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Ariya
It was one more day, one more day without my meds. I could do it, I could do it.
But I felt.. not so good.
I couldn't sleep, and at exactly 3:45 in the morning I spend about ten minutes puking up my dinner. Then I woke up with a killing headache and gigantic red circles under my eyes.
I looked dead.
It felt like what I used to feel like before I started taking them.
Push through, just push through.
After getting Rylan ready I took a breather on the couch before seeing Rylan waiting for his breakfast. I got him some toast and he whined.
"I thought you said you were gonna make pancakes for us?"
"Just eat it.. please."
"Where's my lunch?"
I mumbled a low curse before throwing together a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
"We're not allowed peanuts at school."
"Shit." I cursed.
And trust me, I only curse when I'm angry.
I trashed the bread and just slapped some salami between the two pieces.
"Here." He grabbed the brown bag and shoved it into his bag.
"Okay, let's go, let's go."
I quickly got us into the car and dropped him off at his school.
One day, one day. One more day, Ariya. Push through.
Kameron was waiting with his bag by my parking spot until I pulled in. Grabbing my purse and walking out.
I felt so, bleh today.
"How's my favourite Ariya?" He asked as we walked into the building.
"Fine."
We stepped into the elevator and he faced me.
"You know I still can't believe you had a son this whole time and never told me, but Amara knew!?"
"I'm sorry, could you just please be quiet." My head has been pounding. I cradled my head in my hand and I could feel his gaze burning holes into the side of my head.
"Look at me."
I groaned and stared back at him.
"Jesus, Ariya? Are you alright? Did you sleep last night?"
"No."
"Did you eat breakfast?"
"No."
"Did you take your pills?"
"I'm out."
"You look terrible? Are you gonna be okay?"
"Yeah."
The doors opened and I went straight for my office, until seeing Khyson.
The lease.
I kept my head down as I sat down and switched my computer on.
"Ariya? Do you have the lease ready?"
I pushed my hair back and looked up at him, his eyes widened as I tapped my finger against the desk. My head pounded, gosh. I held my hand over my head and a took a few deep breaths in.
"Ariya, are you alright?" He asked.
"I'm fine."
"How's Rylan?" He asked, licking his lips.
"Fine." I sighed.
"What's wrong? You seem a little... down."
"Nothing's wrong."
"Ariya, look at me." I shrugged my head up and stared back at him with hooded eyes.
"You look terrible, tell me what's wrong?"
"I already said it's nothing." I whispered.
I couldn't fight the tears arising in my eyes, it was so hard to keep them back. I needed my meds, I needed them so bad.
"Ariya, look me in the eyes and tell me you're okay, look at me and tell me you're fine." He scooted his chair forward and gazed into my soul. I could feel his eyes raking against me.
I could feel my eyes watering, and he could see that.
Until one single tear fell.
"I'm.. I'm not-okay." I shrugged lightly.
"Happy?" My voice cracked.
I slung my head down and stared at my lap, my bouncing thigh and tapping fingers. Until his feet began to move, and land in front of me.
His knees bent and he rested now fully on his knees. His arms wrapped around my frame and he buried my head into his chest.
"It's over now."
I had my head pressed into Khyson's chest as we sat in his truck, I sobbed to him.
"I can still feel his hands, Khyson."
"I know, I know, I'm here, I got you, he's not coming back."
I gripped his torso, desperate to feel as close as possible to him, and away from-from that monster.
"I can't believe I agreed to go on a date with him."
"It's not your fault."
"I'm lucky you saved me, thank you." I whispered.
"You know I would've killed him if you hadn't stopped me." He chuckled. I lifted my head and smiled at him. He grazed my cheek with his thumb.
"I would never let anyone hurt you, Ariya."
"With Rylan, and the work, and his asthma, and the bills, and the food, and William, and my meds I can't." I whispered into his chest. His infamous cologne filling up my nostrils.
"Shh, I got you." He whispered into my hair.
"I don't like relying on the pills, it's like I can't function without them."
His presence suddenly felt so nostalgic, but timeless all at once. It was like we were back home, in his truck. Having one of our moments, one of my moments.
I felt something deep down.
Something I felt the night before I left five years ago.
I placed my palms on his sturdy chest and slightly pushed his body away from mine. That was when we locked eyes, something had been gleaming within his irises.
"Ariya." His voice was soft.
That was the Khyson I knew. His hands dropped to my waist.
"Khyson."
I took a deep breath.
Until the realization hit me like ten tons of bricks to my head.
I placed his arms on his side and slipped past him and out of the office, I dashed down the hall to the bathroom.
Empty as usual.
Locking myself in a stall while sitting upon the closed seat.
This couldn't happen, this wasn't supposed to happen. He was history not presence, he wasn't supposed to be like this, it wasn't supposed to be like this.
Im happy with William, im happy with my son. I want to give him a nice life, and life with no complications and worry, nothing like mine.
I wasn't supposed to get this close, I wasn't supposed to be this aquatinted with him. I wasn't supposed to melt like I used to.
He can't do this, not like last time.
I wasted years of my life thinking he didn't like me an I convinced myself I was past it. I forced myself to get over him.
It was so hard, so god damn hard to accept it.
I didn't need him here.
And I didn't love him anymore.
Yet I was wrong.
I always loved him.