I am SO sorry for the long wait. Life has been pretty crap lately, and I haven't really had the motivation to write, nor the time, usually. But that's not really an excuse for almost a month without posting this story...
DEDICATED TO evilmindsbloomatnite and DistantMemories for their unending support through the last couple of weeks. I have been feeling really unmotivated and upset due to some personal issues, but they helped me through, so thanks for putting up with me, guys :) and people: read their stuff!! They are bloody awesome!! Read it! Or else!
Well, you might want to read this first, even if they are better than me...
.:Recap:.
James stared at me. Nicola stared at me. And then she unexpectedly shoved me sideways into the bank of snow that lined the mountain path. I shrieked as I fell, once again getting soaked through by the sodden snow. Nicola laughed at me, before stalking off and taking her boyfriend's hand. He gave me one long, blank, expressionless look before following her.
A hand grabbed mine and pulled me upright, but a little too forcefully - I was pulled into a solid figure. I glanced up and met his eyes; who else, but my knight in shining armour.
"Thanks, Alex," I said quietly, before walking away, knowing he couldn't be seen with me. A look of hurt flashed on his face before his expression became as neutral as his cousin's, and I felt a surge of fury go through me. I hated James Black almost more than any other human being. His girlfriend being the only exception.
Really, I thought, glaring at the slopes as we arrived, they're perfect for each other...
.:Story Start:.
The rest of the day wasn't quite so bad. I made a little bit of progress; I finally managed to get down the slope without closing my eyes. However, I still couldn't stop properly, which was a major downfall, so everyone continued to take the piss. Nicola was also still being even bitchier than normal because I had been staring at James.
I returned to my dorm at five o'clock feeling quite miserable. I thought that this might be more fun; but of course, everyone else had to go ruin anything that might go right. My crap skiing ability was probably caused by fear of what everyone else would think of me: I concentrated so much that I didn't realise what I was doing. I didn't even know that was possible...until today.
Sighing, I sat on my bed, my eyelids heavy. I was exhausted, and now I had to put up with Nicola for the next two hours. On the bright side, if I went outside, I wouldn't be bombarded by snowballs because everyone was too tired to have snowball fights. However, I didn't really want to go outside now.
A yawn escaped my lips as I spotted the notebook that was in the pocket of my suitcase. I was about to go and get it when Nicola walked in, humming something to herself. From what I could tell, it was horribly out of tune; and that was coming from me. I grimaced as I realised I would never get any writing done in here, so I grabbed my notebook and went downstairs, ignoring her jibe as I left.
The living area was half full when I entered. The seats nearest the fireplace had been taken, so I sat halfway across from it at a little table, where I sat down my notebook and began to write. I didn't really know what I was writing about; I was just writing.
However, after about ten minutes or so, I was rudely interrupted. My notebook was ripped from under my hand, which rested on it, so my pen was left hovering in midair. My head snapped up as I glared at whoever had taken it, and although I met Nicola's sneering gaze, my glare did not falter.
"What's this then, Johnson? Is it a diary? Or more of your poor excuse of poetry?"
I gritted my teeth, my heart thudding in apprehension. I didn’t want her to read any of that notebook. She arched an eyebrow and waved a hand in front of my face, just as her little posse arrived.
"Hello," she said exasperatedly. "I'm talking to you. Don't ignore me," she snapped, so I pretended to inspect my nails. A moment later, I looked up again and smiled at her sweetly.
"I'm sorry, did you say something?"
That sweet smile hid all of my anger and irritation at the bitch standing in front of me. She was glaring harshly at me, almost distracted from the notebook. I lunged forwards to grab it, but me being me was uncoordinated enough to totally miss and almost fall over. She twisted round, holding it out of my reach.
I hissed and tried to dart around her, but being rather clumsy, I fell over her foot. She smirked, sneering at the sight of me on the floor, and I stood back up again. However, I was still shorter than her when I was standing up, so I still couldn't look intimidating.
She looked between me and the notebook, and then looked at it properly. She flicked through it, and stopped on a random page, turning around in circles to avoid my grasp. I frowned; there were things in there I didn't want her to see. That diary entry from months ago, the day Neil had come into my life, other stories - the one about James...
Her smirk turned into a frown as she read the page, and she was glaring at the page. Oh god, it wasn't the story about him, was it...? My question was answered soon enough when she finished reading and turned her glare on me.
"This description," she said, chucking the book back down on the table, where it landed with a slap, "sounds exactly like James."
I picked up the notebook, took one look at the page and gritted my teeth. Why did she have to open it to that page?! Why not a random crappy poem that I had written? Why not a random idea that had popped into my head one day?!
Without bothering to give her a reply or a proper farewell, I just walked away, towards the door that lead to the freezing temperatures outside. It turned out to be a mistake; the sky was already dark, and I didn't have my coat, or my gloves. I was just wearing a jumper above my t-shirt, and a pair of jeans.
Knowing that if I went back inside again Nicola would think I was weak, I hurried to the boys' dorms, my mood sunk into my sodden boots. Not caring about what anyone thought of me, I opened the door. A few faces rose to look at me, Kyle's and Tom's included, but I ignored them as tears began to fall.
I stormed upstairs to Alex's dorm, in need of a hug. I figured that he would be alone because I had seen Kyle, Tom and Landon all there, and James had most likely been with them. Reaching the right floor, I walked along the corridor and knocked on his door, leaning against the doorframe as I waited for someone to answer, tears continuing to fall.
The door opened and I didn't even look up at him as I leaned into his shoulder, wrapping my arms around him and sobbing into his shoulder. He stiffened underneath me, and a few seconds passed before I felt his arms wrap around me, warm, comforting. He gently pulled me into the room and sat me down on his lap.
I cried for a little bit longer, before I realised I was soaking his shirt and so I sniffed, calming down a bit. I felt much better; his arms made me feel safe, wanted. My arms still encased his torso and my face was still buried in his shoulder, because he smelt particularly nice today. In fact, he smelt very different, but I could have sworn I smelt it somewhere before...
In fact, everything about him was different but familiar. He seemed bigger all of a sudden; his arms stronger and he seemed taller. His skin was slightly more tanned. I frowned, furrowing my brow, before pulling my head away from his chest and looking up at his face.
I froze.
I swore.
And I pulled myself out of his grip with strength I didn't know I possessed.
"What the hell?!" I snapped, and James flinched. Neither of us said anything for a few moments, we just stared at each other. Well, he stared, I glared...before I realised what he had done. He had taken me in his arms, he had comforted me, even though he didn’t know what was wrong...it didn't matter, he had made me feel better...
I swallowed, my glare and frown faltering.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, my gaze dropping to the floor. I heard him stand up, and before I knew it he was standing in front of me. I still didn't look at him, even when he said my name. His hand reached up and he placed his index finger under my chin, forcing me to look up. When I did, he was smiling slightly.
"Liz," he said quietly. "It's OK,"
I could tell he wanted to say more, but before he could, the door opened. Our gazes flickered over and James dropped his hand. We both tensed, before relaxing as we saw it was Alex. I didn't hesitate in walking over to him and hugging him, even with James there. He hugged me back, resting his chin on my head.
James walked past us, exiting the room, taking one last look at us before he did. I gave him a small smile before snuggling into Alex, who stroked my hair. The scene with James had made me momentarily forget about the scene with his girlfriend, but now it hit me again and I bit my lip as the tears began to fall again.
Alex, hearing me cry, led me over to the same bed and pulled me onto his lap, just like James had done. I continued to cry as he stroked my hair and rubbed my back, comforting me. After a little while, my tears subsided and I looked up to meet his pale green eyes.
"What did James do?" he asked softly, twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers. I shrugged, leaning into him.
"Basically the same as you," I replied, looking at the floor. "He decided to be nice again this afternoon," I added, rolling my eyes. Alex frowned, looking angry.
"I really need to sort him out," he hissed angrily, and I frowned, surprised by the amount of venom in his voice.
"Alex?" I said quietly. I wasn't afraid of him; I was just shocked at how furious he sounded. Alex was never angry...
"You don't know how much I want to kill him for doing this to you," he said, glaring with such force at the floor that I was almost surprised a hole wasn't burnt through it. His grip tightened around me, and I swallowed slightly.
"Alex, you're squashing me," I said with a slight chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. However, Alex was still seething at his cousin, despite his apology and relaxed grip.
This change in mood was very surprising. I didn't think Alex had it in him to be this angry, violent even...he was honestly the best friend I could ask for. But I still wondered why he was so irate about James...after all, we may be friends, but they were cousins. When I asked him, he just shook his head and pulled me closer to him, protectively.
He asked me what had been up in the first place, so I explained about Nicola taking the piss out of my writing, careful to leave out what exactly I had written. I also told him about my skiing disaster. He hugged me again, and I sighed, staring at the notebook which I had dropped on the floor before I had hugged James.
"Liz," he murmured to me, making me look into my eyes. "It's going to be alright,"
I sniffed and nodded, and he stood up, still holding me, before walking over to the door. At first I thought he was going to walk out, but then he picked up the notebook and began flicking through it. I stiffened, and before I knew it I was standing in front of him, tugging it out of his grasp. He looked up and looked like he was about to protest before he saw my face.
"Don't," I said irritably. "The stuff in there is private," Alex nodded before giving me another hug. I was the first to pull away; as I reflected that I should probably go because people would be wondering what I was doing in here.
This had been one weird afternoon...
~*~*~
I snuggled further into his arms, smiling as his warm, masculine-smelling body filled my senses. I closed my eyes and curled myself up tighter as he rested his chin on the top of my head. He chuckled slightly, his chest rumbling beneath my firm grip.
My hand trailed down his back as we sat there, enjoying each others' company. I felt his back tense and arch under my light pressure and he sighed contentedly, his own hands tracing circles around my waist, making me shiver in delight.
Pushing him back so he was laying down with me on top of him, I entangled my fingers in his hair and pulled myself up so my face was level with his, being shorter than him. He smirked, wrapping his arms around my waist as I lowered my face so my lips were millimetres from his. I could barely contain myself; I wanted to kiss him so bad.
"James," I said quietly, "do you know how happy I am?"
"Er...very?" he replied, smirking. I raised an eyebrow.
"That doesn't even begin to cover it," I said, then pressed my lips to his, enjoying the warm, tingling bliss that followed.
I awoke with a start, sitting up and breathing heavily as my eyes were drawn to the dark window on the far side of the room. With shaking fingers, I reached for the watch on my bedside table and clicked the button that lit up the face; it was 1.06am. I could hear Nicola's deep breathing from the other side of the room, and I swallowed before snuggling back down under my duvet.
My dream had been so real; yet so surreal at the same time. Me, making out with James Black? Not a chance. And yet, it had seemed so real, like he really had been touching me. Why did I dream, fantasize about him anyway? What was wrong with me? He was a jerk who didn't care about my feelings. I would never, ever like him like that.
But did he care for my feelings?
I thought back to earlier - yesterday - when he had taken me in his arms, comforted me, made me feel safe. Just thinking about his warm embrace caused me to shiver; but not in a bad way. Well, I supposed it was, considering that for some reason I craved his touch.
He had cared for me then, so why not even before that? When Nicola was blatantly being a bitch? Right, because they were going out. I glanced back over to where Nicola was sleeping - I couldn't actually see her due to the darkness of the night. But I knew she was there. What would happen if I said something revealing in my sleep, and she was awake? For I knew that sometimes I talked in my sleep. Alex had helpfully reminded me of that.
I would never hear the end of it - she would most likely beat me up then tell James. And I really didn’t want that to happen. I closed my eyes with a sigh, before opening them again and staring up at the ceiling. My mind kept wandering back to James. His toned stomach, his tanned skin, his breath taking smile, his chocolate eyes, his warm embrace...
A tear fell down my face. Why was I thinking about him like this? I shouldn't care about him the way I did, I shouldn't be admiring him from every angle, I shouldn't be thinking about him constantly. Sure, sometimes he could be nice, but usually he was a jerk.
But I couldn't forget yesterday, when he had held me as Alex would. I closed my eyes, totally stressed out from all of this crap. It wasn’t like I hated James - in fact, I wanted to be friends with him. I knew he was actually a decent guy; he had lots of friends and he did care about me, even if sometimes he acted like he didn’t.
He had to be one of the most confusing people I had ever met...
~*~*~
I woke up a few hours later, at about half past six. I still had half an hour until breakfast; but what would I do? I couldn't write, as the other early risers would take the piss, like Nicola had yesterday. I couldn't go see the boys, for fear of embarrassing myself in front of James again; not to mention Alex would be majorly pissed if he saw me checking him out again.
Sighing, I got out of bed and trudged downstairs. Rather than writing, I composed a piece of piano music in my head which reflected my current mood; a little hurt, forlorn, but above all confused. Confused about mine - and Alex's - mixed feelings for James, confused about why everyone deemed it appropriate to be so horrible to me all of the time.
Mental music composition was difficult when I had nothing to write on, so I went back upstairs to collect pen and paper to write it down. As I entered the room, my stupid clumsiness kicked in and I kicked the doorframe, before yelping in pain. I closed my mouth tightly, not wanting to wake up Nicola, as I heard her stir.
However, my foot absolutely caned so I grabbed it with my hands, my mouth still clamped shut, and began hopping to my bed. My clumsiness still in full control, and being severely unbalanced, I toppled over and landed with a crash, knocking over my suitcase and banging into the cupboard.
I moaned in pain, just as I heard Nicola's bed springs creak as she sat up. There was a momentary pause in which I lay on the floor, my head, toe and knee throbbing, before she spoke; well, screamed.
"What the hell, Johnson!!" she shrieked, and I shifted into a sitting position, still clutching my foot. "It's fucking 6am...why are you waking me up with this bloody racket?"
Standing up and wincing in pain, I shot her a glare.
"Well I'm sorry if the stupid doorframe got in the way," I snapped sarcastically at her. "Why don't you just fuck off and leave me alone, for once in your life?!"
"Because you're a freak! I may as well take the piss out of you, you're different, you're weird. It's like you're depressed or something; you never talk to anyone, you have no friends. What the hell is wrong with you?"
I swallowed, completely taken surprise. You're a freak...you're different...you're weird...it's like you're depressed or something...you have no friends...I gritted my teeth, tears forming in my eyes as it felt like I had been slapped in the face. I didn't - couldn't - speak. I just ran.
I stormed out of the room, tears spilling from my eyes. Neighbouring rooms had been aroused by our raucous, and heads poked out of the door, people rubbed their eyes, grumbling about it being 'too damn early'. I didn't care. I just wanted to get away from it all. From the pain I felt when someone insulted me, from the confusion of it all.
When I got downstairs, it was still empty. I would have gone straight to Alex if I hadn't been worried about the whole James ordeal, and besides, my shoes were in my dorm. I stared around the room hopelessly. What was I supposed to do; where was I supposed to go?
I had no one to run to in this time of need, or at least no one who wasn't surrounded by jerks and confusing people. No one who could sit there and comfort me and be patient and empathetic. No one who cared...
Seeing no other option, I sat in the most hidden and tucked away corner I could find, on the floor, and just cried. I wanted to scream, but that wasn't particularly a good idea; considering there were a bunch of irate sixteen/seventeen year olds upstairs who had been woken up at six in the morning.
Burying my head in my hands and curling up as tightly as possible, I just sat there, tears running down my face. So that was what people thought of me...a freak, different, a loner. Obviously I already knew that, but hearing her say it tore me apart, like a glimmer of hope had been ripped away from me.
The darkness that enveloped me as I squeezed my eyes shut reminded me of just how alone I was in this world. I knew I had Alex and his family, but they were the only ones. I had no one else that was here. It seemed hopeless...
Just as I thought that, I sensed someone's presence before me, crouching down. I sniffed, still crying, and raised my head to look to see who it was, expecting it to be Nicola or one of her friends. But instead, to my surprise, I saw Alex.
"Liz," he whispered softly, taking my hands and pulling me upright, before wrapping his arms around me. My knees half buckled as I hugged him back, burying my face in his shoulder; again. He whispered soothing words of comfort to me as I cried, rubbing my back, resting his chin on my head. Slowly, the tears ceased, and my breathing went back to normal.
"You OK?" he murmured, pulling away from me for a moment to look at me. I nodded slightly, wiping my face. He smiled and pulled me into another hug. We stood there in silence for what was probably only a few minutes, but felt like days; I couldn't deny that I enjoyed being in his arms. He was so warm, comfortable and soothing.
After a while though, we pulled away as a few more people could be heard getting ready to come downstairs. He left with a reassuring smile, telling me that everything was going to be OK; and I believed that was possible, as I was always optimistic after being with Alex.
~*~*~
That good, optimistic mood was soon spoiled by skiing.
Breakfast had passed mostly uneventfully, as I had managed to avoid Nicola and her friends all throughout, but the coach journey had been torture and now we were back on the slopes, with me covered in snow as I trudged back up the mountain.
It had been my first trip down after the interesting turn of events from yesterday and this morning, and it was proving to be just as bad as yesterday. My incapability to stop added to my clumsiness was not helping me this morning. The man, although seemingly patient, was probably getting quite annoyed with my lack of progress by now. After all, I couldn't even handle a smooth straight.
The queue dwindled as everyone began to get better and better, moving on to the next one which had a few bends and curves in it. Some of the better skiers were on the third and fourth slopes while I was still stuck on the first, feeling miserable with a definite lack of motivation.
Soon enough, there were only about five of us left, and the other four were getting better each time they went down. I wished I could say the same about myself; I seemed to be going too fast and so my momentum was rendering me unable to stop. I suggested this to the man, who agreed, so as a group we moved onto the second one.
I felt no better for the upgrade in ski slope; it wasn't like I had got better, it was just that the man was so desperate he was willing to try anything. The queue for this one was quite long, so I got less turns.
When it was finally my turn again, I stood hesitantly at the top and then pushed off, going faster than I had expected. This sudden speed caused me to miss the turning and I kept going straight, crashing into the plastic mesh that bordered the slope. I groaned and pulled myself out again, cautiously returning to the slope.
On the next bend, my mind just threw a blank and I forgot to move my legs, and when I did it was at the last minute so I ended up on my arse in the snow, thoroughly miserable and feeling a little deflated. Nevertheless, I got up again and kept going, determined to reach the end, even with my soggy bum and shaky legs.
Finally, I reached the bottom of the slope and I hastily pulled off my skis, heading up to the ski lift and beginning to ascend the mountain. When I got back to the top, people were smirking at me and muttering to their friends about me, but I gritted my teeth and ignored them. I didn't want to know what they were saying.
I joined the back of the queue and stood there, dripping slightly, my face in its usual frown, staring at a random patch of snow. A crunching of feet signalled someone's arrival right next to me and I looked up to see Nicola's unwelcomed face smirking at me.
"Have fun in the snow pile?" she smirked at me, pleasuring in my misery. I swallowed and turned away, ignoring her. "Mind you, you're so fat you were probably the snow plough," she added as an afterthought, and my heart dropped even more. Was I fat? Probably, I reflected gloomily as I bit my lip.
"Actually...considering you can't turn corners, I don't know what the hell you are," she said thoughtfully. My stomach clenched as tears pricked my eyes. "Oh, wait, yes I do; you're a freak. No, worse, you're an unclassified. You're such a freak that you're too freakish to even be called a freak,"
"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed at her, snapping. She smirked widely; this was what she had been hoping for. She wanted me to crack so she could taunt me and hurt me even more.
"Why should I do what you say? You're an unclassified. Technically, you're not even there,"
"If I'm not even here, then why are you talking to me?" I snapped irritably. She rolled her eyes.
"Fine then, leave. You're unwanted anyway. No one wants you, loser, loner, freak,"
I bit my lip, the tears starting to fall. "Fine," I whispered croakily. Then I dropped my equipment and stomped off down the mountain, tears streaming endlessly down my face.
Why did everyone hate me so much?!
___________________________________________________________
I'm so sorry this chapter took so long! Like I said, my will to write kind of evaporated over the last couple of weeks, so without DistantMemories and evilmindsbloomatnite, we would have no chapter. So once again, I urge you to read their stuff...or else!! DO IT!
Oh yeah, and vote and comment for mine and theirs! :P