Jentzen's POV
The day had passed by painfully slow, each moment feeling longer than the one before. The things I'd witnessed between Lev and Piper from the hugs and the kisses to the brushing of hair behind the other's ear and the sweet words of affection were all getting to much for me to bear. I felt like I wanted to burst out with anger, but I was too emotionally drained to do anything but go along for the painful ride.
It was nearing the end of the day and I was sat alone in the gaming room, wondering what Lev could be doing. I knew he wasn't filming because Hunter had passed by the room not long ago. I had a conflicted feeling of not wanting to see him right now yet to also know exactly what he was doing and who he was doing it with. Bitter curiosity had gotten the better of me and I decided to go find him.
The first place I thought to look was in Piper's room - for reasons that my mind had traveled to dark places where I could only picture him doing things I hope he wasn't doing. I decided rather than walking through the main entrance of her room I'd go through the closet so I wouldn't be seen.
Ok, I know it's wrong of me, and it's like I'm spying on him, but if something's going on I need to know or the thoughts swirling in my mind won't calm down and I'll be suffocated by the chorus of voices telling me horrible things I don't want to hear. I had to see the truth for myself.
Immoderately as I entered through her closet I could hear their voices -it was him and Piper. The closet lights were turned off but the door that led to her room was open, which meant I could see the two of them on her bed. Lev was laying down and Piper was resting on top of him, her head on his chest and her arms hugging him.
"Im so tired from all the filming today" she mumbled. Lev hummed in agreement. "Yeah, not in a mean way but I hope the video can end soon". Piper gasped sarcastically. "Are you saying you don't like being married to me?" She giggled. Lev rolled his eyes, snorting. She leaned up and placed a kiss on his lips.
At this point I turned on my heel, having seen enough. No matter how much I hated it I couldn't help feeling all the voices in my head were right. I walked straight out of the closet, accidentally knocking something over as I made my way out.
"Did you hear that?" I heard Piper ask right before I left. I was gone now, so I had no idea what they would be talking about. They probably ignored the sound and got right in to making out. I almost didn't have the energy to care. I just wanted to go home - my home.
I used to think home was a person and not a place, but the person I used to think was my home no longer felt safe to me.
Before I could run down the stairs an arm was wrapped around my wrist, pulling me back. It was only when Lev turned me around I realized tears had been falling down my red face. "Let go of me" I spoke out, trying not to let my voice break. It was embarrassing to let him see me cry when he would probably go back to Piper's room and laugh with her about the whole thing afterwards.
"No, I'm not letting you go!" Lev raised his voice. Something in what he said felt personal, as if his words had a different meaning to him then they would to others. "I don't want to talk to you right now" I mumbled, looking away from him. I heard him let out a deep sigh. "Well then it's too bad you don't have a choice" he huffed.
The next thing I knew both his arms were wrapped around my torso and he was lifting me up. "Hey, let me go!" I protested, wriggling about to try and get loose from his grip. That only made his arms tighten around me. Jeez, this dude has a grip like a gorilla.
He had walked me all the way back into the gaming room and had flung me onto the bed. He darted to the door and immediately shut it, standing in front of it to block any chance of escaping that I had.
"You know, this is technically a kidnapping. The definition says taking anyone into another room without their conse-" I began, but abruptly got interrupted by the blonde in front of me. "So sue me, I don't care. The only thing I care about right now is you. Why are you crying, Jentzen?" He asked, his voice growing softer near the end of his sentence.
"Why the hell do you think, asshole? I hate you. I hate you so much. You're just.... you... I want to leave, please let me go" I stumbled out, my mind foggy and my eyes now pouring tears. I couldn't think straight, and I was going through one of those moments where everything on your mind pours out and your voice goes tight and shaky and your vision blurs from wells of tears.
I didn't want to let Lev know about every emotion crossing my heart right now but if he didn't let me go it would only be a matter of seconds before it came pouring out and I'd have no strength or will to stop it.
"Please, talk to me Jentzen. Talk to me."
I couldn't see Lev clearly through my blurred vision, however his voice sounded as if he was getting emotional. I rubbed my eyes and looked up at him only to see his bottom lip quivering and his eyes holding back tears. I had no idea why he seemed so scared, he should be laughing now at the way he played me.
"I hate that I don't hate you, not even now when I know the truth. But I hate what you did to me and now you made me feel. I know you love her and you don't love me, and you're not going to throw away what you have with her for some idiot that can't even hold your hand when others are around, and I know you find this whole thing funny and you must love making a fool out of me, so well done. You win. You really win, Lev, because for a second there I was the happiest I'd ever been and I thought I had it all."
I paused, still shaking from my sobs and trying to catch my breath. There was a long pause of silence where I refused to look up at Lev, not that it would make a difference through my streams of hot tears. However, soon I felt a dip in the bed and I knew Lev was sitting next to me.
"Why would you think that, Jentzen. You know I-" he began. "You know I what, huh? Care for you, like you? Enjoy your company?? You know you have never told me once'I love you'. Not once did you ever directly tell me those three words, and know I know why. I've always just been a game to you, part of your cruel plan to entertain yourself for some time."
Lev creased his eyebrows together. "What- that's crazy... I've..." he trailed off. "You're right, I'm sorry. I was scared to put my feelings into such direct words, but that doesn't mean I don't- feel that away about you."
I scoffed. "And you can't even say it now. You know what., just go back and kiss Piper. Go and tell her she's the only one and let me recover from how stupid I was to ever believe you could love me more - or that you could love me at all. I know she's perfect, and pretty, and funny and cute, and I'm just an idiot who for one second thought I could ever compete with that."
"Jentzen, I'm sorry but what do you want me to do? She's my girlfriend - to other people, at least. That's what they have to believe." Lev blurted out.
"And who are you proving that to with no cameras around? Just save it Lev, I'm going home - to my home, and don't try calling me" I mumbled, standing up to leave.
"Wait, Jentzen, please" Lev called to me, grabbing my arm. I didn't turn around to face him but I could hear him beginning to cry. "Please don't leave me Jentzen. Don't walk out and leave me. Tell me what I have to do." He cried out, his sobbing growing loud.
"Please Jentzen, look at me, I love you so much" he begged. "I love you Jentzen, I love you. I love you I love you I love you, I DO! And I'm so scared of losing you, please. Please" he begged through his tears.
I still refused to look at him but I felt him get off the bed and sink to the ground. "Jentzen, tell me what to do and I'll do it, please. I'm so scared. I'm so scared of losing you and I love you so much. Please Jentzen, don't leave me, just tell me what to do" he cried out.
I paused for a second. My heart felt like it would shatter from his words of desperation. I'd never witnessed Lev like this before, he was always one to lock up all his emotions. Sure, I'd seen him cry and heard him speak his hidden truths, but I'd never seen him be so vulnerable, so raw.
I looked down at him, seeing the mess he was on the ground, still clinging on to my arm as if he was afraid I'd dissipate into thin air and vanish. I wanted to make his hurt go away, his pain - but I also had to think of my own.
"I can't do it. I'm sorry Lev, but I can't. It hurts too much. Seeing you with her. I can't live always wondering if each moment you share together you feel some sort of love for her - I can't go through life with the constant fear that at any moment you could just leave me and pretend we had never happened at all, like a bad nightmare or a distant dream. It hurts to much to see you with her and wonder if you're in love." I admitted, sniffling.
Lev was still sobbing his hold on my arm growing tighter. "I only love you, Jentzen. I only love you. Please don't leave me. My heart won't survive it." He wailed. "We can go, right now. We can leave this place and go somewhere. I don't care about the contracts or the legal teams, I don't care if I get sued, I'll take it all. I'll say it was all my doing, and if they try and keep me away from you I'll do whatever it takes. Just don't leave me."
My eyes widened in surprise. His words... he would be willing to do all that? He sounded crazy. He can't fight the law and win, but he was in such a state of emotion it seemed like he was grasping at anything to make me stay.
"Lev... stop." I mumbled, crouching down to him on the ground. I placed a hand under his chin and lifted his face up towards mine. Tears were still pouring out of his eyes and he was shaking violently. Now I felt like the asshole, looking at the state he was in and knowing I was the one who had caused it.
"I believe you Lev, and I'm sorry. But you can't do any of that, ok? You can't break your contracts and go against Tiffany in court, she has enough money to do anything she wants to you" I explained softly.
"But I don't know what else I can do to make you stay" Lev sniffed, looking up into my eyes. I smiled sadly, wiping his tears. "Me either..." I admitted. "I love you, Lev, more than anything, but I don't know how much more I can take, seeing you with someone else. I don't know how many more times my heart can go through it before I break down."
He suddenly perked up. "What if... what if I break up with Piper, in secret. No one has to know except for the three of us. If I explained it to her I'm sure she'd understand-" Lev began rambling, as if he'd struck a great idea.
"But what if it doesn't go to plan, what if she tells everyone and it all goes wrong? What if they take us away from each other?" I questioned.
"Do you trust me, Jentzen? Say you trust me, and I promise you it will all be fine."
"Ok, ok Lev, I trust you."