065
He put the water bottle down, closing the gap that stood between the both of them, embracing her winced figure with open arms of compassion and sympathy.
Devora continued to weep over his shoulder, keeping her hands above her face, catching her own tears that ran nonstop like a leaking faucet.
Jungkook kept the back of her head cupped into his hand, caressing her with his thumb, not letting go of her.
Devora raised her head, searching around the bathroom to find it.
"What? Did you see something while I was gone?" Jungkook's hands went under her elbows, observing her tense expression anxiously, needing an answer.
Her hands roamed his arms and neck, trying to really feel his body.
To comprehend and grasp the fact that Jungkook was actually there, and she wasn't hitting derealization.
He grabbed her hands. "Dev?"
She released a sigh, her chest tight. "S-something was here. But, it left."
His eyebrow raised, bewildered. "Wait, what do you mean? Did you see somebody at the window, or?"
"It's just all in my head... that's all." Devora wiped her under eyes with her fingertips. "It's a long story, I just get anxious sometimes."
He grabbed the water bottle from the counter, handing it to her. "You have anxiety?" His twinkling midnight eyes were strangled with concern, watching her with diligence.
Devora took sips of the room temperature water, controlling her breathing as she replenished her body from all the liquids she lost.
"I have anxiety, and some other issues I've dealt with after my cousin's passing." Her hands were still shaking, terrified that the shadow would be back.
Jungkook had experienced anxiety at times, too. However, it was never to the point where he was frightened that shadows would appear, shadows that were completely formulated by mere panic and distress.
"Do you take anything to prevent it?" He questioned.
She shook her head. "I was prescribed meds, but I don't like taking them, so my mom would give me natural remedies for it."
"Natural remedies like what?"
"Mostly herbal teas, diffusers, essential oils."
Jungkook held onto her hand, pressing his lips. "Do you have any teas right now?"
"Yeah, I always have some just in case."
Without another word, he gently pulled her into the hallway, directing the two of them to the kitchen.
Devora watched the back of his head, looking down at her feet to make sure she wasn't going to stumble over herself from the unexpected moving.
"Jungkook, I'm okay now, we don't have to-"
"But we do." He insisted, turning the corner to enter the kitchen.
Devora was unable to identify the last time she was hit with anxiety as bad as it was at that exact night. Almost like she had just grown out of her doubts and had finally forgotten about these disturbing emotions.
Jungkook pulled a kitchen chair out for her, sitting her down while he proceeded his itinerary to the cabinet.
She kept her hands on the table, looking around her brightly lit kitchen, pleased that the lights were on and there were no obscure void spaces.
She kept herself distracted from her consuming thoughts, simply making it her job to focus on Jungkook and to watch his every move.
He seemed to know where everything was kept, finding where the mugs went and setting them down on the counter.
Devora watched as he grabbed the box of new lavender tea, ripping open the package, and placing the bag into the empty mug.
She shut her eyes, listening to his footsteps strive towards the water dispenser.
Devora kept breathing at a peaceful rate, listening to the boiling hot water splash against the bottom of the mug, hearing the jug plop bubbles of water as Jungkook took from it.
Keeping an ear out for common sounds truly nourished her, and reminded her that she was physically there living and breathing at that very moment.
Jungkook came back around to the table, setting the cup down, and taking his seat right next to her.
He sighed when his bottom half hit the chair. "Be careful, it's really hot." Advised Jungkook, fixing the chair to face Devora.
The corner of her lips gently pulled, smiling at him. "Thank you for being so patient and considerate." Playing with the string of the tea, plopping it in and out of the water.
"There's no need to thank me for that, I just want you to feel better." He noticed the distance their chairs left between them.
His fingers latched under her chair, easily pulling her closer to him.
Devora chuckled, bashful from his smooth movements, placing her head on his chest and hand on his welcoming thigh.
She felt terrible for waking him up and making him sit there at three in the morning, solely because she was scared of the nonexistent shadows in her mind.
For having put him through her vomiting session, and panic attack.
He grabbed her mug, setting it right in front of her. "What's running through that pretty little mind?" His hand massaged her back, genuinely interested.
"How bad I feel for putting you through my problems." She murmured, picking herself up from his comfortable body.
He placed his right arm over her table, keeping his other hung over her chair. "Why feel bad? I don't mind helping you with your problems, I want to help you, actually." Jungkook emphasized.
"I just— what I went through when my cousin passed was so hard." Her eyes fluttered, recalling every emotion she felt. "I went through anxiety, and it felt like I wasn't physically here like I was watching myself from a screen or something."
Jungkook listened carefully, concerned when she told him about her former struggles.
He had never heard of that, how people can feel knocked out of reality.
"Derealization itself gave me anxiety, and that soon formed into shadows." Devora explained, positioning the mug up to her lips.
"That sounds so awful." His voice was soothing, stroking her arm. "How did you get over that?"
She kept her cold fingers wrapped over the mug, using the heat to furnish her body. "It kinda just went away after a while, my anxiety was subsiding, and a year later, I felt better."
"Wow, do you know how strong you are for putting up with that?" He leaned towards her. "It's not easy, mental health is difficult to take care of."
Devora smiled at him, grabbing onto his hand. "I don't know how I did it. I just kept going, because I know that's what Adele would want me to do." She bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from unwarranted tears.
"She's proud of you." He said, confidently.
"She is." Devora glanced down inside the mug. "I saw her in my dream. That's why I woke up so startled."
"Do you mind me asking what happened in your dream?" Jungkook was thoughtful, watching her drink the tea.
Devora set her cup down.
What she had dreamt about wasn't what had startled her, it was how she hadn't had a dream about Adele since her passing. What does it exactly mean to dream about a passing person, and reminisce with them in a place that didn't actually exist?
A place that the mind formed.
"We were in this coffee shop, I think. We were just catching up, and it didn't seem to hit me that she's passed away, so we were talking like normal." Devora began her story, trusting Jungkook with her perceptions.
"We were talking about new things in our lives, how I work for Hoseok, and she brought you up." She turned to him.
That made him flinch, imperceptibly.
Mostly because of how realistic that seemed, how Adele brought him into the conversation, like she had been watching over Devora all these years, and knows about the diminutive aspects of her life.
"Me?" He pointed at himself, his eyebrow lifted. "What did she say?"
"She just said that she liked you and that we go together." She laughed at how absurd it seemed when she explained her dream out loud. "I don't know? Maybe it was a conversation that my brain just made up. I never really look into deep details about my dreams."
"I think that's a conversation you've been waiting to have," Jungkook replied. "You were able to tell her recent life events and get things off your chest. Closure, maybe?"
Her head was slightly tilted. "I didn't see it that way, but you're probably right." She held his hand. "Closure. Yeah, that sounds right."
"You're always so helpful. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here with me, right now." She placed his hand against her chest, head down.
He fixed his hand underneath her chin, drawing her face up to his. "Devora, you're a lot stronger than you think you are." He whispered, placing fallen hair strands behind her ear. "You've accomplished so much."
Their intense eye contact was tangible, Devora was unable to look away, fascinated by his cradling words, and perfect features.
She wrapped her arms over his large frame, embracing him with leaking appreciation and passion.
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