making me blush like crazy.
I barely pulled myself together before making my way back to the starting point. I stared at the seven balls in front of me. I fluttered my eyes closed to concentrate. I breathe in and out before picking up the first ball, and cocking my hand backward, shooting it toward the basket.
It goes in successfully. Maya and Lizzie immediately made the loudest noise and cheered for me, making me smile like an idiot. I felt powerful, like I could close my eyes and make these shots. After making four consecutive shots, there's only one shot left between me and the prize.
I grab the last ball, dribbling while I'm trying to concentrate as hard as I can. My nerves are through the sky, and knowing that Lizzie's watching my every move, I don't want to mess up.
I stopped for a second. I pictured the ball going into the basket before taking my shot. The ball spun around the rim, and for what seemed like forever, it went into the hoop. I diverted my attention toward both of them, Lizzie engulfing me in a hug, catching me off guard. Of course, I tried to reciprocate almost immediately.
"You won!" Lizzie cheered, pulling away from the embrace. "You did so well."
I smiled, "I believe this is for you." I gave her the fluffy unicorn.
"It's so fluffy I'm going to die!" Lizzie muttered excitedly. "Look, little one, isn't it adorable?"
"Yes, now we have matching ones."
"Matching ones?"
"Y/N won me one years ago when the three of us went here."
"She did?" Lizzie gave me a look. "Wow, impressive."
I walk a little ahead of them, an idea coming to mind, "Come on, you slow pokes. There's a ride I want us to try."
They followed me in line to bumper cars. And just like the first time around, I ended up alone. Maya and Lizzie teamed up against me, and chased me around, cornering me every chance they got. I felt no ounce of betrayal as it reminded me of the good times we had back then.
"Wow, you two really teamed up on me." I acted like it hurt. "Again." I laugh.
"It was Lizzie's idea." Maya spilled the beans.
Lizzie's jaw dropped, "You know what they say about snitches, little one?"
"They end up in ditches." Maya said in between giggles.
"Yes! How'd you know?"
"You told me." The little one skipped ahead of us. "Now, let's go see some cute animals."
Like an observer I clearly am, that's basically what I did all throughout the walk in the zoo. I couldn't help myself. The two of them were so damn adorable, and their interaction and the goofy faces they made at every animal tugged at my heartstrings. And just like before, Lizzie's phone was flooded with our goofy faces.
We explored the park, having the best of time, and only stopping to take more playful pictures and bathroom breaks. Eventually, Maya's appetite caught up to her even after she ate three cotton candies with Lizzie.
"What do you want for food, little bear?"
"Chicken tendies!"
"Alright, let's go get some."
The three of us found the nearest restaurant selling some. We situated ourselves comfortably inside the booth, waiting for the waitress to take our order. The wait wasn't too long and we were eventually taken care of.
When our order came, Lizzie took it upon herself and fed Maya every once in a while. I admire that about her. And so much so that I barely made a dent on my food. I wasn't hungry to begin simply because I'm too happy and content to eat.
After our break, the three of us went to the waterpark. Unfortunately since we went here spontaneously, we didn't bring proper swimming attire, so we could try the water rides. But, clearly, Maya had other plans as she pulled us toward what she would rather do.
"Water gun fight..." I drag my words, reminiscing memories.
"Great idea, little one!" They cheered in unison as we waited in line.
"You guys better not team up on me again." I pout playfully.
"No promises, Y/N." Lizzie smirked, pulling Maya next to her. She's not even trying to be subtle about it anymore. I'm doomed.
After we were given our water gun, we went our separate ways. But, just like before, Lizzie had Maya with her, behind their own barricade. And without a single thought, as soon as the game started, both of them came rushing toward me, spraying water at every corner of my body.
I should feel betrayed, maybe even in the slightest, but I couldn't bring myself to feel that way. Their adorable, contagious laughter was music to my ears. And despite being teamed up on, with no chance of winning whatsoever, I enjoyed the game nonetheless. I always will.
When I found Lizzie alone, I cornered her, and wrapped my arm around her waist. I took this as a chance to retaliate. I sprayed water all over her body, making her wet. She couldn't do anything but laugh.
"You're enjoying yourself, aren't you?" Lizzie glared at me playfully. "I'm vulnerable. And wet."
"Only a little." I chuckled with a smirk on my face. When I saw Maya from afar, hiding, I ran toward her. "Hurry, and run before the green eyed monster chases us!"
When the game ended, Maya got us towels and left to go to the bathroom, leaving us alone. I took it upon myself and dried Lizzie off playfully, making her laugh in between.
"What?" I asked. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Uh, nothing." Lizzie cleared her throat. "We should probably go see where Maya went. She's been gone for so long."
"Right."
• • •
After spending hours in the park, running around, and playing concession stand games, Maya eventually grew tired and exhaustion took over her body. Carrying her this time around as we made our way back to the car wasn't as easy as before. She's grown, which made me sad because eventually, she won't be my little bear anymore.
"She's super energetic, isn't she?" Lizzie said. "When I was at that age, I got tired easily."
"But she's out like a light now." I chuckled. "I hope she had fun."
"I'm sure she did." She spoke softly. "I did too. What about you?"
"Me too."
We gazed into each other's eyes. The love, tenderness, and care I feel for her, it's truly out of this world. I wouldn't know how to explain it, but something so strong and genuine, there's no way to really explain to anyone.
I carefully settled Maya in the back while she slept. After making sure that everyone is good to go, I start to drive to the main road. Silence wins against us, but I didn't mind it. Somehow, I found comfort in them, knowing that even without words, I'm contemptuous with being in the same space as the two most important people in the world to me.
Lizzie entwined my right arm, comfortably leaning her head against my shoulder while my other left touched the steering wheel. I smiled warmly at the contact. I gave her forehead a gentle kiss, and she deflated completely. This is what genuine love feels like.
• • •
After tucking Maya to bed, I joined Lizzie in the bathroom where we brush our teeth together. Of course, we didn't let the moment pass by without acting like kids, making the goofiest faces we could.
"We need to go grocery shopping one of these days." Lizzie said. "We don't really have a lot of food left."
"Okay, we can go tomorrow." I gave her a smile.
"You should move in with us." Lizzie suggests, catching me completely off guard. "I mean, temporarily of course. I wouldn't want you to, uh... feel obligated to be here all the time."
"Okay." I nodded as I laid down in bed next to her.
Lizzie and I faced the opposite way, my thoughts running wild of her so close to me. I thought a lot about how fast things changed for me, and for us like they always do. But, even after every change, event, and everything else in between, one thing had remained constant through it all.
With one single movement, we ended up facing the same way. We gazed deeply into each other's eyes, our hearts glowing as one. I could feel it, and it's safe to say that she could as well. The look she has in her eyes, it's truly mesmerizing. There will never be a time where I would look at them and not fall madly in love.
"I promise I'll keep you safe." I say softly.
"Who will keep you safe then?"
"Don't worry, I'll be okay."
"Can I keep you safe?" Lizzie looked at me with all of her. "I want to do that for you."
I nod, "Okay."
Love is meeting someone, and knowing; it will always be them. Whatever it is that life throws at you, whatever obstacles that you have to overcome. Even if you aren't together, they will always have your heart. And that's Lizzie for me.
—————
A/N: And the fluff train continues. The next chapter is probably my favorite one so far and I know that you guys will love it 😉
See y'all in the next chapter besties!