Playlist - Light Of The World by Lauren Daigle.
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"Mom forget it! I'm not coming home for the holidays!" Shade yelled at her mother from her end of the phone. She hoped it wasn't loud enough for her daughter, Noel, who sat in front of the TV in the sitting room, to hear.
"Okay, I've heard you." Her mother sighed. "But I still hope you'll think about it."
"Not a chance!" Shade spat and then hung up.
"Mommy, why are you yelling? Are you alright?" Noel peeked from behind the door, her big, brown eyes staring worriedly at her mother.
Well, Shade's hopes had just been crushed.
"Yes honey, I'm fine," Shade lied. She wasn't close to fine. "Continue watching your cartoon."
"Okay mommy." Noel returned to the sitting room.
Shade sighed as she rested her hands on the small kitchen table. If she rested her whole weight on it, it could break. Just when she'd gotten her life back on track after all those years of struggling, her mother decided to ruin it by calling her. Just when she'd figured herself out and found an almost comfortable life, her mother suddenly cared about her.
"We all miss you, we really wanna see you my dear," she recalled her mother saying."Being together with family during Christmas is very important."
Yeah, right. Not in a million years would she believe that. Was it not the same family that kicked her out and called her a disgrace just because she got pregnant before she finished her university education?
Shade gripped the edges of the table tighter, forcing back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She couldn't break down now. Not after years of holding herself together. She had to put her emotions under control. Sure enough, she managed to.
She walked back to the sitting room. Was just about to sit down when she heard a knock on the door.
"I'll get it," she announced. Noel sat back in her seat after she made to stand up. Shade walked to the door, unlocked it and went wide eyed at who she saw standing before her.
Well, wasn't this season just full of pleasant surprises? Today, her mom called and now, this?
She slipped herself outside and shut the door behind her. Crossed her arms and stared poker faced at the person in front of her.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"Hi Shade. . . I um. . ." He trailed off.
Shade rolled her eyes. "You didn't answer my question oh. Abi you can't talk again?" Her tone was sharp but at the same time, a whisper. She really didn't want to call the attention of Noel again and most of all, she didn't want her to meet the man standing in front of her. Not now. Perhaps, not ever.
Tonye Davids stood tall in front of Shade. The wiry build he had in his university days had morphed into something more pleasing, especially to the female eyes. With a puffed out chest, sleak muscles and a height of six foot five, his build was something in between a greek god's and a superhero's.
Shade would be lying to herself if she said he wasn't handsome. Even more handsome than she remembered. But that did not mean he hadn't done what he did to her. It did not mean, he had not left her when she'd needed him the most.
"The thing is. . ." Tonye began speaking again and Shade raised a brow, looking sterner than she thought she could pull off. It made his confidence waver but he pulled himself together and tried again.
"The thing is. . . it's Christmas in a few days."
"It's Christmas. So what?"
"So. . .I need to see my daughter." He heaved a sigh of relief when he said that. Waited for Shade's reaction.
Shade was stunned to say the least. She hadn't expected him to just come clean like that. She hadn't even expected him to ask or know that she, that they had a daughter. After all, he wasn't there when she'd given birth so technically, he wasn't Noel's father. She would never admit it.
Even though she didn't show it, she wanted him to apologise to her first. Wanted him to say he was sorry so she could tell him how much she hated him and that she would never forgive him.
"Which daughter?" She asked, feigning ignorance.
"We have a daughter, Shade and I have every right as much as you do, to see her."
"Who said I had a daughter? And even if I did, who said she'd be your daughter?"
"Shade." Tonye sighed. "Honestly, I didn't come to your apartment this morning, as early as this, to argue or exchange words with you. I just want to see my daughter. Maybe we could go inside and talk about__"
She cut him off. "Talk about what? Please, talk about what?" Her voice - which she'd tried to keep as a whisper - was now loud enough for anyone to hear. She walked closer to him. His stature reminded her of how petite she really was. But that didn't stop her from looking up and pointing at him. "See, we've got nothing to talk about. So before I alert more people and tell them that you're harassing me, better leave!"
Tonye tried again. "Shade please." His voice was a plea. "I'm sorry. I really need to see my daughter."
Shade chuckled bitterly. "So it's now you're sorry?"
"Yes, please. Let me see__"
"Get out!"
"I..."
"Tonye, get out now!" One of her hands was pointed sideways towards the exit of the apartment building.
"But Shade. . ."
"I said LEAVE!" Shade screamed. Tears threatened to burst from her eyes. "Leave my house Tonye!"
"I'll leave now but I won't give up. I'll be back." He turned and left.
Shade cupped her hands over her mouth as the tears she'd tried so much to keep in, began pouring out. She let herself cry for a while before she dried her eyes with the sleeves of her sweater and unlocked the door of her apartment.
She was met with Noel standing a little away from the door. And Shade knew she'd been listening. Noel would be seven on Christmas day. She was still a little girl but she was smarter than most people her age. And because of what she'd been through with her Mom, she would know what was going on.
"Mommy, who was that man?" She asked as Shade had expected.
Nonetheless, Shade evaded the question. "No one sweetheart. Keep watching your cartoon." She sniffed.
"Mommy, have you been crying?"
"No honey. It's just the harmattan." Shade lied again. "Now keep watching your cartoon. I'll serve breakfast, okay?"
Noel was hesitant but she replied, "Okay."
Shade sighed as she walked into the kitchen. Was this the kind of present this year's over-hyped yuletide season of good cheer had for her? As far as Shade was concerned, there was no Christmas day. There was only Noel's birthday.
Christmas had no meaning to her anymore. Not after what her family had put her through. If her apartment was decorated for Christmas, it was because Noel wanted it. And the thing that annoyed Shade more, though she couldn't voice it out to her daughter, was the fact that Noel kept mentioning Jesus Christ and angels and God.
It was a surprise that at almost age Seven, Christmas wasn't all about Santa Clause to Noel. It was also shocking that she even knew who Jesus was. Because since Noel was born, Shade had made sure she didn't step foot into church. They all were a bunch of lying, criticizing humans and hypocrites so it made her wonder how Noel had heard about Jesus.
She sighed again as she got back to making breakfast. She walked slowly in the kitchen, trying to gather the ingredients she'd need. She opened the cupboards and realized they were almost empty. Took out whatever ingredients were left and started breakfast.
She sighed once more. Her meagre salary was never enough to cater for both of them, even if she did double time at that small clerical office where she worked. She knew she needed help, as much help as she could get, but she was too proud, too hurt to admit that and accept anyone's help.
She also knew that if she went home like her mother wanted or if she allowed Tonye to see Noel, she'd be helped in one way or the other. But then, she wasn't ready to forgive any of them so that idea was a capital NO.
She already used the little money she had to decorate the apartment like Noel wanted it to look. She wanted so much for Noel to mark her seventh birthday with something very significant but she was out of money. And Christmas was five days away.
The smell of burning food jolted her from her thoughts. She stared at the little quantity of yam porridge in the pot. Even smaller because most of it had gotten burned. Shade sighed for the umpteenth time and shook her head as she served food into two plates. She kept some out of it for later, actually for Noel since she wasn't sure what they were gonna eat for the next meal.
As they settled to eat breakfast, Noel grinned and turned to her mom. "Mommy, you'll always be the best cook in the world!"
Shade smiled. "I'm not that much of a cook but thank you sweetheart."
Shade liked how much Noel always seemed to make her feel better, even when she felt the worst.
"You know mommy, my birthday is going to be lit this year." Noel took one spoon from her porridge after she said that. "It has always been lit of course but, somehow, this year is going to be different."
Shade admired how hopeful her daughter was. She sometimes wished she could be that hopeful. To her, most times, it was Noel's hope that strengthened hers. Shade also wondered how Noel knew a word like 'lit'. She was always amazed by the amount of words she knew at that age.
"How'd you know that?" Shade asked.
"Well, it's on Christmas day. It's always on Christmas day but I met someone and he told me that it'd be different this year."
Shade scoffed. "And you just believed him?"
"Why not?" She said, her voice going a pitch higher. "He's never lied to me before now." She continued eating.
With furrowed brows, Shade wondered who Noel was speaking about. For a moment, the thought of Noel meeting with Tonye crossed her mind. No. There was no way she could have met him. With the way he'd come today, Shade could very well tell that Tonye knew nothing about their daughter.
She was very certain. . .or was she? This morning, he'd mentioned something about Christmas day. Did he know Noel's birthday was on Christmas day? How could he have known?
"Noel, who is this 'he' you're talking about?" She looked directly at her daughter's eyes.
Noel shrugged. "I don't know his name. He never told me. But he's a very kind man. He's walked me home from school a few times."
Shade panicked. Her eyes wide with fear. "Walked you home? And you never told me?"
Noel shrugged again. "I tried to, a few times, but you always seemed absent minded."
"Oh, wow." Shade sat up. "It doesn't matter, honey. You still could have told me. And I thought I told you not to talk to strangers. Is that disobedience I sense?"
"He's a nice stranger," Noel said. "And no mommy, I'm sorry. I'm not a disobedient girl."
Shade sighed. "You should not talk to strangers, okay? No matter how nice they seem." She made that clear to her because she also wanted her to ignore Tonye in case he showed up. "This is Nigeria. You can't tell who is who."
Noel nodded. "Yes, mommy." She didn't want to disobey her mother and at the same time, didn't want to stop talking to the kind stranger.
She always met him after school. The first time she met him, she was skeptical about talking to him but then, he'd told her things no one else knew. He'd told her about her mother and how she was always sad all the time. He told her things she didn't even know about her mother.
When he said that, Noel knew she could trust him. She walked home by herself all the time because her school was very close to her house. Not that her mom was cool with the idea of letting her come home by herself but she'd insisted that she could do it and that it would relieve Shade of the stress.
She was able to convince her mother that she'd be fine and she'd stay with the neighbours until she was back from work. Noel was mostly bored each time she finished school because she was always by herself. She didn't have any friends and did not fit in enough to have one.
She attended a public primary school because that was what her mother could afford. And the way the school children behaved was too raz and rascal-like. Noel wasn't cut out for all of that. Her mother had trained her to be cultured. At her young age, she knew and understood that.
When she saw how calm and welcoming that stranger was to her, she could not quite refuse to be his friend. She was happy that at least, she'd have someone to talk to. Someone apart from her mother, who would easily understand her even though he was nowhere near her age.
She'd found a friend and now, her mother wanted them to stop being friends. It would be real hard. But she would just have to obey.
"Good girl." Shade stroked her daughter's colorful beaded hair gently and smiled.
Noel smiled back and continued eating.
* * *
The next day, Shade decided to take Noel to the mall to do window shopping. Deep down, Shade hoped she would find a job, no matter how small the pay was and on the other hand, Noel wished she would see her friend again.
They walked down the aisle together. Noel could not get enough of the Christmas decorations and lights hung on the walls and the ceilings. Christmas songs boomed from the speakers. Noel grinned, squealed and swung her free arm happily as she held on to her mom.
Shade was aware of her child's happiness but her mind was still not settled as she racked her brain for ideas on how she could get a quick job and earn money before Christmas.
After about twenty minutes of looking around, entering shops and coming out empty handed, Shade sighed and decided to take a break. She sat down on one of the empty seats in the mall and rested her back, Noel beside her.
"Mommy, are you alright?" Noel asked, touching her mother's hands which were clasped together. Noel's lips were pouted and her eyes grew bigger.
"I'm fine. Just tired," Shade replied.
Noel scooted close to her and wrapped her arms around her in a side hug. "Do you feel better?"
Shade was touched, even though it wasn't much, she did feel better. "Yes honey. Thank you."
"Yay. My teacher says hugs heal people."
"Then your teacher is absolutely right." She smiled.
"Things will be better this Christmas." She looked up at her mother. "My friend told me."
"Again with this friend of yours. Honestly, I'd like to meet him. 'Cause I want to know what kind of person would make my own daughter disobey me."
"I'm sorry I keep bringing him up. He's the only friend I've got." Noel's voice went low. "Please don't get angry mommy."
Shade sighed again - she'd been sighing a lot these days - and stroked her daughter's hair. "I'm not angry. But I really want to meet him."
"Maybe you will get to meet him. He's really nice."
She nodded and squeezed her eyes shut. Both of them remained in the same position and slowly, she drifted off to sleep.
She thought she was dreaming when she heard voices very close to her. She opened her eyes slowly to see Noel and another man conversing. Her mommy senses kicked in and immediately, she dragged Noel away from him.
"Who are you?" Shade asked. "And why are you talking to my daughter, ehn?"
"Mommy this__"
"Eshh." Shade cut Noel off and faced the stranger again.
"Hello Shade," the man replied calmly. He was dressed casually - black trousers, flowery brown and yellow vintage shirt and white tennis shoes. His hair was brown-ish and curly. His eyes weren't brown because they kept changing colors. It was weird for a Nigerian's eyes to change colors. He didn't look exactly like a Nigerian though. He looked like he could fit perfectly into any country and look just like them.
Based on his height and stature, one would say he was in his early thirties but as Shade looked closely at his face, she could not tell because he looked ageless. It was strange. Very strange.
"How'd you know my name?" Shade managed not to stutter due to shock.
He smiled. "Why don't you have a seat first?" He gestured towards the chairs.
Shade stared at him. She wanted to refuse but the more she looked at him, the more she felt the need to do what he'd asked.
Noel looked up at Shade. "This is the friend I've been talking about. You said you wanted to meet him."
Shade turned her gaze away from Noel and stared at the man once more. He was still smiling. Something about his smile just spelled truth.
"Okay." She took a seat and made sure Noel was beside her. "Noel says you're her friend."
"Yes I am."
Shade raised a brow. "How so and why?"
"I'm a friend to everyone who is lonely and who accepts me as theirs too," he said. "It's possible for us to also be friends." He shrugged. "No pressure of course."
"Hmmmm. What's your mission with my daughter? Did Tonye send you to spy on her, on us?"
"Mommy, who's Tonye?" Noel asked, looking up at her mother.
"Not your business Noel." She looked at the man again. Noel didn't like the way her mother shunned her but she kept shut and tried not to cry anyway. Shade continued. "Answer me please. Did Tonye send you?"
The man laughed. "No. Tonye Davids didn't send me. As a matter of fact, no one has sent me except my father."
"Who's this father you speak of? Is he a politician? A drug lord?" She fired more questions at the man.
"Trust me Shade, my father is way bigger than all those titles you mentioned." He was smiling.
Why was he smiling? How could he smile so easily? He smiled like he'd never known pain in his life. Shade found herself wanting to know more about this man so she relaxed.
"He is huh?"
The man nodded. "He is."
Noel looked at both of them. She wanted to speak but she didn't want to seem rude by jumping into two adults' conversation.
"You seem like you have a lot to ask me," the man said as Shade was going to open her mouth and repeat the same thing.
"Yes. I definitely do."
"Fire away." His smile reached his eyes. She looked down at Noel and noticed she was smiling too.
"Why are you smiling?" She asked her.
"Because, before you woke up, while we were talking, he told me you would react this way." Noel's smile widened.
"Oh, I see." Shade wasn't too pleased about that but she let it pass. "So, back to my first question; how'd you know my name?"
"I've known your for a long time Shade. Right from the time you were born. I'm sure you won't believe me."
Shade was taken aback. Of course he could not be telling the truth. See how he stylishly evaded her question. She would not let him get away with it. She pushed further, "Oh, really? Then what's my middle and last name?"
"Your full name is Folashade Addison Rotimi."
Shade flinched. She hadn't expected him to get it right. She tried her possible best not to show her shock on her face. "Noel must have told you that." She scoffed.
"No, mommy I didn't even know you had a name as cool as Addison," Noel said.
Shade glared at her before turning to the man again. Noel shrunk back and decided to keep quiet. At least till her mother deemed it fit for her to speak.
"Your daughter is telling the truth." He nodded towards Noel.
"Yeah. She also told me what you said about her birthday being lit this year and that this season would be a better one." Shade air-quoted the last statement. "How'd you even know all that?"
"Because I know. I know you've been sad for a long time and you want a change in your life."
"And this season would be different? This Christmas or whatever you people call it?"
"Let me ask you Shade," The man rested his clasped hands on his laps and leaned forward, "what's Christmas really about?"
She scoffed. "Santa Claus. Duh."
He leaned back and smiled. Shade still wondered why he smiled so easily.
"Do you really believe that?" He asked.
"Yes, of course. Santa Claus. Jingle Bells. Sleigh ride. Reindeers. Blah blah blabbetty blah blah," she told him feeling smug about it. "Kid Stuff. Highly unimportant."
"You think?"
"I know. It's another fantasy to keep children and those who choose to behave like them, entertained."
He chuckled. Noel did too but she did hers quietly so her mother wouldn't notice.
"If it's so unimportant, why is a whole day set apart to celebrate it?"
Shade was about to respond when she realized he'd turned the questioning on her. She cleared her throat. "I'm doing the questioning here."
"Okay."
"Now, tell me why you would choose to let my little girl hope on a false reality?" Her voice broke a little.
"Whatever I told her is not false. For I only speak the truth." He sounded firm and so sure.
Shade looked at his eyes and saw he was not lying. "You only speak the truth? It's hard to find people who do that these days."
"I'm an exception, I guess."
"So what's so special about Christmas? I'm sure it was you who told my daughter about all those Jesus and God stuff. Another myth of old." She said the last part sarcastically.
"Why? Don't you believe in God?"
"I used to. Until I found out it was all a scam," Shade said nonchalantly.
Noel gasped loudly. She could not believe her mother thought that about God. A God who she prayed to daily and she always felt He heard her. Looking back now, Noel began to realize why her mother was always against going to church.
"What made you believe it was a scam?"
"Well, I could mention a lot of stuff; like when I got pregnant in my third year in the university and had to drop out because of that. He allowed my parents to throw me out. . ."
That was how, without intending to, Shade poured her heart out, telling him every single thing she'd bottled up. Letting out every pain she'd felt for the past seven years. She narrated how Tonye had also abandoned her and now he came back asking for his daughter.
She didn't realize she was crying until she finished her story. Noel didn't like to see her mother cry so she hugged her even more. Her eyes were watery too.
Shade wiped her eyes and looked at the man. His facial expression was unreadable. "So, tell me Mister, with all I've been through, why would I not believe it's a scam?"
"Have you ever wondered why, in spite of all you've been through, you still survived?" He asked her.
"I wanted to just die at a point. Honestly, if not for my daughter here, if not that. . ." She choked on her tears.
"Mommy, please don't cry," Noel chided, even though she was crying too.
"I'm not," Shade sniffed and tried to smile. "No, I'm not crying honey." She wiped her eyes with her sleeves. "Please don't cry too."
"You didn't die because someone's love held you," he said.
"Love?" Shade chuckled humorlessly. "Haven't felt like anyone loved me since ages."
"What if I told you that someone does. You know, my father sent me here because of love. He wanted everyone to feel that love and spread it too."
"Really?" Shade got interested.
"Just like God sent His son, Jesus Christ," Noel said. "In John 3:16."
"Just like that, little one. Just like that." The man smiled at Noel. She smiled back.
"Wow. Noel, when did you learn that scripture?" Shade asked.
She shrugged, still smiling and said, "My friend taught me."
"And spreading love is what Christmas is all about. For God so loved the world that he gave his only son. He sent his son and he came through the virgin Mary. That was the origin of Christmas," the man said. "It's not to late to accept that love, Shade."
"It's true mommy." Noel supported the stranger.
"Take a look at that man." The stranger looked behind him. Shade and Noel followed his gaze. It landed on the middle-aged security man at the entrance of the mall. "He's gonna be celebrating Christmas by himself. He's got no family to go to. And yet, because he understands what Christmas is about, he still chooses to smile at everyone that enters the mall, doing his job with all his heart."
"Oh, poor guy," Shade said with sincerity.
"And that old woman sitting there." He looked over Shade's shoulders. She followed his gaze again. An old woman was surrounded with people -supposedly family - laughing and chatting away. "She just lost her only son. But it didn't make her push everyone away. She allowed those around her to love her."
"Oh, right. I guess I did push everyone away." Shade looked down at her fingers.
"Sometimes, all you need to do is accept the love that people give you. Go home to your family, Shade." He moved forward and touched her shoulder. "They're waiting for you. Your mom's hoping you'll change your mind."
She looked up at him. "So you're saying I should just forgive them?"
"My father forgave a whole lotta people. They still mess up sometimes but he still forgives them." The man shrugged. "You should be able to do that."
"I could try that." Shade looked down at her fingers. Looked back up. "Thank you." She could not believe she was thanking the strange man.
Shade released Noel and let her embrace the man. If she wasn't so ashamed of herself, she'd have done the same.
"Anytime." He smiled. "I have something for you though."
"You do?"
"Yes. Something you'll always remember me by." He dug around his pockets and brought out two flat stones. That's what Shade thought it was until he placed them gently in her hands.
"Turtle Doves?" She asked, confused as to why he'd give her something from the song; Twelve Days of Christmas.
"Yes. They signify enduring love. That's the kinda love that God has for you. That's the kinda love that Christmas talks about."
Noel hugged him one last time and joined her mom to admire the gift he'd given them. Shade traced the smoothness of the stones. She prayed silently that her life would be that smooth from now on.
"By the way, you didn't tell me your. . . Shade trailed off as she noticed he was gone. No longer with them. "Where'd he go?" She stood up. Ran to the entrance and asked the security man if he'd seen the stranger. Asked a whole lot of people. When they said no, Shade thought she was crazy.
After a while, she sat down and massaged her temples. Had she been dreaming? Noel, on the other hand, already understood what had happened as she sat down calmly, smiling at her mother.
It wasn't until they got home and she sat down to think back to all that happened, that she realized who the stranger really was.
"Oh my God!" She gasped, her hands on her face. She wanted, at that moment, to run back to him but he was already gone. She should have known. She should have known.
She stared at the turtle Doves and then, at her daughter who was still smiling.
"You knew all along, didn't you?" Shade asked Noel, a smile creeping up her face.
"Not exactly. I only figured it out when he talked about his Father," Noel replied.
"You're way smarter than your mom now, aren't you?" She stroked Noel's hair. "Come here." She spread out her arms. Noel moved closer and they hugged.
They stayed like that for a long time. Tears rolled down Shade's eyes but this time, it wasn't from bitterness. It was because she was happy. Yes, for the first time in a long time, she cried tears of joy.
When Tonye showed up at her front door the next morning asking to see his daughter, she smiled and let him in. She wouldn't deny her daughter the love of a father. It was love, wasn't it?
For God so loved the world. . .
All she had to do was accept that love and spread it to everyone. She understood it now. She walked to the Christmas tree and hung the turtle doves, adding to the tree decoration.
Noel was right. The stranger had told the truth. This was indeed a different Christmas. As she walked away from the Christmas tree, she picked up her phone and dialed her mother's number.
"Hello mom, we're coming home."
THE END!