EVERYTHING CHANGED
The world turned brighter, bigger, and better. Everything I had ever wanted was closer than ever imaginable, yet… I had to push it away. I wasn’t ready. My emotions were already off balance, I didn’t need anything else to add to it. With great effort, I pulled back from the kiss and placed my hands flat on Kieran’s chest.
“I’m sor-“ I began to apologize, but I choked on my words as Kieran snapped out of whatever haze he was in. He jumped off the bed, which startled me, and hastily hid his face in his hands after regaining his balance.
“I shouldn’t have done that. Oh crap. I’m sorry.”
I opened my mouth to tell Kieran he wasn’t the one supposed to feel sorry, but I wasn’t fast enough. He beat me to it.
“I promise it won’t happen again. I promise.”
“Kieran, wait!” I said when he turned around. I wanted to talk about what just happened. I wanted a chance to explain to Kieran why I pulled back. But just like that day in the woods, he pretended not to hear me.
“Oh crap, indeed…” I agreed quietly as I let myself fall back on the mattress. “What a way of making things even more complicated.”
Absently, I touched my lips, their swollenness a vivid reminder of how peculiar and utterly ecstatic I had felt but mere minutes ago. Now that Kieran was gone, I couldn’t help but doubt myself. He had left so abruptly and in a hurry that I wondered if he really regretted what happened. Maybe he didn’t think I pulled away because I didn’t want to kiss him, but instead he could have acted out of regret of what he’d started, of kissing me.
Timing was everything, or so it turned out to be. Kieran’s timing had been off, far off. Then, just like that, I had something else to worry about. As if learning about Donovan and the haunting threat of the people from the Hall hadn’t been enough to deal with. Despite the whirlwind of emotions, I decided not to dwell in bed much longer. I had already spent too much time doing just that. Perhaps it was time for me to tell Kieran’s family and Donovan about what I had overheard at that meeting, down at The Hall. It wasn’t fair of me to let myself get tangled up in their lives, only if some dark threat loomed over me. Even if Kieran didn’t want me as more than a friend – if he still wanted to be friends after what just happened – I didn’t want to see him get hurt. Neither did I want to see his family or my newly found one to get hurt because of me.
When I entered the living room, I found Kieran’s parents at the table while Braydon and Lewis were watching something on the television.
“Oh, Seda.” Anna stood up from her seat. “Did you want to talk to Don? He just left, really, no more than a few minutes ago. We can ring him for you if you want.”
I hadn’t expected Donovan to have left by the time I was ready to speak to him.
‘It’s okay,” I shrugged. “I will just have to wait then. You don’t need to bother him right away. Seeing him, I was under the impression he could use some sleep…and a shower.”
Kieran’s dad, Alex, burst out laughing. “You’re right about that.” He stood up from his seat like Anna had, and held his hand out to me. “I’m Alex Whyte, I don’t think I’ve had a chance to properly introduce myself.”
“Seda,” I said as I shook his hand. “Evers, I guess. Formerly known as Seda Winston.”
“For what it’s worth, you look more like an Evers.” Alex smiled and I couldn’t help but return a proud smile of myself.
“Now,” Anna said. “How about I get you some dinner? It’s only mac and cheese but it’s food.”
“That sounds delicious, thank you.”
While Anna disappeared into the kitchen, Alex motioned for me to take a seat. Once in my chair, I twiddled my fingers nervously.
“I want to start with an apology for possibly sounding like I’m advocating for Don, but I feel like I need to say this.“ He waited for a reaction so I quickly nodded my head, unsure of what he wanted to tell me so badly. Leaning back in his chair, Alex continued. “Don, I’ve known him for a very long time. We grew up together, best friends, you could say. Then he met Elise and believe me when I say, theirs was the kind of love you wish upon everyone. Then your mother fell pregnant and life couldn’t get any better. Until, well, the two of you disappeared. I’m going to spare you the details, but losing both you and your mother, it did something to Don. He has never been the same again. I can’t tell you how getting you back is going to affect him, but I can assure you it’s going to be in a positive way.”
“As for you,“ Anna joined in on the conversation when she returned with a plate for me. “None of this can be easy and I can’t imagine how confusing it may be, but always remember that if you feel like talking, we’ll be here for you.”
“Thank you. That really means a lot to me.”
While I pushed the pasta around on my plate, waiting for it to cool down a little, Anna wondered where Kieran was.
“I thought he was upstairs with you?” she said, slightly puzzled.
“He was for a while. Then he left, I thought he came downstairs.” I hoped, with all my being that Kieran’s parents couldn’t tell we kissed. Somehow, I felt like it was written on my forehead, plain in sight, for everyone to see.
“Well, I have to put the two monsters to bed anyway. When I’m upstairs, I’ll ask Kieran if he wants dinner.” Anna spoke, leaving Alex and me at the table. Braydon and Lewis protested, claiming they weren’t tired yet, but Anna wasn’t fooled by their little lies.
“Say goodnight to Dad and Seda,” Anna told the boys. With sour expressions, they did as told. They gave their dad a kiss and a hug goodnight, and much to my surprise, they did the same with me.
Beaming, I returned the hugs and kissed both boys on the cheek.
“Alex?” I spoke in a low voice when Anna and the boys had left the room. “How many people know about me? Who I am and why I’m staying here, I mean.”
“I haven’t told anyone. We didn’t want any rumors to spread before Don was back. He should have been the first one to know. Why?”
“Some people back at home, well, in the town. I’d rather not have them know I’m here.”
Alex eyed me questioningly, but I didn’t go into further detail.
“Do you think Don will tell anyone?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. However, I don’t think he has had the time yet to do so. Do you want me to give him a call?”
Biting my lip, I nodded. “Tell him I’ll explain it tomorrow. That is, if he wants to see me tomorrow.”
Incredulously, Alex shook his head while chuckling lightly. “Of course he’ll want to see you, kiddo. That’s a given. I bet he’s even having a hard time staying at home, not having you there.”
My eyes widened at his words, which he seemed to have noticed.
“Don’t worry. Don understands. You’re more than welcome to stay here for as long as you want while you get to know Don.”
“He isn’t here,” Anna complained while she burst through the open door and into the living room.“Kieran isn’t in his room.”
“He will be back,” Alex shrugged casually. “He is old enough to take care of himself.”
“Alex, you know I don’t like it when he takes off without telling us. He has been doing that way too much lately. He didn’t even take his phone with him, it’s still upstairs on his bed.”
“He’ll be fine. Calm down.” Alex stood up from his seat and pulled his wife in an embrace. “You worry too much.”
Not wanting to disturb them, I awkwardly got up from my seat and carried my half-finished plate to the kitchen. Once there, I searched for a glass. I didn’t want to be rude and look like I was snooping through their cabinets so when I found a plastic cup with a cartoon character on the front, I decided that would work as well. I filled it with tap water and leaned my back against the counter.
“There are other things for you to drink in the fridge,” Anna told me when she joined me in the kitchen. “You don’t have to drink water.”
“Water is fine.”
“Not that hungry?” Anna guessed when she eyed my plate in the sink.
I shook my head. “I have too many things on my mind. I’m not much of a big eater when I’m stressed.”
“Alex left and I still have a few loads of laundry to do in the back, so act as if you’re home. Watch some television or spend some time on the internet. You can use my laptop; it’s on the coffee table in the living room. If you want to read magazines, you can find some in the living room as well.”
“That’s alright. Thank you. However, there is something I wanted to ask you actually. If that’s okay.”
“Of course. Ask away.”
“I wondered if I could use your phone for a moment. I’d like to call Joanne. I haven’t spoken to her in a few days and I don’t want her to worry.”
“You don’t even have to ask. As long as you’re here, you should act and feel as if you’re at home. Go ahead and take the wireless one in the living room. Don’t worry about me eavesdropping, I won’t hear a thing over the dryer when I’m in the back. I really need a new one. A dryer, I mean. But Alex is set on fixing the old one for as long as he can.” Anna shook her head in disbelief and left the kitchen while muttering something to herself.
With my plastic cup in hand, I began my search for the wireless phone. I found the base on a side table against the wall, but I couldn’t find the phone itself. I searched the living room table, the couches, the coffee table and the shelves, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I had no option left but to bother Anna. When I opened the door to the room I’d seen her disappear to, I understood what she meant about the dryer being loud.
“Anna!” I tried getting her attention by raising my voice a little, but it was inaudible over the rumbling and growling dryer. I tapped Anna on the shoulder, causing her to jump up.
“You scared me!” Anna spoke very loud while placing a hand over her heart.
“I can’t find the phone!” I replied equally as loud.
Frowning, she touched her pockets and laughed as she retrieved the phone from her pocket. “Sorry! I always forget.”
“Thank you!” I thanked her when she handed me the phone.
Glad to leave the loud noise behind, I left the room and made my way back to the living room where I sat down on one of the couches. Whether it was coincidence or my subconscious, I couldn’t tell, but when I was seated, I realized I was in the exact same spot as Kieran had sat earlier that day. Catching myself wondering about Kieran’s whereabouts, and if things would ever get back to where they were before the kiss, I quickly decided I needed to distract myself. I punched in the numbers I knew by heart and waited patiently for the phone to be answered on the other end of the line. I tapped the fingers of my right hand on my knee, not entirely certain whether the rhythm was something from a song or not.
“Hello? This is Joanne’s phone.” The voice on the other line was not Joanne’s like I had expected to hear. It took me a moment longer to reply.
“Hello? Who is this?” The voice asked again and with that, I recognized the voice.
“Kieran? Is that you?”
“Seda?”
“Yes, it’s me. What are you doing at Joanne’s? Your mom is freaking out because she doesn’t know where you went and you didn’t think to take your phone.”
“Mom worries way too much,” Kieran sighed. “Tell her I called and that I will be back shortly.”
“Do I tell her you are at Joanne’s house? Which leads me back to my question, why are you there?”
“Whatever you do, don’t tell her! I will only get into more trouble. As for your question, well, I need to talk to Joanne about something.”
“About what happened?”I asked hesitantly. I bit the inside of my lip as I waited for his answer, something easy that seemed to take him forever.
“Among other things, yes.”
“We should talk about that, you know.”
“I know. We will. I just needed to get my thoughts in order before I did or said things I would regret later on.”
“I’ll hold you to that. Talking about what happened, I mean.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less. Now, do you want me to pass along Joanne? I don’t assume you just happened to know where I was.”
“Maybe I did. I’ll never tell. But yes, can I have Joanne? I have some things I have to tell her.”
“Okay. Here she is. I will see you in a bit, Seda. Bye.”
I heard some rustling and then Joanne’s voice sounded through the phone.
“Hello dear. How are you doing?”
“As good as can be expected under these circumstances, I guess.”
“Yes, yes. Young Kieran mentioned something about that. Seems like you have quite a bit going on, don’t you dear?”
“You could say that,” I sighed, leaning my head back against the couch. With closed eyes, I asked the question I had originally called her for. “Joanne?”
“Yes?”
“Isn’t there anything you would like to tell me?”
“Like what exactly?”
“Now you’re just playing innocent. I bet you have that devioustwinkle in your eyes. However, I will play along. Isn’t there anything you would like to share with me, something that involves Donovan and Elise. Turns out you forgot to tell me the most important fact of their relationship.”
“Fine. Fine.” Joanne said and I could practically envision her lift her chin like she did every time she had to put aside her pride and stubbornness. “Seda, dear,” she paused for dramatic effect, I guessed. “I am your grandmother.”
“See, that wasn’t too hard, now was it? Why couldn’t you have said that to me every time I mentioned my real family and how I hated not knowing who they were?”
“I did it for you. I know there’s a possibility that you will never see it that way, but I did it for your own protection. I don’t know how much you know about what happened and whether you have had the chance yet to properly talk your father, to Donovan, about what happened around your birth but maybe when you know the truth, or as much of the truth there is to know, you will understand. Then again, maybe you won’t. Nonetheless, I don’t think I’d handle things differently if I had a chance to start over. Now, are they treating you all right over there?”
“Way to change the subject, Joanne. But yes, I have nothing to complain about.” Except for ill-timing when it comes to Kieran, I thought to myself. I wondered just how much he had told Joanne about what happened but I wouldn’t ask. I didn’t like the prospect of upsetting news so if I could avoid it, I would – if only for the night.
“Donovan, how did you feel about meeting him?”
“Will it sound mean and ungrateful if I say I have mixed feelings about that? I mean, of course I am really excited about the fact that I found my birth parents after all these years. I really had given up on that, well, until Kieran encouraged me to search for answers again. But then, just when I find them, I learn that my mother died.” Joanne was silent on the other line and then I slapped my palm against my forehead. “I am sorry about that Joanne. I didn’t mean to bring it up again. I know how hard it is for you to talk about Elise.”
“Don’t worry too much about me dear. I have had nearly eighteen years to mourn her death, while you only discovered the truth today. Don’t ever forget that when you have questions that concern my Elise, you can always come to me.”
“Thank you. And Joanne, now that I know the truth, about us being related I mean, nothing changes for me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I have always considered you family. If I had people not related by blood that I called Mom and Dad, I figured I might as well pick my own grandma. I didn’t ever tell you, but you really mean a lot to me. You are what made Mountain River bearable to me.”
“Oh Seda,” Joanne sniffed. “If it wasn’t for you, I would have never opened my little shop over here. No one of my, well, our family actually, none of them understood why I moved here. Ask your aunts, they all think I officially lost my mind when my Elise was taken away from us and the first thing I did was move here and open up a shop. Little did they know.”
“Do they know about me?”
“No, I kept you my little secret. Donovan will hate me for it though. I won’t blame him. In retrospect, I now know I should have told him somehow. Maybe not into detail, but he would have been much better off knowing you were okay. That you had people that looked after you. That reminds me, Trudy and Jackson have been calling me nonstop.”
“What did they want?”
“Jackson is convinced you ran away. He told me he just wanted to have you safe at home again. He seemed a little too friendly and concerned if you ask me. That’s what confuses me. Trudy and Jackson both act so strange. Trudy called me, panicking, freaking out about telling you to keep safe if I heard from you. She wanted me to tell you to stay away. I don’t know what had her so upset though. Seda, did they, you know…hurt you? Did Jackson lose his temper sometimes or…”
“What? No! Life wasn’t ideal at home but such a thing never happened. I promise. I think Trudy’s panic isn’t entirely unjustified. There is something I found out, right before Kieran brought me to his place, and I think I need to tell what it is. I won’t do it over the phone though. I am going to tell Don and Kieran’s parents tomorrow, so maybe you can come too. Maybe you will know more. Maybe you will have heard rumors or somethingthat you didn’t think important at the time.”
“What are you talking about, dear? You’re making me worry.”
“I think it’s best if I tell it to everyone at once. Do you think you can make it tomorrow?”
“Of course, I will. I’m not going to open up the shop tomorrow and instead I’ll come visit you.”
“You know,” I finally realized. “I have no idea where I am.”
Joanne chuckled at that.
“You’re much closer than you think. Didn’t you pay attention on your way there?”
“I was pretty much unconscious at the time, so no. I have no idea where I am. All I know is that one moment I’m left alone on the concrete, the next I open my eyes and I find myself in this bedroom, that’s hideously painted in different shades –“
“Wait a second,” Joanne interrupted me. “What’s that I hear about being unconscious and being left alone on the concrete. What happened? Why has no one told me any of this? Kieran, how could you leave out something as bad as that?”
“Joanne…Joanne!” I tried to get her attention back while she and Kieran complained to one another. When the argument seemed to have come to an end on the other end of the line, I continued. “Joanne, I am fine. A car bumped into me and the probably drunken kid behind the wheel took off. Kieran found -“
“Those moronic mongrels, the idiots that live in this town. It’s…It’s unbelievable. But they better watch out when they next cross paths with me. They’ll wish they had never been born!”
“Are you all raged out?” I asked when she seemed to have finally calmed down.
“Not even close!”
“I am okay. Except for a bad bruise and a headache, I am perfectly okay. Anna takes good care of me. If you know her anything at all, you’ll know what I mean.”
“All good and well, but it irks me that I can’t see for myself. I’m going to give Kieran some ointment that will help with the bruise and I have some tablets that will definitely help you get rid of the headache. If you follow my instructions, you will feel as good as new by tomorrow afternoon. Just make sure to allow yourself enough sleep.”
“I will, and thank you. You’re too good to me.”
“You’re my granddaughter after all – Oh how I longed to be able to admit that out loud.”
“I like the sound of it.”
“Okay dear, I’m going to send Kieran back with those things that’ll make you feel better. If there’s anything else, I’m only a phone call away.”
“Okay. Thanks again. And, I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yes, definitely. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I pressed the button that would end the call and aimlessly let the phone drop in my lap. Staring up at the ceiling, I wondered how it was possible for my entire life to change so drastically in a nick of time. As I thought back to how life had been not so long ago, I had a hard time convincing myself I wasn’t dreaming. In no more than the two weeks I had known Kieran, everything had changed. And now, those changes seemed to be changing as well. Two weeks ago, I had Trudy and Jackson as my parents, Joanne as my surrogate grandmother and absolutely no friends. Then I met Kieran. All of a sudden, I could no longer trust my parents, I still had Joanne, and I finally had a friend. Now, I finally found my birth parents, my surrogate grandmother turned out to be the real thing and I had some crazy threat hanging over my head. Too bad that in this picture, my mother had died around the time I was born and that Kieran and I seemed to be dancing on some edge. If we would lean a little too much to one side, we would lose our friendship. However, if we leaned too much to the other side, we would fall into something entirely new to me. Girlfriend-Boyfriend land was untouched territory to me and I wanted to do things right. I didn’t want to be the one to mess everything up. That was exactly why I considered it so extremely important to stay in perfect balance on that edge. If we were careful, we wouldn’t fall on either side and for the time being, we would be able to maintain the friendship I held on to like a lifeline. The only downside of this all, was that I would have to find a way to get Kieran to agree. I didn’t want him to give up on me. If it hadn’t been for him, I wouldn’t be where I was at that point in time – both literally and figuratively speaking. While everything changed and altered in different ways, I wanted to keep Kieran and I exactly as we were…or better, where we had been before that kiss.
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A/N: Thanks for reading. If you spotted any mistakes, feel free to point them out so I can correct them.