Crooked Kingdom – CHAPTER 2
Leaving the office and cracking the door open, both Kaz and Wylan froze in place for a second.
In the corridor, there was a little girl standing on the landing, petting the big, grey dog and looking up at them. She had to be around five or so by her size and her feet barely were visible under her nightgown.
Wylan gasped, Kaz pushed him to the side lightly and moved the door, leaving just a bit open; it was enough for Wylan to see what was going on, which made him start to shake, unsure of what to do now that Kaz was alone with a child that was on his way and was a liability.
Kaz however also was terrified of what he would have to do to make sure that little girl would be quiet. Ghezen, she had the same-coloured eyes as Jordan, light-brown. Under the candle-light, she eyes almost looked yellow. She just stared at him for a moment, sucking on her thumb.
"Do you work for my Da?" she asked, taking her thumb away.
"No."
Kaz's mind was stuck in all the parenting books he had ever read in his life, but there were very few books said about how to make kids keep secrets or how to make them forget things. The girl in front of him could be the difference between his life and death and she needed to get out of his way before he was forced to take drastic decisions.
He needed her to trust him.
Otherwise, the stairs right behind her were his only salutation and he would never sleep again if he had to take that approach.
Struggling a bit, he squatted down, all his weight in his good leg.
"What's the big fellow's name?" he asked.
They both liked dogs, that much was clear; she could relate to him with that, she could trust him with that.
"This is Maestro Spots," she answered.
"Is that so?"
"He has a fine howl. Da lets me name all the puppies."
"Is Maestro Spots your favourite?"
The man had a child. He knew that, he had even thought the name was pretty. Now, he needed to remember. Remember. Remember!
"I like Duke Addam von Silverhaunch best, then Fuzzmuzzle and then Maestro Spots."
He looked up, name slowly appearing in his mind.
"That's food to know, Hanna," he said, smiling just a bit.
Her jaw went slack, amazed.
"How do you know my name?" she asked, impressed.
"I know all the children's names."
That small sentence that left his mouth made his whole story now much more believable. He knew exactly where to take this conversation.
"You do?" she asked.
"Oh, yes. Albert who lives next door and Gertrude on Ammberstraat. I live under their beds and in the back of their closets."
"I knew it," said the girl, eyes widening in fear, but pride in her voice. "Mama said there was nothing there, but I knew it!" she looked deep into his eyes, confusion taking over her as her head cocked to the side. "You don't look like a monster," she commented.
Any other situation, Kaz would have taken that as a compliment. He liked when Laura called him handsome. Now, however, his character had another thought.
"I'll tell you a secret, Hanna. The really bag monsters never look like monsters."
Her eyes were starting to fill with tears, her bottom lip trembling. Kaz wished she wouldn't cry.
"Did you come to eat me? Da says monsters eat children who don't go to bed when they're told," she said.
Kaz wondered what type of parents would do something like that: control their children through fear. He promised himself he would never do that to Jordan.
"They do," he answered. "But I won't. Not tonight. If you do two things for me. First, you must crawl into bed. And second, you must never tell anyone you've seen us, especially your da, because if you do, I'll slit your mother's throat and then your father's, and then I'll cut out the hearts of all those sweet slobbering hounds. I shall save Duke Silverhanunch for last so that you will know it's all your fault." She looked about to pass out from fear, tears rolling down her cheeks. Good. She was about to do what he asked. "Do you understand?" he pressed, and she nodded. "Now, now, no tears. Monsters see tears and it only whets their appetites. Off to be with you, and take that useless Maestro Spots along too."
She started moving up the stairs again. Glancing worried at Kaz once she was on top.
He forced a smile, feeling pity for her, and put a finger on his lips. She nodded; her promise of silence. He waved with his fingers as she walked away.
Wylan moved from the door and followed Kaz down the steps. "How could you say something like that to her? She's just a child!"
"We were all children once."
"But –"
"It was that or snap her neck and make it look like she fell down the stairs, Wylan. I think I showed remarkable restraint. Move!"
Kaz didn't manage a single wink of sleep that night.
The image of an older Jordan crying in silence, terrified of getting her loved ones killed because she saw what she shouldn't haunted him throughout the rest of the week, even in the moments he managed to fall asleep.
He wrote a very short letter as soon as he could, a single word in it: HEARBEAT, and sent it to Spentch, who did not give him confirmation of Laura's reaction, but didn't tell him she was in danger either.
Silence was good for once.
Crooked Kingdom – CHAPTER 26
Kaz was now satisfied with his memorized route to his future, Inej beside him, worried eyes over his frame. He knew it was time. He fished in his pocket for a paper with a pale green seal and handed it to her.
She looked at it, taking it from his hands, stammering in surprise.
"My contract," she whispered.
"I don't want you beholden to Per Haskell. Or me," he said. "I trust you enough for you to have that, Inej."
"How?" she asked. "The money –"
"It's done. It's paid for."
He had used some of his money for it. Even under torture she had kept important information about his daughter safe; Jordan's existence was still a secret between Spentch, him and Inej inside the Dregs.
She pressed the envelope to her chest.
"I have no words to thank for this," she said.
"Surely the Suli have a thousand proverbs for such an occasion."
"Words have not been invented for such an occasion."
"If I end on the gallows, you can say something nice over my corpse," he joked. "Inej, now, in all seriousness – Wait until six bells, if I'm not back, get everyone out of the city. There's a safe house –"
"Kaz –"
"Listen, there's a safe house in the rural part of Katterdam. Temporary, for you all to spend a night or two; Spencht knows where it is, he'll take you all to safety if you ask him to and say I told you about Jordan... that's my daughter's name. Jordan."
"Kaz, you need to –"
"There's a discoloured brick in the wall behind the Crow Club. Behind it you'll find two bags. The black is for Jordan, the white one is for you. It'll be around twenty thousand kruge. It's not much, but it should be enough to bribe a few standwatch grunts," he said. "You'd have a better shot on your own – even better if you leave now. But, promise me, that if do leave and you do survive, you'll take care of Jordan."
"I'm going to pretend you didn't tell me to go away. Kaz, these are my friends. I'm not going anywhere."
"But –"
"Still, I promise that if comes to it, Jordan and her mother will safe with me," she said, eyes completely honest.
And that was the moment Kaz trusted the most on someone other than himself and his own dumb luck.
He smiled at her, and he could see her surprise.
Still smiling at bit, he changed subject.
"Tell me about Dunyasha," he said.
Inej smiled and nodded.
"She was carrying quality blades..." she started, happy that he trusted her and seemed to lend her his ear.
Lying in the silence of the hotel room they were all sharing, Kaz closed his eyes for a moment, wishing for sleep.
He got Laura looking right at him.
Kaz thought he knew the language of pain very well, as intimate as a lover, but this ache that he felt in his chest as he knew that he was lying alone, even though his mind was on sweet Laura lying beside him was something he had taken a long time without feeling. It hurt to be able to see her, but to know that he wouldn't be able to touch her – in his dreams or in reality.
He wanted nothing more than to lie in between her arms and rest completely for once. He wanted his knee to relax and he wanted to feel her hands travelling around his body with all the carefulness she seemed to have in everything that she did.
Saints, he couldn't understand why he was thinking so much about her now that he knew the chances of seeing her again were slim to none.
He had never felt this much longing before.
He had fought beside her; he had been honest to her in a way he had never been to anyone before. He had held her in place with all his might when they had to put her shoulder back in place and she had laughed at him later because he was paler than her. He had seen her naked, body and soul – he was the only one to know her whole story, he was the only one that knew what she had to go through as a child to survive. She had been the one to teach him how to get rid of bodies and how to steal without being caught too often.
Still, in his mind, he could see her lying on her side, watching him with attention, pupils blown in the dark. He could see her hands hovering just a few inches away from him. And he wanted to... wanted to...
Saints, he could barely imagine what he wanted to do with her. But images invaded his mind anyways; a mixture of blurry memories and deep fantasies he had created alone in his own room, alone in the dark.
Her voice whispering his name. Her back arching. Her hands on his hair. Her smile. Her laugh. The way she pulled him close with the heel of her feet, never looking away from his eyes. Her eyes. Her kisses.
It was all there.
And then suddenly, there was nothing other than bodies touching him.
Laura's rotting body grabbed his neck.
Kaz jumped off the part of the floor he had been sleeping in, hands shaking and he limped to the bathroom, throwing up the little dinner he had in shame.
He had fallen asleep and not even noticed.
He stayed on the ground for a moment. He had left his cane behind and he knew he would struggle to get up, but he was quite comfortable in the ground at the moment; nobody would see him cry there.
And he allowed himself to let tears fall in silence just for one night
Colm Fahey pretended to be asleep when Kaz got out of the bathroom, face red and bloated of crying. He pretended not to hear the muffled sobs and whimpers.