"I hope that you see right through my walls."
M I L E S
The Saturday was unmistakably cold. Typical for a December in Portland. I was rummaging through my drawers, trying to find a hoodie. All my others were in the dirty hamper, because, unfortunately, my sister didn't care to do laundry. I would of done it myself, but laundry seemed like a minuscule spec in a sea of fish and lions lately.
It was freezing. Even inside. I only wore a black T-shirt and pants. At the moment, I wanted to strangle my sister.
Maddie swung open my door. She sipped her homemade smoothie before saying, "Mom said breakfast is on the counter. She said she'll be working late tonight."
Working late. I tried to not give into the alternative of that. The drugs. The dangers of opioids. I had no place assuming the worst, not now.
"Okay," I replied, returning to my hunt for warm clothes.
"Are you going somewhere?," she asked, eyeing me with skepticism.
"Yes, Maddie, I am. I don't have a sweater to wear, and I'd appreciate it if you could—."
"What the fuck?," Maddie cursed, taking fast strides towards me. She pointed directly at my neck with astonishment. "Is that a hickey?"
My eyes widened, and I looked in the mirror for the first time this morning. Liam. His work from yesterday proved to be impressive.
"No, no, no," I whispered, examining the faint pink spots. I was going to murder him when I saw him today. Murder him.
Sure, there weren't too many marks, but the few ones that were evident, were undeniable.
I turned to Maddie with slight embarrassment. She was already squinting her eyes at me.
"I knew I wasn't hearing ghosts yesterday," she said, crossing her arms.
Shit. Liam was going to have a laugh at this, and probably say he'd do it all over again.
"No, you weren't," I huffed, defeated. "Don't tell mom."
She screamed, high pitched and excited. She looked at my neck in wonder. "Miles, was that...LIAM? Please tell me it was Liam. This will make my year."
"Maddie," I warned, in a hushed tone. "Stop it."
"Oh my God," she gasped. "It totally was him. Jeez, he does fine work."
I put my face into my hands and shook my head. "Stop looking. This is terrible."
She pried my hands from my face and smiled brilliantly at me. "Is he...your boyfriend? I totally knew you didn't like girls too much. Who needs girls anyways?"
"Maddie, please," I pleaded. "I don't know anything right now. Just don't say anything."
My sisters' dark eyes brightened. "I won't. I promise."
I sat down on my bed, pulling on my shoes. "Thank you," I expressed.
She happily sat down next to me, a grin on her lips, "I just know he's a good kisser. Look, you're blushing."
I swatted her hand away from my face, "No, I'm not."
"Is that where you're going right now? With him?," she asked, ignoring my protests.
I gave her an irritated look, but resumed tying my shoes, "Perhaps."
"Where?," she asked, eagerly.
"To the bakery with his little sister," I shrugged. "Then probably to the park. It's not a...date."
At last, she said, with a softened look in her eyes, "You like him, M."
I sighed, but didn't give her the satisfaction of agreeing. Not out loud, at least.
Before she could say anything more, my phone gave a ding. Maddie's hand shot out and she reached it before me.
"Maddie, give it back!," I yelled, chasing her down the stairs.
"It's from him!," she exclaimed, eyes glued to the screen of my phone. "He says he's outside. Shall I go see if he has a matching set of marks?," she asked, wriggling her brows.
"Pervert," I accused, ripping my phone from her grasp.
Maddie seemed to make a split-second decision as she grabbed my phone back and threw it on the farthest couch, then sprinted for the door.
"Maddie!," I screamed, but she was already well past the door. Lord in heaven.
I hastily grabbed my phone from the couch and followed after her, hoping that she didn't reach Liam before I did.
What I saw made my heart jolt. Maddie pointed sternly at Liam with a fierce look on her face. She was at his car door with his window rolled down for her. He looked slightly alarmed, but once he saw me, he gave a subtle wink.
"You got it, boss," I heard him tell her. Maddie then turned around and smiled sweetly at me.
Of course she felt the need to give her don't-hurt-my-little-brother speech. Without a doubt, I knew this was her way of convincing herself that she was protecting me.
"Have fun!," she said, then kissed my check.
I gave her a murderous look, but made my way towards the passengers' seat of Liam's car. Once I got in, Liam smirked arrogantly at me.
"Well, don't those look pretty," he said, voice thick with delight. He reached over and lowered the top hem of my shirt to properly inspect the marks. He smiled to himself, then released my shirt.
"Lilia, grab Miles that sweater beside you," he called to his sister in the booster seat behind us.
As fate would have it, my shame would be shared with Lilia as well.
"This one?," she asked, holding up a hoodie, eyes wide at the marks on my neck.
"Yes, that one," he said, handing it to me. "Put it on."
It was the same one he wore yesterday. When I put it on and looked in one of the car mirrors, it looked like I was now the captain of the Ridgeview baseball team, the indication being the bold lettering on the sleeve. Actually, it looked as if I was now property to the captain. Liam slowly grinned.
"What?," I asked, hushed. I hoped I wasn't blushing again.
He cleared his throat, and averted his gaze. "I think I'm the better artist."
I smacked his arm, and he laughed darkly. I wanted to tell him that hickey-giving wasn't an art.
"Do you have an ouchie, Miles?," Lilia said in the backseat, worried eyes focused on my neck.
I gave an uneasy chuckle as Liam drove off. "Yeah. I, um, I got burned. Definitely, ouch."
Burned?
Liam was smiling like a fool trying to control his laughter.
"This is your fault," I whispered to him, afraid of Lilia hearing.
He nodded, and said in an equally quiet voice, "Yes, it is."
"Oh no," Lilia said, covering her mouth with her tiny hands. "Does it hurt?"
"A little," I lied, facing Lilia again. "Don't worry, Lilia, it's not too bad."
The blonde little girl started to rifle through her princess backpack. She finally retrieved what looked like a bandage. She held it up to me, and up close, I saw it was pink and littered with Disney princesses. "Here, Miles! This will make you feel much better."
At this, Liam intervened, with his focus still on the road. "No, no. Leave Miles be. I quite like them."
Lilia casted an annoyed look at her brother as she put away her flimsy little bandage.
The whole way to the bakery, Liam grabbed my hand. I interlocked our fingers, and I despite my situation, I couldn't help my smile.
•••••••••••••••••••
This bakery held memories. Old ones. Jake once made me laugh here. Now, as I stared at the golden boy who held his little sister, those memories seemed like another life.
The bakery held two parts. One for pastries, and one for food.
"I don't want food," Lilia whined. "I want that," she said, pointing at a ginormous cotton candy cupcake.
"You have to eat first," Liam said. "Or else mom will kill me."
"I want to look at it some more," she said, toddler tears starting to well in her blue eyes as she looked longingly at the pastry behind the glass.
Liam set her down on her feet, and said, "You want to look at an ugly unicorn cupcake?"
She stomped her foot angrily, "It's not ugly!"
Liam liked to ruffle his little sister. Taunt her. She knew it too, even at such a young age.
I took Lilia's hand and said, "I'll stay with her until she's done. Then we can eat, right?," I looked down at the little girl.
She stuck her tongue out at her older brother, but said sweetly to me, "Yes."
Liam scoffed at her unruly behavior, but said to her with warning, "Don't be a brat to Miles. I'll be back."
He said the last part to me, eyes flickering over the hoodie I wore. His hoodie. He held a smug expression, then departed to the second half of the bakery.
Once Liam was out of earshot, Lilia said, "Do you think it's ugly, Miles?"
I looked at the colorful cupcake she was referring to and smiled, "I think it looks yummy."
She giggled. "It does! Oh, and it has purple sprinkles. It's my favorite color," she stated, with a twinkle in her eyes.
I eyed her attire, which consisted of purple pants and a white wool sweater. She also wore purple sneakers. They lit up when she stomped.
"Purple's a great color," I assured, giving her a smile.
Lilia's little face turned curious. "Miles?"
"Yes?" I asked, growing fully attentive to her.
"Are you Liam's...special friend now?," she asked. Something that looked like hope welled in her blue eyes as she clasped her hands together.
"Special friend?," I asked, leading her to a nearby table.
She took a seat, and said, with sadness in her eyes, "I didn't like Liam's other special friend. She had red hair."
I didn't think I needed any more indication of what a special friend meant, or who Liam's had been.
"What was her name?," I asked.
"Daisy," she replied, looking down into her lap. "She was mean to me."
Something that felt like anger welled in my stomach. I had this image of a wrongly entitled Daisy mistreating this wonderful little girl in front of me. It was wrong. She deserved consequences.
Despite my anger, I reached out to pat Lilia's hand. "Did she hurt you?," I asked, gently.
Lilia looked up from her lap with big blue orbs. "No, but she told me that...big brother didn't love me as much as he loved her. It made me feel sad."
I shook my head, "No, sweetheart, that's not true. At all. Your big brother loves you very much. Daisy is just...She's a jealous lady. She's also very dumb."
Lilia hopped out of her chair and sprung her arms around me. "Miles," she said into my chest. "I want you to stay big brother's special friend. I don't want her back."
My heart would've shattered if it was made of glass.
Before I could respond, a voice sounded behind me. "Miles?"
Shit.
Lilia looked up and detached herself from me. I stood up and faced the boy who called my name.
Jake Griggs.
So much had changed since I last talked to him. He looked much different, too. There were dark bags under his eyes and his face was paler.
"Hey," I said, quietly.
Jake's voice no longer sounded like honey, now it sounded much more standard, like there was nothing glimmering about it anymore.
Jake now stood closer to me. He wore a blue jacket with grey jeans. "How have you been, little raptor?"
His eyes kindled with something that resembled wanting. Longing. It felt wrong of him to look at me this way, it felt as if I was betraying something.
Liam.
"I've been great," I said, forcing a warm smile.
Keep it short.
"That's, uh, great," Jake said, shoving his hands into his pockets. He looked like he was about to say something more before he finally registered the piece of clothing I was wearing.
My breath caught in my throat when Jake reached out and grabbed the sleeve of Liam's hoodie. His eyes looked furious now as he beheld the lettering.
Captain.
There was only one Ridgeview baseball captain, and it was Liam Coleman.
"What the fuck is this?," he asked, hushed. "Why are you—."
I didn't know when Liam spotted the interaction, but I was relieved to see him in front of me now. He effectively plucked Jake's hand from my sleeve and gave him a shove. "What do you think you're doing?," Liam asked angrily.
Lilia let out a tiny gasp.
Jake's eyes held malice as he beheld Liam—and me in his clothing.
"What, are you his protector now?," the hazel-eyed boy scoffed. "You're hardly in a position to defend. You hurt him."
I winced, knowing those words would sting Liam. They were true, but it didn't feel that way now. Everything was so different.
Liam took a threatening step forward, flexing his fingers. "You don't look so good, Griggs. I suggest you leave, before you enter a fight you can't walk out of."
No, I wanted to scream. Not in front of Lilia.
I knew it would possibly hurt Jake, but I realized that I didn't care. I wouldn't pick Jake over Liam. Not again. So, I took Liam's hand. He turned to me with fire in his eyes, but I sent him a soft look. He's not worth it, I wanted to tell him. There were bigger things at hand.
Out of my peripheral vision, I saw Jake's jaw clench like it was the most revolting sight he'd ever seen.
"He's wearing your clothes, and he clings onto you now," Jake stated, glowering at Liam. "What lies have you told him?"
Liam smiled, like ice at its most vicious temperature. "You're really pissing me off, Griggs. Just admit you lost, and walk away."
Lost. Was it the game he was referring to, or something else? Liam held my hand more firmly, answering my silent question.
Jake seemed to come to a decision, with one last look at me. "I haven't lost anything," he said, voice hard. "Not just yet."
I could feel the irritation radiate off of the blonde. I knew it took all his strength not to knock Jake's teeth in. There was nothing I could say to ease the situation. Nothing. When Jake stormed out of the bakery, Liam turned to me quickly, "Talk to me, about anything. Or else, I'm going to go out there and kick his ass."
Think. Think.
Maybe I should've let him kick his ass.
"You're a better kisser than him," I blurted out. It was the truth, but it still made my face heat.
Liam's gaze flickered towards my mouth briefly, then his eyes darkened as he towered over me. "Permission to kiss you?," he asked.
I didn't know what I was thinking, if I was even thinking at all, but I nodded. Liam immediately brought his warm lips to mine. Careful, strong.
Somehow, I couldn't believe that Liam Coleman, my former nemesis, was now kissing me in the center of a bakery. It was—
Liam abruptly pulled back as he swore, "Fuck—ouch, Lilia."
Lilia had kicked her big brother in the shin, successfully getting his attention. "I still want my unicorn cupcake," she whined, crossing her arms.
Liam looked at me with pain in his eyes. I shoved his chest, "Stop that. Attend to your sister."
Lilia dragged her brother by the hand and eagerly pointed at the colorful cupcake. I couldn't of thought of a better way to spend a Saturday.
Everyday counted.
Every. Single. Day.
I wouldn't waste the time I had being miserable. No.