Knock knock knock.
"Hey, Loki, you still unconscious?"
Loki groans and shoves a pillow over his face. "Yes." He's too tired to do this right now. He's not sure he's ever been this tired in his life. He's definitely not in the mood to deal with Tony...
Wait.
He just saw Tony yesterday. (Yesterday?) He'd nearly forgotten about that. He was following him around, and then he left and... And he went to see Pepper... And she...
Loki lets out a long breath. "I'm up." If Tony wants to talk to him, he should probably let him. His girlfriend just died. It would be kind of rude to ignore him.
Tony knocks on the door again. "C'mon, open up."
Loki tosses his pillow at the door, which he hopes will make enough of a noise that Tony will know he's up. He swings his legs over the side of the bed, and the world blurs before his eyes. Does he really have to stand up? Can't he just go back to sleep?
Tony knocks again. "Please open up?"
Loki raises his brows. That was suspiciously not rude. He supposes that deserves some sort of response, so he says, "Give me a minute." It shouldn't take much more than a minute to get to the door, right?
He pushes himself to his feet with a soft groan. He has to hold on to the wall to steady himself for a few seconds. He's exhausted. Just holding his eyes open stings, and every blink comes as a warm relief.
He looks down at himself. He spent his alone time in his Asgardian clothes. He just found it more comfortable; more familiar. The Avengers have mocked his attire before, and he almost wonders if he should change into something more Midgardian — it would only take a second; no one would know — but he decides against it, if only because he's too tired to.
He crosses the room, and, after a moment of hesitation, he pulls open the door.
Before him stands Tony Stark...
And Pepper Potts.
Loki furrows his brows. "What...?" He says it so quietly, he's not even sure the word leaves his mouth.
"Loki!" Pepper throws her arms around him.
Loki looks down at her uncomfortably. "What are you...?"
"I'm hugging you," Pepper says. "What, you don't do hugs in Asgard?"
"Not frequently." He would get hugs from his mother and very rarely would he get hugs from his brother, but that was it. This is very strange to him.
"Well, I'm gonna fix that," Pepper tells him, squeezing him just a little bit tighter. Her tone softening, she says, "Thank you, Loki."
Loki glances at Tony awkwardly, a silent plea for help, but he seems to be fighting the urge to laugh. That's no help. He looks back down at Pepper, and, after a very long few seconds, he gently hugs her back.
"You're welcome," Loki says, because what else is he supposed to say? He feels like he should say something, but he feels incredibly uncomfortable right now. She's being very nice to him. He doesn't like it. It's weird.
Finally, Tony steps in. "Alright, alright, that's enough," he says. "Loki, stop trying to steal my girlfriend."
Loki's too confused to respond to that, but, fortunately, it does get Pepper to stop hugging him. She takes a step away, standing by Tony's side once more, and Loki just stares at her blankly. She died. He's almost positive he remembers her dying. Right? That did happen, didn't it?
"Surprise," Tony says, adding some unenthusiastic jazz hands. "Pepper's alive."
"I see that," Loki says. He'd have to be blind not to.
"Guess it never occurred to me that, y'know, he was injecting her with Extremis, so she had Extremis," Tony says. "So that's new."
"And he's going to fix that," Pepper adds, shooting him a look.
"And I'm going to fix that," Tony says.
"That is probably wise," Loki agrees. He can't imagine Extremis being a good thing, even if she hasn't exploded from it (yet?).
"But hey, it's Christmas," Tony says dismissively. "Rhodey's making cinnamon rolls — the big ones, not the small ones. The small ones are stupid."
Loki blinks. "Okay."
"You want one?" Tony asks.
Loki furrows his brows. "I don't... What?"
"It's a pastry," Pepper says. "They're so good. C'mon, you should try one." She gestures for him to follow her.
He doesn't.
"Thank you," he says awkwardly, "but... no." What other way is there to say it? He hardly even knows what he's refusing. It doesn't really matter. He just wants to go back to sleep.
"She really wants you to," Tony adds. "Like, really wants you to. It's all she's been talking about."
Pepper slaps him playfully on the shoulder. "It was your idea!"
"Yeah, because you wouldn't shut up about him," Tony says teasingly.
Pepper rolls her eyes good-naturedly. "That's not true."
"Uh, yeah, it kinda is," Tony says.
Loki drums his fingers against his door awkwardly. "If you do not mind, I'm going to just..." He begins to shut the door, but Tony sticks a hand out to stop him.
"Did you eat at all yesterday?" he asks.
Loki opens his mouth to answer — of course he did — but then he stops himself. Did he eat yesterday? He spent most of the day with Pepper. Did he take any breaks to eat, or was it just the brief ones to sleep? He can't remember.
"That's what I thought," Tony says. "Come on, have a cinnamon roll. Consider it, you know, payment for your help."
"But I didn't help," Loki says, confused. "I quite literally could not help." Not for lack of trying, but he was as useless as he could be with them.
"Well, you did get Killian pretty good at the end there," Tony says.
Pepper's answer is more sincere. "You did help," she says. "You stayed with me. You didn't have to, but you did."
"I would hardly call that—"
"I would," she interrupts. "So thank you. Now come eat a cinnamon roll with us so I feel better."
Loki just looks at her for a few moments, silent, until he huffs a laugh. She's cute. She's sweet. He supposes it wouldn't hurt to humor her. "If you really want—"
"Yes," she says immediately.
Loki cracks a smile. "Very well, then," he says. "I hope these cinnamon rolls are as good as you say."
"They are," Pepper assures him.
They head down the hallway, and Loki fights back a yawn. Hopefully this won't last too long. He can't put into words how tired he is right now.
Tony glances back over his shoulder at him. "And, for the record, I still don't like you."
"Tony!" Pepper slaps his shoulder.
"I'd assumed as much," Loki says. "I do not like you, either. I do not expect our mutual animosity to change."
Tony snorts. "'Animosity.' It's like living with a thesaurus."
Loki rolls his eyes. "I apologize if my vocabulary is too large for you," he says sarcastically. "I'd assumed, being a self-proclaimed 'genius,' you would understand it regardless."
Tony chuckles. "Alright, you got me there."
Loki furrows his brows. That's it? No snappy response? He always has a snappy response. "You are being suspiciously nice right now."
"And you were being suspiciously nice when I was supposedly dead," Tony says with a shrug. "And it's Christmas. Or, I mean, yesterday was Christmas, but we're celebrating it today. So it's Christmas."
"And you're celebrating it with me," Loki says skeptically.
"And we're celebrating it with you," Tony agrees.
Loki frowns. He agreed to a single cinnamon roll. He did not agree to whatever the hell is going on right now. If they try to push any kind of celebration on him, he's walking out. He's not staying awake to celebrate a holiday he knows nothing about.
"We tried to tell you Pepper was okay earlier, by the way," Tony tells him.
"Okay."
"JARVIS said you were unconscious," he adds.
"Okay."
"Were you okay?" Pepper asks.
Loki raises an eyebrow. "You fell off of a crane into a fire. You are the last person who should be inquiring about anyone else's well-being."
"Well, it sounded like you were wearing yourself pretty thin," she says. "Are you okay?"
"I've been worse," he says. He's just tired. He can handle being tired.
"Yeah, we've seen it," Tony deadpans.
Loki shrugs sheepishly.
"But are you okay?" he asks, then quickly adds the disclaimer, "but only because Pepper wants to know. I don't care."
Loki cracks a smile. He can tell that's not entirely true. He actually suspects that Tony wanted him to realize that wasn't entirely true. It's kind of sweet. He wouldn't have expected that from him.
"I am fine," he says. "Thank you."
They finally reach the kitchen, where Rhodey is sitting on his phone at the table. Tony and Pepper both sit down as well, and Loki leans against the wall by the doorway. He's not sitting around the table with them like they're all best friends. That couldn't be further from the truth.
"Hey, Tony," Rhodey says, his brows furrowed. "Listen to this." He puts his phone on the table and taps it.
"Hey, Rhodes," Natasha's voice says. "Have you heard from Tony lately? The news is saying he's dead, but Loki seems to think he's not. We just can't reach him, so if you've heard from him, let me know. Thanks."
Click.
Rhodey looks up at Tony wordlessly. Pepper and Loki do the same.
Tony just stares at the phone for a few moments; then, "JARVIS, how many messages do I have?"
"Your voicemail is full, sir," JARVIS says.
Tony nods slowly. "Great," he mutters. "Um..." He shakes his head. "Fuck it. JARVIS, empty my mailbox. Just delete 'em all."
"Tony!" Pepper chides.
"Are you sure, sir?" JARVIS asks. "It sounds as though most of your friends would appreciate a call back."
"Ah, fuck 'em," Tony says with a shrug. "They'll find out I'm alive soon enough. No need to waste my time talking to all of them."
"If you're sure, sir," JARVIS says warily.
"I'm sure," Tony says. "Delete 'em."
There's a brief pause. "Your voicemail is now empty."
Tony grins. "Excellent. Let's rack up some more messages."
Rhodey shakes his head to himself. "Alright, whatever. You wanna at least call Nat back?"
Tony thinks about that for a moment, then grabs Rhodey's phone off the table. Ignoring his complaints, he uses it to call her back, then puts the phone back down on the table while it rings.
She picks the phone up before the third ring. "Rhodes? What's going on?"
"Sorry, Rhodey's not here right now," Tony says. "He's too busy mourning the loss of his best friend. You know, because he cared. You should try it sometime."
Loki stifles a laugh. Pepper actually does laugh at that, muffling it with her hand.
"Tony?" Natasha scoffs. "Where the hell have you been?"
"Oh, you know," Tony drawls, "fighting terrorists in Miami. Almost getting deep-fried by glowing men. The usual."
"I'm sorry, you were what?" Natasha says in disbelief. "Wait, hang on, I'm putting you on speaker. Clint's here, too."
"I was fighting terrorists in Miami," Tony repeats as though that's not the weirdest possible answer to that question.
"What is it with you and terrorists?" Clint asks, followed shortly after by a smacking sound and an "Ow."
"And you couldn't pick up the phone?" Natasha asks, incredulous. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, no, I'm fine," Tony says. "I'm back at the tower with Pepper and Rhodey. We're having fake-Christmas since we missed the real one."
Clint snorts. "Sounds like a blast."
"Oh, absolutely," Tony says. "And now I'm hanging up."
"Stark—"
Click.
Tony slides the phone back across the table to Rhodey. "They really just didn't care, huh?"
"They cared," Pepper protests.
"I'd already told them you were alive," Loki offers, if that's any solace.
"Okay, but my house got blown up," he says. "I think I deserved a little more than that, whatever that was."
Loki shakes his head to himself. "Then be sure to remind them of it incessantly when they return."
"Oh, you bet your ass I'm gonna," Tony says.
"You know," Pepper says, looking up at the god with a frown, "you can sit down."
Loki blinks at that. After a very long pause, he just says, "No."
Tony huffs a laugh. "What's the matter, Lokes? C'mon." He gestures to the open chair. "Join the family."
Even the obvious insincerity in his tone does nothing to make that statement any less uncomfortable. Once again, Loki's only response is, "No."
Pepper frowns. "Why not?" she asks. "Are you okay?"
"I am confused," Loki says. "I understand that you are all friends, but we are not, so I do not understand why you want me here."
She seems a lot more upset by that than he'd anticipated. She looks apologetic, guilty even, and he can't understand it for the life of him.
"You don't have to stay out here if you don't want to," she tells him. "I just thought... I mean, it sounds like you spend most of your time in your room, and I just thought, you know, you might want to come out for a little while. But if you don't want to..."
Oh, great. Now Loki feels bad that she feels bad. And now he can't go back to sleep in a few minutes, because it will doubtlessly just make her feel worse.
"I do appreciate it," Loki says, which is not at all true, though he does follow it with a truth. "I am definitely hungry. But I still do not understand why you invited me out here."
Before Pepper can answer, Tony asks, "Has anyone ever been nice to you before?"
Loki's eyebrows shoot up. "Excuse me?"
"And I'm only, like, sixty percent joking," Tony adds. "Because I know you didn't like Thor, you don't seem to get along with Sif, your dad just sucks, and your mom—"
"You know nothing of my mother," Loki snaps.
Tony blinks in surprise. "Well, I guess that answers that question," he says. He eyes the god for a few moments. "You're a strange person. You know that, right?"
Loki folds his arms over his chest. He's not sure how to answer that.
"I'm confused," Rhodey says. "Are you a good guy or a bad guy? 'Cause I'm getting very mixed messages right now."
"If you still view the world in such absolutes," Loki says, "you'll never come to understand its complexities."
Rhodey snorts. "Whatever that means."
"Well, at least for today," Pepper says, "I think we're gonna call you one of the good guys."
That actually earns a small smile from him.
Pepper perks up suddenly, and she turns her gaze to Tony. "The letter! Where'd you put it?"
Tony's mouth forms a wordless ohhh, and he slides out of his chair. As he walks up to the counter, he asks, his back to the god, "Do you guys send mail on birds in Asgard?"
Loki furrows his brows. That's a strange question. "Sometimes," he says. "Why?"
"Then I'm guessing this is for you." He turns around, and in his hand sits a folded-up piece of paper. "Some bird was sitting outside the tower and it wouldn't leave until I took this, so..." He holds it out to the god. "Here."
Loki eyes the letter in his hand uncertainly. He could just take it. It's right there. And it's almost certainly for him. He could just reach out and...
He shakes his head. "Throw it away."
Tony furrows his brows. "Seriously?"
"Yes," Loki says. "There is no one in Asgard I wish to speak to."
"Damn," Rhodey says. "You don't have any friends up there?"
"What if it's your mom?" Tony asks.
Loki shoots him a glare. He's already made it very clear that he doesn't want to talk about her — that he doesn't want Tony to talk about her.
"What?" he says defensively. "It sounds like you like her. I figured you might want to talk to her."
"She would not contact me by letter," Loki says, and it just feels wrong to be talking about his mother to Tony Stark, of all people. "I do not want to read it. You can throw it in the trash."
Tony frowns. "Okay, then can I read it?" he asks.
"No."
"I'm gonna read it."
Tony starts to open the letter, and immediately, Loki holds out his hand, and the letter flies into it. Ignoring the smirk on Tony's face that says this was doubtlessly part of his plan, he unfolds the letter, but he makes sure it's clear in his movements that he doesn't want to. He holds it up in front of him, and he has to squint to make out the words through his bleary eyes.
Loki,
You were sent to Midgard as a punishment for your crimes, but I believe we may well live to see it become your redemption. You've come a long way already. I'm proud of you.
Heimdall
Loki smiles to himself. He'd assumed he and Heimdall were enemies. They never got along for more than a few days at a time (because that was usually as long as it took for Loki to do something bad that Heimdall had to tell Odin about), but maybe he was wrong. Maybe Heimdall doesn't hate him as much as he'd thought. He wonders briefly if the same could be said for the rest of Asgard. Probably not, he reasons, but it would be nice to think about.
"What is it?" Tony asks. "Something good?"
Loki wipes the smile off his face. He creates the illusion of the letter burning in his hand; in reality, he tucks it away in his pocket dimension for safekeeping. "Nothing of importance," he says.
"Okay, dude," Rhodey says, "your wizard powers are kinda freaking me out."
Loki bites back a laugh. "I am not a wizard."
"No, I'm pretty sure you're a wizard," Rhodey says.
"I'm really not," Loki insists.
"Sure you're not," Tony says sarcastically. Disguising his next words as a cough, he adds, "You're a wizard."
Loki shakes his head to himself, an amused smile on his face that he just can't hide. "Sure," he says. They can call him a wizard.
"What other cool wizard tricks can you do?" Tony asks.
"No," Rhodey says immediately. "No, I don't want to see any more magic tricks."
"Oh, come on," Tony says. "It'll be fun."
"No, it won't!" Rhodey insists. "Barton was right: what is it with you and terrorists?"
Loki rolls his eyes. They're still on this? Are they going to call him a terrorist for the rest of their lives?
"Rhodey..." Pepper shoots him a look, and Rhodey puts his hands up in sarcastic defense.
"Hey, speaking of wizard powers," Tony says, "what the hell is up with your wizard powers? Were you just pretending to be useless or what? 'Cause you got Killian real good at the end."
Loki shakes his head helplessly. "I don't know. It hadn't worked before." He's not sure how he did it. There's no logical explanation for it. It just happened. He's sure he couldn't do it again if he tried.
... But maybe he should try it anyway, just in case. Some skills can be learned, right? And this would be a very nice skill to have. He doesn't anticipate ending up in a situation like that again, but if he does, he'd like to be slightly less helpless in it.
"So, what, it was just a fluke?" Tony asks.
"It would seem so."
"Well, it was a hell of a time for a misfire," Tony says. "But it worked well, so, um..." He shrugs. "Thanks for the assist."
Loki shakes his head. "Don't thank me," he says. "It's weird."
"No, you know what's weird?" Rhodey says, then doesn't wait for an answer (which is a shame; Loki could have come up with a good one). "You're weird. 'Cause all I've heard for the last, like, eight hours is 'Loki did this,' 'Loki did that,' 'Loki's an angel sent from the heavens,' and I was like 'Cool, maybe he's some reformed criminal now' and now you're standing right there and you are exactly the same as you were the last time I saw you, so, like, what the hell is going on?"
Loki almost wants to take a moment to think about how they've apparently been saying good things about him behind his back, but he doesn't. He knows it's not going to last. Why waste time thinking about it?
"If at any point I have given the impression that things have changed, I apologize," he says, though it's far from the most sincere of apologies. "They have not, and they will not. I am not trying to make friends."
"Fine, then don't make friends," Tony says. "But at least sit down and act like a person for the next 20 minutes. Then we can go back to hating each other again."
Loki makes a show of rolling his eyes. "Fine." He sits down in the empty seat, Pepper on one side and Rhodey on the other, and he purposely keeps his chair a foot or two from the table for his own peace of mind. Rhodey's words replay in his head. "Has it really only been eight hours?"
"Well, eight hours since I got involved," Rhodey says. "It's been, like, two days for you guys."
"That's all?" he says in disbelief. No wonder he's so tired. He didn't even get one night's sleep to make up for the two he missed.
Tony snorts. "What, fighting terrorists for two days straight isn't good enough for you?"
Loki rolls his eyes. Whatever. Forget it. He decides to change the subject. "How is Happy Hogan? Have you heard from him?"
Tony scoffs. "You're doing it again!"
Loki furrows his brows. "I beg your pardon?"
"You keep acting like you don't care," he says, "and then you do something like that that says you care."
Loki folds his arms over his chest. "I enjoy confusing people. What of it?"
"Yeah, no, you're doing a hell of a job at it," Tony tells him. "So I'm thinking there are two options. Either you're just pretending you don't care but you actually do, or — and I hate this one even more — you really don't care and you don't like any of us."
Loki cocks an eyebrow. "And that would be bad?"
"Yeah, it would," Tony says. "Cause that means your instinct when you saw that someone was in danger — that someone you hate was in danger — was to help them, and that almost makes you sound like a good person, and I don't like that."
Loki rolls his eyes. "Fear not; your concern is unnecessary," he says. "I am not one of you so-called heroes, and I am not your friend."
"Oh, no, I know that," Tony says. "But you're definitely somewhere on that spectrum."
"You're wrong," Loki says.
"Am I?" he asks. "Then why'd you stick around for so long?"
Loki raises his chin, as if daring him to keep asking questions. "I was bored," he says simply.
"You asked Asgard for help," Tony reminds him. "And you've made it very clear that you don't like anyone up there."
"I was interested to see where it would go if I did," Loki says.
"You stuck with Pepper for a full 24 hours," Tony says. "And from what I understand, you were getting really worn out while you were there; probably would've liked to go home and sleep."
"Firstly, do not call this my home," Loki says. It is his home, but he doesn't want to hear Tony say it. "And I'd assumed I'd only be by her side a short while until you came. You can hardly blame me for your shortcomings."
The casual jab doesn't get an ounce of acknowledgment. "You just asked about Happy, and you haven't even met the guy."
"I was merely making conversation."
Tony scoffs. He shakes his head to himself and crosses his arms. "Have you always been like this, or is this a new thing since you ditched Asgard?"
That question throws Loki for a loop, enough so that his cocky demeanor fades. "Excuse me?"
"This whole 'I hate everyone and everything' facade," Tony elaborates. "'Cause you definitely had me going for a few months with it, but I'm starting to catch on."
Loki presses his lips into a firm line. This is a shitty conversation. It feels like the right time to change the subject. Again. "When will the cinnamon rolls be done?"
Tony cracks a smile at that. "In a few minutes."
"Good," Loki says. "Speaking to you is exhausting."
Tony slaps a hand over his heart as though he's hurt. "Wow. And I'm not even trying to annoy you this time."
"And yet you're doing a spectacular job at it," Loki deadpans.
Pepper looks between the two of them with a frown. "You guys were getting along so well—"
"No, we weren't," Tony interrupts.
"That could not be further from the truth," Loki adds.
Pepper furrows her brows. "What? But I thought...?"
"It went well in theory; not in practice," Loki says.
"Yeah." Tony gestures vaguely to him. "What he said."
"Oh." Pepper takes a moment to process that. "Well, can you try to get along?"
"No," Loki says immediately.
"I am trying," Tony says. "I'm putting in, like, 30 percent effort right now — which is 25 points more than I was the other day."
"Outstanding work," Loki says sarcastically.
"You're one to talk," Tony says. "You're not even trying to get along. You're giving negative effort."
"Because I don't like you," Loki says simply.
"Yeah, and I don't like you, either," Tony says. "But it's Christmas and—"
"That means absolutely nothing to me," Loki says. "I know nothing of your Midgardian holidays, and I have no desire to participate in them."
Tony shakes his head to himself. "Are you going out of your way to be the least tolerable version of yourself right now?"
"I wonder the same about you every time I see you," Loki says.
Tony narrows his eyes. Loki narrows his right back. He does love a good glaring contest. He's always been very good at them
As expected, it's Tony who breaks, and when he does, it comes with an exasperated sigh. "Look, can we just pretend to get along? Just for a few minutes? For Pepper's sake?"
Loki hesitates, but he has to admit, that is a compelling argument. He sits back in his chair, lips pressed into a firm line. He'll go along with it, but he's not going to like it.
"Thank you," Tony says, and Loki pretends he doesn't hear the indignation in his tone.
Then it gets quiet.
It turns out there's not much for them to talk about that doesn't involve arguing with each other. Still, Loki doesn't mind it. He's spent the last few months hoping he could coexist with the Avengers without fighting. He probably should have taken this opportunity as soon as it was presented to him today. He's not entirely sure why he didn't, except that it's almost become a habit to snap at the guy.
Loki yawns, and he covers his mouth with the back of his hand. He realizes belatedly that he could have hidden that. He used to do it all the time in Asgard. He'd put up the illusion of himself being polite and respectful, and no one would see him yawning in the midst of, say, a feast or a celebration of some sort. Now would've been a good time to use that skill if he'd been awake enough to think of it.
"I'm sorry, are we boring you?" Tony asks sarcastically — which is a very interesting idea of "trying to get along."
Loki sighs. "It has been a very long two days," he says. "I am tired and I am hungry."
Tony clicks his tongue. "Right, you didn't really sleep, did you?"
Loki shrugs awkwardly. No, he didn't, but he's not going to admit just how tired he is to the most annoying Avenger. Tony's already trying to make him out to be some kind of... teammate. Admitting that he exhausted himself to provide Pepper some emotional support is just going to help Tony's case.
"God, no wonder you're so grumpy," Tony mutters.
Loki shoots him a look. "You are not making it any easier for me to tolerate you."
"Did we wake you up?" Pepper asks him.
"I was somewhat awake," Loki lies. He was out cold until he heard that knock on the door.
"I'm sorry," Pepper says, and she really seems to mean it. It's a strange feeling. Loki doesn't get many apologies. "I would've let you sleep."
"Well, I am hungry," Loki says. "And I'm intrigued by these cinnamon rolls. I don't believe I've ever had a Midgardian pastry."
That gets a smile from her. "They're really good," she says. "I think you'll like them."
"I hope so," Loki says. He'll eat it regardless — partially because he's that hungry but mostly because he knows that if he admits he doesn't like a food in front of Tony, he'll use it to make fun of him again — but he really does hope he enjoys them.
Rhodey has been fairly quiet throughout the conversation, and when he cuts in this time, it's once again because he can't get over how alien Loki is. "You've seriously never had a pastry?"
"A Midgardian pastry," Loki corrects him. He does his best to pretend he's not annoyed by that. "Of course I've eaten a pastry before." What a stupid question.
"Oh, so you mean you've only eaten god pastries," Rhodey surmises.
Loki opens his mouth to argue — no one calls them "god pastries" — but then decides against it. He's not getting into it with this guy. "Yes, Rhodes," he deadpans, making his exasperation no secret. "I've only eaten god pastries."
"I want a god pastry," Rhodey says. "How do you make a god pastry?"
"I don't know; do I look like a chef?"
Tony and Pepper both seem to find that funny, but Rhodey doesn't shake his train of thought. "What, only chefs make food in Asgard?" he asks sarcastically.
"Princes certainly don't," Loki says. Hasn't he had this conversation before? Why do the Avengers just assume a prince would know how to make every kind of food imaginable? He can make toast. Isn't that good enough?
"Holy shit, I forgot you were a prince," Rhodey breathes.
"It seems most people do," Loki says monotonously. Does he still count as a prince if no one considers him one? Yes, he has royalty in his blood, and yes, he was raised in a palace, but that has no bearing on his life anymore. He's treated like a common prisoner. Is he still a prince in spite of that?
"That is so weird," Rhodey says.
Loki rolls his eyes. He's done a lot of that this morning, and it's been warranted every single time.
In classic "saved by the bell" style, the oven timer dings, and Rhodey immediately hops out of his seat to pull out the cinnamon rolls. Loki cranes his neck to get a look while he does. He still doesn't really know what a cinnamon roll is. He will admit, though, it does smell good.
He's kind of skeptical of the white cream Rhodey spreads across them, but it's intriguing. He's not sure Asgard has anything like that. He has a feeling it will either be really good or really bad, and he's excited to find out which.
It takes a few minutes for Rhodey to get them all frosted and for them to cool, and when they're finally done, Loki is both very eager and very wary about trying them. He sits down with his cinnamon roll, and, after a pause, gently stabs it with his fork. It's kind of crunchy. He stabs it closer to the middle, and it's much softer that time. He almost wishes he could start there, but that would probably be weird.
"This is my favorite part," Tony whispers loudly. "It's like holding catnip out to a feral cat."
Loki rolls his eyes (again). "The commentary is not necessary."
"Yes, it is."
Loki shoots him a look.
"Fine, fine." Tony puts his hands up to show that he's backing off. "Seriously, though, you know you can just eat it, right?"
"I like to know what I am putting in my mouth before I do," Loki says defensively.
"You're putting good food in your mouth," Tony says. "Now eat the damn cinnamon roll."
This time, Loki's eye roll is much more dramatic, but he does do as he's told. He cuts a piece off with his fork and puts it in his mouth. His eyebrows shoot up, and Tony covers his mouth with his hand, stifling a laugh. He ignores that.
"Alright, your highness," Rhodey says. "What'd you think?"
Loki holds up a finger until he finishes chewing. "This is fantastic. I've never had anything like it."
"Wow," Tony remarks. "That's high praise, coming from the guy that says Cheez-Its aren't food."
Loki lolls his head back, exasperated. Again with the Cheez-Its. He thought they were passed that "That isn't even tangentially related to this conversation."
"No, I know; I just think it's funny," Tony says.
Loki shakes his head to himself. Let it go.
"So?" Rhodey prompts. "Better or worse than god pastries?"
"Much better," Loki says without hesitation.
"Wait, seriously?"
"There's no way," Tony says.
"They're much better than Asgard's pastries," Loki insists. "You humans excel in two areas where Asgard is lacking: your long-range weaponry and your usage of unnecessary sugar."
Tony snorts. "I did not see that coming."
"You can thank Tony for the first half," Rhodey adds.
Tony reaches across the table to smack him. "Stop it. Stark Industries doesn't do that anymore."
"Okay, but you did," Rhodey says. "You can't uninvent a weapon."
"Okay, but we don't have to talk about it now," Tony says. "He already tries to make me look like a bad guy. You're just adding fuel to the fire."
Loki smirks and props his head up on his hand. "I would love to hear this story."
"No!" Tony says immediately. "No, there is no story. End of discussion. Conversation terminated."
Loki chuckles and lifts his head again, his hand falling flat against the table. He's sure he'll hear about this eventually, but he'll leave it alone for now. He'd rather not distract himself from the beauty that is his cinnamon roll. He takes another bite. Mm, delicious.
"You really like that cinnamon roll, don't you?" Tony says, amused.
Loki doesn't want to speak while he's chewing, so he just nods.
"More than ice cream?" Tony asks.
Loki holds up a finger so he can finish chewing before he answers that. "No, but these are a very close second," he says. Ice cream gets bonus points for being cold. "Why do you humans eat things like cereal for breakfast when you have cinnamon rolls and pancakes?"
Tony's brows shoot up. "And pancakes?" he repeats, amused. He looks over at Rhodey and Pepper. "So pancakes are on the same level as cinnamon rolls."
"You know you can have pancakes every day, right?" Rhodey asks the god. "Eating cinnamon rolls every day is kinda weird, but pancakes? You can have pancakes every day."
"Want me to start buying you pancakes?" Tony adds. "Add some variety to your diet of chicken nuggets and ice cream?"
Loki pauses. He can do that? He could just buy pancakes? Didn't Clint have to make them? But if it really is as simple as just buying them...
"Sure," Loki says, almost hesitantly. Is this going to come with some sarcastic remark to follow it? He's come to expect them more often than not.
To his surprise, there is no sarcastic remark. Tony just says, "Cool, I'll get you some pancakes next time I'm out."
Loki blinks at that. That's it? It was that easy?
"What about candy?" Pepper asks.
Loki furrows his brows. "I beg your pardon?"
"You know, if you like sugar," Pepper says. "Have you ever had candy?"
"Like... like nuts?" Loki asks, confused. Nuts, berries? He wouldn't really consider those sugary.
Tony and Rhodey both burst out laughing at that, which just confuses Loki even more. Even Pepper looks like she's trying not to laugh.
"Like chocolate," she says, amused.
Oh. "Yes, there's chocolate in some ice cream."
"That's it?" she says. "You've never had just straight chocolate?"
Loki stares at her blankly. What does that mean?
Pepper looks over at Tony. "Do we have any chocolate?"
"I dunno; probably," Tony says. "Hang on." He hops to his feet and begins rummaging through cabinets. He opens a few different ones — ones Loki hadn't even known held food until now — but to no avail. Undeterred, he continues looking around.
Loki just watches for a minute or so, until finally, he says, "I really do not care if you have any chocolate. You can stop looking at any point."
"The fact that you don't care makes me want to find you some even more," Tony says. "You don't even know what you're missing."
Loki shakes his head to himself, but he doesn't try to argue. He will admit, he is somewhat interested.
"Aha!" Tony pulls out a bag from the cabinet. "M&Ms!" He plops them down on the table and slides them over to Loki. "Try one. Or try a bunch."
Loki eyes him skeptically. He glances at Pepper uncertainly, but she gestures for him to go ahead. He definitely doesn't trust Tony, but he feels like if this was some sort of trick or a joke, Pepper would tell him. If she thinks he should try an M&M, he might as well.
He picks one up from the bag and holds it in front of his face. It's literally just a little green circle. That's all it is. He squints, and the world gets a little more blurry for a second before it focuses again, and he can see the small M on the front.
"It's going to melt if you keep holding it," Rhodey tells him.
Loki raises his brows. They eat food that survives just fine at room temperature but melts in their hands? That's so weird.
"If you're going to inspect everything before you eat it, you gotta at least tell us what you're thinking," Tony says. "This is like watching Animal Planet on mute."
"That reference falls just as flat the second time," Loki tells him.
"Have I made that joke before?" Tony asks. "Damn. I'll think of a new one."
"Please don't," Loki says, like that's gonna stop him. Finally, he puts the M&M in his mouth, and he can feel his eyes light up. "Is most of Midgard's food this sweet?"
"Pretty much," Rhodey says.
"Thus the obesity epidemic," Tony adds.
Loki stares at him blankly. "The what?"
Tony shakes his head to himself. "Nevermind."
"So?" Pepper asks. "How do you like the chocolate?"
Loki nods thoughtfully. "It's good," he says — which is definitely understating it, but after how excited he was about cinnamon rolls, he'd feel weird acting the same for every food he eats today. "And I do like that it's green."
The three humans burst out laughing, and it puts a small smile on Loki's face. They're laughing at something that was supposed to be funny, instead of just laughing because he's clueless about Midgardian culture. This is a nice step up.
"I hate to be the bearer of bad news," Tony says, "but most of them aren't green."
"What?" Loki grabs the bag and peeks inside. Sure enough, there are a number of different colors, and only a fraction of the candies are green. He frowns and puts the bag down. "I like them slightly less now."
Once again, that earns a laugh from the others, and Loki is perfectly content with that. He takes another bite of his cinnamon roll. Why doesn't Steve give him food like this?
"So do you guys not have hot chocolate in Asgard?" Rhodey asks.
"No?" Loki says. If they don't have room-temperature chocolate, why would they have hotter chocolate?
"It's a drink," Tony explains. "It's a winter thing. When it's, like, 25 degrees out and you're cold and it warms you up."
Loki stares at him blankly. That's a problem he doesn't have a whole lot of experience with. Jotunheim was kind of cold, but Asgard never was. Neither is Midgard, at least so far. He's never needed to get warmed up.
"So you probably don't have coffee, either, then," Rhodey says.
Loki raises his brows. "You drink coffee in Midgard?"
"Wait, you do have coffee in Asgard?" Rhodey says in disbelief. "I did not think gods needed caffeine."
"'Need' is a strong word," Loki says. He thinks back to that decade when Odin and Frigga refused to let him drink coffee because he'd get too enthusiastic about his mischief. Caffeine and magic don't always mix. He opts to keep that story to himself.
"Want some coffee?" Tony offers. "I could make some."
"No, thank you," Loki says. "I'll just be going back to sleep shortly." He eats another bite of his cinnamon roll. If this is what he's out here for, he should probably actually be eating it.
"Damn, I was hoping you'd go for it so I could pretend I was making it just for you," Tony says. "Well, I want some coffee. Anyone else want coffee?"
Rhodey and Pepper both volunteer.
"Good," Tony says, sliding out of his seat. "I'd feel weird if it was just me." As he begins making their coffee, he says over his shoulder, "Do you at least want me to teach you how to use the coffee maker?"
Loki raises his brows. "Is that entire machine specifically for making coffee?"
"It sure is," Tony says, and when he glances back at the god, he just looks amused. "You know, you are a completely different person when you're not pissing me off."
"And you are the exact same person except slightly less annoying," Loki replies.
Tony cracks a smile at that. "Alright, c'mon." He gestures for Loki to come closer. "Welcome to your lesson on coffee makers."
A/N Merry Christmas y'all! Whether you celebrate it or not, I hope you're having an awesome day! <3