July 2018
BigHit Campus, Hannam Hill, Seoul.
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Suseonhwa
I stood outside the entrance taking in the view of my work location. I was very nervous, like the 4 other people who had their joining today.
I was very lucky they had even accepted my application. Who was I after all? A 20 year old with barely any experience. My mere degree in cosmetology and a good review from my previous boss along with a referral from a cousin of a friend's friend had somehow impressed BigHit's recruitment department.
Yes. BigHit, one of the biggest entertainment companies in Korea were willing to hire me as an intern for one week. And in that period of time if I'll manage to impress them, they'll give me a permanent job here.
It was a start of new beginnings and I didn't want to mess it up. I had a lot at stake and was willing to give it my all. This was my one real shot at a respectful life. So yes. I can NOT make any mistake.
I took a deep breath and continued with the security formalities.
After about an hour, when it was 11 am in the morning, I was finally done with their rigorous security procedures and I was handed an ID card. I looked at it with mixed feelings of anxiousness and gratefulness. Park Suseonhwa, it read in bold. 'Junior Makeup Intern'. BigHit Entertainment Private Limited.
We were all directed to the magnificent reception area of a huge high rise building they called the 'Main Building'. All of us would tire our necks by observing the marvel of the infrastructure they had.
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In our group of 4, one guy was a hair stylist named Jay. He seemed pretty nice and chatty and was constantly giving me trivia about BigHit and their label.
"You know they have 4 groups now, right?" Jay asked.
"Ummm.... sorry?" I asked, distracted.
Jay's eyes widened. "The groups. You know BigHit now manages 4 groups, right? BTS, GFriend, RevolutionG and Meta4..."
I nodded, vaguely. Truth was I was very rusty on this topic . My research on BigHit was minimal and my knowledge base on the K-pop world was in general very poor. The only group that I was pretty familiar with was BTS of course and that's because they had recently shot to sky high fame all around the world and were all over the internet and news. But then again, the only thing I knew about them was that they were an all boy group....with 6 members? 7 , maybe. I don't know.
"TXT has their debut next month so probably we will be appointed to them." Jay chirped in.
"Ohh ...how do you know that?" I said just to be polite. I was not interested, to be honest. The co-ordinator had asked use to wait and I was just anxiously waiting for her.
"That seems like the only option. You think they will let in junior artists like us into BTS or GFriends' team? Duh. " He rolled his eyes "The highest we can aim is Meta4. IF we get lucky."
"Does it matter? Whose team we go into?" I asked looking at the hallway, and instantly knew that my remark was a mistake because Jay's jaw dropped and he looked at me like I was crazy.
"Girl, are you serious? BTS is BighHit's blue-eyed-boy. You'll make 6 TIMES the money you'll make in TXT's team. BTS is huge..." his voice trailed off.
I nodded slowly, not really caring. My main focus was to get a freaking job. ANY job. It was very VERY necessary for me. Because only I knew how much strength it had taken for me to even get to this point. Till one week, until we get the permanent hiring letters, every move of mine has to be calculated. 'HE' cannot know that I was here, applying for a job.
"You know my ultimate dream is to style JHope's hair. I mean, I am better with girls' hair but mannnnnn, Jhope doesn't realise what he can do with his hair...."
Jay kept talking and I kept nodding politely. Neither did I know who Jhope was nor did I know of his hair.
Soon, the coordinator walked in and asked the 4 of us to follow her for the briefing.
_____________________________________________________
*****Time Skip*****
The briefing room had some chairs and a projector. And we had to wait here too. Jay was talking non stop. But thanks to him, I know now that the biggest apartment villa that they called as the 'the dorm' , was where BTS and RevolutionG resided. Apparently Gfriend resided in the other part of the city and Meta4 lived separately, out of Hannam Hill.
"It makes sense, you know. BTS and RevG are BigHit's top games. That's the reason both groups are treated like kings and queens. But.....BTS is a BOY group and RevG is a GIRL group.... It's a little odd , you know..." He said warily. "The two villas are kinda separate but they definitely must get to see a lot of each other..."
"Uh-huh.." I said absent-mindedly.
"If I were the management , I'd club Gfriend and RevG together and keep BTS and Meta4 together. Keep the girls and the guys away. I mean, that's how controversies are born. Now everyone knows about BTS-RevG friendship. There's Jin-Taecha , RM-Miso , Jungkook-Lauren....Now I'm sure they're all just friends.....but why risk it though?" he said in a juicy tone. Jay was the typical talkative hair stylist who just needed a topic and pair of ears and he was good to go.
Suddenly the room door opened and a lady in her thirties walked in. She greeted us and started to hand us some documents.
"Hello my name is Seo-yun. Welcome to BigHit. Now first of all, just take a moment to feel proud as now you are going to be a part of the biggest entertainment industry. Visuals, are a VERY important part of this industry and that's why we all have a major role to play."
Everyone nodded and murmured.
"Do you know where I am coming from right now" Seoyun asked, straightening up and there was silence on the room.
"Right from BTS' concept photo shoot for their comeback." she stated proudly and literally everyone except me gasped, absolutely thrilled. Wow. BTS sure seemed to be a big deal here.
Seoyun smiled at the excitement she was very well expecting. "Yes I know. And tonight, they go to MAMA awards where they have a performance and like 3 costume changes. So we, their styling team will travel with them. My point is, do you understand how busy they are? They have multiple events a day and when they are busy, WE are busy. We travel with them, stay with them and be ready for them 24/7"
"And we have a very compact team. We don't like to include many people. Mainly for privacy purposes. And that's why, we want every artist to be multifaceted. Hair, makeup, styling, ALL. Everyone will have to dwell in all three arenas. Am I clear with the expectation we have from you?" she asked curtly and everyone furiously nodded.
Jay was almost shaking with excitement when he asked, "Umm....Seoyun-ssi, which idols will we work for?"
As I suspected, Seoyun was not impressed with the question. But I doubt Jay got the hint.
"Which idol group are you a fan of?" she asked, smiling sarcastically.
Jay (ecstatically) said, "OMG BTS totally! I am a huge fan- "
"Then you certainly will NOT work with BTS, EVER." she snapped. Ouch.
Jay looked crestfallen. "But-"
Seoyun stepped forward, frustrated. "Don't you get the point? This is not a fan sign. Not a concert. This is the boys' HOME. This is the only place they expect a little normalcy. They want to be themselves for once. So imagine we start acting like crazy fangirls. Imagine how uncomfortable and put off they might feel?"
I grimaced and looked at Jay in empathy. Seoyun had a completely valid point.
"So there are two golden rules." she held up her fingers, serious. "One, you are not allowed to act anything but normal around them. You shall NOT speak to them unnecessarily or distract them with your stuff. You are just here to make them look their best. Do your job, and leave them alone."
Everyone nodded earnestly, ready to hear the second golden rule.
Seoyun lifted up a document. "And the second, most important rule, is THIS." she pointed to the paper. "This is an NDA. A non disclosure agreement that you all will be signing now. Now you all will be in close proximity with the idols. It's bound to happen that you may know about their personal lives. You are NOT allowed to speak of any of your work stuff with ANYBODY outside of BigHit. Not even to your closest family. Any misuse or leak of sensitive info will be traced back and strict action will be taken against the wrongdoer."
It was intimidating. All the rules and the hush-hush. Seoyun guided us through other rules and the documents and I signed them all, nervously.
Will I be able to do it? I asked myself. Hurtful words replayed in my head. Of him telling me I was worthless and could never do anything right. I had to try hard to block his voice in my head and complete the formalities.
By the time Seoyun collected all the forms and left, it was lunch time. A staff girl who was asked to show us around the campus, walked us out of the room to the main building canteen.
This canteen was huge. Like monstrous huge. I guessed it was for all the staff of BigHit. There were some dark corners that I noted down mentally. These would be my spot, I decided, where I could just sit alone away from the crowd.
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Post lunch, I didn't realise time fly away. It was already 6 pm, and the sun was slowly setting. We walked endlessly around, seeing all their studios, practice halls and also coming dangerously close to BTS's dorm.
Jay was with me the entire time and he was dying to get a glimpse of an idol. ANY idol, he said😂.
"Well I think I should leave now....I stay just a mile to the right.." he said. "What about you? You don't want to miss the shuttle"
I gulped at his question. He spoke of the vehicle for staff that left Hannam Hill everyday at 7 pm. But I shivered thinking of going back to that place I had to call home. It wasn't home, it was hell.
I waved goodbye to Jay and was finally left alone. I didn't want to go so soon. Because if I do, he won't let me cook. And I can't sleep hungry like I always do. I sighed and decided to walk back to the Main Building canteen, taking the longest route.
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*****Time Skip*****
I chose the loneliest and darkest corner in the canteen and ate slowly. The shuttle had left long before but still none of that was my concern.
Each day, when the sun set, a strange fear would engulf me. This was the time when He came home. We are not together anymore but the control he has over my life was scary....
If he asks me where I had been, what do I tell him? He would want to know every detail. Every small thing.
I just wanted a little more time for myself. So I sat there in the canteen, procrastinating the thought of heading back. It was so peaceful here, noone to judge, noone to disturb. I could sit here forever, safe from the mental torture.
The past 2 sleepless nights and todays long walks in the campus rendered my muscles achy and eyes unnaturally heavy. I pushed the plate aside and lay my head on the canteen table. One moment I was telling myself to get up, and the next , I found sleep taking over my senses.
_________________________________________________
******Time Skip******
I woke up suddenly. Oh no....oh no.... I checked the time and gasped. It was near midnight. Had I really been asleep for 4 hours straight?? I saw the 20 missed calls, and more than 15 text messages. From the same person.
My heart rate increased and I closed my eyes to curb the incoming panic. It's okay, I told myself. He is no longer my 'boyfriend'. And I am no longer answerable to him.Calm. Down. I took deep breaths and ignored another incoming call.
There were very few people around in the canteen and to be honest, I felt like spending the night right here on the table. I can rush back home in the morning when he is not at home, take a quick shower and come back here.
A tired yawn left me when suddenly there was some commotion outside the canteen door and I heard a large group of people approaching. There were cheers and hoots which confused me.
A few people , who looked like staff entered the canteen and turned to face the door. They were in black jeans and black t shirt, wearing big ID cards. And one the back of their T shirts something was printed in bold.
'BTS CREW'
They were all smiling and they waited for someone to enter. They shifted like they were making way for others to follow.
7 most exquisite looking boys entered the canteen, laughing. The dull canteen literally lit up with their sheen and aura. They were thumping each others' backs and some had their arms around the necks of others like typical boys.
I didn't even have to try to know who they were. It was BTS. And they had just returned from an award show.
I saw a trophy in the hands of one of them. So it looked like they had won something at the awards. MMAs right? Why else would they be so happy? I now knew why they were such a big deal. It was the magnificent aura they emanated. They looked so glamorous, happy and powerful.
They were in different coloured expensive suits. One was in a snake print suit, one was in purple velvet, one had even dyed his hair a fiery red.
They all chose a table at a distance a propped onto the chairs, man-spreading and laying back in relaxation. Like I said, typical boys.
There was happy chaos in the whole canteen as they goofed around, thanking the staff, discussing about the event.
The award that they had won gleamed on the table and one of them held it like he owned it.
They seemed like 7 kings.
And I sat in the corner, in contrast to their lit up selves.
Even though I had never seen them perform, I somehow knew they deserved it. I skimmed my eyes on their beauty and glam, involuntarily.
One of them was dressed in a sequined black blazer and he bent his head back, running a hand through his hair. He was man-spread royally on the chair and even from the distance I could see the sweat gleam on his temples and forehead. He was ...very pretty. It was a fact. Well, all of them were equally pretty I realised.
(A/n: Sequinned Suit is Jungkook , Green Coat is RM , Red Hair is Tae, Purple Coat is Jimin and Snake Print is Jhope)
The one in the green coat stood up, looking like he was asking the others what they wanted to order.
Suddenly, there were more cheers and I turned my head to see 4 of the most prettiest girls I had ever seen enter, smiling and clapping, carrying their elegant gowns like queens. Wow.....just wow.
"Woah RevG!" Purple coat said, standing up.
RevG ? Oh so this was the girl group Jay was talking about in the morning. The girls who were apparently good friends of BTS. Well, it was more than evident from their body language that they were friends.
The girls came forward and greeted the boys, hugging them and congratulating them.
"Three cheers for B T S! BTS!" the extremely beautiful girl in Red said. She addressed it to everyone but she kept glancing at Sequinned Suit specially. He smiled widely at her and stood up.
"Thank you Lauren! Now give it up for best pop vocal artist- Lau-ren! Tae-cha! Mi-so! Da-sha! Revvv G!" Sequinned Suit cheered back for them, and everyone clapped.
Lauren, the girl in red, went behind Sequinned Suit to hug him from behind. He smiled and tried to turn, his eyes following her.
In doing so, he happened to look in my direction. And then, just like that, our eyes met, for not more than half a second.
Do you know that split second of eye contact, where it almost is nothing but still enough to leave you alarmed??? And I was not used to direct eye contacts with super gorgeous idols yet. So I immediately looked down in panic, super flushed, scolding myself for looking at them celebrating in the first place.
I felt like a pervert for watching them like this. I should have never even looked up at them. What a creep I was.
Suddenly my phone rang. I saw the caller id and something flipped in me. Seeing these gorgeous, happy human beings and imagining the pathetic lowlife I had to go home to made me want to throw up. I felt an adrenaline rush out of nowhere and without thinking I pushed the phone away in disgust. But as usual, my clumsy hand ended up hitting the metal plate before me and Lo! it fell off the ground with the LOUDEST FREAKING SOUND. FUCCCCK.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
The damn sound was loud enough to silence the entire room. I felt mortified! My face burned with embarrassment as I picked the plate up, not even daring to look up. The chaos resumed slowly. Where they still looking at me? Or had they ignored me? I was so flustered that, in my attempt to look busy and involved, I did a mistake. I answered my ringing phone.
As soon as I answered it, Ray's words cut through my ears.
Ray:(bellowed)"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?"
I shut my eyes, my heart beat increasing. My body was shaking from the string of events that had happened. I wanted to get out of the canteen, but for that, I'd have to walk dangerously close to BTS's table.
I got up and started walking towards the door swiftly, face down. I can do this.
Ray: "ANSWER ME SUSEONHWA! Just wait till you get home!"
I heart skipped a beat in fear when he said that. I held my breath and just walked, not really looking ahead. Just a few more steps-
WHAAAAMMMM!!!
That was the sound of me colliding head on with someone.
The impact knocked my phone out of my hand, and also made me fall right on my butt. My dress was wet because the person in front had been holding a big jar of water which now lay broken, next to me.
"Omg are you okay?" the perplexed staff in front of me asked.
I was blank. Like completely blank.
I suddenly felt someone grab my shoulders and another pair of hands helped me get up. I turned to face them and got the shock of my life.
It was one of the glam boys.
The green coat one. And he looked concerned.
"Are you okay?" he asked, not letting go of my arm. I nodded, still dazed. "Are you sure??" he repeated, not satisfied.
"I'm...I'm fine. Thanks you" I managed to say.
Red hair was holding my phone and I hurriedly took it from him. "Th-thank you."
I straightened my dress and I don't know why, I glanced at Sequinned Suit.
He was oblivious. Lauren was talking to him and he was smiling, totally engrossed in their discussion.
I know it was ridiculous of me to even think that, but deep down, somewhere I felt the very slightest hurt. Not exactly 'hurt'..but unease. My dumb fall had caught the attention of almost everyone in the room....but not him and Lauren? I know it was absurd of me to think so because even Purple Coat, Snake Print and the rest of the gang had slowly retired to celebrating too.
I didn't wait to rush out of the canteen. I felt stupid for feeling hurt.
Why on earth would Sequinned Suit want to see a dumb girl fall on her butt when he had such a gorgeous beauty holding his attention? And why on earth was I even thinking about it?? Shut it, Su.
I smiled at my folly and walked ahead, forgetting about Ray on the phone.
***************Time Skip***************
My hands shook as I knocked on the door of my crappy apartment.
I know he was waiting for me.
Ray was a trap that I had fallen into, two years ago. For precisely 15 initial days, I was under the false impression that I loved him.
And after that, it wasn't love. It was my downfall. But it was too late.
He manipulated me, cleverly kept me away from my friends,so much that they all left me. He mistreated me and made me think that I deserved it. Even now the emotional scars still stood. I lost my self respect, and a part of me that I will never get back.
It had been months since he had started abusing me physically. And I endured it like a statue, afraid that it I fight back he could break something else.
But last month when I saw him slap my 11 year old deaf sister, I woke up. That was when I decided enough was enough. And that's when I mustered my strength and applied to BigHit.
The first step in getting away from this monster was to find a job.
That's the reason he can't know where I have been. Not until I get the permanent employment letter from BigHit.
Ray opened the door after 5 long minutes and walked away inside the house without saying anything.
I stepped in slowly, laying down my bag on the ground.
"Where were you?" he asked casually, smoking the cigarette.
"They asked me to work the night shift too..." I lied. I knew about the bar down street where I used to work and so I felt this could be a good lie.
I turned my back to him, to take off the watch and accessories off my hand when he suddenly walked to me and hugged me slowly from behind. I froze and held myself from cringing in disgust. I hated his touch. Simply hated it.
"I know we're not together but I miss you..." he said into my shoulder and I felt absolutely disgusted. I knew he meant he missed treating me like shit.
"You deserve better than me Ray....you said so yourself."
"I don't like it when you talk like that." he said into my hair, softly.
All of a sudden Ray enclosed my throat with some kind of rope and pulled it tighter.What the fuck! I struggled, in horror. Was he going to kill me??
"Junior.. ...makeup ...intern.... BigHit... entertainment..." He read through gritted teeth and terror washed over me.
It wasn't a rope accross my throat. It was my ID card neck String. No. No no!
Ray suddenly let me go as I choked. He smiled and held my ID in front of his face. I knew what would happen next.
No no no.
Before I could do anything, he switched on his lighter and held it to my ID, the plastic starting to burn.
Tears streamed down my face. No.
"Ray....no please....please!" I tried to snatch the ID from him but he was too strong from me. Within seconds, my brand new ID had curled up into a plastic ball.
I was heart broken as I tried to save my destroyed hope. Why???? I wept on the ground, looking at it. An ID card burning wasnt the worst. Ray would now stomp on my dreams of a new beginning.
Ray bent down to my level grabbed my face painfully.
"You don't need a job sweetheart. I'm here to pay for all your expenses. So don't you worry." he said making more tears stream down my face.
He grabbed his beer bottle and left the house, leaving me alone with shattered hopes.
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A while ago....
Jungkook
"I'm having cold noodles. If there's any left." Jimin hyung declared.
"I hope they won't have to open up the canteen just for us. It's almost midnight" Yoongi hyung said, being the considerate one that he always is.
"Yeah we can order" I said, fanning myself and leaning back on my chair.
"No. They are open. What'll everyone have?" he asked, standing up.
It wasn't just us. Our staff and crew were here too. They had worked equally hard and I bet they were starving as much as us.
Hobi hyung set the awards on the table and I smirked at how they gleamed. Tonight had been iconic, indeed.
I was busy relaxing , my head hung backwards when the cheers intensified. I lifted up my head and saw RevG walk in, beaming and clapping.
Miso as expected, hugged RM hyung tightly and I couldn't read his expressions. Hyung always denied liking her in any other way than friends but....it was clear that she was very fond of him.
I braced myself as I saw Lauren smiling at me widely.
"Three cheers for B T S! BTS!" she shouted and everyone cheered. She was always extra when it came to supporting or cheering for us. And extra not exactly in a good way.
Well, I've known Lauren since our trainee days. And we were great friends in the beginning. She was the youngest in their group and I was in mine, so we had a lot of woes about being treated as kids. We were like each others' rant buddies.
But that was years ago. As years have passed, the things common between us began reducing continuously. And at this point, I don't see the point of us hanging out....or even talking.
But that didn't change the fact that she was sweet and always supportive. So when she cheered for us, I returned her wide smile and stood up.
"Thank you Lauren! Now give it up for best pop vocal artist- Lau-ren! Tae-cha! Mi-so! Da-sha! Revvv G!" I returned back her cheers and everyone clapped.
I took back my seat and Lauren walked towards me. I stifled an internal grimace as I felt her walk behind me, about to do her famous back hug.
"You were sooo good today Kookie!" she said in my ears and I smiled and tried to turn my head to her.
I saw someone sitting across us in the corner table. It was a girl that I'd never seen before. She looked at me too and in the next moment she broke off the eye contact swiftly, looking down.
"I'm so proud of you!" Lauren said and I glanced back at the girl. Because it was a strange sight to see someone sitting alone at that far off table at this hour. She seemed to be fumbling with the things on her table.
I couldn't help watch this new girl struggle to keep it together. Was she okay? Coz she kinda looked spooked. Anyway.... I tore my eyes away, seeing the staff get us our dishes. Oh man, was I starving... Lauren thankfully broke her back hug and came to sit right beside me.
"Kookie I am so excited about our annual vacay-"
She couldn't complete her sentence because the sound of metal falling on the ground distracted us all.
There was silence in the canteen for a few seconds as the girl lifted the metal plate off the floor, clearly flustered. She was multitasking, keeping the plate right, picking up her bag and trying to answer her phone. Well anyway..... My mind was pulled back to the delicious looking noodles in front of me and I prepared to eat it. I have been waiting for you for so long, my love, I told my noodles.
"Whose performance did you like the most?" Lauren asked and my face lit up. Now this was a great topic to discuss.
"Everyone was great but I think MAMAMOO killed it." I said , remembering their power packed performance.
"I knowww right! They're goals literally-" Lauren was cut off again.
It was the same girl. And this time she seemed to have fallen on the ground on her way out. How can someone be so clumsy? RM hyung and Jimin hyung who were closest to her, helped her get up.
"Omg I have so many carrot pieces, I hate carrots" Lauren whined and looked back at her. She picked up a piece of the vegetable and brought it to my face. Ummmm okayyy?
"You're the bunny, you should have it" she grinned and I coudn't help chuckling in cringe. I opened my mouth, laughing, and chomped on the cart piece.
When I turned to see that girl again, she was gone.
"Was she okay?" Yoongi hyung asked and RM hyung nodded. "Who was she? Never seen her."
"I saw her id... I guess she is an intern. For Meta4, maybe" RM hyung said and sat back to have his own noodles.
I simply shrugged and resumed eating mine. A clumsy makeup girl, that's it.
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To be continued.....