Nyla
"Hi my sweet boy." I smile
Apollo's eyes squeeze before opening.
"Hi, mama's boy." He shows a faint toothless smile before closing his mouth.
"We have a couple weeks before you and Val can come home with us." I tell him.
It's been hard the past few months going home every night without my babies. But we've gotten used to it.
I pick him up and cradle him in my arms.
"Papa and Val already left. Maybe we can catch up to them." I tell him.
Now that the twins are starting to look like newborns it's easier to tell who they'll look like.
It's clear Apollo will look like Mateo, they have the same face shape, eye shape and even lips.
Val has my face shape and the rest of Mateo's attributes.
The twins are so small, Mateo can carry them both in one arm. He doesn't, but we tried it once.
As I walk down the hall towards the lounge I hear Mateo's deep voice talking.
"I promise to protect you, my beautiful girl. Papa's got you. Whatever you want he'll get it for you. You call papa and he'll be there. You tell papa anything and he'll keep it locked and safe. You're not happy and need a hug papa will give you as many as you want. You can't sleep, papa will stay until you can. He'll lay with you and keep you safe from all the monsters. You wanna get a tattoo papa will come with you... I got you, Val. Anyone messes with you, papa will ruin their or their parents life. I love you so much my beautiful girl. No one has you like your papa... and your brother of course."
I sniffle and Mateo turns around, looking at me. He has tears in his eye, but his voice never faltered.
"I'm sorry. Didn't mean to ruin your moment." I says quietly
"It's ok. Just a little chat." He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. "I had one with Apollo yesterday. Just letting them know that I'm here for them no matter what."
He looks down at Valencia before covering his mouth, muffling a sob. "I'm scared. I'm so scared."
"My love. There's nothing to be afraid of. They know this, they know you." I tell him. I walk up to them and look down at our little girl.
She's looking up at Mateo. And though she can't make out who he is, she still knows who he is.
"I just don't want to fail them. I don't want them to be afraid, I want them to know who to come to when they feel lost." He says
"And they will. They always will. Just don't think you'll fail them."
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"Exactly that's what I'm saying... makes no sense."
I chuckle as I watch Mateo communicate with the kids though they're speaking in baby talk.
Val babbles before tugging on Mateo's hair.
"I know. It needs a cut. don't worry, it'll happen soon." He says
They're on the floor in the living room playing with toys.
The twins are old enough now to sit up on their own. They'll be a year old soon. It makes me so emotional sometimes when thinking about how fast they're growing.
"Uh oh, Roman god down." Mateo announces when Apollo tumbles over.
I stand in the kitchen watching them, while I snack on some strawberries. A smile on my face as I see smiles on my babies faces.
"Special delivery! I have an ambivert 5 year old that belongs at this address." Malik's voice sounds through the house.
He got his license (quicker than usual after his dad payed extra) a few weeks ago and is now doing pickups and drop offs for us.
"Hi!" I see Zay run into the kitchen and I catch him, picking him up.
"Hi, ZayZay. How was school?" I ask
"It was good. I finished my work early and Teacher Riley gave me that Avengers colouring book." He tells with a smile.
Zay's teacher is non-binary and tells their students to call them Teacher Riley. They're probably the best teacher Zay has had in that last year... and he's had a lot of teachers.
They're able to work around Zay's narcolepsy and let's him go at his own pace.
"Teacher Riley said you had one nap today." As well as we asked Teacher Riley to update Mateo and I when Zay takes naps.
"Yes and they gave me a sticker." He smiles pointing at the iron man sticker on his tie.
"That's nice of them. I'm so proud. Go tell Teo about your day" I say putting him down and he runs to the living room.
"Papa guess what?" Zay says flopping down on the floor, Mateo giving him his attention.
"How was school, Malik?" I ask
Malik smiles sarcastically.
He does online college and high school classes depending on the subjects.
"My professor is a dumbass. Knows amateur stuff about technology." He complains.
"Well not everyone is in the mafia." I chuckle.
"Ya I guess... what's for dinner? Is it worth staying for?" He asks
"Curry chicken and paratha." I answer
"I'll stay" he says before turning around and going to the living room.
Today's the first time the twins are trying curry, let alone any kind of West Indian food. I'm excited to start showing the kids more of their cultures.
Mama Elena speaks Spanish to them all the time and sometimes I put on soca while doing small tasks.
Keeping our cultures alive is something Mateo and I promised to do.
I would've done it either way.
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"Apollo likes anything he can eat. I'm sure he'll like the curry." Mateo says
I dip my clean finger into a small bowl full of curry and hold it up to Apollo's mouth.
He stares at my finger before slowly opening his mouth.
Apollo sucks on my finger before removing it from his mouth. We wait patiently as he stares at my finger in silence.
"Come on... smile." I mumble.
If he smiles it means he likes it.
He reaches for my finger again with a smile.
"Yes!" Mateo, Malik and I cheer.
"Alright, Valencia. Your brother approved, your turn." Mateo says hold his curry covered finger up to her.
Valencia opens her mouth, sucking the flavour.
"Mmm" She hums.
Valencia shows and verbalizes more emotions then her brother. We went to a doctor about it but they said to wait until he's older for any kind of diagnostic.
"Let's try with some paratha." I hand Apollo, Curry covered paratha and he stuffs the small piece in his mouth.
Mateo does the same with Val and they both approve.
"More" Val mumbles to her father.
"Yes, ma'am" Mateo gives her more food.
We each give the twins a small amount of curry and paratha on their high chair trays.
While they start eating Mateo goes and gets Zay who was napping and Malik and I start getting our own plates.
"Why are your children more pale than me?" Malik asks randomly
I chuckle "your family has serious genes and apparently mine aren't strong enough"
"But like everything screams my brother. Ain't no way someone can look at them and accuse you of cheating." He says looking at the twins.
Apollo stuffs his whole fist into his mouth, faced scrunched with determination.
He looks exactly like Mateo when he's trying to take a shit.
"Greedy, boy." I shake my head.
People accused me of cheating multiple times, saying that I brainwashed Mateo to make him think the twins are his.
Bunch of lames.
Apollo and Val are definitely his. They're most definitely Italian... not sure if they got any of my genes though.
They both have dark hair and blue eyes. Valencia has my freckles along with my smile. Apollo has everything from his dad. From facial expressions to the way they sleep.
"And I said 'no' not in a million years" Zay and Mateo come back in the kitchen.
I put a plate for Zay down and he immediately starts eating.
As Mateo and I both turn away from the kids a loud shriek leaves one of the twins mouths.
"Val, you have no chill." Malik says. Mateo and I turn around and watch as Valencia tries to stuff the food in Apollo's hand, into her mouth.
"Out." I grab Apollo's arm and move it away from Valencia's mouth. Apollo looks at his hand before bursting into tears.
"That's my cue to leave." Malik says walking out of the kitchen. Mateo and I look at each other, shaking our heads. "Bye. Thank you for the food. Love y'all."
"Ok, Mr. Dramatic. You're ok." Mateo picks Apollo up out of his high chair.
"You liked the curry?" I ask
"Yea" Valencia nods
"Then you ask for more. Don't take Apollo's."
"More" she holds out her hand
I turn and grab the pot that holds the curry, I place some on her tray then place down some paratha.
Soon Apollo is done crying, but the minute he looks at Val he bursts to tears again.
"That is definitely your son, so dramatic." I tell Mateo as I clean up Apollo's tray and Zay's now empty plate.
"He's not dramatic, he's expressing his feelings." Mateo defends.
"Mhm, ok... how was dinner, ZayZay?" I ask
"It was good. Can we have doubles tomorrow?" He asks
"How about Friday?" I question
"Ok." He replies with a content nod.
I look over at Mateo and Apollo. They're engrossed in their own conversation, Apollo babbling and Mateo agreeing to whatever is being said.
Mateo as a father is way too attractive for my soul.
His natural ability to take responsibility to our kids warms my heart. Since that day in the hospital when I heard him talking to Valencia, he kept true to his word.
Being there for them, every little milestone.
Not just to the twins but to Zay as well. Giving him the attention, showing him the love.
"Nyla, are you ok?" I hear Zay ask
"Baby, why are you crying?" Mateo suddenly becomes alert.
"I'm not sad, don't worry. They're happy tears." I wipe my cheek.
I didn't notice I was crying until Zay said anything, I was too engrossed in admiring Mateo.
"Mama" Apollo sobs and reaches for me.
"Oh, my sweet boy. Mama's ok, she's ok." I take him from Mateo's arms and hold him against my chest. His head on my shoulder.
"Are you sure you're ok?" Mateo asks looking at me.
"Yes, I'm fine." I assure him.
He still looks worried and I know he'll question me after we put the kids to sleep.
We finish cleaning up before getting the kids ready for bed.
Zay and Valencia are out the minute we tuck them in, Apollo's the one who's being a bit difficult.
"Why won't you go to sleep, man?" I hear Mateo ask as I walk into the room.
Apollo babbles, while reaching up at Mateo.
"Papa"
"Yeah. Go to sleep for your papa." Mateo says as I get into bed.
Both of their heads turn to me, smiles forming on their faces.
"Your mama's so beautiful. She's so beautiful." Though I'm the one who should be blushing, Mateo's the one who's face turns red the minute we make eye contact.
"Mama" Apollo repeats
"Yea, she's so beautiful. She's the love of my life... let me tell you about her." He winks at me as they leave the room. I can hear his deep voice until they get down the hall.
Apollo's usually easy to get down. But lately he's been having trouble.
His doctor said it might just be because he's getting older and his span to stay up longer is growing with him.
I spend sometime drawing a portrait of Shang-Chi. Requested from Zay, to add to his collection of posters.
"He finally went to sleep." Mateo says coming into the room with the baby monitor in hand. He lays down on the bed beside me.
"I hope that doesn't become a regular thing." I sign putting my IPad on my nightstand.
"Hopefully." I look down at Mateo and see him already looking at me. He's gonna bring up the fact I was crying. "What happened today? You kind of scared me when you started crying"
I lay down so that we're both on our sides.
"I was thinking about you." I tell him
"I'm that beautiful? That you had to cry?" He asks with a stupid grin
I roll my eyes. "I'm just lucky to have you. I'm glad you're the one." I tell him
He leans in and kisses my forehead before resting his forehead against mine.
"My beautiful man. Such a great father. Thank you." I hold his face
"I should be the one thanking you." He says. "You saved me. You had the choice to not keep them and you did. You gave me not only two, but three humans that made my life so much better. You're allowing me to father your children and be a father figure to your brother. Thank you."
We both have tears spilling out our eyes. Mateo pulls me closer and I put my head under his chin in the crook of his neck.
"Thank you." He whispers again
I peck his neck a couple times before becoming still again.
"I regret nothing." I say
"I don't either."
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