When they responded to a call of a shark attack on the freeway, most of the crew of the 118 didn't know what to think. Except for Evan Buckley that is. He always had something to say.
"So," Buck said as they rode in the truck, sirens blazing, "this is a new one, right?"
"I've never seen it," Jane agreed. "It will be a first."
"New year. New disasters!" the other blonde announced cheerfully.
"Oi!" Chimney glared over at him, "Don't jinx us Buckley."
Jane turned to Eddie with a half-smirk. "Why do I think he already did?"
"Because he did," Eddie agreed easily.
"Greeeaatttt," she groaned, earning another smile from Diaz. It may have been lighthearted in the truck, going to the scene, but as always, once the truck stopped, the crew was on the ground, ready for business.
The scene was chaos. The truck carrying the shark had fallen over, spilling gallons of water all over the freeway. Crowds of people had exited their cars and were all standing around the ocean preservation truck, watching in fascination, phones out, while a man was screaming in pain.
"LAFD make room!" Bobby yelled, leading them through the cars and crowds to the injured man who was sprawled and gasping, his arm inside the mouth of a shark. At least five people, were keeping the shark down, keeping him from thrashing too much and attacking more than he'd already done. One of the ocean preservation workers was using a small hose attached to the back of their truck to give the shark water.
"What the hell?" Buck let out, coming up from behind Bobby. Jane and the rest of the crew followed, and Jane couldn't help but agree with his sentiment.
"Yup. This is a new one," she murmured, her mind going to her 14-year-old self, sitting on the couch after dark with Gabe watching a particular 80s horror movie, causing herself to involuntarily lean back.
"Tiger Shark," a woman yelled to be heard over the crowd, the shark's thrashing, and the man's screams. "We were transporting her to be released into the wild! Truck jackknifed!"
"Jaws!" Bobby announced.
"Right?" Chimney said, causing Jane to let out a startled chuckle, glad that she wasn't the only one who's brain automatically went to the classic scary movie. Bobby was less amused and leveled them both with a meaningful stare. Chimney was the only one who had the decency to look sheepish, Jane just pinched her lips to stop nervously laughing. "Oh right. Those jaws."
"I'm on it," Eddie told them, going back to the truck.
"How did his arm get in there?" Chimney asked, going forward to see what he was working with as a paramedic.
"Diego was trying to get what water was left in our pump system! She can't breathe without it!" the poor man explaining was on the verge of tears, as he continued to struggle with the shark, which was of course, understandable. This caused Jane to get out of her movie induced nervousness, and to come back to the job. Her feelings didn't matter. These people needed help. This shark needed help.
"How much time does she have left?" Hen asked the important question.
"Minutes," the first woman explained.
"Uh, do we wait that long or, just, you know," Buck lifted up a metal bar, but Jane and Bobby stopped him before he could make a big mistake. Before they could explain the situation to him though, the shark's defense came from the least likely source.
"NO!" the man, who's arm was in the shark's teeth yelled. "Don't kill her! She's come so far!"
"What is wrong with you Buck?" Jane hissed at him, pushing him back and gesturing to the sign on the side of their truck. "Can't you read! Their job is to save marine life."
Fortunately, at that point, Eddie was back with the jaws. "All right, guys, we're gonna do this really carefully. All right, come on, let's get in there."
Following Bobby's lead, they all took their places around the shark, disbursed between the marine workers. Jane took the spot just behind the injured man, placing her arms gently on his shoulders, to keep him steady while they worked. She could feel his struggles to keep the shark from completely swallowing his arm and could hear his ragged sobbing under his pleas to save the shark that obviously meant a lot to him.
"It's alright," she told him lowly. Her voice was calm, as she pointedly looked away from the killer fish who still made her nervous. "Just try to be still, and we can save you and the shark. Shhhh...." She murmured. "It'll all be alright. Breathe with me."
Diego nodded and thankfully he stilled, breathing with her as she'd instructed. Then, Eddie used the jaws and they were able to pry open the shark's mouth. With a lot of screaming, and a lot of blood, they were also able to remove the man's arm.
"All right, let's get him transported, now!" Bobby yelled, and together, they lifted the man up and onto a stretcher and got him wheeled out.
But, before he left, the injured man looked pleadingly up at Jane and Bobby.
"Don't let her die," he gasped out. "Please."
"Breathe easy. You're going to be fine," Chimney assured him. "Let's get him up!"
Bobby and Jane looked at each other and looked back at the shark. The marine workers were still desperately trying to hold the shark still and get her water. As the seconds slipped away from them, desperation seemed to take hold. The shark was running out of time and although Jane didn't necessarily like the animal, that didn't mean the poor thing didn't deserve to live.
"We're not going to leave the shark here, are we?" Jane asked him.
"No. All right! 118! We are going to load this shark up and we are getting her out of here!"
"What?" Buck gasped out.
"You heard the man!" Jane slapped him on the back. "We're rescuing the shark!"
And, so they rigged up a pully on top of their truck and they lifted the shark, so that she would be right in front of them as they drove. Buck and Jane made sure she was secure, Jane ignoring the frantic beating of her heart, before they pulled out of a cheering crowd and towards the ocean where this girl would hopefully reach a new home.
Once they stopped, they had limited time, so once again, Buck and Jane took point, running forward to undo the ropes.
"All right! She'll be coming down quick!" Buck announced and then Jane gestured to Wallis who was on top to extend the ladder that they'd made into the pully.
"Here we go! That's it!" Buck told her.
"Keep it coming forward!" Jane gestured widely. "And...that's far enough! That's it!"
"A little more slack!" Buck closed his fist.
"She's in the water!" the marine worker announced. Then she was released by two of the marine workers, while the rest of the workers and the crew watched on in anxiousness, hoping they weren't too late.
"Come on, swim," Buck whispered under his breath.
"You can do it girl! I believe in you! Just keep swimming big fish!" Jane cheered softly.
Then, to everyone's relief, they saw a fin emerge from the dark water and swim out into the ocean.
"Yes!" Jane and Buck cheered, giving each other an excited hug.
"Too bad Diego's missing this!" Buck called over to one of the men working, the one who'd been crying earlier.
"He's not missing anything!" He cheered back, as he held up his phone, which had recorded the whole blessed event.
"Good!" Buck smiled widely.
"And to think you almost killed the poor girl, not even twenty minutes ago," Jane shook her head at him.
"The man's arm-" Buck began to protest, but Jane put up her hand to stop him.
"I know. If it had been an either/or situation, the man would have come first, but aren't you happy that level-headed Bobby was there to show you that if you stop and think, there's a third option with less violence."
"Yeah," he admitted ruefully. "I guess I am."
"Good! Now that the lesson is learned, we can enjoy the moment! I mean, I just faced one of my biggest fears!"
"You're scared of sharks?" Eddie gave her an impressed smile.
She nodded sheepishly. "Terrified actually."
"Dude!" Buck put his hand up for a high five, which Jane gave him with a subtle eye roll. "That's badass!"
"It kind of was, wasn't it?" she smiled at the two overgrown boys. "New beginnings for me and the shark. That girl will have a new home and I'm slightly less terrified. Sounds good to me."
...........
Jane Thomas had honestly believed that a shark on the freeway was going to be her biggest surprise of the day. Of course, she was proven wrong almost a minute after they got off the truck.
"Woman with her face sliced off, sharks on the freeway," she gestured her point with her hands while walking backwards to emphasize their already eventful week, much to the amusement of the crew.
"If we're voting for most exciting, I'm going with the shark," Buck told her. "Although, I was not expecting that woman's face to come off."
"We can never say our job is boring." Jane chuckled.
"Hello," the voice of a teenage boy echoed through the firehouse, causing everyone to pause in their tracks. Jane turned around expectantly, mildly surprised at who was in front of her. It was a young boy, no older than sixteen. He had dark hair that was just long enough to flop into his bright blue almost gray eyes and large dimples. He was wearing a gray hoodie with the Nirvana logo on it. He was staring, his face drawn in distinct curiosity.
"Hi," his voice cracked a bit, making Buck wince in sympathy. "My name is Eli Holland."
"I'm Bobby Nash, Captain of the 118. What can we do for you?" Bobby asked him with a smile. He appeared to be trying to reassure the boy, but the boy wasn't looking at Bobby, he was looking at Jane. Or, rather, staring.
"Are you Jane Thomas?" the boy, Eli, asked suddenly, his eyes widening with excitement.
"Yes," Jane said cautiously, taking an unconscious step back. "How do you know my name?"
"Holy shit it's you!" His blue eyes got wider if possible. "I-"
"Elijah David! What are you doing?" A man's voice hollered into the station. His voice sounded slightly exasperated and held that tinge of worry that most parents have whenever their child scared them to death. When he suddenly appeared out from behind the trucks, he noticeably sank with relief, and his steps hurried as he got closer and closer to his son.
"What were you thinking?" the older man demanded. He was a carbon copy of his son, except he was a bit taller and broader, his hair a bit grayer and thinner. "Your principal called and said that you'd run out on your after-school tutoring session without an explanation. You scared your mother to death before she called me. I left work to follow the Find My Phone all the way down here."
"I heard you and mom talking yesterday," Eli informed him, frowning deeply.
"What do you mean? You were listening in?" The man lifted his hand to frustratedly run his hands through his hair, his wedding ring glinting in the sun. "It's a big thing. We have to talk it through to figure out what-"
"Well, I didn't want to talk it through. There wasn't anything to figure out! I found-" At that moment, the father seemed to realize that they had an audience.
Jane, eyebrows crunched and a confused smile on her face, stepped forward. "Uhum, I'm Jane Thomas. Is there anything I can help you with? Your son seemed to know who I am?"
The older man looked at Jane with wide eyes as if he'd seen a ghost. All color drained from his face, and he staggered back, placing a hand over his heart. Jane, concerned, stepped forward and instinctively she reached out to grab his arm to keep him steady as he looked like he was about to keel over.
"Sir," Jane said gently, "can we help you? Do you need medical assistance? You don't...look well."
He didn't answer, just kept staring at her which started to make her nervous. She was suddenly aware that while she had no idea who this man was...he seemed to know her?
"I'm Eli," the younger guy stepped in, and asserted again, as if his name had some significant meaning, and took his father's free arm. "This is my dad. He's just had a shock. He'll be fine in a minute. I promise. He looks better now than he did when I wrecked the car."
"Well, that's a relief, I suppose, but I'm confused," Jane told the boy. "What exactly is going on?"
"It's a long story," he replied. "Is there somewhere we can talk to you without a crowd?"
Jane looked helplessly around her, no one wanting to move because they had no idea who these people were. Fortunately, as he often did, Bobby stepped in to fix the situation.
"Jane, why don't you talk in my office?" he scrutinized the two men and followed up with, "And don't worry about the next bell."
"Uhum," Jane looked worriedly again at the older man. She led them both into the captain's office, keeping a hand on Eli's father's arm and leading him safely to a seat, and gestured for the teenager to take the seat next to him. To put some distance between them, Jane took Bobby's seat behind the desk, squeezing her hands together anxiously. She didn't know them...and she didn't know what their arrival into her life meant. "Are you alright? Did...did I do something wrong?"
That seemed to snap him out of a fog, and he drastically shook his head as he kept staring at her. His gray blue eyes looked at her and she could see them glistening with unshed tears.
"How..." the older man started and then looked at his son. "Did you message her?"
"I've never spoken to either of you before in my life," Jane cut in, her voice a bit high pitched in its confusion. She felt so beyond confused.
"I saw the name and found her on Facebook," the younger man looked over at her, "You should really fix your privacy settings. Since you have a picture with your station number on the back any stranger can track you down. It isn't safe."
"Uhum...thank you?" Jane would probably do that when she got home. It wouldn't have saved her from her old fire captain, but it wouldn't hurt to protect her from other creepy men, like the strangers in front of her. But...they didn't feel like creepy men. She was just...so confused. What was this conversation?
"Seriously," Jane cut into their stare down, "would one of you tell me what is going on?"
"Well, personally, I'd like to know that too," Eli informed her, his voice loud, and frustrated. "All I know is from what I eavesdropped on. Although, I suppose we should be one hundred percent sure. Can you check your email?"
"Check my email?" She repeated slowly. "Can I ask why?"
"Well, I mean if you check it, and you have an email notification of a message I sent you then you are the correct Jane Thomas. But, I mean, I'm fairly certain you are." For a teenager, he seemed quite confident.
She looked over at the older man again who remained speechless, staring at her as if he were in pain. The sight made her heart hurt. "Are you sure he's alright? Is there anything I can do? I'm not the best EMT, but the best are right outside the door if he needs emergency attention."
The boy waived her off. "He's just emotional. You'll understand." He gave her a wide, face splitting grin. His smile took over his face and revealed dimples. The expression...it was so familiar to her, but she couldn't place it.
Nodding along, although she didn't know why, she pulled her phone from her pocket and opened the email icon, half expecting a spam email made for these men to steal her identity or something. Instead, she found six email notifications from the last two days from one of the DNA sites. The most recent one indicated that she had a message. She clicked on the email to follow the link and saw it.
There it was, a message from the boy across from her.
Hi. This is weird, but apparently you are my sister, and I had no idea you existed? So...what's up?
She let out a startled laugh at the casualness in the face of life altering news, but...she didn't let the information pierce her brain. She needed to see it. So went to the family tree section that had come up. She hadn't found anyone closer than fourth or eighth cousins, so she'd practically given up checking this site, but there, in bold letters, it said, YOU HAVE NEW CONNECTIONS. She followed the link again, her hands shaking and then it was in front of her.
MARK HOFFMAN. RELATIONSHIP: FATHER.
"Oh," she breathed out and sank deeper into Bobby's chair. Distantly, she thought that there was no way that her Captain would be taking so long with tea, and then it occurred to her that he had probably wanted to give them time and boy did they need it. "Oh." She repeated for good measure.
This man before her was her father. He had dark hair, so the hair was likely something that had come from her mom, but still...she had his nose. His eyes. The same eyes that Eli seemed to have.
Her father.
Who had left her to wander into a firehouse?
A father who had abandoned her to years of mental and emotional abuse?
She looked over at the boy then, Eli. He was her brother and obviously his birth son. He shared their eyes and that smile...it was her smile. Her dimples. Their father's dimples? He seemed so secure in the relationship he had with the man who sat stunned beside him. He seemed loved. This man...had loved this boy...but he'd left her.
What is wrong with me? Why didn't he love me?
"I don't," she began but her throat dried up. She swallowed, trying desperately to speak clearly, but she choked on the words anyway. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say."
"Well, I don't know about how most people handle these situations," the boy started, "But in this case you really don't have anything to say. That's on him." He pointed to his father. "I'd like to hear this too."
And then the bell rang. Bobby had said not to worry about the next bell, but Jane desperately wanted to leave that room. She'd much rather deal with someone else's emergency over her own. She didn't want to face this. She thought she was ready for the truth, some truth, but she wasn't. Not really. She didn't want to hear that this man hadn't loved her and that he'd just abandoned her onto the street.
"I didn't," the man began, his voice soft and gentle. It reminded her of a teacher's voice actually. "I didn't know that you existed. If I had known...I just...I didn't know."
"I suppose that's a relief then," her voice was scratchy. "I mean, I'd hate to be staring at the man who abandoned me at a fire station when I was three."
He looked gutted at her words, and she slightly regretted delivering them so flippantly, but there was no taking them back now. She had to let some of the bitterness out, but she never wanted to inflict pain even if a tiny part of her always wanted to make someone pay for the way she'd had to grow up. She wanted someone to hurt the way she had hurt. But that voice was an angry child, and the young woman had grown up and had slowly learned that when you added more pain to the world, it never made you feel as satisfied as you thought it would.
"Please...please believe that if I knew you were out there in the world, I'd have looked for you."
"Oh," she felt the air rush out of her. Somehow, his words made everything worse. "Then...what...what happened?"
"I believe...I know who your mother was. I've only been with two people in my life and at the time you'd have been born...I was young. I was rebellious and stupid. I praise the Good Lord every day that Eli takes after his mother and not me."
"So, my mother...it isn't your wife?"
"No. You...you have to be Vanessa's daughter. Your age and the way you look. You would almost pass for her twin except for the eyes."
"Who's Vanessa?" Eli asked softly. "You've never mentioned her."
"I've never mentioned her because," he looked at both Eli and Jane shamefully. "She was a part of my life I had left behind. I was a rebel in high school. My parents were conservative, and I didn't appreciate the culture or the history they wanted to impart on me. I met Vanessa at a party, and I thought she was the most interesting person I'd ever seen. She was opinionated and wild and different from everyone at my snobby prep school. I loved her very much. I can't... I can't say that she felt the same, but I did love her."
"What happened?" Jane's voice matched his in pitch, low and soothing, neither wanted to scare the other away with sudden moves or loud words, both unsure as to how the other would react.
"I was in over my head and head over heels for her. But something was...broken inside her. She'd become angry at the drop of a hat. She stole from shops and was in and out of juvie. When I met her, she was trying to clean up her act. I think she really was trying, and I was more than willing to stand by her while she did. But...sometimes people are so broken that they don't want to put themselves back together. She got involved with drugs and a local dealer, and I begged her to get help. We had a fight and I never heard from her after that."
Jane's mind immediately went to the forest floor. How she lay down in the grass and just waited for the flames to consume her. She hadn't wanted to be fixed. She hadn't wanted to be saved. She wanted to end it all and forget the constant pain that she'd been put through. She could understand the urge to leave what you were behind for oblivion.
"I had no idea she was pregnant. No idea. I cleaned up my act, left for college. That's where I met Eli's mother. I'm...I'm sorry to say that I haven't thought about Vanessa in years. Do you...do you remember her at all?"
"I don't know Vanessa," Jane said softly. "If I met her...it is outside of my memory. I was found wandering, made my way to a fire station, and I grew up in a Group Home in LA. Went to UCLA, the fire academy, and eventually made my way here. I...I joined the DNA sites to try to get some answers."
"I wish...I wish I had more for you," Mark said softly. "I still can't believe you exist."
Jane supposed she understood that. She'd struggled for over twenty-eight years with her own existence, and she imagined finding a long-lost daughter had to be at least as big of a shock as finding a long lost father and brother were.
Eli looked between them, his face scrunched up in frustration. "Uhum...is that all you guys can say to each other?"
"There's not exactly a script for this," Jane said softly. "I think we can give each other a break for however stilted we might be."
"You could say that again," Mark agreed with a small, hesitant smile, but then he didn't say anything else.
Eli looked like he was going to break their awkwardness again, which Jane wasn't at all sure about, but thank goodness, the bell rang again.
"I need to go," she shot up quickly, startling the two at once. She grabbed a sticky note wrote her number down and pushed it over to their side of the desk. "Uhum...that's my number. If...if you want you can call me or something. Or text. Text might be better with my sleep schedule. My shift is over at four, but I have to go."
She didn't look either of the men in the eye, but she felt it when the older man, her father, watched her walk out the door. He hadn't said anything. She geared up again and loaded herself into the truck without a word, avoiding eye contact, confused and hurt. Here she was again, having her own personal emergencies in between the tragedies of every other person in the greater Los Angeles area.
She moved quickly, gearing up and loading up in under a minute, like all of the other firefighters.
"Hey," Buck said as she climbed onto the truck. "Who were those guys?"
Jane didn't register those words. She just stared at the floor of the cab, confused at what had just happened. She'd met her father and she'd run away. Not that he'd said much to her. They were both awkward and unsure what to say to each other.
Therefore, she didn't see the crew exchanging meaningful looks over her head. Hen trying to signal to Buck to shut his trap, while Chimney was trying to indicate his agreement. Eddie was just looking at Jane, wondering if she was alright.
She was quiet the entire call, a small kitchen fire that was put out within minutes, and frankly, the crew wasn't going to stand for it this time. They were dying of curiosity, and worry, but mostly curiosity.
"Okay. That's it. What is going on with you?" Hen, Chimney, Buck, and Bobby stepped in front of her in a line, keeping her from wandering away when they got out of the truck. It was Hen who had stepped forward to confront her. Eddie stood off at a distance, disagreeing with their chosen method of confrontation, but also desperately curious for answers. "Who were those guys, Jane?"
"They...he...it was my family." Her voice held a trace of disbelief that many of them noticed.
"What?" Of course, it was Buck who outwardly expressed the most shock at this revelation. It was always Buck who expressed the most shock.
"I didn't tell you guys because I didn't want to get my hopes up in case... in case I didn't find anything, but at the beginning of November I bought those DNA kits," she nervously wrung her hands in front of her. "I hadn't checked them in a while because I'd only found really distant relatives who wouldn't likely know me, or know of me, and I talked myself out of messaging them to figure out who I was. But...apparently they matched me and that was them."
"Who were they? What did they say? Did they...did he give you a reason for abandoning you at a fire station?"
"It was...my dad and brother. We didn't really say much. He just...he just kept looking at me like he was going to cry. He told me who he thought my mother was, a girl from high school who broke things off over drugs. He...he said he didn't know I existed," She explained.
"Wow...so...what's going to happen?" Hen asked softly.
"I have no idea. I gave them my number and told them when I was off work. I guess...I just wait."
"Wow," Chimney breathed out. "Who would have guessed that?"
"I never in a million years thought that this would happen so quickly. Don't these things take like...years to produce real results?!" Jane's voice was close to hysteric.
Hen pulled her in for a side hug of reassurance, which she accepted dazedly.
"Janie, it's going to be okay," Hen said softly. "I promise. I mean, I can't say what kind of people they are but...they seemed nice?"
"Yeah," Jane choked on a laugh, tears finally starting to come up. She didn't know if she was crying because of shock or sadness or what. She just knew that she was crying. "They seemed nice."
"Hey," Bobby said gently. "No matter what happens...you know you have a family here right?"
"Yeah," she smiled lightly through the tears. "Yeah, I do."
"Group hug!" Buck called out, and to the over announced embarrassment of Chimney and Hen, they all did come in for that group hug. Jane just closed her eyes, allowing the comfort of their body heat to sooth her.
..........
Jane was in a fog that week. She didn't even have the time or resources to offer Bobby consolation when he was fighting with Athena's mother, and she didn't have the energy to cheer with the rest of the crew when Chimney and Maddie finally set a date for that Friday, although she did give her friend a hug when he came and told her.
She didn't hear from them until Thursday, right when she went on duty. She sent him a message, she sent HER FATHER a message, saying that she'd be available Friday afternoon after her shift finished, which he said was fine. He sent her the address, and Jane spent the entire drive giving herself a pep talk.
It looked exactly like one of her movies, Jane thought. It was one of those two story white homes on a residential street with the picture-perfect flowers and hedges in a front yard and a green door. It was almost exactly like the home in one of her 80s movies. Jane couldn't decide how the sight of it made her feel.
There was an ache, she knew, knowing that if things had gone differently, perhaps she would have grown up here. There was an anger, knowing that the people who lived here didn't even realize she was alive until recently. There was...so much emotion filling up her body that she could barely express it.
And so, she got on the phone before she walked in.
"Hello?" the husky voice answered. She could hear laughter and shouting in the background before the husky voice sounded farther off for a moment. "Hey! Dude! Keep it down! I'm on the phone! No, we cannot move that chair on the couch! Why? Because it won't work man."
Jane laughed, "I'm sorry for calling at a bad time."
"Hey! No!" Eddie almost shouted over the phone, "You are fine! Chris just has a friend over and for some reason their fort got more complicated than anything I've ever thought of."
"Sounds exciting."
"Well, if exciting is precariously stacking furniture, then yes, it is."
"Its probably a lot more exciting than what I'm trying to do."
"You are there then?" he asked softly. She'd told the crew about what she was doing. She needed them to hold her accountable so she couldn't chicken out.
"Sitting outside their house in my car."
"It a nice house?"
"Very nice house. Looks like its right out of the family movies from the eighties and nineties."
"Big white one with two stories and perfect hedges?"
"Exactly!" she smiled. "Glad to know we get the same references."
"Kind of hard to. Nearly every movie house was like that."
"Right? Anyway...I've been sitting out here for about ten minutes already. Think I should be worried about some old lady calling 911 on me?"
"I'm sure Bobby and Athena would love that."
"Right? It'd also make a perfect impression on these people."
"Well...you will you know? Make a perfect impression, I mean. You are amazing, Jane Thomas. You are amazing and there is no way that they won't be able to see that."
"Thanks. It's just...there's no book or movie or...anything really that tells you how to do something like this."
"Yeah, didn't think so, but one of the skills we get on a call is being able to face something that terrifies us head on. Jane you can do this."
"I can do this," she repeated to herself. "I can do this."
"You can do this," Eddie reiterated.
"You are right," Jane murmured. "Thank you."
"Anytime," he responded. Before he could say anything else, there was a crashing that sounded like glass on the hard wood floor, and Eddie let out a muted curse. "I gotta go, that sounded expensive. Will you be alright?"
"Yeah," Jane responded. "I'll be fine. Go take care of your son. Tell him I said hi and that I miss him."
"Will do," Eddie agreed easily. "Call me when you leave. Let me know how it goes?"
"I will...bye Eddie."
"Bye Jane."
She had just hung up the phone when it rang again. She smiled when she saw who it was. She didn't even have time to say hello before the voice on the other line began to chatter in anxiety.
"Are flowers too much? I think they might be too much, but they are also a mood setter. I want to assure her that I'm not going to be anything like her ex and that I'm going to treat her well. That I'm going to take this seriously. What about a tie? Should I wear a tie?"
Jane started laughing. "Flowers are not too much, and I know for a fact that she loves them, but maybe hold off on the tie unless the place you are taking her to for dinner requires them."
"So that's a no then," he murmured. "Plain shirt or patterned?"
"Your navy-blue jacket, slacks, and that white and navy patterned button up. Then, once you are dressed, watch Die Hard or something to calm down. You have time. It's barely four o'clock and you don't need to pick her up until what? Seven?"
"Yeah. Seven."
"Well, calm down and then go get your girl, Han. Now, if you don't mind, I have my own fears to face."
"Oh! Dang it! You're meeting your dad today! I'm sorry!"
"It's really not a problem. You know me, I love handling everyone else's emergencies before my own."
"I think," Chimney said, "that might be a side effect of the job."
"Or it could be that people with that habit are attracted to the job," Jane argued.
"Okay. This is too much person introspection before we go off and do things. You alright?"
"Yeah. I will be. Talked to Eddie before you called. He...he said the right things."
"Good!"
"Now, Chimney, you go, and you treat our girl right. Then, you call me and tell me how it goes. I want to hear all about how Prince Charming swept her off of her feet."
"I will...God I can't believe this is finally happening."
"Believe it buddy! I have a good feeling about you two."
"Thanks...I better go."
"Go! Go!" She urged.
"Alright, bye Jane. You can do it." Chimney's voice was warm and friendly, like it always was.
"You can do it, too," Jane assured him. "Bye Chimney."
Then, with no one else calling her, Jane finally turned off her car and began the longest walk of her life up that pristine sidewalk. Anxiously, she ran her hands down her jeans, trying to stop her hands from sweating so much because she just knew that she'd have to shake hands and wouldn't that just be embarrassing with such sweaty hands.
She was wearing a nice pair of jeans, a long sleaved blue button up blouse, and a vintage cream sweater. She wanted to look nice and in control. Approachable. Not broken. She...she worried that if she looked broken than he might not want her around.
She had barely knocked on the door twice before it was opened by the smallest woman that Jane had ever seen in her life. She was short, and thin, dainty in a way that Jane had never imagined that she could be. She had hair the color of mahogany and honey brown eyes. Her tanned face had years of laugh lines, and despite Jane being positive that this was Mark's wife, Eli's mother, there was not even the slightest indication that Jane might be unwelcome.
Then, Mark came around the corner, and he wore a tentative smile. He cautiously approached and they stood there in the doorway before her, together. In a movement that Jane was sure was unconscious, the woman took a hold of his hand, and gave it a reassuring squeeze. As if...as if she knew the man was nervous.
"Jane?" He smiled awkwardly and nodded down to the woman. "This is my wife, Leah."
"It's...it's lovely to meet you, Jane." Her eyes were warm and her words sincere. It was...it was all surreal. "Please, come in. We didn't mean to make you wait around awkwardly on the steps."
And so, Jane walked into this picture-perfect house, and it was...everything she had feared and everything she had wanted. It was nice and clean, a bit old fashioned with carpets over cherry wood floors. There was a line of school photos of Eli, from missing teeth in grade school up to what appeared to be his most recent one, shaggy hair and all. Then, there were the wedding pictures, with Mark and Leah under what appeared to be a canopy, with a Rabbi behind them.
Then there were the pictures of family vacations. Trips to Disney and the beach, one snapshot of what appeared to be Europe and one that was definitely Poland if the flag in the background meant anything. It was a home. A real home. And she suddenly felt so out of place, like a foreign invader who had entered their home with a grenade, about to detonate the family and create chaos from her mere existence.
The urge to flee had never been so strong. But then, she looked up at this couple, and she knew she wouldn't leave. One look into his eyes, into her father's eyes, and she could see that matching expression of panic. He was just as terrified as she was.
"You..." she looked for words that she could say over the lump in her throat, "have a lovely home."
"Thank you," Mark cleared his throat. "Please follow me. We can talk in my office."
"I thought it might be good for you two to talk alone," Leah smiled at her. "Can I get you something to drink? Are you hungry?"
"Uhum...I'm alright for now. Thank you."
"Alright. I'll just go get started on dinner then." With a parting reassuring smile, Leah went on her way, and Jane didn't know if she was relieved that she didn't have to struggle for words with her or upset that their buffer was gone.
She allowed herself to be lead through a back hallway which was behind the stairs and into a small room with a cherry wood desk that matched the bookcases and floors. On the bookcases were numerous academic titles that Jane had never heard of, most of them regarding war and Anti-Semitism. In one corner, was a shelf of classics that she had heard of and read, and on another shelf were a collection of other pictures, plaques from various Jewish advocacy groups. Amongst the pictures, she saw Mark shaking hands with other people dressed as Rabbi's and other figures whom she didn't recognize, but it seemed they were at official functions.
In almost all of the pictures, Leah and Eli were in the background, smiling and supportive. Leah was wearing a scarf over her head, and Mark and Eli were both wearing yarmulkes.
"Please come in," Mark gestured with his hands, "have a seat."
His room was set up the same way Bobby's office was at the station, with a seat behind the desk and two chairs in front of it. Except in this case, Mark's desk was covered in numerous books and papers, pens and highlighters were scattered about, and of course, there were multiple pictures on the desk of him and his family.
"This room is...amazing," Jane knew she was purposefully not addressing the elephant in the room, but it would at least get them talking. "If you don't mind me asking... what do you do?"
"I'm a history professor," he explained. "I focus on World War Two and Post War Anti-Semitism. I'm also active in a lot of advocacy groups that continue to fight Anti-Semetism."
"So...your family is Jewish?"
"Yes," he nodded, but he seemed to take strength from her lack of accusations, right off the bat. "I...I can't imagine what you think of me."
"I'm not sure what I think of you," her reply was instant.
"That," he said, his voice raspy, "is very fair. Probably fairer than I deserve honestly."
"I mean..." Jane struggled for a moment, "if you didn't know I existed...it'd hardly be right to hold the fact that you didn't look for me against you."
"I really appreciate that. If you don't mind, I want to show you something."
She nodded mutely.
He ran his hand through his hair roughly before he stood up and went to the bookcase. He pulled out a book and Jane was amazed to see that he was pulling out a photo album. It brought another ache to her heart. He was the type of person with a photo album. She'd have bet anything that there was an album of Eli in the house from birth to now, one that matched his line of school photos in the hallway. She pushed down the tinge of jealousy that threatened to bubble up inside her. She would never deny a child a loving family. Never. Even if the thought that her father had been there for him and not her, hurt.
Mark placed the book down on the desk and sat down again. Then he opened the book to the pictures in the back and he pushed the album forward.
Jane looked down at the photograph. Looking up at her was a younger version of the man sitting before her. He appeared to be 17 or 18 and she was admittedly shocked to see that he was wearing worn in jeans and had a leather jacket and an earring. He was sitting on a couch with his arms around a girl with Jane's blonde hair who looked to be the same age as him. She was painfully thin, and her hazel eyes had that hooded look that came when the world felt like chewing you up and spitting you back out. She recognized that expression from so many children who'd gone through the home with her. It was an expression she constantly chased away from her own eyes.
"That's Vanessa," he pointed at the girl and Jane could not take her eyes off of her. Her nose was smaller than Jane's, petite, and dainty. Her cheeks were sunken in, but Jane thought they shared a similar face and she looked like she was of a similar height. This woman...this was her mom. There wasn't a question about it.
"So...that's her."
"Yeah. I was honest when I told you and Eli about how we parted. I had no idea she was pregnant. I promise that if I had, I would have looked for you, but she was...she was determined to leave and I didn't stop her."
"I understand that. Sometimes, you have to let the ones you love leave. It can hurt more to hold on."
"Yeah," he agreed. "It can. Do you...do you have any questions for me?"
She smiled a bit, "I'm sure I do. But...I guess I'll start with a simple one. What is up with the earring?"
Mark laughed, the lines in his face indicating that like his wife, he laughed often. "I thought it was rebellious, but honestly, it was just a pain. Let it close off not even a full year after I got it."
"And the frosted tips?"
He shrugged, "We lived in California and certain boy bands were very popular at that time. I was...let's be honest, I was a stupid kid."
"Yeah, I don't think anyone makes good fashion choices as a teenager. I remember that I tried to pull off pink hair when I was...seventeen? Terrible mistake because I didn't know how to dye my hair properly so it was all splotchy. It was an awful six months until I could save enough to get someone to put it back to normal."
He'd chuckled a little at the story, but it caught in his throat. He'd missed that. He should have been there, like he had been there for Eli. That was why he'd been scared. It was why he and Leah had spent hours talking instead of immediately trying to talk to the girl. He was scared because...facing someone you failed was hard. Facing someone who had been a child, your child, knowing that you had spent half of your life trying to be the best parent, but knowing you failed a child that you didn't even know existed?! That was...that was a special kind of torture.
"Jane...you said something...about how you were found. I want...if you can...can I know?"
"I don't know..."
"Please?" his eyes were glistening. "I know...from what you said I know it's bad. I guess, in my own way, I need to know how bad because I...I need to take it on too."
Jane couldn't even begin to fathom what he meant by that, but seeing his sincerity, and knowing how they'd been getting along, she didn't want to refuse him.
"When they found me..." Jane said softly. "I was downtown, and I wandered into a firehouse on Christmas Day of 1995. When I got into the LAFD, and I got access to past incident reports...I read mine. The man wrote that I wouldn't talk and that I was too tiny for my age, and I was dirty. It was cold out, and I was wearing a thin dress and no shoes. I don't remember much, I just remember being cold and finally getting warm. They looked for my parents, but when they didn't find anybody, I was just put into the system until I aged out. I got Jane because of Jane Doe, you know? By the time they realized I wasn't going to be leaving, I'd already begun to answer to Jane and so they left it. Thomas is the first name of the firefighter who found me. He was a good man, a good Captain. I served under him a year before he died in a fire."
Jane didn't look at him when she said these things, she couldn't. Instead, she looked down at her trembling hands, and then she looked back at the picture. She looked at the girl with empty eyes, who had let her pain mean more than her child. "Why...why do you think that...that she left me instead of giving me to you?"
The man across from her was crying. They weren't silent tears, the tears that society deemed acceptable for a man to cry. These were wracking sobs as a father looked across from him into the face of a young woman with his eyes, who wondered why he had failed her, and he had no answer, for there was no good answer. In his own mind, Mark was a failure. He should have known. Somehow, he should have known that this girl existed and that she was a part of him. He should have known, and he should have protected her from the world the way that he had protected his son.
But he hadn't. The ghosts of pain and hurt that he could see in her eyes told him that she had not been protected.
"I don't know. I wish I did know. I wish more than anything that I would have known about you. I need you to know that...I want to know you now, if you'd let me. Eli wants to know you. Leah wants to know you. We all talked about what it would mean and...if you are willing, we want to bring you into the family. But only if you want to. It's up to you. We understand if you-"
"I'd like that...I'd really like that," Jane said with a wobbly smile.
"Good. Good," he rubbed his hands over his face, and then he forced some cheer into his voice. "Want to stay for dinner? Eli is out with friends, but I know Leah was excited to meet you. Get to know you."
"I'd love to." Jane couldn't say that she wasn't scared to accept these invitations. She was terrified, but her mind came back to the call they'd had right before she'd met them. The shark. That shark had been in animal rehab, the last time it'd been in the ocean it had been hurt. It must have been scared, going into the ocean again after so long, but sometimes that's what you had to do.
You had to open yourself up, knowing you might get hurt, in order to move forward and start your new beginning.
"So," Jane began as they walked out of his study. "I guess I ought to tell you that I'm severely allergic to nuts. Of all kinds."
Mark, her father, laughed a bit. "Don't worry. I am too."
"Oh," Jane said. Oh. This was a new beginning.
.........
They lingered at the table after dinner, enjoying each other's company. Jane was surprised at how easy it was to get on with Leah and Mark. It was a pleasant time and somehow, Jane just knew that despite her fears...it was going to be okay.
She left their home in cheerful spirits and she'd actually hugged them both goodbye. Leah was a natural hugger and had just welcomed her instantly into an embrace. Then, in an impulsive decision, Jane hugged Mark on her way out. He was stiff for a moment, shocked and surprised, and then he returned the hug with just as much warmth and care.
Jane had just got into her car and fastened her seatbelt to go home when her phone rang again, Eddie's name appearing on her screen. She smiled down at it, and excitedly answered.
"Hey! Eddie! You'll never believe how well it-"
"Jane!" he cut her off, his voice instantly causing a sense of dread to pool in her stomach. "It's Chimney."
WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS REVEAL?! I've had this planned for almost a year and I'm so excited to see how this will be received!
Well, your girl just graduated law school and is now studying for the Bar Exam! Which is in February! Wish me luck! That being said, I'm still going to do my best. Jane will always be my de-stress project, but my eyes will definitely get tired of the computer screen so you'll need to forgive me. I may go back to my editing to make up for the lack of updates.
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Song for the chapter is Hold On by Chord Overstreet