"It's been a week, Thalia. Just talk to him!"
Same scene. Me, stabbing my plastic utensil into whatever cardboard food they had today. "I don't want to, and I don't think he wants me too, either."
After I went to my car and grabbed my textbook, I told her everything that happened through writing on a loose leaf sheet of paper I pulled out of my journal. She apologized for, like, three days for calling me out. I know it wasn't intentional so I'm not worried about it, but I can tell she's still upset with herself no matter how many times I reassure her.
"I don't know, lia, he's been looking at you all week. It's kinda weird."
I looked at her quizzically. "What do you mean by weird?"
She sighed. "I know I've been making jokes about you two but this is weird. I've...been feeling conflicted. I feel really bad for possibly fucking things up, but at the same time, I wonder if it's for the best. I also think you should at least wait a while after graduation if you want to pursue anything. This all feels very wrong."
I nodded, my heart sinking. "Don't worry, Riley," I leaned in and put my arm around her shoulder, "I won't do anything. I don't want to talk to him because I didn't want him to think anything inappropriate."
It was her turn to look confused. "Then why did you lie?"
My face burned. "That was a stupid thing to do. I don't know why. It was a lapse in judgement. I'm going to apologize to him, and it'll never happen again."
This all felt fake coming out of my mouth. I have a feeling this is going to be a situation where I don't have any impulse control. I... don't want to wait. I want to know him. I want to be close.
She looked at me with a bright smile. "I'm so proud of you. You can do this."
I laid my head atop hers. "Thanks, hun."
"Anytime." We sat there for a minute before she sat herself back up in her seat and looked at me. "When will you be talking to him, do you think?"
I groaned. "I have no idea. I am terrified. How do I even talk to him? How do I start? What if he doesn't want to talk to me?"
And when I finished my sentence I realized I noticed the little signals she was sending me much too late as I saw the back of Mr. Min pass right by our table. I could tell he had been directly behind me from the faint gust of wind I felt on the back of my neck from him passing our table. I watched his back as he walked to the teachers table, my throat sank to my ass. I felt sick. Anxiety was through the roof.
"You okay Thalia?" Riley checked in on me.
I nodded. "Yeah, I just..." I trailed off, my eyes still on Mr. Min as he sat down and looked straight at me. I guess I subconsciously decided it was a contest because I refused to look away. It took him a few minutes but his gaze left mine and I looked back at Riley.
"What just happened?"
"I.. don't really know." The uncertainty was evident in my voice as I snuck one more glance at him only to find he was doing the same.
I decided to talk to Harley after everything about the details of everything. I don't want to worry Riley.
"I was trying to get a read on if he heard us," I lie straight through my teeth. I feel horrible, but I don't want anyone in trouble. "I can't tell, but he has glanced over here a couple of times."
"Ugh, what a creep," she scoffed, looking at his table and I silently thanked whatever god was out there that he had looked away before she turned to face him. "I know I made those jokes with you but those were stupid, very stupid jokes. Please, Thalia, do not do anything. It still weirds me out you got a ride from him."
I got nauseous. "Don't worry, I know. It was a dumb mistake and it won't happen again."
She nodded and sent a smile my way, giving my shoulder a gentle and reassuring squeeze before standing up. "I gotta go to chemistry, need extra credit if I want my parents to stay happy with me."
"Alright, see you later then."
"See ya!" She skipped out of the cafeteria, making me chuckle. I have no idea how she has so much energy all the time, but I cherish her.
I pushed my empty tray to the middle of the table and pulled out my phone, immediately texting Harley about my predicament.
———
It's the middle of class and I have already concluded he definitely heard enough of my conversation with Riley. I have made accidental eye contact with him too many times. It keeps making my anxiety get worse. My heart felt icky and scared and my stomach felt like it was going to fall out of my ass. Instead of paying attention, I was trying my hardest to avoid his gaze. I had no idea what he was saying and at this point I did not care. I just wanted to get out of here, deal with the rest of my classes, and go home.
Maybe I should switch classes. It felt like a lightbulb just went off above my head.
It's the answer that makes the most sense, and the thought also immediately relieved my anxiety by a lot. I don't want to deal with him, he probably doesn't want to deal with me, knowing I lied. It's time I got over this stupid crush anyways. I feel a little embarrassed about talking to Harley about it the way I did earlier, but at least now I won't have to lie to Riley. Or my mom. Or anyone.
Feeling satisfied with my solution, I sat up straighter, not really bothering to pay attention still since a quick glance at the clock told me we had about ten minutes left of class. I was ready to get out of here and it took too much strength than I'd like to admit to keep myself from packing up this early.
As soon as the clock told me we had two minutes, though, I took my chance and started getting ready. I guess everyone was feeling the same way, I noticed a few dozen other classmates start packing up along with me. I heard Mr. Min sigh and go back to his desk, probably getting things ready for his next class.
I ended up waiting what felt like forever but was only a minute due to how fast I was. I feel anxious. I want to get out of here, now. I don't want to look at him. I don't want to be around him. I feel sick.
The bell rang and I shot up just a little too fast, and yet still had to wait to get out of the classroom since everyone else had the same idea.
"Thalia, may I have a word with you?"
God damn it.
That's my luck I guess.
I stopped where I was and reluctantly turned to face Mr. Min, bracing myself for whatever he had to say. Fingers crossed it was about schoolwork. I glanced around as we waited for the students to clear out and saw some heads quickly turn away. Of course people were staring.
As soon as the last person left, I turned my gaze back towards Mr. Min. "I'm sorry," I started, terrified and not wanting to give him a chance to say something first. I want this to be over as fast as possible. "I lied, I screwed up, it was a dumb mistake. I'm sorry." I sighed. "It won't happen again."
My body tensed as I waited for his response. I think this was the most fucking awkward experience I've ever had. We were just staring at each other.
It took about what I'm assuming was four minutes, which was when the next class started filing in for him to say, "Okay."
And that was it.
I was about to ask him what was up, but I realized I wanted to get out of there more than I wanted to know what the hell that meant. I hightailed it out of there and had to speed-walk to my fifth period. Damn him, keeping me that late. And for what, a staring contest?
I was anxious throughout the next periods, my leg bouncing at high speeds through bio and my heart racing through P.E.. I just wanted to get pulled out of his class as soon as possible.
As soon as the bell rang, I practically sprinted to the locker rooms and changed faster than I ever have before. I slowed down my pace on the way to the office, but it was still on the verge of a run. I sighed in relief when I walked in and didn't see a line, ready to just get this over with.
"Hello, dear! What can I do for you today?" The receptionist lady greeted me. I looked around her desk and found that her name is Linda.
"Hello! I was wondering if I could switch humanities classes?"
"Oh! Um," She spun in her chair to face her computer again. "Let me see if we have any openings, because last time I checked, everybody was full.."
My lungs felt tighter and I crossed my fingers. Please, please, please, please-
"This isn't really necessary, but do you mind me asking why you want to switch?" Linda questioned. "From what I've heard, Mr. Min's the talk of the school," She wiggled her eyebrows at me, "I've honestly had the opposite problem. People won't stop asking about being in his class."
I had to think for a second of what to say. "Well, I don't know. A huge part of it is everyone being obsessed with him. I'd like to be able to focus without hearing every girl whisper about him when he calls on them." Big, fat lie.
She nods. "It's nice to hear a young lady really focused on her work! A nice change of pace." She turns to smile at me before looking back at her computer and clicking on a few more things.
She sighed before spinning her chair towards myself. "I am so sorry, sweetheart, but everything is still full."
I sighed too. God damn it. "It's alright, I appreciate your help anyways." I smiled at her and turned to leave.
"Oh, wait! What's your name, sweetie?" She calls out after me.
"Thalia."
"Last name?"
"Smith."
She typed a few things in before looking at me. "Would you like me to notify you when there is an opening? I'd hate to make you work in an uncomfortable environment."
My heart melted. "Yes please! I would love that. Thank you!"
She smiled at me and nodded. "It's no problem. Now get home safe, okay?"
"You got it!"
I left the building with a little bit of a skip in my step, the gross and sick feeling in my tummy slowly melting away. I am just glad something will be done at some point. All that is left is to see how long it'll take.