~ 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐚 ~
The bed creaked under Amara's body as she fell on top of it, her hands over her eyes and a loud huff escaping her lips. She took a deep breath, her limbs quite literally shaking from anger and her teeth clenched so tightly she was surprised they hadn't all completely shattered.
The girl couldn't even speak English. How were they supposed to help a girl that they couldn't even talk to? What the fuck was Peter thinking? Was he insane?
She seemed to be asking herself that question a lot lately. Actually, she had been asking that question about Peter ever since she met him. His ideas were always so opposite to hers, and it was so... fuck, it was so infuriating.
She wants to go North, he wants to go South. She wants to be alone, he wants to bother the shit out of her. She very much wants to get out of Russia, and he wants to adopt a child they can't even speak to.
Her eyes blinked open, and she sighed, looking up at the ceiling.
Where was the logic?
Nowhere.
Exactly! Nowhere! What kind of saint-like outcome were they going to get out of starving in the forest with a six-year-old?
This is why we should just take him. You know how much easier it would be-
"Shut up," she huffed, waving her power away and rolling her eyes.
That was when her eyes focused, specifically on a peculiar panel in the ceiling she somehow hadn't noticed before staring back at her. Her eyebrows furrowed. It wasn't directly over the bed. It was beside, rather, and looked like it took up a good portion of the ceiling as well.
She stood up, her eyes locking on the string dangling down from it.
Amara used her mutation to help her pull the panel down, which revealed a rickety old ladder covered in spiderwebs. It didn't take much besides her curiosity to climb it.
The attic it led her to was empty except for the endless amounts of spiderwebs and dust to match the ladder, though it also held an empty bird's nest in one of the windows, and what she assumed to be a dead squirrel in one of the corners.
Another panel appeared in the ceiling above her, this time clearly holding up another ladder. When she climbed this one, it took her directly outside.
The house was taller than she expected it to be; she could see beyond the tops of the trees and along the valleys of the forest, which meant the surface she was standing on raised her quite a bit. The house must have also been on a hill higher than she anticipated, since the trees further away looked much lower.
But out in the distance, her eyes met the setting sun peeking out from behind the mountains. It gave off enough light to see the inescapable terrain they were trapped in. She walked along the roof of the house and sat down just below the peak, her eyes locked on the form of the one thing they were trying to get away from: the Remedy base.
She thought that with all the walking she and Peter did, they'd have made it far enough away that they couldn't even see it anymore. Yet, there it was. Very far away, but still visible. Sitting proudly on top of it mountain, blending in with the darkness of the dead forest with its grey walls and depressing nature.
Amara sat there for a long time. Thinking. Contemplating. Sighing.
Eventually, she remembered what Peter said to her, and put It away completely. She had to think for herself, without the influence of anything else. And the longer she did it, the more guilty she became.
Peter was right. Suyin was just a little girl that was just as scared as she was, trying to find her way home in a place where she couldn't communicate with anyone. She couldn't defend herself, she couldn't do anything to protect herself, she couldn't hold someone's hand to find even just a smidge of comfort and safety. She was alone.
At least Amara had Peter. Suyin had no one.
Her fingers twisted her rings. Even if they were going to die, at least they wouldn't be alone. She supposed that was better than dying by herself.
It wasn't Suyin's fault that she had no one. Amara could only picture the girl being ripped away from her family screaming and crying for a split second before she cringed and shook the thought away.
As usual, she was being a drama queen about everything, and she blew up at Peter for it.
Once again, Amara fucked up.
That seemed to be the only thing she could do right. Fuck up, get angry at everyone else for it, then blow something up because of it. Fucking hell.
The sound of Peter's footsteps climbing the ladder pulled her out of her thoughts, but she didn't look back. She didn't deserve to have him sit next to her. She didn't even deserve to have him come up there to talk, but he did anyway.
"I managed to get her to fall asleep," he murmured. His arms wrapped her waist and his chin rested on her shoulder, and surprisingly, her head fell to rest against his. Her hands held his, and her eyes closed when he pressed a gentle kiss to her neck.
"You're right," she finally sighed. "If... If that girl was Daphne... I'd lose my shit."
She thought back to the little girl that liked to flounder around with the animals Amara created, always trying to get Amara to play and talk to everyone. Daphne was like her little sister, and there was no reason this girl couldn't be either.
"She deserves just as much of a life as we do, and I'm just a... a selfish idiot."
"No, you're not," Peter whispered, his head falling back to her shoulder. "You're just used to fighting for yourself because no one else would."
She frowned. But that shouldn't be an excuse, should it? She should just naturally be a kind, caring person like Peter was. She should think about others all the time, shouldn't she?
What kind of X-Men focused only on protecting herself?
Amara's frown was deep as she turned her head to look at him. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."
Peter's smile was gentle as he pressed their noses together, but instead of responding, he leaned in the rest of the way. The kiss was firm, but it comforted the guilt flowering in her body. Even after everything, he still wanted to kiss her. He must have been some kind of angel or something to have that kind of forgiveness.
"We're gonna be okay," he assured, his breath tickling the skin of her lips. "I'll get us home. I promise."
Amara leaned in again to peck his lips. She had to kiss him now, while she could, before she never saw him again. Before she ran away and spent the rest of her depressing life alone, with nothing but her homicidal mutation to keep her company.
She was going to miss him. She was going to miss him so much, and she was struggling to stop herself from enjoying these moments. They were only going to make saying goodbye that much harder, but he was almost addicting, and she couldn't stop.
One of her hands raised to cradle his jaw, and her fingers tickled his skin, desperate to make the moment last as long as possible.
She wished she could answer why she was torturing herself with this. Why she couldn't just easily let go of Peter and never look back again, leaving him behind and moving on so nobody would hurt any longer. Live alone like she was supposed to while everyone else lived happily, safely, without her.
But she had to kiss him. She had to feel him close to her, comforting her in a way that no one else possibly could.
When she pulled back, Peter's lips fell to kiss her cheek, and she sighed. She felt so safe in his arms. Somehow, he understood her without her even saying what was wrong. He made her feel better without her even knowing what she needed to make that happen. He just knew. He made her feel calm, and okay, and like she was good. She was a good person. She wasn't alone.
His chin was back on her shoulder, and he pulled her even further into his embrace as they both watched the sunset. It was still bright out, but the sun was low enough to make the sky begin to show its delicate pink and orange hues.
This was the first time, she realized, that the sun was actually peeking out from behind the terribly grey sky she thought the sky would permanently be. It was almost poetic, the way the sky showed her insides. Mixed in with the depressing, disgusting grey of the overcast sky had a gentle, delicate warmth bleeding through and spreading further inside her.
For the first time in a long time, she felt warm on the inside. Comforted, and at peace. Like she belonged somewhere.
There was a smaller pair of footsteps that pulled her out of her thoughts, and both mutants turned their heads to see Suyin poke her head out and look around.
Amara held her hand out towards the girl, who tentatively stepped out onto the roof and walked towards her. Suyin's hand was small in her own, and fragile, but Amara made her grip tight enough to not let her fall.
She helped Suyin into her lap and held onto the girl tightly, pressing her forehead against hers and closing her eyes. It was the only way she could express that she was sorry. But the message must have been received, since Suyin melted into her arms and held onto her hand tightly.
Peter was right. She had to protect this girl, too.
She smiled when Suyin pulled back and held Amara's hand in front her face, her tiny fingers trailing Amara's. She knew what the girl was asking. Peter was with her, so she would be able to control It without getting angry.
Amara ignited her power and instantly created the gecko that seemed to constantly be on her mind, but it got the reaction that she wanted. Suyin giggled as the gecko tilted its head and looked at her quickly, but as soon as the gecko looked back at Peter, it crawled along Amara's arm and up Peter's sweater to be able to nuzzle into his neck.
Suyin didn't seem to mind, however. Her attention was occupied elsewhere - particularly Amara's face. Her hands raised to cup Amara's cheeks, and Amara stayed still, allowing the girl to look at the change in appearance that she knew occurred when she used her mutation. This must have been refreshing for Suyin, she realized, for someone to look different.
"A-Amara," Suyin said, looking into her eyes.
Amara nodded slowly. She looked different, too.
Suyin sighed and her head fell to rest on Amara's shoulder, and Peter pulled her in even closer. However, when the girl gasped and sat up, Amara's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"More," she said.
There was a deep chuckle from the mutant beside her.
"I got her to say 'more' when she was still hungry," Peter explained. "She wanted more beans. Maybe she still does."
"More."
Amara frowned, noticing that Suyin's eyes were glued to something in the distance.
"More."
Amara glanced down to see her finger point at something. She followed it, and felt her heart drop when she noticed Suyin was pointing to the Remedy base.
"More?" Amara asked.
Suyin nodded. She pointed to her eyes, then lifted Amara's hand and waved her hand around to imitate her power. Suyin pointed back at the base.
"More."
*****
w/c: 1990
a/n: another longer chapter, but definitely an interesting ending... do you think you know what Suyin is talking about?? lemme know what you think!! please don't forget to vote, comment, and share if you enjoyed!! xx