Seoul was covered in the first snow of the year in mid December. I have not seen Yoongi and Hani for a long time as I needed to recover fully and get my head around some things. Jungkook invited me over to HYBE to get a sneak peak of their concert rehearsal. He wanted to get my opinion on how it sounded. It sounded like a nice change and he picked me up from my flat.
„I am super excited for you to see it", he said grinning as he pulled up to the private parking at his company.
„I will try my best to help you", I chimed back. Jungkook and me had a lot of banter going on and he was someone that could always lighten the mood by his dad jokes and clumsiness. So far I had only met him and Yoongi from their group so I was a bit nervous to officially meet the rest. They were at the funeral though I did not talk to them back then. I checked in at the lobby and we made our way up to the dance studio. The music was blasting loud when we entered. I bowed to the staff that was there.
„Yo yo, I bought a friend to help us. Ary noona will look at this with fresh eyes. I think we all are biased. Ary I think you know them all right?", Jungkook asked me grinning. I nodded and greeted everyone. Yoongi gave me a quick bow and started to stretch again. Jungkook rolled his eyes when he saw that.
„Miss Ary let me get you the best seat here. Tae help me", Jimin said sweetly and both set up a chair for me and even gave me a notepad and pen to take notes. They were both very nice. J-Hope came over and looked at me: „Please stop the music whenever you see something being off like choreo or music. There are some details that we worked out but I feel like you will catch more". I looked past them and all the members gave me their thumbs up expect Yoongi who did not care and the staff was also fine. They started the intro where Jungkook and Jimin danced together, Mid way J-Hope joined and I was pulled into their world. It was art at its finest and they deserved their spot at the top for sure. I could tell from the first few seconds. The first song started playing and I stopped it midway. It did not connect for me. They paused and looked at me waiting. „What story are you trying to tell? What is the journey? You started off strong and now you lost me. You start with a sad song and continue with a happy one? Can I listen to the other songs please. Maybe you need to re-arrange the order", I asked them and looked over to the staff.
J-Hope and RM came over to me and we talked about the concept. After listening to the songs I we moved them around. The transitions would work better. So we ran with the new order and it felt better though we quickly knew that the songs needed to be adjusted through mixing and the chore partially too. RM called in a break for all and I asked for permission to try something. Jungkook stayed with me and he was impressed at the speed I worked at. After 2 hours I was done with the entire list and once he heard the first song he jumped up and ran out to get the other members.
„J-Hope, I count on you to do live changes to it. The choreo is your speciality", I said as he came in and he nodded. His eyes were sparkling and he liked a good mission. Jungkook did us the favor of playing the list and they all listened attentively. Their eyes were closed and as the last song ended the all opened their eyes.
„It is perfect", Jimin said with a content smile. They all nodded. Now the ball was on their side. I watched J-Hope adjust the choreo and after 2 hours we got all the staff back to watch the entire run. They all clapped at the end and complimented them and me. The staff left and the guys invited me to their dorm to have dinner. Jin talked me into coming and I had no choice than to agree. I got inside the car with Jungkook, RM, Jimin and Tae.
„Hyung is a really good cook. You will love it", Tae sang from behind.
„Yeah though Yoongi Hyung is also good. Let us see who will be in charge today", Jungkook added as he pulled up at the highway. I felt more ate ease since Jungkook was there. Usually I feel awkward around new people.
„I am glad you came around. It sounds more whole now", Jimin said lost in thoughts.
We arrived at their dorm and Jin was already in full swing cooking. Yoongi was in a room for a bit. He would join us in abit. I helped Jin cook and we both chatted over music, our favorite food and other little topics. Jimin was in charge to keep the glasses filled with wine. Tae and J-Hope set up the table. RM and Jungkook vanished to freshen up quickly. Jin decided to prepare some grilled steaks and some small side dishes. Once the food was ready the rest joined us and we ate. They shared some funny memories they made on the road on tour over the years. Tae showed me the picture where GRAIL and Yoongi finally got together which earned him a scolding. He did not care. They cared for eachother deeply and I could feel the love. We heard a bellsound and then Tae ran up. I was clueless on what was happening but then he came back with Hani who rubbed her eyes.
„She just woke up. Look how cute she is", Tae said smiling from ear to ear. They all swarmed her and Yoongi watched them with a soft smile. Hani was a blessing for all of them. I felt a lump in my throat. Inside I knew I could never have this. I excused myself quickly before I would tear up infront of them. I recalled where the bathroom was and headed there. The tears were streaming down endlessly. I was about to close the door when a foot held stopped it. The door opened and I saw Jungkook who slid inside and closed the door behind him. He took me into his arms and I cried silently.
„It is ok not to be ok", he whispered to me and patted my back. We heard a knock on the door and then it popped open revealing Yoongi. I tried to wipe away my tears though it was pointless. He stared at me and Jungkook.
„Hyung, I will drive her home. Please tell the others that she did not feel well", he said and led me quickly to the front door and grabbed my stuff and we left. We quickly were in his car on the way to my flat. When we arrived I found Jay waiting and we all went inside. I felt dead inside. My tears kept pouring. Jungkook made some tea and Jay held me tight in his arms.
I didn't need to say anything. They understood me wordlessly. Jay slept on my couch for a couple of days and stayed around. He got some work done when I had a nap. I appreciated that he was around. One day Yoongi dropped by and both Jay and me were surprised to see him. He had left Hani with A.J. He looked at Jay and asked if he could have a word with me in private.
„I am not sure man. We were doing something", Jay started to explain to get me out of the situation though I interrupted him.
„Hey Jay it is fine. I will give you a call once we are done", I said to him with a smile. Jay reluctantly left. Yoongi seemed quiet nervous around me which was confusing as previously he did not care much about me being present.
„So, what brings me the honor?", I asked Yoongi with a smile.
He looked up at me and leaned back in his chair.
„I want some answers. I went over some bits that happened and I want to know what you knew", he started. I was confused by the start of this conversation though I played along. I was curious on what he wanted.
„When did you know that GRAIL was sick?", he asked me.
„When I first met you. She did not say anything though it was written all over her face. I felt it in my guts", I said to him.
„I see. I guess I have been slower than you", he said with a sad smile.
„Ok. Why did you help me and Hani back then? Why the interest?", he asked me.
I paused. I did not know it myself.
„Well that is a good question. I felt like Hani would miss her mum and you lost your wife and love of your life. I could not leave you be. I wanted to help and repay GRAIL. She made me realize that I could try life over again", I said to him with a smile.
He smiled wide.
„I see what she saw in you now. You, A.J and GRAIL are similar in that regard though each one of you has a different colour", he added.
„My turn: Why did you come here really?", I asked him curiously.
„Sure. Fair enough. I wanted to know why you cried back then? Jungkook did not even explain anything though I could not get rid of that picture in my head. It was heart breaking. You crying like that and Jungkook holding you", he admitted.
I could feel the pain rise back up again.
„I am not ready to share that yet though I can tell you you are super lucky to have Hani. Give it your best. She is a blessing", I said choking up. I texted Jay that we were done talking.
„Yes, though can you tell me what this was about? Did someone die?", he insisted. Jay came in and looked confused between us.
„No", I said dryly.
„What the hell happened that you both looked so devastated? He looked sad when GRAIL died though that was different? Did you start something? Ary he is a married man and has a kid", Yoongi ranted.
Jay stood between us and glared at Yoongi.
„You better watch what you say. Do not accuse her when you know nothing. She does not want to tell you so back off", Jay said between gritted teeth. Suddenly Jungkook entered. I figured that Jay left the door open.
„Aryyy, guess who is here? Your favorite human", he shouted laughing. I felt my chest tighten. Jungkook saw Yoongi and his face turned stone cold within seconds.
„Hyung, what are you doing here?", he asked concerned. He felt the tension in the air.
„Yah, are you cheating on A.J? Why the hell did she cry at the dorm and you never explained anything? What am I suppose to think?", Yoongi yelled.
„Kookie, get him out before I lose it", Jay shouted.
„Hyung are you insane. We are friends. Your wife, my sister GRAIL invited her into our family and this is how you treat her. Are you blind? She is not doing well", Jungkook tried to say as calm as he could. I could tell that he was getting angry too. They knew Yoongi for years though in this situation they stood by me and protected me. My heart felt heavy. I could not break up their family with this secret.
„ Enough guys. I do not want to have this secret stand between you and break you up", I said loud enough for them to hear me. Jay and Jungkook protested though I stood by my decision.
„You want to know what happened: I was admitted to the hospital with a high few hours after I felt Simons place. I had an emergency operation which I found out later. Something ruptured in my uterus. I can never have kids of my own", I said coldly. I tried to hold my emotions together.
Yoongi looked shook at me and was getting pale.
„You stupid insensitive ass. Get the fuck out", Jay barked. Jungkook took care of Yoongi and left with him.
Jay turned to me and looked concerned and angry at the same time. „Why the hell did you tell him when he was the reason this escalated?", he asked me angrily.
„Because it was not his fault. It was gods plan. As much as I hate it now one day it will make sense. What do you think will happen if I did not tell him today? He would be too much in his head and then rumors start, anger and pain starts and then it would be the end to your family. Give me a break. You should have seen you both now. I appreciate that you stood by me. No one ever done that for me Jay. Telling the truth hurt me though I did not want any of you get hurt anymore", I said to him honest.
„Man, you are killing me. It does not matter whether you met someone a few days ago or years ago. The bonds can be different and something the people we met a few days ago are closer to us than the others. Honestly we are all sad that GRAIL died though this never ever gives him the free pass to be an asshole. It was none of his business", Jay said calmly as he sat down.
„Yeah though this was not about him. He was worried that Jungkook was about to or doing a major mistake. He tried to protect him you know. I could feel it. I am not mad though a bit sad that he did not trust my word", I said lifelessly.
„You are way too good for him any way. He could not handle you", Jay said amused.
„You think you can handle me Mister. Nobody can", I said laughing. He turned his head to me and said: „One day someone will. When you are ready for it".
„Maybe", I said smiling. „Hey what are your plans for tomorrow?", I asked him.
„Not much. I have to clean the house. Why?", he asked me curious.
„Let me take you out for a couple of hours. I want to show you something special. How about we meet around 6pm tomorrow. I can cook something small and then we get going", I sang excited.
„Fine my lady. Then I will leave you be. I will go and get some paperwork done so that I am free of work tomorrow. Text me if you need something", he sang as he left. I was exhausted from the day. I had some leftover food and prepared some small surprise for Jay. I texted someone to help me out and then I went to bed. I was glad that I met Jay and the others. They each taught me something.