The morning alarm goes off and it hurts my head. I feel a little dizzy with all that gin still in my system. Kieran's grunting indicates he feels the same. I press my hands against my ears as I wait for the noise to pass. Fortunately, I don't have to get up, since it's Saturday. I'll definitively need some more sleep. Finally, it's quiet again. I turn my face to look at Kieran. He's got his eyes closed and rubs his temple.
'Morning', I say.
He finally opens his eyes and smiles at me.
'Morning.'
I smile back and we look at each other for a moment. I'm not sure what to do. Should I kiss him? Can I? Does he regret what we've done? Or is he happy about it? Everything felt so right yesterday, but the effects of the alcohol have worn off and now I'm not sure how to be around my friend. Clearly, Kieran feels the same.
'This is a bit strange, isn't it?' he says, grinning a little awkwardly.
'A bit, yes', I laugh. I bite my lip as my eyes find his mouth. He follows my gaze and smiles. Then he kisses me. My heart flutters as he does. I wish we could stay here all day, but unfortunately he breaks off our kiss.
'I don't mean to bail, but I have to get to work...' he says.
'Of course, I know. No problem.'
'We should probably talk about this. Later. Right?' he asks as he runs his thumb over my cheek.
'Yes. Probably.'
'I mean, this is huge. Isn't it? We can't just... We have to talk about it', he says awkwardly.
'Yes', I laugh. 'We'll talk about it. Come see me after you're done?'
'Yes. I'll catch you before dinner. Around 5?'
'Sounds good.'
He looks at me for a moment and grins. Then he kisses me one more time before he gets out of the bed and picks up his clothes. I pull the covers up and get comfortable again as I watch him do it.
'You have a nice day off, miss Pierce', he says as he pulls up his jeans. 'Don't you worry about us common folks, slaving away.'
I laugh. 'Think you'll survive?'
'Let's hope so.'
When he has all his clothes on, he hovers in the middle of the room. Clearly he's not quite sure what to do with himself. Or with me. I'm not sure either. Where will this go? But I can't worry about that right now, the scent of him still on me.
'So, I'll be off then. Gonna have a shower. In my room.' He points in the direction of his room awkwardly, making me laugh again.
'Good luck today.'
He scratches his head as he watches me. Seems like he's thinking about something. Finally he takes a couple strides over to me and kisses me.
'Bye', he says. A large smile appearing on his face all of a sudden.
'Bye', I say, grinning too.
Then he turns around and leaves the room, leaving me smiling in the bed.
---
I stay in bed for a couple more hours to sleep off my hangover before I get up to start the day. I have an appointment to draw a portrait in the afternoon, but I don't have anything planned in the morning, so I decide to hang out in the school to get my mind off things. Pri got bored taking care of the baby fulltime so she started going to the school again to help Max out. Taking Karishma with her, of course.
I help her out a little here and there as Max teaches the class about basic survival skills. Of course, I can't really focus on anything because my mind keeps going back to last night. Priya asks me a couple of times what on earth I'm smiling about all the time, but I don't tell her anything yet. We should talk about it together first. Negan's outburst creeps into my mind at times too, but I try not to think about it too much. He only proved that I was right to have doubts.
The day seems to go slower than usual, but finally it's 16:30 and I finish up the portrait to get back to my room. When I get there, I just pace around watching the time go by. What will he say? Everything seemed good this morning. Does he really want to try this with me? Can we really be together? I know that his feelings are probably not the same as mine right now, but if he opens up to me, who knows what can happen?
Finally, a couple minutes before 5, there's a knock on the door. I open it with a big smile on my face, but when I see who it is, the smile melts away quickly.
'Negan', I say a little breathlessly..
'Hi', he smiles. 'Can I come in? Please?'
He doesn't wait for me to respond, but steps past me and closes the door behind him. I just stand there dumbly. I can't have this right now, Kieran could be here any minute.
Negan walks into the room and sighs, his hands in his pockets. Then he turns around to look at me. His shoulders are drooping a little, he doesn't seem his confident self.
'I'm sorry', he says.
'What?' I ask stupidly. I'm still trying to work out how to get him out of here, I hardly register what he's saying.
'I'm sorry', he says again, taking a step in my direction. 'I was out of line yesterday. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that.'
'Oh', I say, looking into his eyes. He seems to mean it. I honestly hadn't expected him to apologize. 'It's all right...'
'It's all right?' he asks, raising an eyebrow. 'I didn't think you'd be so quick to forgive.'
'Well... no, it's not all right.' I drag my attention back to the conversation. I can't let him think I'm okay with the way he acted last night. But now is not the time to talk about it. I do want to talk to him. Finish things properly. But I have to talk to Kieran first. 'You scared me.'
Negan walks over and takes my hands. I take a step back apprehensively, but he keeps some space between us.
'I know. I lost my temper. I was an asshole. Will you please come back to my room? We'll have dinner and talk about everything.'
I look into his dark eyes and feel a pang of guilt when I see the regret in them. Maybe I shouldn't have slept with Kieran before I really ended things with Negan. Then again, he has 6 wives, so you can hardly say we're exclusive.
'I appreciate you coming here to say that, Negan', I tell him. 'But I... I need some time. How about tomorrow?'
'Tomorrow?' he says disappointed.
'Yes', I nod. 'I'll come find you tomorrow.'
Then there's a knock on the door and my heart stops. Negan frowns as he watches my reaction.
'Who's that?' he asks me.
'I don't know', I whisper. 'Just wait, they'll go away.'
The knocking picks up again and then we both hear Kieran clearly through the door.
'Lara? You in there?'
Negan looks at me suspiciously as I try to keep a neutral face. Given the change in his eyes, I don't think I'm succeeding. He lets go off my hands and takes a step backwards. Towards the door.
'What's going on?' he asks.
'Nothing', I say with a pounding heart.
Kieran knocks one more time and this time Negan opens the door. I can't see Kieran as the door opens towards me, but I can hear him.
'You've got some nerve coming back here', he says after a moment of silence. Shit, shit, shit. I wrap my arms around myself and start to bite the skin around my fingers nervously.
'Excuse me?' Negan says in a dangerous tone. Kieran pushes past him and shuts the door loudly behind him.
'You heard me', he says angrily. 'She doesn't want you, which part of that is not clear to you? You scared the shit out of her.'
'Kieran', I say, reaching out my arm to him, but he's not about to be stopped. He gets right into Negan's face, pulling up to his entire impressive length. He's about half a foot taller than Negan. But Negan's not easily intimated, of course, and a nasty smile appears on his face as his rolls his shoulders.
'You don't think she wants me, Mac Douche?'
'Hasn't she made that clear when she turned down your proposal last night?'
'My proposal?' His eyes flit to me for a second and back again. He's connecting the dots. God, I wish Kieran would get out of his face. Thankfully, Negan didn't take his bat with him, but if Kieran pushes it too far I don't know that he won't just shoot him. 'I don't think it's any of your business what I do or do not propose to Lara.'
'It damn well is my business', Kieran spits at him. 'Because... because we're together.'
Fuck. My heart drops and my eyes widen. Negan's eyes turn back to me. It only takes him a second to figure it out. He knows. For a moment I can see the hurt in his eyes. Then he shakes his head and starts to grin.
'You have no idea, do you?' he asks Kieran dangerously.
'No idea of what?' he asks angrily.
'No idea that I've been fucking your girl for months. Ever since you got here. You're together now? Congratulations. I've had my fun with her, plenty of it. She's all yours, buddy. I'm done with her.'
He hits Kieran hard with his shoulder as he pushes past him and strides out of the room. He doesn't even grant me another look. I hug myself tightly and hold my breath as I watch Kieran's back. Slowly, he turns around to look at me. His eyes flit over my face, begging me to tell him it's not true.
'What's he talking about, Lara?' he asks in a low voice.
'Kieran...' I say pleadingly. It's barely more than a whisper.
'It's not true. It's not true, is it?'
I look up at him with tears in my eyes. I can't lie to him. Not anymore. His eyebrows pull together and his eyes turn moist as he looks at me with disbelief.
'I asked you so many times', he says in a shaky voice.
'I'm so sorry', I say quietly.
'You fucking lied to me!' he shouts. 'Again and again.'
He grunts and puts his hands behind his head as he steps back from me.
'Kieran, please', I beg him.
'No', he says, shaking his head. 'No, no. I can't fucking do this.'
Then he walks past me and leaves the room as well. I run through the door after him, but he's already at the end of the hallway and people are sticking their heads out of their doors curiously. So I retreat back to my room and close the door. I sink to the floor against it, crying my eyes out. I've ruined everything.