The three of us walk up to the house without saying much. Negan walks to my right, whistling like he owns the place and Alex walks to my left, never taking his scowl off Negan. Despite the tension, a little joy sparks up inside me at the thought that my friends are right behind the door we're about to walk through.
Alex knocks on the door in a specific way, giving the agreed upon signal. We've taken to barricading the doors from the inside, because the locks don't work anymore. There's the sound of heavy furniture inside and then the door opens. I can't help but smile when Priya's eyes find mine and her mouth falls open in complete surprise.
'Hello, darling', I say while I step toward her and take her into a tight embrace.
'You're here', she utters.
'I'm here', I answer. I find myself crying into her thick, black hair. I've been crying an awful lot these past few days, but given the circumstances, I don't think you can blame me. I release her from my embrace, but hold her close by cupping her face.
'Oh my God, I'm so glad to see your face. Are you all right?' I ask her.
'Am I all right?' she asks, placing her hand on my wounded cheekbone. 'I'm not the one who's been out there for days. What happened to your face?'
'What? What's wrong with her face?' Alex asks, coming up next to us. He hadn't noticed my bruise in the twilight, but we're standing close to a portable light now that Priya must have brought with her to the hallway.
'I..', I begin, but before I can answer, the sound of running feet and screaming children echoes through the hallway and soon I'm nearly knocked over by Carmen and Miguel jumping into my arms.
'You're back, you're back!' Carmen shouts excitedly. I pick her up and laugh while I try to dodge some of the kisses she keeps planting on my face. Miguel has wrapped his arms around my waist, equally happy to see me.
'I was worried about you', he says. 'Don't leave again.'
'I've missed you too, guys', I say, putting Carmen back on the ground and pulling them both in for a group hug. 'I'm so happy to see you.'
I look up from the embrace when I notice another figure stepping into the hallway. She's the only one to not break out in smiles when she sees me. Katarina's ever-vigilant eyes are focused on a point behind me. Right, in all the excitement I'd almost forgotten about Negan. I stand up and look back at him. He's leaning against the wall, seemingly relaxed and somewhat amused by the proceedings happening before him. He's quiet for once. But I'm not so easily fooled. I'm sure he's ready to attack at any moment if anyone starts to act against him.
'This is Negan', I tell Katarina. 'Let's go to the living room, shall we? We have a lot to talk about.'
'That's a great fucking idea.' Negan leaves his place by the wall and swaggers over to me. 'Now what does a guy have to do to get a drink around here?' He grins at Katarina, who watches him in silence with an icy stare. Nobody responds to him, but we all make our way to the living room. Katarina doesn't hug me when I pass her, but she reaches for my hand and grabs it tightly, just for a second. I give her a weak smile, and the corners of her mouth lift slightly too.
It's gotten full dark outside now, but the room is lit with several portable lights and there's a fire burning in the fire place. Once we've entered the room, everyone stands around rather awkwardly. Even the kids seem to sense the tension. They hold on to their uncle, looking at me and Negan with wide eyes. Priya perches on the edge of the couch, but the others stay on their feet. They don't trust him and they're not about to let their guard down. All eyes are turned to me and Negan who's standing next to me. In the deafening silence, he leans over to me and whispers loud enough for everyone to hear:
'I think now would be a great time to make some introductions, sweetheart.'
'Sweetheart?' Katarina spits the word out. 'Why is this man calling you sweetheart?'
'What, you don't think she's sweet?' Negan responds, grinning mischievously. As he says so, he reaches out and places his hand on my shoulder, which puts everyone in a frenzy.
'Don't you touch her', Alex yells, raising his rifle and taking quick steps towards us. Katarina curses something in Russian and grabs the knife she keeps in her belt. She raises her arm, ready to toss it at Negan, who, of course, also takes out his gun. Before everyone blows each other to pieces I step in front of Negan and block him with my body, pressing my back against him. I grab his hand holding the gun in the same movement and push it down. He must be surprised by my sudden move, because he doesn't protest.
'For God's sake, stop it!' I yell. Alex and Katarina seem to freeze, afraid to hurt me now I'm blocking their way. But they don't put their weapons away.
'Please, Alex, look at the children.' Carmen and Miguel have crawled into a corner. Priya stands in front of them with her arms spread, shielding them from danger. Alex looks over quickly and curses. 'I don't trust him with that gun, Lara.'
I'm still holding on to his hand that's holding the gun, but I know he could easily shake me if he wanted to.
'How 'bout this?' his gruff voice sounds close to my ear. 'I'm perfectly comfortable behind my human shield here', he grabs my upper arm with his free hand, 'but I feel like we're not exactly making progress here. I'm willing to put my gun away, if you put your weapons out of reach as well. Then Lara can explain to all of you why we're here.'
In my surprise by his generous offer I bend my neck to look at him and find his face very close to mine. He turns his eyes to me and smiles, so I quickly face forward again. This is the second time today that we're standing so close and I don't like the way it makes my heart flutter.
'That's a great idea', I say. 'Let's all put our weapons in the corner or something.'
Alex looks from me to Katarina and back to Negan. When neither of my friends move a muscle, Negan sighs. He pulls his wrist out of my grasp, but doesn't raise the gun. Instead, he puts it into my hand.
'Here. I'll be the bigger man.'
I take the gun from him and step away from him a little. He raises his arms in a gesture to show that he's really unarmed.
'Really?' I ask him.
'Take my knife too.' He pulls a large knife out of his belt and hands it to me. I watch him suspiciously as I take it. Is he really giving up his weapons, just to get my friends to trust him? 'You're welcome to search me if you want', he adds, low enough so only I can hear him. 'Find out just how big of a man I am.'
I let out a sound between a nervous laugh and a scoff when he winks at me. Then I turn around.
'Come on guys, let's put it all over there so we can talk.' I point at a cabinet in the corner of the room.
Alex lowers his rifle but doesn't move to put it away yet.
'De verdad confías en este cabrón?', he asks me in Spanish.
'Mira, no estoy seguro. Está un poco vil y me asusta, pero ha sida sincero hasta ahora,' I answer.
'Can we continue this conversation in a language we all understand?' asks Katarina.
'Uncle Alex asked if Lara really trusts this guy and Lara said he's kinda mean and scary but he kept his word so far.'
My eyes shoot back to Negan when Carmen translates the words I didn't mean for him to hear. She's stepped out from under Priya's arm and smiles proudly into the room. So happy to be able to help. Negan raises his eyebrows when he looks at me and I open my mouth to come up with some sort of apology, but before I can speak he bursts out laughing.
'Well, I couldn't have said it better myself. Thank you for translating, dear', he nods to Carmen. I let out my breath in relief.
'Yes, thank you Carmen', I manage in a high voice. I honestly think I've lost three years of my life with all the stress of the last few days.
'He didn't really say guy', Carmen continues, encouraged by Negan's reaction.
'That's all right now, darling', I interrupt her quickly before she can tell him Alex called him an asshole. 'Alex?' I nod towards the rifle.
He shoots one last wary look at Negan before he finally lowers it. At least the tension is broken a bit by Carmen's meddling.
'Fine', he says. I don't waste time to step forward and take it from his hands before he can change his mind.
'Katarina?' I say while I walk over to the cabinet to put the weapons away.
She follows me to the cabinet without taking her eyes of Negan until she's reached it. She puts the knife with the other weapons and whispers to me.
'I have another knife in my boot. If he makes a wrong move, I throw it right between his eyes, I don't care who he is.'
This might sound ridiculous coming from any other 60-year old, but I've seen Katarina in action and you do not want her on your bad side.
'Let's just try to keep this civil, shall we?' I whisper back.
She makes a non-committal sound and walks back toward the others with her arms crossed and her eyebrows in a scowl.
I walk back over to Negan's side. I want to stay close to him, to keep an eye on him and to throw myself between him and the others if they try to attack each other again. Next to him, I turn around to face the others, finally ready to tell my story.
I tell them everything. Starting from the point where I found Kieran and how we tried to break into the compound. How we got caught and I decided to tell Negan the truth, so he wouldn't kill Kieran. I tell them about everything they have at the Sanctuary and that he told me we can live there and that that's why we're here. Of course I leave out the part where I promised him to be his wife if everything works out. I'm sure they'd have something to say about that. As expected, they have some things to say anyway. First of all, Priya's furious at Kieran.
'What the hell was he thinking? I've told him a million times it's not his fault, how dare he risk his life and yours.'
Alex shares the sentiment, but is worried about his friend as well.
'So he's just in some sort of cell now? And he got shot? Is he going to be okay?'
Miguel thinks I'm a badass for shooting the guards.
'You really shot them from that distance? In the dark? Did you kill them?'
Carmen doesn't like that.
'Lara doesn't kill people, stupid!' Little does she know.
And Katarina is suspicious.
'So these people try to steal from you and you offer to take them in and their friends too?' she asks Negan. 'Without wanting anything in return?'
Her eyes glide to mine and I lower my gaze. She doesn't know, does she? How could she know?
'She never said I didn't ask for anything in return', Negan responds. I look up at him with fear in my eyes. He promised not to tell.
'Here's how I see it. People are resources. Without people, I'd just be a guy walking around a big empty factory by myself. When you come to live with me, you work for me. And if you work for me, I take care of you. That's how I keep my place running. I need my people as much as they need me. So when Lara told me your story', he looks over at Priya, 'I figured I can always use more hands. You don't deserve what happened to you and I don't allow that kind of shit.'
Priya looks away from him. I know she doesn't like to talk about what happened. Alex and Katarina share a glance between them. They don't seem convinced.
'What kind of work would we do for you?' Alex asks.
Negan shrugs.
'Can be all kinds of stuff. Hunting, cooking, repair work. Strong man like you could even be one of my Saviors if you prove that I can trust you.'
'A Savior?' he asks.
'They're some sort of soldiers', I explain.
'Hm', he snorts. 'I don't know about this.'
'I want to stay here', says Priya. 'We agreed it would just be us from now on, no more communities.'
'Priya, I understand', I tell her. I do understand, she felt safe at the camp, we all did. And that feeling of security was shattered so harshly. 'But think about what will happen if you have the baby. We don't have any resources to take care of it. They have a real doctor there, that can take care of you and the child.'
'I don't care', she says, wrapping her arms around herself. 'I don't care whether this thing lives or not.'
We're all quiet after that. I stare at her, but she keeps her eyes firmly on the ground. I completely understand that she doesn't want to take care of the child of the man who raped her. But it's too late to terminate the pregnancy. It was never really an option because we found out pretty late and with no means to medical help, there was no way to do it safely. This baby is going to be born and once it is, we can't just let it die. That's no argument we need to have right now, though. Fortunately, Katarina chimes in.
'Care about the baby or not, think about yourself, Pri. Lara is right. When you give birth, we have nothing to take care of you. Do you know how many women died in labour before modern medicine? If there is a doctor there, we need to go.'
I'm surprised by Katarina's support. She's usually the most suspicious of others but we have talked a lot about how it will be a struggle to get through Priya's birth and winter. She must realize this is the best chance we have if we all want to survive. Priya only shrugs, unconvinced.
'So anyone can just use this doctor of yours?' Alex asks. 'He'll help Priya?'
'At the Sanctuary, you need to pay for what you use', Negan explains. 'When you work, you earn your points that you can use to buy food, pay the doctor, do whatever the fuck you want.' Suddenly he's right beside me and wraps his arm around me as he continues. 'But I promised your pretty friend here that 16-&-pregnant over there will get all the help she needs, free of charge. 'Cause like I said, that kind of shit does not fly with me. And what can I say', he grins at me and gives me a little tug with his arm around my shoulder, 'those big brown eyes are hard to say no to.'
Alex looks very uncomfortable with the way Negan's holding me and twitches like he's about ready to attack. I feel very uncomfortable with the way he's holding me, but if I want this to work I have to show them that I trust him. So I smile back at him and let him hold me.
'Even if Priya wasn't pregnant, winter's going to be tough', I say. 'We don't have enough food stored and this place is nice, but it's not safe. If a bigger group finds us, we won't be able to defend it.'
'Why don't you think about it', Negan adds. 'I think it's best if we crash here. We're going back tomorrow, you can come with us or not.'
'We?' Alex asks pointedly, turning to me. 'You're going back either way?'
'Ah yes, you didn't tell them that yet', he continues with a smile that shows me he's enjoying this. 'You all have a choice, but the people that tried to steal from me are going to have to make that up to me whether they like it or not.'
I avoid their eyes, still awkwardly stuck in his grasp. I didn't want to tell them this, I wanted them to make the choice to come with us on their own. Priya takes a step in our direction, a desperate expression on her face.
'You can't keep her away from us', she begs him.
'Oh, it won't be forever, sweet thing. Lara and the Scotsman will work off their depth in a year and then they're free to go wherever they want. I'm sure we're gonna have a hell of a time.' He touches his finger to my chin in a semi-friendly gesture that immediately riles up Alex.
'If you think we're going to let you...'
'Boss? Boss, this is Nico, over.'
Alex falls silent when he's suddenly interrupted by the radio. I'd almost forgotten about Negan's people waiting at the gate.
'Excuse me', Negan says with a grin, finally letting me go to grab the radio from his belt.
Alex stops in his tracks, clearly confused by what's going on.
'He brought people', I hiss at him quickly while Negan talks back into the radio. 'Don't try anything.'
'There is a raving Russian here, sir. Shot the car window to pieces, nearly killed Steph. But we got him. Want us to kill him?'
A raving Russian? Shit, in all the excitement I hadn't even noticed Nikolai isn't here. I look up at Katarina with big eyes and see that she's come to the same realisation.
'No, don't kill him!' I tell Negan, putting my hand on his arm to turn his attention to me. 'That's Nikolai.'
'Of course it is', he chuckles. 'You people really need to work on your hospitality.' He presses the button to speak. 'Don't hurt the Russian. You got it under control?'
'Yes sir, any chance we can come up there now?'
'Yeah, I think it's about time', Negan responds.
'Who are these people?' Alex asks. 'Did you come here with some sort of army?'
'Relax', Negan says. 'It's not exactly safe out there so I brought an escort. It's just three of my guys, they're not gonna pull any shit. You're going to let them in now.'
Alex doesn't appreciate the command.
'I'm not letting in shit.'
Negan pulls am exaggerated offended face and is about to hit back, but Katarina's faster.
'Nikolai has the key. He can open the gate.'
'Kat!' Alex snarls. She doesn't respond. She's not about to let her husband get into any danger.
'Thank you ma'am', Negan says to her, before he speaks into the radio. 'The Russian has a key, you can let yourself in.'
It's quiet for a while, then the voice comes back up through the radio.
'He won't tell us where he's got the key, sir. You sure we can't hurt him? This guy's tough for a freaking grandpa.'
'Let me talk to him', Katarina orders, putting her hand out.
Negan looks like he's about to say something, but changes his mind and hands her the radio. A waterfall of unintelligible Russian words follows. First from Katarina, then in Nik's voice from the radio. Then Katarina again. I've been trying to learn some Russian these past few years, but the speed they're talking in is making it impossible for me to understand anything. The only word I get is the last one she speaks. Spasibo. Thank you.
She hands Negan the radio back.
'He gave them the keys, they're coming here. '
Negan looks impressed.
'Nicely done.'
It doesn't take long for the cars to arrive. Alex removes the furniture in front of the door and soon there's the sounds of people noisily entering the house.
'Vhere is she?' I hear in a thick Russian accent. Katarina spent some time studying abroad which helped her lose most of her accent, but Nikolai spent his whole life in Russia, so with him, it's more prominent.
'She's in the living room', Alex tells him while he puts the furniture back.
I hear a few loud steps and then a dishevelled-looking man appears in the doorway. His hairline is receding in the front, but the hair he's got almost reaches his shoulders. He has a short messy beard and a wild expression in his light blue eyes. He stares at me from the doorway.
'Hi Nik', I greet him.
He doesn't speak, but moves slowly towards me. Then he raises his arms and increases his speed until he reaches me and places his cold, veined hands on my cheeks.
'Who has done this to you?' he asks me.
'What?'
'This', he takes his hand of my face to gesture wildly at my bruise. 'Who has hurt my lapooshychka? I vill rip their intestines out of their body through their throat and feed them to their families.'
'That won't be necessary, Nik. Thank you though.' I can't help but smile at his ridiculous threats. Nikolai may come off frightening when you don't know him, but once he's taken you into his heart he's the most loving man you'll ever meet.
'Vas it this man?' he asks, shifting his eyes over my shoulder to Negan.
'No', I say quickly. 'It was somebody else. But I kind of called it upon myself. We got caught trying to steal and I spit in this guy's face and then he hit me.'
'You spit Ramon in his face?' Negan laughs. 'Shit.'
'Who are these people, Lara?' Nikolai asks urgently. 'Are you in trouble?'
'You know, before we go over the whole story again, we have been driving for hours and I'm fucking starving' Negan interrupts, before I can answer. 'So while we're having some food, your lovely wife here can fill you in on the details. Steph, Nico, go grab the food. Oh and weapons over there. Except for this one.' The woman, Steph, I'm assuming, hands him the bat. I hadn't noticed he left it in the car, but I'm glad he did. He would have had an even more unfriendly welcome if he'd been wielding that thing around. He looks glad to have the thing in his hands again and swings it to his shoulder while he turns back to us.
'To show you my good intent, I brought enough food to share with all of you. Any way we can fry up some chicken and corn around here?'
'Chicken?' Miguel asks excitedly. I turn around to find the kids craning their necks to look at the cooler that Negan's people just brought in. At least somebody's happy.