Ⓘ ⓐⓜ ⓢⓞⓡⓡⓨ
imagine that song is Gray's pov T_T
Rae had grown tired of constant faints, honestly, she just wished her body was a little bit stronger. She disliked making people worried about her. For a thousand times, she just hoped that she's not troubling people anymore. And right now, she was still thinking what should she tell Fairy Tail about her magic power. She doubted they would be alright if she suddenly told them she was now powerless considering how concerned they were. Although, Fairy Tail would accept her nonetheless but Rae King wasn't the same as before.
Her insecurities and anxiousness for being weak and having a memory loss truly affected her. She was afraid of disappointing her family. She didn't want to see their heartbreaking expressions. She didn't want their pities as well. Hence, that's why, she strictly declared that she's not ready to meet them yet. But, what can she do now? Things had escalated too quickly, now, Fairy Tail was just a few steps away from her. Someone was holding her hand, she had woken up for a couple of minutes now but she hadn't opened her eyes, scared of the reaction she would get.
She still hadn't thought of lies she had to tell them yet. What if someone asked her about her whereabouts before? What if they questioned her about her power? What if they had their hopes high when they saw her? Everything was messy right now. Her head was unable to think straight, not when she had known about Gray's love towards her. Towards the Rae King. She shouldn't have stayed at Sabertooth. She should have ran away when she had a chance. She should have left there. She shouldn't have asked them for helps. Yes, they saved her but she should have walked out of their lives right after she was feeling well.
Ah, I don't want to be here.
Her fingers twitched in frustration and Haruka noticed that. "Mama?"
I'm not your mother.
"Lu-chan, mama is awake!"
Don't call others.
"Nee-san!"
I don't know who are you talking about.
"Rae!"
I don't want to be here!
Her eyes opened and revealed those silver eyes that everyone had been longing to see. Almost simultaneously, everyone expressed joy on their faces, which she should be grateful for but because of too many things happened too fast, it was overwhelming. There was a pink haired girl beside her, holding her hand to her chest tightly, as if she was scared to let go of her. For a small room, they sure made it fit for almost twenty people. It made her feel suffocating but she never reacted rudely about it. Rae stayed stiff for a moment until there was a bat flying straight to her, crying into her arms.
"You're finally awake!" It cried.
Rae swallowed hard, finding herself struggling to say words. She was clueless on what should she say. Should she say, she missed them? But it was her own choice to leave them. Everyone was looking at her right now with hopes and happiness. "Bella-how are you?" Lifting both corners of her lips, Rae tilted her head aside and casually asked. Her bandaged right hand patted her on the head as the bat was sobbing on her chest. Her hands-they still hurt so bad, not that she wasn't expecting it, after all, her nails just got ripped off. However, Rae remained cool and reminded herself to act like the Rae King.
Bella whimpered, messily wiped her tears with her tiny hands. "You should be asking yourself that, you idiot."
"Mama-"
"Nee-san."
Rae looked at both girls and softly called out their names while spreading her arms for a hug. Although she was not comfortable with physical interaction fully yet, but she had to do it. Or else they would be suspicious of her actions. Lucy and Haruka immediately pounced on her to hold her tightly, but they were being cautious of her wounds. Every single one of them in the room was feeling delightful and happy to see the small family finally reunited again. Lucy cried and cried in her neck, spouting words through her muffles, saying she didn't want to let her sister go anymore.
Lucy remembered everything.
All the screams she let out when she's gone. All the pain. All the nightmares she had. "Why did you go, nee-san?! Why are you so cruel? God, I'm begging you! GIVE HER BACK! Give nee-san back to me. Why did you take her from me? Why did you take everyone from me?! Nee-san, why did you leave me? You promised-you promised to love me, cherish me-then why are you hurting me?! You promised we would be together until the end. We promised to protect and save each other. Why did you go alone and leave me here?!"
"Lu-chan-"
"Haruka, my dear sister-she's gone, isn't she?"
To Lucy, Rae was everything. She was her mother. She was her father. She was her sister. She was her brother. She was her friend. She was her soulmate. She was her life. Without Rae, Lucy felt as if her life had no meaning anymore. Rae was her protector and Lucy was hers. Their bond was more than sisterhood. Much more than that. Rae was her strength. It was only natural that Lucy lost her will after her death. "It hurt, nee-san. I don't want to be away from you anymore. I can't take it!" But everything was alright now, her sister was home.
Hearing that from her, Rae felt bad a hundred times than before. Just as she predicted, they loved her so much, so much that it would hurt her to tell them the truths. Even though, she was their family, but right now, she only saw them as strangers. Even though, the Sabertooth girls had told her everything they knew about Fairy Tail, these people in this room were still strangers. "I'm here, ain't I?" It was choking her alive to say those words, knowing so damn well that if she was given a choice, she would run away from there. No one could blame her, it was only natural to have that feeling when you knew you had no memories of them and they claimed to be your family.
"I'm so sorry, Rae-san. It was my fault for not noticing your condition sooner! I should have healed you first when I woke up. It's my fault for being careless-"
"Wendy, it's alright. It didn't even hurt. It's nothing."
The Dragon Slayer had her hands over her mouth. "Rae-san, what are you talking about? You-you had seven broken bones, your nails were ripped off, you were stabbed-What have you been through before? How could you say it's nothing?"
"You could have seriously died." Carla bluntly said.
Ah, she forgot about that. Rae bit her bottom lip. "Don't worry, Wendy. I'm fine now and I was only thinking of getting us out of there. It's alright." Opening up to Sabertooth was easier because they weren't close as Fairy Tail. Knowing she had everyone in Fairy Tail loved her, she was scared if she wasn't like they were expecting. It's such an idiotic perspective but she couldn't help it. Rae inhaled deeply, inspecting everyone's face, all of them were smiling widely, only added salt to her scars. It was unbearable. Lucy, Bella and Haruka finally released her and Rae had troubles to say something back when they told her, they loved her. Obviously she knew she had to say it back but it was hard.
The short blonde haired girl nodded. "I know." Rae held their hands and kissed their knuckles. Both girls and the bat looked at each other simultaneously and gave her closed-eyes smiles that assured everyone in the room. Bella gave her one last hug before flying back to Haruka. Rae simply smiled and had her eyes lingering on everyone else. "I miss everyone." Only that sentence alone had already brightened up everybody's life. Her gaze finally landed on him, leaning against the wall at the corner, seemed like he had purposely stood far from her.
He didn't even spare her a glance.
She deserved that. Rae let out a sigh and what's worse was Erza chose to pat Jellal on his shoulder, telling everyone to give them a privacy while in reality, Rae didn't want to be in anyone's company. Nervously scratching her left arm to distract herself, she didn't even notice that everyone now had left the room, not until her cheek was caressed by a gentle hand and her right hand was stopped by him making her eyes looked up to the man with blue hair. His eyes, they were dark green and slowly, drop by drop, his tears trickled down.
"Tell me, is this really you, Rae? Tell me this isn't a dream. Tell me you're really here. I need to hear your voice, just for me."
She only listened to him. He told her everything. How he constantly had nightmares every time he tried to close his eyes. How he saw her in front of her whenever he's awake. How he still felt her presence whenever he looked at roses. How he felt her warmth everytime he lied on the bed they once shared together. For Haruka and Lucy, he had tried his best to be strong. He was there for them all the time, doing whatever he can to ease their pain while he himself falling into the abyss of loneliness. He could hear her voice telling him to hang on there.
Rae wanted to loudly confess that he's talking to the wrong person as she didn't deserve his love but his hold around her was too comfortable despite him hugging her too tight. He rested his forehead on hers and all she could do was staring back at his crying face and listening to him. Her hands softly brushed his calloused fingers, didn't expect herself to cry together with him. "I'm sorry-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She repeatedly said those words, perhaps he was thinking that she was apologizing for leaving him but truthfully was, she's apologizing because she's not the person he had been longing for.
He cupped her face, smiling sadly as he wiped her tears. "Don't-don't say that. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's mistake. I'm happy now that you're here with us, with me. So please, if you are troubled by anything, tell me. I want you to rely on me, Rae. Just like how you are my place to come home to, I want to be your home. My sins to you are greater and I can never atone them but, by staying by your side with your hand in mine, I can put my past behind me and start a new page with you. So please, use me all you want. Take advantages on me for your benefits, I don't care because I love you, Rae."
Sins, that's right. Lying was a sin. And now, she was lying to everyone.
"I love you, Rae. No one and nothing can change that."
She closed her eyes tightly, holding back huge sobs. Her chest was hurting. She didn't deserve this. Her fist then started to hit her chest as she began to hiccup. "I-I love you too." Lie. Her fist only moved faster. "I love you too." Lies. All of her words were nothing but lies. She didn't fucking deserve this. All of this. Family, trust, love and life. She was just an empty soul in the body of Rae King. She was saying 'I love you' to strangers. She was hugging a stranger. And now, she's being kissed by a stranger who claimed to be her lover. Her heart strongly prayed that he won't ever notice her shaky breath during the kiss.
It was a slow one and that's why Rae felt like they were kissing for a quite long time although a minute barely passed. Perhaps because she had been focusing on the cross necklace she put under her clothes. Luckily they didn't change her clothes entirely or else they would have taken the necklace for sure. Her lips didn't even move, only letting him led the kiss while tears were still streaming down. His tongue gently stroked hers and eventually when he kept brushing her face, she followed his motion and replied the kiss. It was only an act. She kept reminding herself as they were now deepening their first kiss after a year.
"I love you, Rae."
The cross never left her mind.
So was its owner.
16/1/22
was thinking about threeso-never mind, but uh..poly between Gray and Jellal?