If someone had told you a year ago that you were willingly about to share a night at the residence of a Death eater, you'd have told them they were crazy. Evidently, a lot can happen in a year.
According to Severus, Albus wasn't particularly happy with the two of you leaving the grounds, which was understandable considering the circumstances but he didn't impede the plans, which was honestly disappointing. As the hours of Friday ticked by, you were starting to feel like saying yes was a big mistake.
There was no turning back though. You'd already apparated to a spot near Malfoy Manor. It was in the middle of nowhere. Dark, foreboding and heavily gated. Splendid.
Severus watched you as you settled yourself from apparating. Since your accident it was something that you lacked confidence in. In fact, you were so apprehensive that you had allowed him to take your hand for it. However, your hands were covered by thick, black leather gloves, something that seemed purposeful considering the weather was not yet cold enough for gloves.
"We should get up there..." Severus noted quietly, knowing that Lucius did not like to be left waiting. "But before we do..." Severus didn't know what to say really, pep talks weren't exactly his forte, "just...be careful tonight. Watch what you say...outloud. Lucius is suspicious and it would not be unlike him to have us spied upon whilst we're here. Best not talk about Draco either, his Mother is extremely protective of the boy."
Nodding your agreement, you didn't take your examining glare off the grey mansion before you. It was pristine but not a single feeling of warmth came from it.
Severus removed his wand from the inside of his best black cloak, twisted it in his grasp and seemed to elongate himself slightly. The crease lines of worry that etched into his forehead smoothed out as his expression became near emotionless. It was then that he pushed himself forward, quickly looking back for you to follow.
Your short leather boots felt like they had been lined with lead. Each step heavy and strained until they planted you on the spot next to Severus in front of the intricately carved hardwood door. It opened without a creak but the leather of your gloves seemed to squeak loudly as you balled your hands up behind your back.
Both yours and Severus' heads dropped slowly, to the small, shabby house elf whose greeting was rather grumpy. He looked miniscule in comparison to the door.
"Get out of the way, we don't want them loitering out there all night," Lucius spat, hidden by the door, before kicking the house elf with the end of his pointed boot. The thud sound and the small weak moan made you wince.
Severus rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what Lucius meant and it wasn't because his guests may be uncomfortable standing at the door for so long.
Seeing your hesitation, Severus softly planted his hand on your lower back; the contact made you stiffen. It made Severus feel rotten but he pushed gently for you to go in, fearing you would bolt from the situation, or worse; draw your wand on Lucius for abusing the house elf.
"Do excuse my useless servant, thanks to a certain...boy," Lucius wanted to use more colourful language but refrained, "I'm now having to use my garden elf inside. Pathetic thing is barely house trained." Lucius gave the newly promoted house elf a disdainful look before he finally scurried off rubbing his little bald head. You held your tongue as you were ushered in, the door was closed and loudly locked behind you.
"Good evening, Severus." You looked up to find the owner of the inhospitable but well spoken voice. Upon your eyes flitting up the double breadth stairs, there you found her. Her straight blonde hair swayed at the ends as she slowly began to descend, the click of her heels on the wood echoing throughout the open space of the dark green hallway. Her sudden presence and examining eye made you feel small; she was beautiful, her clothes expensive and perfectly fitting to her thin frame and she held herself in a regal way.
"Good evening, Narcissa," Severus replied then looked back to you. "Allow me introduce you to..."
"Esther," she finished, though made no effort to introduce herself. Severus glanced at Lucius, knowing full well, that had come from his instructions.
Esther. So this was going to be the tone for evening, you told yourself, glad that she'd not extended her hand to you, as you may have squeezed it a little too tightly.
She looked at you, seemingly puzzled and an icy silence befell the hollow hallway.
"Shall we?" Lucius tilted his head, looking down at his shorter wife. Her blue eyes drew themselves from your clearly unwanted presence, to her husband.
"Do lead the way, Lucius," she offered, her voice softening towards him. Then she followed without another word to you or Severus.
Severus wasn't giving much away, his face shut down and hard.
I thought she wanted me here? you asked as you also followed, with Severus behind. He had removed his hand from your back but was remaining close.
Severus, not expecting the sudden intrusion of his mind, didn't answer immediately.
She's figuring you out. Let her think she can trust you.
She looks at me like I'm vermin. I can't believe you've brought me here.
You agreed. Severus replied.
I didn't have much choice, did I?
Severus conceded. Though, he didn't feel that he had forced your hand in the matter. You had said yourself, you weren't doing it for him, maybe there was some untruth to that but Severus was hard pressed to believe you would do anything else for his sake.
Lucius pulled out the dark brown and black leather seat for his wife, letting her sit first and then took up his own, at the head of the table. Severus had pulled ahead of you slightly, mirroring Lucius' manners. However, his blonde friend was not happy with Severus' choice of arrangement and protested that you were to sit to his side. After-all, you were a first time guest, Severus was not.
You played the part, smiled and thanked Severus, knowing full well that you had two spectators. Narcissa's interest in you particularly intimidating.
It all felt fairly ridiculous. The table was made for at least 20, maybe more but there you were huddled on the end of it, with a house elf serving you an extravagant dinner on silver tableware. It was nicely decorated but it didn't feel homely in any of the ways you were familiar with. You ate quietly to begin with, although you were keen to get and hopefully remain on the Malfoy's good side, for as long as you could benefit from it, it didn't escape you that you had no idea how to actually do so. You felt world's apart from the people you were sat so close to.
"Draco wrote to me yesterday, he's still in a lot of pain by the sounds of it. I was thinking of sending in our family healer, I'm not sure the one there is doing enough. What would you say, Severus?" Narcissa asked, her parental concern the first flash of humanity you'd seen in her so far.
Severus slowly lowered his knife and fork onto the plate and wiped his mouth with the thick cotton cloth. There was nothing to wipe away, he was just buying himself a few seconds.
"I can assure you, I am keeping a close eye on him, he will be back to full health in good time."
"Just further incompetence," Lucius moaned, "I say it every year, he should have attended Durmstrang." He looked at you with a wicked smirk, "no offense, of course."
Of course not.
"None taken."
Narcissa gave her husband a scathing look, "Children should be close to their parents. Isn't that right, Esther?"
You were unsure of her meaning. Was she intentionally being cruel? Surely Lucius had informed her of your history. Or was she simply seeking the opinion of another woman? In the spirit of trying to befriend her, you unclenched your hidden fist and smiled.
"I think that's best for most of the children, yes. And they're only young for so long, parents should enjoy that."
Narcissa's face softened a touch. "Exactly," she concurred, in a more whispered tone.
"That rat of a hippogriff is done for," Lucius murmured before eating a forkful of beef, though not much attention was being paid to him.
Severus watched a brief quiet look between the two of you. No matter how much he trusted that you wouldn't jeopardise anything, he wondered what was transpiring before him.
Narcissa sipped her wine, as did you. On a fairly empty stomach, it was strong stuff.
Watch how much you drink. Severus warned, but you ignored him. He had no say in what you did.
Conversation continued to be forced, with pauses taking up too much of the space. Especially as it was then filled with awkward scrapes of cutlery on plates or glasses being filled with more wine, or Lucius just glaring weirdly.
Inevitably conversation veered.
"Are we going to address the elephant in the room or not?" Lucius asked confidentially, standing up, sauntering to behind his wife's chair and then leaning over to reach the decanter of the rich red wine. "Come on," he coaxed when no one bit, "we all know we want to speak of it."
Your stomach seemed to tie itself in knots at his vague, slightly drunken speech. There were a fair few elephants in the room, all of which, you'd prefer not to speak of over dessert. Actually, you'd prefer not to speak of them in their house at all. It was far too large and easy to hide a body in there.
Severus covered the top of his glass when Lucius tried to fill it. Shaking his head, he made his excuses, citing rounds when he arrived back to Hogwarts.
"Do enlighten us, Lucius," Narcissa urged, allowing him to fill up her glass and you permitted the same. Severus watched the glass fill to almost full and couldn't help the nervous tapping of his fingers on his knee.
Don't forget we have to go back to school. He tried to warn again. Already feeling the effects of the Malfoy's, clearly expensive, offerings, you ignored him once more. You knew your limit, and if you wanted to appear like you had nothing to hide, then allowing yourself to seem relaxed, would aid that. Undeniably, it felt good to inadvertently give Severus the middle finger, too.
"Sirius Black, obviously," Lucius tutted. Narcissa's face soured again at the mention of her cousin. He rested his hands on his wife's shoulders, "Narcissa isn't keen on the Dementors at Hogwarts."
"Neither am I," you blurted.
"Not scared are you?" Lucius baited you. "Surely, you have nothing to be afraid of?"
"Lucius tells me you used to be an Auror," Narcissa added, "you've seen them before?"
There it is, you thought. Now the slow prying begins.
"I was an Auror...for a short period of time," Narcissa held your attention with her clear blue eyes, the intensity nearly stuttered your speech, "I...I was young. It was a mistake." Remembering why you were there, you continued your act and turned your head a touch towards Severus. "I'm where I'm meant to be now."
Severus felt sick when he should have felt joy at that statement.
Both Malfoy's seemed to nod simultaneously and you hoped that they were understanding your subtle meaning.
"I almost thought they'd recalled you or something when Severus turned up here without you at the end of Summer. It was a shame not to meet you then,' Narcissa commented but it seemed far from genuine, "Lucius said they were falling over themselves at the Ministry because of it."
"No...god's no, I was taking a holiday with a friend, before school started then I needed to be back a day early." You bit your tongue, not really understanding why you'd blurted that out.
Severus peered from the corner of his eye. For the purposes of answering Narcissa, it was a lie. But Severus detected some truth to what you were saying.
What friend? He questioned but Lucius wouldn't shut up so you ignored him yet again. Something that was irking him greatly.
"Do you think he'll come to the castle?" Lucius pressed, seeming to be enjoying himself.
"I don..."
"He's foolish enough to," Severus interrupted "something he'll soon regret at the kiss of a Dementor."
The malice that laced Severus' voice made you uncomfortable.
"Do you trust the Aurors to catch him before that, Esther?" Lucius continued, as he sat heavily down in his seat, leaning closer to you than he had all night.
"I..." you stopped, the Aurors didn't find your father in time. Then, thankfully, a reprieve came, in the form of a clumsy ex garden elf. China clattered and your legs were suddenly drenched in hot coffee.
Both you and Severus jumped up, clanging the small dessert forks onto the wooden floor.
Lucius saw red. "Imbecile!" he shouted and again kicked the small elf.
"Lucius!" Narcissa warned.
"You're lucky I don't oust you for good!" He hissed, towering over the terrified creature, who was too afraid to speak.
"It's..fine," you murmured between a slight gasp, hoping to save the elf from another boot.
Severus had pulled his wand, and drained all the liquid from your clothes but it didn't take away the sting that was spreading across your thighs.
"Take her to guest bedroom, Severus. I'll bring something up."
Gods, how embarrassing.
Severus led you upstairs, through a few corridors and past a myriad of doors, until you reached where he had slept those last few nights of summer. The room felt vaguely familiar to you, in that you'd seen him there. Drunk and crying.
Severus found washcloths in the adjoining bathroom and soaked them in cold water before coming back into the room. You had sat down in the chair in the corner, assessing your now very red thighs and nursing the last of the wine in your glass.
"Here," he offered whilst looking away, though he desperately wanted to look and help.
"Thanks." You lay the cloth over your thigh, gritting your teeth at the scratchy pain below it.
Severus rested his hands on his hips, continuing to look around. He began to pace, "are you okay?"
Sighing, you shook your head at the ridiculousness of the night, "I'm fine."
Resting your head back, you were about to finish the glass but it was pulled out of your hands.
"Bloody hell," you moaned, shaking off the touch of wine that splashed onto your hand. "What are you doing?"
Severus had turned to face the
door immediately after taking it.
"I'm helping...I know it hurts..."
You looked at Severus like he was losing his mind.
What did I tell you? We don't know who might be listening.
You're so cynical.
The wine...if you hadn't noticed, has a stimulant in it.
What? The question was plastered all over your face.
Just a little something I cooked up years ago. I didn't know they had any left.
What does it do? And thanks for telling me.
I tried to stop you from drinking! It speeds up the effect of alcohol, gives you a buzz when you're not used to it. I presume they were hoping for you to be a talker.
Why not just use veritaserum?
This stuff is undetectable and veritaserum is too obvious. Like I say, it just speeds the drinking process along. You should have listened to me.
You shouldn't have cooked up fucking drugs! It sounds bloody stupid! And you should have told me!
I didn't make it to be used to spike drinks. It was something I made when I was young and definitely stupid and showing off. I wouldn't have needed to tell you, if you'd just listened to my judgment.
That's rich! Idiot!
Severus held his head. The sound of taps came through the door, then it opened.
"Here's some burn cream. I apologise for my house elf," Narcissa said.
You waved her off, your head a little blurry, which must be the buzz Severus mentioned. "It's fine, honest. I'm clumsy, happens all the time."
Narcissa lifted her blonde brow. Was that amusement you detected?
"Is that so? Severus...why don't you let me help? Lucius is waiting downstairs." She nodded her head and smiled as if she were answering for him.
He looked at you, you also nodded and told him to go have fun. Narcissa closed the door behind him.
"I feel like an idiot," you admitted.
"No need," she tried her best to sound sympathetic, "it wasn't really your fault. That house elf shouldn't be in here but we're working with what we have."
You watched her carefully as she scooped some of the ointment onto the ends of her long fingers. Well, this is awkward.
"Your old elf was freed?" You asked even though you knew. Conversation was good, considering you were now in a closed room alone. You shuffled back in the chair, hoping to put that little bit more space between you. Even if it was mere millimetres.
"Much to my husband's anger," she answered, and you were surprised she had replied at all.
"I'm sure the garden elf will catch up...Lucius grumbled about the old one too," she sighed.
"Oh?"
"Yes. Something about stealing," she answered as you hissed; the cream touched the scalds but it quickly worked to soothe the pain and bring down the swelling. "Don't ever say anything to Draco but he used to fall over a lot when he was younger...I quite miss taking care of him."
Looking past everything that she may be, she was a loving mother, that much was evident. "It must be very hard, them being away when they're so young."
She nodded and straightened up, staring as the reddening of your skin dissipated. You wanted to ask more, to see if she knew what Dobby had been stealing, any inkling to what her husband was up to but you had certainly pushed your luck already. As had she, it seemed, as she turned quickly.
"So, you and Severus?" She asked, an air of scepticism in her question
Ah fuck. Had you not played your role well enough?
"Yes, me and Severus," you replied, faking confidence and a smile.
Narcissa made some small noise as acknowledgement, but she wasn't convinced.
Remembering last year, you slipped to a moment of weakness.
"I love him." That needed no faking.
The other woman thought for a moment, then changed the subject completely. "You should be fine to join us again, yes?" She asked, her voice hardening again.
"Yes. It feels much better," you stood and felt the effect of Severus' little wonder drug buzz through your head. Wanker.
Quietly, you followed Narcissa back down the same path that Severus had taken. This time looking at portraits and landscapes across the hallway walls, each in their gilded frames. She was moving quite fast and you couldn't keep up, you grasped the wall, your head feeling light. Narcissa looked over her shoulder and for a brief moment, she did own a look of guilt but she was quick to rid herself of the burden.
Upon reaching the hallway again, Narcissa lead you somewhere new. An intimate sitting room with a fire blazing. Lucius was cradling what seemed to be whiskey, Severus was empty handed still.
"Ah, I was just saying to Lucius that we must get back to the castle now," he informed the room as he stood from the maroon seat.
Lucius grumbled but hoisted himself up. He had rid himself of his jacket and his tucked shirt was beginning to ruffle up and look messy. His waistcoat being his only saving grace. Narcissa went over to pour herself a drink.
The look on Severus' face when you turned to look at him, to agree to his suggestion, made you still. For the first time in weeks, you wanted to touch him.
Are you okay?
A small smile broke out, unexpectedly for the both of you.
Yeah. My head feels like shit though.
If only he could laugh, he thought, as he looked down at his shoes.
"Are you sure you must leave?" Narcissa asked, walking towards the both of you.
"Yes," Severus answered first, "we're expected back."
As you walked down the long path to exit Malfoy Manor, you couldn't be sure but you had one hell of a feeling you were being watched.
It's not just me, is it?
No, it's not, Severus replied, knowing exactly what you were referring to.
I don't think Narcissa's convinced.
Clearly still drunk, you quickly unravelled the lace on your boot wandlessly, and leaned down to retie it. When you came back up, without a second thought, you pecked Severus on the lips and then laced your hand through his. He didn't say anything. He barely felt like he was breathing.
It wasn't until you were back in Hogsmeade that you were able to unclench your jaw and relax. Which was promptly followed by the sudden urge to vomit.
"That'll be the stimulant...and maybe the travel. Mixture of both." Severus informed you.
"Yes, thank you Professor Obvious," you groaned. "So, did you just deal this around? What other little potions are you hiding?"
Not potions, he thought guiltily. He was so wrong. Yet again!
He frowned, annoyed with himself, "I should have told you at the table," he admitted "but...I was ashamed. It was another mistake on my part, another long forgotten decision."
"Well...lucky for us, Hogwarts doesn't do random drug testing."
Severus did allow himself a moment of laughter then.
"Yes. Lucky us."
"Shit!" you whined
Severus stopped smiling, "are you going to be sick?"
"No...I forgot my gloves."