Hello, hello! This chapter is sad :c also, this story is almost over...wah! (Fear not, I'm thinking of a sequel...) So I just had surgery on my mouth and dude I'm in pain but I figured while I'm on bedrest, I will post this extra long chapter (:
Song of the chapter is the song that "Sarah writes" in the end! It is:
Turn Your Face-Little Mix
Please don't judge me but I am literally in love with Little Mix they're amazing and adorable. This song is about feeling like someone gave up on you and doesn't care for you anymore. You'll see how it relates later ):
btw, I changed my twitter to: @ sarahcrawfordxo
and my tumblr to: disasterologyyy (FOLLOW ME!)
BUT I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY! I love you guys! ♥
xx
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It was a few days after the 4th of July party and I'd been seeing Alex more which made me happy. He'd been able to make it during our set to sing 'Kiss Me Again' and that made me happy.
I was hanging out with Pierce The Veil on their bus, it was about 9am, I'd gotten up early that morning.
"I don't feel good," I commented as I sat on the couch next to Tony.
"Do you want-" Jaime started to say but I bolted for the bathroom just in time to throw up.
I came out and apologized, "Sorry guys," I said with a loud sigh.
"Don't apologize, it's okay," Vic smiled.
"Was it something that you ate?" Jaime asked concerned.
"I don't know, all I had this morning was a banana and a bottle of water," I said leaning back on the couch.
"Here, have some more water. It's probably just the heat getting to you," Mike said.
I took a few sips of water and felt a little better, I was hungry then.
"Hey do you guys have any lemons or salt?" I asked randomly.
"Salt on lemons?!" Tony asked with a weird face.
"It sounds good right now, or potato chips and hot sauce," I said feeling hungry again.
"You're craving some weird shit," Jaime said with a laugh.
I laughed too but then stopped short. Oh my god.
Throwing up.
Craving food.
No.
I can't be.
"What day is it?" I asked worriedly.
"July 7th, why?" Vic asked.
My period was late too. Shit. Shit. Shit.
"I have to go," I said quickly as I got off the bus. I ran back to my bus and sitting in the front lounge.
"Chris do you know where Tay or Cass are?" I asked.
"Uh yeah, they're both on All Time Low's bus," he said.
"Thanks doll," I said running off to the All Time Low bus, I knew the boys had soundcheck right now so it'd just be us girls.
I ran onto the bus to see both of them sitting on the couch.
"Hey! We were just going to call you!" Tay smiled.
"Yeah, wanna grab some food?" Cass asked.
"We may need to pick up something else," I muttered.
"What?" Tay asked.
"Guys...I think I'm...I might be..." I started but trailed off nervously.
"What, Sarah?" Cass asked with concern.
"I might be pregnant," I said quickly.
They both just stared wide eyed back at me and before I knew it I felt both of my best friends hug me.
I didn't realize I was crying until Tay was wiping my tears away. "I'm so scared guys, I'm only 19 years old, I can't be a mom!" I said with tears still streaming down my face.
"It's gonna be okay Sarah," Tay said soothingly.
"Yeah, we'll go out and get the test, it's gonna be fine!" Cass said.
I sniffled and nodded wiping away tears. Just then the bus door opened and the boys came on.
"Hey girls wanna-Sarah why are you crying?" Rian asked running over.
I looked at Tay and Cassadee and shot them a look to tell them not to say anything.
"I just don't feel good from this heat," I said.
Rian pulled me in for a big brother hug. "It'll be okay, just drink some water," he said rubbing my arm.
"I'll be fine," I said faking a smile. Zack came over and handed me a water bottle.
"Thanks Zack," I smiled hugging him. I missed Zack, I hadn't seen much of him.
"Anytime Sar-Bear," he smiled.
Alex pulled me down onto his lap and I curled up into him. Tay and Jack sat next to us cuddling and Rian and Cass were across. Zack sat on the other side of me.
"You sure you're alright?" Alex asked kissing my cheek.
"Yeah, just...can I talk to you outside for a second?" I asked warily.
Tay and Cass stared wide eyed at me and I shrugged it off. Alex needed to know. We went outside and I took a deep breath.
"Alex, I got sick this morning," I said looking at him.
"Yeah, but you're okay right? I could-"
"I also missed my period," I said quietly.
He just stood there, frozen. I had tears stinging my eyes and he came over and wiped them away.
"Hey, hey, don't cry. It's gonna be okay. Did you um...take a test yet?" he asked cautiously.
"Not yet, Cass, Tay, and I were gonna go get one," I said sniffling a little.
He made me look up a him with a serious face. "Sarah I promise you that if you are...pregnant...that I'll be here every step of the way. I won't leave you or the baby," he said giving me a kiss on the forehead.
I had tears still streaming down my cheeks but I nodded, "I love you," I said.
"I love you too, it's gonna be okay babe," he said pulling me in for a hug.
"Don't tell anyone else, I don't want Rian freaking out," I said nervously.
"Promise," he said squeezing me tighter and wiping away more tears.
We got back on the bus with Alex holding my hand tight. I was so afraid he'd want to leave me but I was so reassured after our conversation. I loved this boy more than anything.
"So dis you guys wanna-" Rian started.
"We're going out for a girl's lunch, bye!" Cass said grabbing Tay and I and running off the bus.
We drove in silence to the gas station down the road. Cass was driving and Tay was in the backseat next to me rubbing my back comfortingly.
We got to the gas station and I got out with my legs feeling like jelly. We walked in and picked up three tests, just to be sure.
We purchased them and quickly left. We got back and went to my tourbus since it'd be empty. Mike, Chris, and Drew were with We The Kings on their tour bus.
We got on and I went to the bathroom of the bus. After I was done I laid the three tests out.
"How long do we wait?" Cass asked.
"Three minutes," I said shaking.
"It's gonna be okay," Tay said.
It was honestly the longest three minutes of my life. We all sat there in silence just waiting. I was shaking like mad and couldn't calm down. If there was a baby inside of me, this stress probably wasn't very good for them.
The timer on Cass's phone beeped. I jumped and went to get the tests. I closed my eyes and braced myself, when I opened them I gasped.
"What?!" Tay and Cass asked coming up behind me and looking.
"Sarah-" Cass started.
"I've gotta talk to Alex," I said quickly running off the bus.
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I got off the bus and ran to the All Time Low merch table where Alex was helping Vinny set up. I calmly went up and smiled at them.
"There's my woman," Alex smiled tugging on my hand and pulling me under the tent. I smiled and he hugged me.
"Hey Vin," I smiled and Vinny gave me a hug as well.
"Can I talk to you Lex?" I asked quietly. He ushered me to the side of the tent and looked at me worriedly.
"How did it go?" he asked nervously.
"I-I'm not pregnant," I said.
He breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god! We were way too young for this, you know that right? We'd of never made good parents," he said.
These comments were making me sort of mad, I knew we were young but never would have made good parents? What does that mean? If I ever did want to start a family I'd like to think I'd be a good mother. I didn't want to start a fight however so I just dropped it.
"Yeah...I've got to get ready for my set," I mumbled giving him a quick kiss and leaving.
I got back to the bus to find Mike, Drew, and Chris sitting there with a pregnancy test in their hands.
Shit.
"Care to explain?" they asked.
I broke down and told them everything. Even about Alex's comments just moments before. I didn't even notice I was crying until Chris wiped away my tears and gave me a hug.
"It's just been a really stressful morning," I said.
"We'll always be here though Sarah, we're a band, we stick together," Drew said.
"Don't ever feel like you can't tell us something, we won't judge you," Mike said.
"We love you," Chris smiled.
"I love you guys too, a lot," I said with a grin.
"Group hug!" Drew demanded and we all laughed.
"Okay, we need to get ready for our set now," Mike said, of course being responsible.
"Yes, father," I said rolling my eyes.
"Guys, can you not tell anyone about this?" I said gesturing to the tests. They nodded and I felt relieved.
"Good, let's go play a show!" I said as we ventured out to the sweltering heat of Warped Tour.
I tweeted out: @SarahDawson I have the best band ever c: @MikeTDS @TheDreamSequenceDrew @ChrisEvans <3
We got on the stage and I let all of my worries melt away, and it wasn't hard to do in the heat either.
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Later on I was hanging out with Vic, Travis, and Kellin. Copeland was here for a show and I was so excited to see the adorable baby girl.
Katelynn came over holding her and smiled. Immediately Copeland stretched her arms out to me and Katelynn handed her over.
"Someone's excited!" Katelynn joked.
"Are you talking about Sarah or Copeland?" Vic asked.
I rolled my eyes at him but laughed. Copeland was adorable, I held her up and she giggled. We played peek-a-boo and she couldn't stop laughing.
"You're a natural! You're gonna be a great mother one day," Katelynn smiled at me.
That comment struck me and I flashed back to Alex's comment. It made me sad but then I stares down at Copeland smiling and it made me smile. Babies were amazing like that, they don't have a care in the world. They just smile.
"She really loves you," Katelynn smiled.
After visiting with Copeland, Travis had to get ready for his set. I went with him since I would be singing in 'We'll Be A Dream' anyway.
"Are you sure you're okay Sar? You've been quiet today," Travis said.
"All good Trav," I said with a small smile.
"Alright, you know you can always talk to me though!" he said.
"I know Trav," I said.
"Good, I love you bestie!" he said in a high pitched voice.
I rolled my eyes and laughed, "I love you too!" I said hugging him.
I watched from the side as We The Kings performed. Halfway through I went on and the audience cheered.
"So my best friend Sarah is going to help me out with this next song. We've been best friends for a long time, and we wanna hear you sing loud alright?" Travis asked the crowd.
"Do you remember the nights we made our way dreaming, hoping of being someone else? We were so young then, we were too crazy, in love," I sang.
"When the lights go out, we'll be safe and sound, we'll take control of the world, like it's all we have to hold onto, and we'll be a dream!" we sang together, me reaching the high note.
After the song I hugged Travis and the boys and waved to the audience as I ran off. I had to get to the AP tent and meet Alex there. It was our first interview together and to be honest I was still upset about before. But I had to suck it up. I'd been trying to talk to Alex but he'd been distant ever since the pregnancy scare earlier today.
I reached the tent and Alex gave me a smile and I smiled back. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and I sat next to him. I couldn't explain it but things felt awkward between us.
"Hey guys! Carl from AP here with two of the coolest lead singers on Warped, introduce yourselves guys," the interviewer said to the camera.
"Sup, I'm Alex from All Time Low," Alex said.
"Hi, I'm Sarah from The Dream Sequence," I smiled with a wave.
"So Sarah, this is your first Warped with your band?" Carl asked.
"Yeah, it's so surreal how everything happened so fast. I've been friends with Mike, Chris, and Drew for a long, long time so when we decided to start a band it all clicked so quickly. Almost like a dream," I said making a reference.
He smiled, "That's awesome, Alex how do you feel about her on tour?" he asked.
"It's been awesome having her do her own thing. I always knew she had the potential to do amazing things and I'm so glad she's getting the chance to," he said.
"So your new album comes out soon, any chance of a collab on there?" he asked.
"Maybe, everyone is gonna have to wait and see," Alex smirked.
"Are you guys excited for it?" he asked.
"We're so stoked, this album is really all about us getting back to our roots and really connecting with the audience again," Alex beamed.
"That's awesome, and speaking of albums, Sarah your band's album was number 2 on iTunes the day it came out, correct?" Carl asked me.
"Yes! I couldn't believe our fans did that,
I was so extremely happy and I'm so thankful to have such an amazing and dedicated fanbase given that it's only our first album and all," I said.
"Do you think getting your name out there with All Time Low helped?" he asked.
I nodded, "Oh big time, I'm so lucky to have been so close to my brother growing up. He's one of my best friends and he influenced me a lot with my music. Without him or any of the other guys I wouldn't be where I am today," I smiled.
"Do you guys spend a lot of time together now that you're on the same tour again?" Carl asked.
"It's definitely tough but we try to make as much time as we can, we have such different schedules but we make do," Alex said.
"Well that's all we have time for, for AP I'm Carl," he said.
"I'm Alex Gaskarth," Alex smiled.
"And I'm Sarah Dawson," I waved.
"Until next time!" Carl said.
After that Carl shook our hands, "Thanks for the interview guys," he smiled.
"No problem," Alex said.
"Our pleasure," I smiled back.
We got off the bus and Alex pulled me over to an empty space. I gave him a puzzled look and he put his hands in his pockets.
"Alex what's wrong?" I asked.
"I just..I have to tell you something," he said.
"What...?" I asked cautiously.
"I-I told Lisa about the scare," he said quickly.
"You WHAT?!" I asked.
"I didn't mean to! It slipped, I was freaking out and I needed to tell someone who wasn't on tour and-"
"So you decided to tell your ex girlfriend?!" I asked.
"I'm sorry Sarah, I really am. But you weren't back yet and honestly I'm still really freaked out," he said.
"I'm not pregnant Alex," I said with a glare.
"I know, I know...it's just, I don't know I can't explain it," he said.
"Don't worry, you already explained some of it earlier when you said I'd make a horrible parent," I snapped at him.
"Sarah come on I didn't mean it like that," he said.
"What other way can you mean something like that?!" I yelled at him.
"We aren't ready to be parents!" he yelled back.
"Maybe we aren't ready to be together at all then!" I said angrily.
"What does it matter to you?! For all I know you could be flirting with Vic since you spend most of your time with him anyway!" Alex said.
I glared at him, shocked. "I cannot believe you just said that! Maybe I'm always with Vic because he can actually make time for me!" I yelled.
"We're main stage this year, it's hard!" Alex fought back.
"If you haven't noticed, Pierce The Veil is main stage too, but they still care enough to make time!" I said.
"Then maybe you'd like to date one of them instead," he said with anger. I was done.
"At least I'm not the one going around telling my fucking ex our personal business!" I said with my blood boiling now.
"At least Lisa knew how to handle it!" he said.
"You know what? I'm done here, fuck you Alex. When you think of a reason as to why you've been such a douchebag lately, come talk to me," I spat at him, angrily stomping away.
I ignored him calling my name and ran to my bus. I got on and ignored the guys calling my name and ran for the back lounge.
I grabbed my guitar and started strumming chords. I wiped away the tears and instead of crying more, I decided to turn my frustration into a song.
I had a lot done in a short while, and still felt so upset and betrayed. How could he tell Lisa? Was I that bad? Was he giving up on me?
I shook my head sadly and sang the chorus;
"You turned your face,
And now I can't see you anymore,
Turn your face,
Now I can't feel you anymore
Walk away,
Until you're not standing at my door.
Turn your face, walk away, and stay,
Turn your face."