Cameron
Coach really worked us out today. My body is dripping in sweat as everyone heads to the locker room, my muscles aching from head to toe. I'll definitely need an ice bath tonight.
"If fucking Blake didn't throw up we would have had one less lap," Ethan calls out over his shoulder. "Fucking pussy." The rest of the teammates grumble in response, Blake remaining quiet as we begin to undress.
"I think he's just trying to get us ready for homecoming this weekend," I say to try and lighten the mood. After all, I am the captain, right?
"By making us throw up?" Blake seethes.
"By making you throw up," Ethan clarifies. "I believe your vomit was the only one on the field."
"Whatever," he says. "I'm going to be too tired this weekend to even go to the stupid dance. Sarah is way too fucking excited about it."
"Well, she is your girlfriend," I say as I throw my hoodie over my head. "You kind of signed up for that, bro."
Ethan slams his locker shut, obviously still pissed at Blake for the extra lap. "I'm just excited for the after-party. I'm bringing Jennifer, and I could really use some relaxation after today."
I want to agree. I want to tell them that all I want to do is be laid up with Maddie the whole weekend, but I can't. All I can do is shove my practice uniform into my duffel bag as the rest of the guys talk about their plans.
"So, Sadie says she's going with you," Blake says to me. "Is that true?"
"What?" I hiss. "Where the fuck did you hear that? I'm absolutely not going with her."
He throws his hands up, sending me a sheepish grin. "Don't shoot the messenger. I guess she thinks she's going with you."
"Definitely not," I mutter.
"Well, if it's not Sadie then who are you bringing?"
This catches the rest of the guy's attention, including Ethan's. They're all staring at me, and inside I feel like I'm about to explode. I hate being under pressure, and I can't think of anything to say. If I tell them I'm not going with anyone they won't believe me. I always bring someone. Ethan thinks there's some mystery chick, and pretty soon he's going to find out that it's Maddie.
I can't let anyone find out. Maddie is my best-kept secret. We've been inseparable this entire week, and I'm not willing to lose her. If that means putting on a show for the weekend then so be it.
"Kelsey." I finally say and clear my throat. "I haven't, uh, asked her yet, but I'm assuming she'll say yes."
Ethan arches a brow up, and I just know he's about to say something slick.
"So, mystery girl isn't coming anymore?"
"No," I reply with a smirk. "I guess you won't be able to find out who she is after all."
I finish changing and sling the duffel bag over my shoulder. All I want to do is go home, shower, and go the fuck to sleep. Mark is in the corner staying completely out of the conversation. He knows better than to say something, but I see a mischievous grin plastered to his face. He's up to something, I just can't tell what it is.
I don't care what he's got up his sleeve just so long as he keeps Maddie completely out of it.
I'll kill him.
Blake comes up to pat me on the shoulder to interrupt my thoughts, chuckling as he swings open the door. "Good luck with Sadie's wrath when she finds out," he says, the rest of the team snickering behind him. "You're gonna need it."
***
The next morning at school, it doesn't surprise me when I see Sadie storm up to me, nostrils flaring and fists clenched at her sides. She's not intimidating whatsoever. She's short as hell, and in all honesty, it's more comical than anything.
"Good morning," I say and lean against my locker with a smile. It only seems to get her more worked up.
"Kelsey?" She sneers. "Honestly? You literally fucked me in my backseat just last week!"
I don't think she notices how loud she's being because now she's captured the attention of all the passersby heading to their classes. They stop to turn, pretending as if they aren't eavesdropping when I know they are.
"Did you or did you not hear me when we were in biology the other day?" I ask. "You aren't my girlfriend, Sadie. I can fuck whoever I want to, and I can take whoever I want to the dance. You mean nothing to me."
Her hand smacks me across the face immediately after I close my mouth, the stinging lingering there as everyone gasps around us. Frankly, I deserved it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't. I'd also be lying if I said this was the first time this has happened.
"Wow." I laugh in disbelief and rub the spot that's still burning. "Pretty impressive for a cheerleader. I have to admit."
"You're such a fucking dick, Cameron," she seethes and shoves me against my locker as she passes by me. "Don't ever come to me again for sex, because it isn't going to happen."
"We'll see about that!" I call after her, rolling my eyes as I go to turn back towards my locker. I see Maddie out of the corner of my eye, though. She's standing at the end of the hallway, and all the way from here I can see the tears she's holding back.
I was just kidding with Sadie. I didn't actually mean I'd have sex with her again. Is that why she's so mad?
Rather than call after her to make it obvious, I quickly shut my locker and make my way towards her. I hate that I can't just grab her when I want to, and I hate that I have to constantly be aware of my surroundings to make sure Ethan isn't around to see.
Maddie is making a beeline in the opposite direction, but I quickly jog to catch up with her and grab onto her elbow so that she'll turn to face me.
As soon as I see her face, though, I wish I hadn't.
Anger, devastation, and sadness are all wrapped up in those dark swirls of blue, and my stomach clenches at the sight. The last thing I want to do is make her angry with me, but lately, I feel like that's all I seem to do.
"Mads, what's going on?" I ask. "I didn't mean what I said to Sadie. I just said it to make her angry."
"You think I'm mad about Sadie?" She laughs in anger, or in disbelief before she throws her hands up and shakes her head. "Unbelievable, Cameron. Honestly."
"Mads!" I say angrily when she walks off down the hallway again, and at this point, I don't care who's seeing. People are beginning to stare—I can feel their eyes on my back as I storm after her. I need to get her alone. I need to be able to figure out why she's upset with me.
The door to the janitor's closet is right beside me, and almost in perfect timing I'm able to grab onto her wrist at the last minute, pulling her in behind me.
"Cam, what the fuck?" She seethes, taking her wrist immediately out of my grasp. "Are you insane? People could have seen us go in here!"
"It's the junior hallway now," I say. "Nobody from my class will have seen us. Now why the hell are you so angry with me?"
"How the hell is it not obvious?" She shoots back. "Cam, I didn't answer your phone calls all night."
"I thought you were sleeping!" I reply.
"Do you even understand how stupid I felt when Ethan came home and told my parents that you asked Kelsey to the dance? What part of no other girls do you not understand? I thought you had agreed to this! I thought I meant more than them."
"You do mean more than them," I reply, exasperated. "Mads, I thought it was just no girls for me to mess around with. I'm not going to do anything with Kelsey, alright? I just asked her so that people wouldn't suspect anything was going on between us."
"That's fucking bullshit Cam and you know it. You could have gone alone. You could have just said that you wanted to be a free man at the dance and nobody would have questioned you. The truth of the matter is that your reputation means more than whatever the hell we have going on between us."
Her words feel like a knife is twisting around in my chest, and the more I listen, the angrier I become. I didn't think about just going alone, but now I wish I had. My reputation means nothing to me. It's always been about keeping whatever we had going. I don't want anyone to find out because I'm so into her it's like I can't focus on anything else. If I lose this, I'll never forgive myself.
She laughs again. "And you chose someone you fucked. How could I have been so stupid? I actually thought—" She stops and clears her throat, on the verge of tears.
Why can't I say something?
Why am I just standing here like an idiot?
"Maybe you're right." She sighs, and my heart feels like it's going to break. "If I stay in this and continue what it is we're doing then I'm just going to get hurt. Deciding to go to the dance with Kelsey didn't break our pact, but it hurts me all the same. The truth is that I want to be the one you go to the dance with. I want to be on your arm, and seeing her with you is going to be so fucking brutal."
My chest is pounding, and the close proximity between us is agonizing. The sentence is right on my tongue. I can open my mouth and say it right now but in a janitor's closet? Do I really want to say this when she's crying and upset?
"And you probably think I'm crazy." She laughs again and lets out another sigh. "I'm sorry that I caught feelings, Cam, but I did, and I'm not going to be like all those other girls in the movies and draw this out longer than it needs to be and hide it. I've liked you for years, and I'm sorry that I can't hold my end up."
More than anything I want to say something, but I just find myself completely dumbfounded at her feelings. This is what I've been waiting for her to admit, yet all I can do is just stand here. Honestly, what the hell am I doing?
"Okay." She nods, sensing that the conversation is done when it isn't to me by any means. "I guess that's it then. You can take Kelsey, and I'll find someone else to go with this weekend. It was fun while it lasted." She opens up the door to the hallway, which is now completely empty, and all I can do is watch her wipe away her tears, still completely speechless.
I'm letting her walk away without so much as a fight, and internally I'm screaming at myself. I know I'm not used to these emotions. I've never heard a girl say she was into me when I reciprocate the exact same feelings. I don't know how to do this.
The sentence is still stuck in my throat, completely unable to come out as she leaves me alone in the closet.