one last song for our collection. had to finish strong with the heavy-duty feelings
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hi there :)
the closing thing for my third book is here. my mind is blown.
you know, just a few years ago, if you asked me how to write a novel or novella, i would laugh at your face because i had no idea, and tbh, i still don't lol (👉ﾟヮﾟ)👉
but back then, i never would have guessed i would take it this far and actually have enough inspiration to write anything at all. i never ever pictured myself as a writer but life is funny like that.
Updates like this prove to always be bittersweet. i feel a cocktail of emotions every time i write one of these. it's sad and stuff that i finished a well-invested daydream, yet it makes me want to move to my next project (ahem), get my knuckles cracking and start my keyboard on fire with my glorious imagination (but we all know me actually writing is less likely than cats making it to heaven or.... yeah, you get the point).
so, the long awaited reason for this book + why the heck i created a loser like Ady (jk, i love him to bits):
there's a couple of reasons (a lot actually).
first, the idea came to me while i was staring into the void. I was in a particularly dry patch in my writing; a null period, one might say (or not). it was a time in my life where I decided romantic relationships are overrated and i need to avoid them at all costs because:
a. why risk that kind of pain? seeing the relationships around me fall apart wasn't enticing. it looked like more pain than what you get back. so many ways that it could go wrong; betrayal, divorce, falling away from the faith, cheating, fighting, in-law hate, etc. the possibilities are overwhelming and terrifying. call me an overthinker idc
b. if I don't have to get in a relationship, i can get a dog, buy a beach house in Texas, shave my head, live on muddy buddies and carrot sticks, and nobody can tell me otherwise cuz i can be friggen independent. (i prolly wouldn't do this but a girl can dream)
c. seriously, the fun aunt has never sounded so good and you can't be a fun aunt if you're married with six kids. it can't happen.
d. in reality, i could be a nun, that always works...
so then i wondered if INFPs sometimes felt this way. they are hard-core romantics, but could they fear love and commitment to the degree of avoiding it like the plague?
✨ THAT'S WHEN IT STRUCK ME ✨
a die-hard romantic, absolutely refusing to fall for their soulmate.
what a concept, ammi right? and it all came from my very own mind!
the story started out in my head as something like an interview crew that caught a hold of a lonely and miserable 27 year-old bachelor in denial. this crew would constantly chase him with a microphone and video camera and plague him with obnoxious questions about his love life, trying to get to the bottom of why he is running away from girls and all things related to commitment and love. it had the same vibe as like the Trumann show or a reality tv/soap opera sort of thing. i think comedy was the primary genre for this.
at the time, i didn't have a reason for why he was running in the first place, but i later found out i was projecting my own reasons onto him. behind my own back. subconsciously. weird.
all of the stereotypes and cliches in books these days are really rigid and stale. i needed a fresh concept.
i wanna say that i don't see a lot of guys showing vulnerability in books (at least in the YA fic world). they are always the ones taking care of the girls with their giant muscles and chiseled jawlines, but it's never the other way around. i think society has trained men to see emotion and especially fear as weakness, and they are only allowed to show it, maybe to a significant other. even with the normalized idea that men have emotions, heaven forbid you see one cry! but we have to address that if you're human, you have emotions. if you're living on this planet, full of triggers, full of hardships and unbearable feelings, you have to have an outlet. so why would it be weird to cry, or be scared of spiders, or talk about the beauty of life, or tell people that they are loved? can't guys be afraid of the dark, and cry when they watch a sad movie? it bothers me cuz i see that emotional suppression everywhere, and these people aren't living their authentic lives cuz of social standards and fear of judgement. and so, since i couldn't find a book for this, i decided to write my own.
i've only seen the stoic, prideful, BA, hot-tempered, stereotype trend in all of my reading adventures. literally, every genre has it, you can't get away from it. yeah, so, with my rebellious attempt against the system, Ady isn't a rich businessman/mafia boss with a temper, which means Daffy isn't an innocent high school nerd who gets bullied cuz of her glasses lul. i seriously try to avoid that part of Wattpad as much as i can.
Who are the characters based off of?
Adrian: the INFP characters i've seen in books, in the music industry, the art world, the people i've met. like, he's a stained-glass hybrid of all my experiences and knowledge of how i see and understand INFPs. throw in my debilitating anxiety and voila! ✨
Daffy: the ENFJs in my life are strikingly similar. might've subconsciously based her on them and then accidently made her similar to my thought process. a little bit of a mistake if i'm being honest... she isn't like i intended her to be, but i guess that's the beauty of her personality and such, it has become its own thing, not in a box that i tried to shove her into.
Kimmy: lol my guess is as good as yours.
Benny: it's a shot in the dark.
Grant: could literally be one of my brothers, never know...
Which character is most-likely to trip on air?
Adrian, duh.
Coffee preferences?
Adrian: Latte; more sugar and milk than coffee. a foamy leaf is preferred, but not mandatory.
Daffy: Black with ten sugars. But like, really, really black.
Kimmy: Earl Grey.
Benny: Coffee will forever be too bitter no matter the additive.
What the heck is this thing about mentioning Daffy's job and then saying nothing else??? (chap. 23)
Lullll, it be like that. remember, i'm the one with the 'laziest writer of the year badge'! i've had it for three years consecutively. *bows*
umm yeah... we can say she's an editor or something for a small company; you fill in the blanks, i've got other things to do.
that's not the only fish to fry. what about Daffy's parents? why does she live with Charlice?
Daffy stays with her aunt cuz her parents are boujee and love to travel. she's more of a homebody and living with her aunt is better than living in her parents' empty house so yeah. no underlying drama, sorry (i'll save that for the next story, ooh hoo hoo)
and now for the audacious plug
other works by me!
-The hooded Thief (novel)
I'm a simple writer. I enjoy enemies that are secretly in love. That is all.
Mae steals stuff for a living; Jake tries to be a hero. It's a mess.
You might laugh. Idk.
-The Averages (novella)
Beverly, the self-proclaimed "queen of ordinary," crosses paths with an inexplicably peculiar neighbor. Amidst corduroy overalls and constant blushes, this strange weirdo might just unlock unsuspected beauty within her "average" life.
You might see yourself in a different light after reading. Idk...
-Pain Killer (novel)
Ever felt like jumping off a bridge? welcome to the club.
you might cry. Idk. probably my best work so far, just say'n
okie
i know it's prolly overused or something but hey, if you made it to here, i'm so grateful for your persistence, determination, whatever it is that kept you here for the last note.
i guess that's it.
a million XO's for you, my incredibly fantastic and dedicated readers!! although you're sparse and mostly silent, i appreciate you more than waffles (not joking😳). Hope all your pudding recipes never burn and may your plants all stay alive.
-Cati
(currently fantasizing a stack of butter-drenched waffles and rereading my finished books. i'm not ashamed to admit it)
THE PLAYLIST:
I always title them just in case the videos get deleted or something stupid
Close to You - Dayglow
Vacant - Rasti
Kitchen Sink - Twenty One Pilots
Cigarette Daydreams - Cage the Elephant
Keep it Together - Matthew Mole
Goodpain - Yoke Lore
Hello My Old Heart - the Oh Hello's
creature - half alive
Fireflies - Owl City
Addict With A Pen - Twenty One Pilots
Boys Don't Cry - The Cure
freakin' out on the interstate - Briston Maroney
Magic - the Cars
Reaper - Jay Joseph
Into Blue - Dayglow
hot tea - half alive
Red - Lucy Daydream
Even in the Dark - Cape Francis
Easy to Love - asking for a friend, Lostboycrow, DYSN
Symphony of Lights - Bad Suns
Prove me Wrong - Tyler Joseph
Smoke Signals - Cavetown, Tessa Violet
(bonus cuz i didn't know where to put this song on a chap but didn't want to leave it out)(i mean, it's so infp, why would i do such a thing as ignore this ethereal piece of art?)
Move Me - half alive
wow and you scrolled all the way to the bottom just to see if i added anything else besides these killer songs. good job!
just leave a star if you're feeling that committed, jeez... 🙄💅
March-22
pub, Jan-29-23