"They remind me of you."
"I love everything you love"
The loud thumping in my heart was undeniable when he whispered those words to me so lovingly. I felt like I was holding something back when all I could think about was how close we were to each other
I backed away and informed him I wasn't staying any longer, and he agreed.
As I stood on his doorstep, he gave me one more smile and put the rose to my chest, encircling his fingers in mine and murmuring, "you may have it."
And now at school I hear the incoherent whispers of the girls around us as the new students Jimin and Taehyung walk past them
"Has Jungkook apologized to you or anything?" Dahyun inquired as we walked through the corridors. To her dismay, I shake my head, "no, he doesn't enjoy admitting he's the one who's wrong."
She nods, smiling at me as her only way of showing me her love and support "I really do want to see you happy again, with a man who knows how to be gentle with your mended heart"
My whole life wasn't as casual as others. I wasn't a lovable child. And I grown into a deep unlovable child. Drawing a picture of my soul, and it'd be scribbled with my tears
And that's why when I saw the love that I have been yearning for in Jungkook I swam in an ocean I had no idea how deep it was. It was a cold paradise that sooner turned against me, it was beyond my reach and it pulled me down with it
My thoughts were pushed away from Dahyun's harsh comments "that creep next to that hot blue haired guy keeps staring at me." I looked ahead and saw that the creep she described was none other than Jimin
He really does like her huh
"Tzuyu, he looks like a pervert, let's flee" she screams as she clutches the hem of my skirt. Despite the fact that he is absolutely harmless, he is lovesick, and people go insane during this phase "stop squirming Dahyun"
When Dahyun cursed at me and ran for her life, Jimin's jaw fell wide from her reaction and he stopped in front of me, "shit! this is all your fault!" he nudged Taehyung away from him.
"I warned you Jimin, gazing at girls like a weirdo doesn't work."
"I'll find a way to introduce yourself to her" I said, giggling at their sweet chat. "It might take some time as she's really sensitive," I suggested, and he jumped for excitement and drew me in a hug.
Taehyung and I exchanged a lovely smile from over Jimin's shoulder, and my gaze was drawn to a figure behind him
My heart raced. Not for the reasons being told in stories. In fact, I don't believe your heart will ever race for such a person. My heart raced because of fear...but it wasn't written in my face
When Jungkook approached us, I forced myself to pull away from Jimin's arms. He hugged both of his pals with a genuine smile that he could never offer me wholeheartedly
"You've grown a lot, Kookie" Jimin compliments with a wide grin of joy in his lips. My boyfriend's eyes met mine and I shivered in discomfort "you even touched my girlfriend before I did"
Taehyung's gaze remained fixed on mine as Jungkook moved in between them and grabbed my wrist, a gesture that appeared friendly to others but was agonizing to me. His fingertips dug deep enough into my skin to leave an imprint.
His gaze shifted from my eyes to the throbbing in my wrist. He immediately returned to my stare, his bottom lip pressed between his teeth. "Party at Jin's apartment tonight, you coming?" he asked.
"Yeah"
"What about you, Tzuyu?" Jimin gave a question obviously for me to answer but Jungkook beat me to it "of course she will. See you later then" without even waiting for a response he pulls me with him, away from them.
"Why are you doing the decisions for me? who are you?" I whispered under my breath loud enough for him to hear "if I want you there, you will go"
I pulled my wrist back from his grasp and spoke up in between gritted teeth "I don't want to go, please" my voice pleaded, hoping for the slightest of understanding
But he didn't, he never does
•••
He abandons me for his friends after hauling my lovely ass up to this snobby party! dickhead, dickhead, dickhead, dickhead "Asshole, I should burn your picture with a black candle and wish you were a limp dick for the rest of your life" I grumble, moaning my air into nothingness
I am grateful for the loud music drowning all my cursing and complains. I stare at the unfamiliar faces as they wrap their hands so delicately against their lover and share a thrilling kiss mixed with alcohol and affection
I almost wish I had someone who could do that to me. All Jungkook offers me are red marks for his aggressive grabbing and monopolizing words.
Should I drink?
I ask myself with crossed arms as my eyes got drawn to the red cup of booze in front of me, one of my brows raised up and thought about considering the temptation
One wouldn't hurt
As I reached for that red cup of craziness and excitement, someone snatched it before I could "I love you so much, we should just be married!" I look up in surprise to see one of my classmates laughing carelessly with his arm around his girlfriend.
Jackson Wang
I cursed at him in his native language and he turned to me. Mouth wide agape from what he just heard come out from my mouth "hey! did you just call me stupid son of a bitch in Chinese!" His girlfriend laughed "she sure did"
I consider her the girl who was called out at school for wearing metal bangs that not even the most powerful tornadoes could detach. Misa, or Lesa, was it? "I'm Lisa," right, that rowdy Thai girl from my previous science classes
She laughed and said, "Actually, I've always wanted to approach you" She sat next to me and began whispering something to Jackson as he moved away from us "You're Jungkook's girlfriend right?" she asked.
"Yes"
She nudged me as if we were close, saying "Damn, lucky lady where did you capture that big daddy?" "In Busan," I squirmed a little and extended my lips into an odd smile.
"You see that guy with blue hair and the other one with sexy thighs? I heard they transferred recently and are single" she said, leaning her elbow on my shoulder and points to a group of friends.
"And Taehyung, the blue-haired boy"
My gaze returned to Taehyung, where I listened to Lisa's narration. Jimin was chatting with him, but his attention was fixed on me, the elegance of the neon lights dancing across his exquisite features.
"When it comes to girls, people like him get a lot of them, and he just picks the best of them."
My heart immediately pulls towards him as he stands on the opposite side of the room, surrounded by everyone else who is so gregarious unlike me. His golden hair and skin glisten in the flickering light as he leaned against the window.
"Hey Tzuyu" she said, her tone changing
"Don't you have this someone? someone you really want but can't have? the one who makes you want to sin badly?" He looks at Lisa and me with an unapologetic hawkish intensity.
"Do you ever feel like boasting about that one guy who makes you want to surrender yourself to him? That person who you want all to yourself?" Lisa added, "Do you ever feel like boasting about all the feelings he makes you feel that he selfishly conceals from others?"
Meanwhile, I'm visualizing roots growing from my feet to keep me from flying across the room and into Taehyung's arms. Despite everybody enjoying their own pleasure in their very own imaginations and dreams I can still feel an unseen rope dragging me towards him from across the room.
"Do you have that guy you wanna suck so bad-"
I stood up, disregarding her occasional topic shifts, and craved for some alone time in the fresh air. I sat outside the balcony, surprised to see no one there
My heavy lidded eyes lingered on the moon for a while as I sat on the porch's stoop and lean against the wall. Having some personal space isn't always a bad thing
I tap my feet against the ground until someone synchronized with me, before I could even wonder who's there a figure sits next to me, squishing me against the wall since there isn't much space for us anymore
Taehyung's honey-coated voice probed "Are you all right?" "I'm alright. How about you?" I replied with a nod and a brief grin.
We were so close to each other our thighs and shoulders were touching, his warmth radiating from his body "Since Jungkook hauled you away, I've been uneasy" his hand slid on my arm, touching my bare skin
"I wanted to confront him about it but Jimin begged me to leave it alone" he says, rolling up the sleeves of my cardigan and fondling the mark on my wrist "I'm sorry if I couldn't do anything, you looked uncomfortable earlier and I wasn't the only one to notice that, Jimin did as well."
"But we were worried that talking to him directly might agitate him even more and cause him to take it out on you" he stroked the red markings drawn on my skin, tears welling up in my eyes "it hurts"
I don't know what hurts but it hurts, both physically and mentally, I hate it when Jungkook becomes the subject, it drains out all the happiness and replaces it with nothing but resentment
He rose to his feet, and I let him pull me wherever he pleased. We walked around behind the house, past the drunken bodies oozing liquor out of their lips. We arrived at a silent gazebo with trees and flowers concealing the scene
"This is Jin Hyung's secret garden, I asked him if we could spend the night here so I can treat your wound" he pulled me inside the gazebo, his touch was gentle like he was holding a fragile glass.
He made me sit on the table and takes out a first-aid kit. He touched my wrist and I hissed from the slight burn "ah, I'm sorry" he apologized and I laughed a little from his cautiousness "it's fine"
He placed ointment on the bruise and wrapped it up right after. I could feel his fingers trembling as he struggled to seal it "crap" he cursed when he accidentally lost his grip
"Sorry" he met my eyes and we both burst out in laughter. I helped him wrap up my wound to make it easier. His long, calloused fingers traced flames across my skin, and something inside of me was burnt by his touch
"You're a bad doctor" I teased as he sets aside the first aid-kit and he hopped on the table next to me "are you not going back?" I asked and pointed the bright lights
not so far away
"It's too noisy. What about you?" I shrug, finding his excuse reasonable "not a fan of parties anymore" He nods and then remains silent.
For a while, the faraway chirps of the cicadas and crickets were the only ones that spoke to us
As the trees danced, the moonlight shone and twinkled on them. I trembled a little in the wind, nibbled on my bottom lip, and clutched myself.
Taehyung removed his jacket off his shoulders as I swayed my legs, he tossed it over my trembling figure
He brushed his fingers through my hair, drawing it loosely against my waist from inside his jacket. I tried not to notice the simple gesture and instead strike up a discussion.
"It's really peaceful here" to think about it a little, anywhere without Jungkook is a kiss to my brain and sanity. But whenever he's around I feel like a robot being dragged around
"We can hang around here another time if you'd like, Jin Hyung wouldn't mind" he suggests, shooting me a wide grin that surely reached up his ears "also when you're upset with Jungkook..."
"That's not a bad idea."
"Hey, you want to see something better?" Taehyung asked and I nod, tapping my shoulder, He takes my hand in his and bounces down the table, assisting me, interested in his request
We walked away from the Gazebo and took a few more steps when he suddenly covered my eyes "ow" I exclaimed, our pace slowed down, and we came to a halt "okay okay" he slips his hands away from me and whispered in my ear "now open your eyes"
And when I did, the gleaming sight made my eyes glitter. Hundreds of fireflies shone brightly in the moonlight beneath the blackness of the trees.
We came closer as I watched in disbelief; I'd only seen these in books and documentaries; I had no idea they were so magnificent in person.
"Come here" I crouched down next to him and stare at his conjoined hands as if he was hiding something. I tried breaking it open but he hardens his hold with a toothy grin on his lips
We looked at each other while laughing, I pulled on his hand one more time before he slowly opens it, a little firefly with a glowing green color on it's tip circles around us before flying away
"Waah" I lift my gaze to the sky filled with stars and green fireflies, though I'm not a big fan of bugs the sight is really pleasing to the eyes "I liked staying here when I was a child, catching fireflies in the palm of my hands"
From next to me he scooped both of my hands and reached them out as a little firefly with no light lands on it, his fingers exerted force for my palm to close shut "they symbolize magic and a sense of childlike wonder, they bring back nostalgic memories of youth"
He held my hand tighter and opened it, a green light ignited from the bug as it flew away "and memories of innocence as well" As our eyes collided, he whispered to me
"They remind me of you too" he said, holding both of my hands even tighter "You turned my life black when you left me."