"Why didn't you tell me you were so close to Mariam?", mom asked me on the drive back home.
"Because we aren't close", I grumbled.
"You don't have to be afraid to admit the kiss in front of me. I won't judge you, okay?", she reassured me softly.
"Thanks, mom. But I really didn't kiss her. Can we please just drop the topic?", I pleaded her.
"Fine", she agreed with a sigh, although I was sure that she still had plenty questions.
On the next day at school the atmosphere was depressing. Mariam and Layan were obviously both absent. Ruqayyah and Rania were sending me death glares and everyone else pretended that nothing had happened, except Noaf of course.
During the break she joined me outside on a bench. A heavy silence settled between us as we both did not dare to start a conversation for a while.
"Aren't you going to eat something?", Noaf asked half-way through her meal.
"I'm not really hungry", I mumbled.
"(f/n), I'm sorry, okay?", she proclaimed.
I stayed silent as I did not know what to say.
"The kiss between Mariam and you ..."
I interrupted her: "... was a lie. I've probably been talking more to you than to Mariam."
"You know ... I wouldn't judge you if ..."
"Nothing ever happened between Mariam and me", I interrupted her once again. "But everyone is going to believe that now. I'm the desperate girl who's in love with a psycho and my feelings aren't even reciprocated! Don't get me wrong! I'm not embarrassed because of Mariam or anything. I just hate that everyone believes Layan's lies", I enlightened her. "And you should stay away from me as well. Otherwise the next rumor's going to spread and you don't wanna be part of that" I advised her.
"You did exactly what I wanted to do. But I didn't because I didn't have the courage to. That I stayed silent was wrong. It would be even worse to avoid you now because of some stupid rumors", Noaf clarified.
I granted myself a moment to let her words sink in before responding: "Are you sure? If you just want to play the nice girl now, please spare me. I can't stand any more lies and empty words."
"I'm sure. Back at my old school I usually got into trouble for standing up for others. That's who I truly wanna be", she declared with a soft smile.
"Alright then", I agreed and offered her a smile.
At least the situation also had a bright side now. Without the brutal incident Noaf and I would not have started spending all breaks together and helping each other out with school stuff.
But I got reminded of my actions when Layan returned to school. Together with Rania and Ruqayyah she quickly spread more rumors about me and I got some great nicknames like 'lesbo maniac' and 'desperate bitch'.
"They dunno what they're talking about. Their words don't have any meaning. They're just lying", Noaf intended to comfort me as we were sitting under a tree during break.
"I can't ..."
"I know it's hard, but you've to remind yourself that they're only gossiping."
"But they aren't, Noaf", I confessed. "I didn't kiss Mariam, but I do like girls", I added quietly to make sure no one else would hear me.
"Oh", she responded.
I did not take her reaction negatively because she had already stated that she would not judge me if I had kissed Mariam.
"Their comments hurt, but it's bad enough that I have to justify myself for my sexuality", I ranted.
Noaf apparently did not know what to reply as she stayed silent. I could not blame her. The situation was hopeless.
"Let's head back to class", I suggested as the break would be over soon.
When we entered the building and turned around the corner toward our classroom I was suddenly pushed against the wall by none other than Layan.
"What the hell? Let her go", Noaf interfered but Ruqayyah and Rania were holding her in their grasp.
Where were the teachers now? The security cameras? One should think that the school would take better care after everything that had happened to Mariam, but actually nothing had changed.
"The nicknames are just the beginning. You're gonna regret trying to sell me out", Layan threatened me quietly.
"I didn't try to sell you out. I just told the truth. How about you stop doing things that make you scared of the truth", I shot back.
"Oh. Apparently you have no clue who you're talking to. Don't worry. I'll make sure to put you back in place", she hummed before letting go and disappearing inside our classroom.
"Hey, are you okay?", Noaf worried.
For a moment I was overwhelmed by fear. Noaf got me back to reality by gently placing her hand on my shoulder.
"Thanks", I mumbled.
I did not dare to meet her eyes. I felt ashamed for not being able to stand up for myself.
The ringing of the school bell saved me. At least during class the almighty trio did not try anything.
But I had not thought about P.E. at the end of the day. I considered changing clothes inside the restroom, but quickly discarded the option. That way I would show everyone that they were acting right. Why should I leave the changing room just because I liked girls? It was not like I was harming anyone. I was not even looking at anyone. Instead they were eyeing me in a strange way. Like I was going to harass them any minute. It was ridiculous.
A few days ago I would have never imagined my school life to turn out this way. Although I had always worried about the others treating me weirdly I had never considered it to actually become reality. And I would have never bet that Noaf out of all people would be the person accepting and supporting me.
Nothing happened during the lesson. But when I returned to the changing room I noticed that my uniform was missing. I suppressed an annoyed growl. It would only satisfy Layan to see my frustration.
"Layan stole my uniform", I informed Noaf quietly.
"Seriously? I could get you a new one if you want to", she offered.
"That would be great. Even if I got Layan to return my uniform who knows what state it would be in", I considered.
Noaf nodded, hurried to get dressed in her own uniform again and set off to get me a new one.
"What are you waiting for?", Layan asked me when everyone but Rania, Ruqayyah and her had already left.
I straight on ignored her, which apparently made her mad as she grabbed my chin. Out of reflex I slapped her hand away.
"What the hell? Did you just see how she slapped me?", Layan exclaimed shocked.
"Drop the act, Layan. No one is here to get fooled", I reminded her.
"You're right. We're all alone", she recalled and leaned down on eye level as I was sitting on the bench. Her face was way too close to mine and I needed to suppress the urge to flee. It would only make her feel more superior.
"Back off!" Noaf's voice joined the scene, but Rania was stopping her from getting to me.
"You never denied that you're into girls, just that you kissed Mariam. Does it turn you on that I'm so close?", Layan mocked me with a seductive voice.
"I like girls, not some little children with superiority complexes", I shot back with a provocative grin.
Sometimes I was surprised by myself. The words had left my lips before they had crossed my mind.
Layan's expression became dark. She went over to my backpack and ripped the pages out of my notebook. I heard how she flushed them down the toilet while Ruqayyah was holding me back. Then Layan threw the rest of my stuff through the room, even opened my pencil case to make a real mess. Ruqayyah flung me against the locker and when her and Layan had left, Rania finally let go of Noaf and followed her friends.
Noaf placed the new uniform on the bench and started picking up my stuff. I was frozen in place and simply watched her. When she was finished she handed me my backpack.
"(f/n)" Her voice was gentle.
Tears were pricking at the corners of my eyes, but I did not let them out. Tears of humiliation ,anger, sadness, guilt and especially frustration and helplessness.
"It's fine", I stated apathetically. "It's just stuff. Thanks for the uniform and putting everything back in place."
We got a scolding for being late at the bus. I mumbled an apology and we sat down silently. Noaf let me sit at the window. She knew that I liked to watch the landscape passing by.
"You should tell your parents that you're going to be home late today", Noaf proposed after a while of silence.
"What?", I replied confused.
"You're visiting me today", she decided.
"Wait! What?", I exclaimed immediately regretting it as all heads turned toward us.
We waited for them to get back to their own business before continuing our conversation.
"I already informed my mom that we're hanging out at my place today", Noaf announced.
"I dunno ..."
"Come on. You do wanna come over, don't you? Some fun and distraction?", she offered.
A soft smile crept onto my face. "Fine."
"I knew it", she responded with a grin and playfully hit my side with her elbow.
I shook my head and went back to looking out the window, the smile still plastered on my face.
"Who's that?", a girl asked Noaf after we had left the bus together.
"That's (f/n). (f/n), this is Nisma. My little sister", Noaf introduced us.
"So you're finally hanging out with a friend again. Mom was already worried", Nisma rejoiced.
Noaf sent her a glare that made her immediately shut up and avert her eyes. I could not help but laugh at siblings.
"Then I'm feeling even more honored", I stated laughing.
In the meantime we had started to walk to their apartment and were now standing in front of the door. Before Noaf had the chance to get out a key or ring the door already opened revealing a brightly smiling woman.
"Hi, welcome back", she greeted her children. "You must be (f/n). Feel free to call me Inaya."
I greeted her and introduced myself before Noaf led me to her and Nisma's room. It was interesting to see how different the sisters had decorated their part of the room.
"Should we start with homework?", Noaf asked me casually.
She did not know that I had a crush on her after all and that it was exciting for me to actually stand inside her room.
"Sure. Best thing to get over with it as soon as possible", I agreed. Then the realization hit in. "Oh, but I don't have a notebook with me anymore."
"We have enough in stock. Mom always buys way too many when they're in sale", Noaf recalled and handed me a new notebook. It had the same beautiful, black design as Noaf's.
"I can also get you another one if you don't like the design. Though I'm not sure if you like the others better", she assumed.
"No, I like it. Thanks", I assured her.
Nisma had stayed in the living room. So Noaf borrowed her chair for me and placed it next to her own. Noaf's desk was a bit small for us but I did not mind. Together we managed to finish in a short amount of time as we had different talents.
"I'm beat", Noaf exclaimed while dropping onto her bed.
My eyes traveled to her headphones.
"What are you usually listening to?", I wondered.
"Wanna hear it?", she offered.
I nodded. So she started turning on some of her favorite songs. For a while we just stayed like that listening to music. Time seemed to fly by. Soon it was dinner time and I had to return home. Otherwise mom would probably worry.
"Thanks for having me over", I said goodbye to Noaf's mom.
"You're always welcome. Feel free to come over whenever you want to", she offered me.
I thanked her and Noaf accompanied me to the door.
"Thanks for everything today."
"We should hang out more often", Noaf considered.
"That'd be great. See you tomorrow then."
I flashed her a quick smile, which she reciprocated before I set off toward home. In the end the day had turned out pretty well after all.