THE MINOR
“Sixteen?” I choke on my own words.
“Ansel’s mother and I were starting to freak out after a while of not being able to find him,” the man says as he squeezes his minor son’s shoulder, “But, luckily, you helped him get to the hotel safe before we got the police involved.”
“The police?” I stutter and now I just start coughing so hard that I’m struggling to find air to breathe so the tourist slaps my back several times in a attempt to help me get my composure back. This is awkward.
“We all like to think Harry as a superhero, sir,” the obnoxious model says.
“Excuse him, he’s got the flu and he won’t stop coughing since yesterday,” my back’s slapper explains.
“I just wanted to thank you,” the man continues, “If you don’t have plans tonight, dinner at the hotel restaurant is on me.”
“Dad,” the cutie seems as nervous as I am, “There’s no need for that. I’m sure they have plans already.”
“We don’t actually, we are absolutely free tonight,” the eyebrows monster does it again.
“Free as birds,” my ex boyfriend adds and, by the stupid smirk on his and his ally’s face I can tell that they are just doing it to make fun of me. I can’t believe those two daring to plot against their leader. I like… invented them.
“Great then,” the cutie’s dad smiles, “Unfortunately, my wife and I won’t be able to join you but I’ll make all the arrangements.”
“I can be there!” the cutie says, “I mean, If you don’t mind, of course,” he looks at me.
“It’s probably going to be boring for them to hang out with a 16 year old, Ansel.”
“Oh no, sir,” the Tyra Banks wannabe opens her big mouth, “Harry just loves,” she drags the L word as much as she can, “Hanging out with sixteen year olds.”
“Does he?” the man raises an eyebrow.
“Yeah,” the tourist gives the model an awkward stare, “Harry teaches in High School. He is really good with kids.”
“Isn’t he, Ansel?” I can’t believe the bitch; she’ll pay for this.
“Um,” the minor coughs nervously, “I… Harry was very helpful.”
“You teach?”
“I do, sir,” I answer and my words are finally flowing normally again.
“What do you teach?”
“Math,” says the tourist.
“Anatomy,” answers the model at the same time and I just feel like choking her right now.
“They know nothing bout me, sir,” I explain, “I teach Literature but I’m only a substitute actually.”
“That’s very interesting, Harry,” he nods, “Ansel here loves to read. What’s the name of the book you’ve been reading these past few days, Ansie?”
“Ansie?” the tourist midget mumbles and I can tell he is making a huge effort not to laugh.
“Um,” Ansie starts but his father’s ringing phone interrupts him.
“Sorry, I have to take this,” the man excuses himself as he walks a few steps away from us.
“So what you reading, Ansie?” the talking eyebrow makes fun of the kid, “50 shades of Grey I bet,” she mumbles.
“Try Styles instead of Grey,” his partner in crime adds. It’s been nice dating him and all but well, too bad it’s over now.
“I leave that kind of poor literature for people with small brains like you two,” the cutie might be young but he certainly knows how to slay.
“Good one,” I celebrate his comeback and the tourist pushes me in return.
“You two are disgusting,” I shake my head at my ex friends, “His dad could have noticed.”
“It wasn’t funny at all,” the cutie joins me.
“Respect the adults, kid,” Louis raises his voice, “Now look to the ground. Yeah, like that.”
“You don’t have to look to the ground,” I tell him, “He is just,” I stop talking, “Wait, never mind. Sixteen?” I almost yell at him, “Six fucking teen? Are you serious?”
“I’m really sorry. I was really drunk that day and-”
“I’m back,” his father approaches us again and we all stay in awkward silence, “But I have to run. I’m already late for an appointment I have. Nice meeting you, guys,” he tells us and then turns to his son, “You sure you gonna be okay?”
“I will, dad,” he answers in a small voice. “Don’t worry.”
“Don’t leave the hotel, okay?” he kisses his son’s forehead.
“Oh my God, he is a baby,” the tourist mumbles to me.
“I’m really sorry,” the minor says as soon as his father leaves the lobby, “I didn’t mean to cause any trouble.”
“I could have ended in prison. You know that, right?” I sound as threatening as I can.
“But you didn’t even touch me,” he talks back. How disrespectful.
“What?”
“God, this is priceless,” the model laughs very loud and her pygmy friend does the same.
“Shut the fuck up, would you?”
“I’m not talking, I’m just laughing,” she shrugs.
“You suck and,” I try to find an offense but nothing comes to my mind… Wait, this is good. “The ginger is fat,” I state proudly.
“Oh no, you didn’t,” her mouth drops open, “He is not fat, he is…”
“Fluffy,” the tourist finishes her sentence.
“Exactly,” they high five, “My babe is just fluffy. That’s all.”
“So… back to the kid,” Louis says, “What was all that about?”
“Yeah, what did you tell your dad exactly?”
“Oh,” he fidgets with his hands, “After I left the square, the one where we found her and her chubby friend doing the naughty-”
“Shut up!” the model cuts him off, “Shut up and go find Gretel or something.”
“That’d be so funny if we were back in 2006,” he sticks his tongue out to them.
“Were you even born in 2006 or were you still just sperm?” the tourist’s sass slays. I hate to admit it but that was kind of good. I might be considering taking him back.
“Anyways,” the cutie shakes it off, “I got to the hotel and my parents were worried to death so they started asking lots and lots of questions. I ended up freaking out so I gave them your name.”
“It could have ended pretty bad,” I shake my head in disapproval.
“I thought I’d never see you again,” he pouts, “And I told them you helped me. Didn’t you see how much my dad loves you?”
“Still,” I turn serious, “You are too young to go around life doing what you did that day.”
“Aw,” Louis whispers to Cara, “He is so caring, isn’t he?”
“Shut up, we are over now,” I snap at him before continuing with my lecture for Gretel’s brother, “You should thank God that it was me and not some other dude who would have taken you home with no doubts.”
“Maybe that’s what I wanted,” he mumbles.
“Ansel! You are too young for that,” I’m stating to get pissed, “It’s dangerous and… you are 16, for God’s sake!”
“I’m 16 and a half,” he states proudly.
“Oh, that changes everything,” the tourist says ironically, “We thought you were just 16.”
“Does this mean that I’m not invited for dinner anymore?” he asks and maybe that’s kind of sweet. Stop it, Harold. The kid is illegal.
“You can come,” Louis answers before I do so I frown at him, “Now go do your homework.”
“Good,” the kid smiles, “8 pm by the elevators?”
“Sure,” I smile back.
“See you later then,” he waves and turns around to walk away. Shamelessly, my eyes automatically land on his… you know.
“What you staring at?” the tourist asks me.
“His butt,” I answer sharply, “Why do you care?”
“He is a child,” he shakes his head at me.
“And judging by your stupid behavior, so are you,” I point an accusing finger at him, “You two took it too far.”
“We were just joking,” the model tries to excuse herself but it’s too late.
“Well, it wasn’t funny,” I turn to Louis, “And you… I can’t even find a word for you.”
“Cute?” he fakes a smile.
“I’d go for sexy,” she adds.
“You weren’t even jealous! That means you don’t care,” I turn around to leave.
“Are you kidding me?” he stops me.
“Such a drama queen,” the model embarrasses me and then starts to leave, “This is like a gay version of Gossip Girl and I’m done with drama for today.”
“I’m not kidding,” I get stubborn, “You didn’t even show a hint of jealousy and I almost freaking cheated on you with that guy. I’d be jealous if it were the other way around.”
“But he is just a kid!” he yells.
“He doesn’t look like one. He is hot as fuck,” I push it.
“Well, now I’m starting to get pissed,” he says.
“Too late,” I turn around to leave.
“Harry, this is stupid,” he tells me.
“No, it isn’t. I think you don’t care about me as much as you say you do.”
“Are you being serious right now?”
“Does it look like I’m joking?”
“I’m not going to be jealous of a 16 year old boy who has a crush on you,” he crosses his arm, “I’m just not!”
“Great, I’ll go hang out with him then, since you don’t care.”
“You’ll end up in prison,” he points his finger at me.
“And then we’ll see if you try to save me as hard as you tried to save your ex!”
“Is that what this is about?” he tries to get closer, “You are the one who invited him to come!”
“And I’m glad I did,” I fake I smile, “I’ll be with the cutie, you’ll be with the hottie. Maybe we can double date!”
“You and Hansel make such a nice couple, since you both have the same mental age,” he laughs.
“His name is Ansel, not Hansel,” I enter the elevator, “And he is already way better than you at 16! Imagine when he turns 22!”
“You are so stupid,” he starts to talk but, luckily, the elevator door closes just in time.
I turn around to stare at my reflection in the mirror and, I don’t know why, but I feel kind of stupid. Was I being immature? Nah, I don’t think so. I usually don’t make mistakes.
Anyways, now I have to go find the cutie. Hanging out with a minor without doing anything that could be illegal is my mission for today.
And meanwhile, the tourist will probably be reuniting with his ex. I should just give the damn tacky ring back to his owner and become their wedding’s best man.
Whatever, I don’t even care.
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