By soon I meant not in a few months eheh... TW: violence/there will be some physical fighting between Konur and Ceyda don't hate me-
"Son, look I am here. I am here. Don't be afraid. You will live."
Ceyda furrowed her brow at the crowd ahead near the middle of the tribe as she jumped off her horse, letting the stableman take care of it. "What happened here?" she asked him when she noticed his fallen expression. He did not answer, so Ceyda hesitantly moved towards the crowd to see for herself.
Women, men, Alps, and Beys were mourning and grief-stricken, the Alps were even on their knees. Ceyda's breathing started to quicken as she looked around. "You promised, my son, please. You will live. Hang on. Hang on, my son." She immediately recognized Bamsi Bey's voice and swallowed. "Who could it be?" she murmured, sighing slightly when she found Osman and his Alps.
Boran noticed Ceyda coming in and tried meeting her gaze to stop her, to warn her. Ceyda would be consumed with guilt and grief even if what he said to her was true. He shook his head slightly when Ceyda looked at him, but she only furrowed her brow in curiosity and stepped closer.
She could finally see who it was that Bamsi Bey was crying over. The man whose head rested in his lap, who was trembling and jerking, whose eyes were filled with tears and kept turning to the sky, was Siddik. She froze.
"B-Baba," he choked out, and Bamsi smiled at him. "Yes, tell me, son. Tell me."
Ceyda blinked multiple times, hoping what she was seeing was just a nightmare, just a delusion, and not reality. But Bamsi's crying and begging brought her back. Her breathing hitched and she dropped to her knees. Osman glanced at her, then squeezed his eyes shut.
"You promised me, Siddik," Bamsi reminded in tears. "You promised me." He tapped Siddik's cheeks slightly. "Stay with me. Stay with me. Look, Ceyda is also here now." Shaking in both rage and sadness, he quickly turned to Ceyda who stared expressionlessly. "Ceyda Kizim, you can treat him, right. You can heal him?"
Ceyda blinked, and her heart dropped at his begging. She found the loyal young man's wound, a small cut on his neck. There was no blood but it did this much damage. Poison, she understood. Remembering that Bamsi Bey had already lost Aybars, and Aslihan and Hafsa Hatun before that, she was desperate to save Siddik. But she could not. It was too late. Unable to form words, she shook her head sadly.
Bamsi turned back to his son hopelessly. "You can't leave now. Y-you have to be my son. You have to get married, remember. Remember what you told me?"
Siddik Alp's face fell slightly, and he turned his head toward Ceyda. Struggling to speak, he gasped, "C-Ceyda...what I did...it wasn't...I was scared. You...deserve so much. I'm sorry. Please, will you be able to forgive me?"
Ceyda shook her head to dismiss what he thought he did wrong, then whispered, "You have my blessing...though, you should be the one forgiving me."
He smiled in relief and reached out a shaky hand, softly patting hers for just a second to relieve her then brought it back to Bamsi Bey's arm. Ceyda inhaled sharply at both his touch and the scene, oblivious of Konur's sharp eyes.
Konur swallowed as he eyed Ceyda and Siddik, confusion overflowing him, but buried these feelings of jealousy. Now was not the time. Boran sensed Konur's tension and thought of explaining after the funeral if Ceyda would not.
Siddik met his father's eyes, and choked, "Give me your blessing in this world and the next, Baba."
Osman Bey and the many Alps could not bear watching Siddik take his final breath and looked away as Bamsi Bey continued to deny this miserable fate.
Everyone held their breath as Siddik uttered his final words, the testimony, and went limp in Bamsi's arms, who cradled and murmured to his lost son. "You promised. You promised. You offered to be my Aybars...and stay with me," he grieved. Bamsi Bey then looked around at the crying and teary-eyed faces. After a period of silent crying, he stated with a smile, "Thanks to Allah, for this destiny. Thanks to Allah for this destiny." The others looked at Bamsi Bey sadly as he continued, "What if he left as an infidel? What if he left as a cruel? Thanks to my Rab..."
Ceyda stared into the distance; she didn't know if she had any more tears left to shed. But she did know that she couldn't stand seeing Bamsi Bey like this. That demon Sofia took another of his sons.
"We are a witness, Ya Rabbi!" Bamsi Bey declared, facing the sky. "He came as a Catalan and left as a Turk." Everyone confirmed their witnessing. "He came as a Christian and left as a Muslim. He was lost...and he found the truth. He was lost..." he turned to Ceyda who looked up at him. "...and he found love." Ceyda blinked a few times and stared at the ground as everyone except Boran and Konur agreed.
Unable to listen anymore, she slowly stood up and left the crowd, Bamsi Bey's prayer fading into the distance as she sped to the sound of water.
When the mourning of her aunt had not yet passed, Ceyda was haunted by the death of her friend, if she could even call him that. "Your water never runs out, does it?" she asked the waterfall as if it would respond. "Your tears never dry out? You can cry of either joy or sadness; when people come to you or turn their backs...when they stay and when they leave...when they live and when they die." She swallowed and chuckled dryly as the water poured into the stream from the tiny cliff. "Is it wrong that I can't cry anymore? Is it wrong I am not showing pain? Aren't your tears enough for the both of us?"
Before she could ask anything else, she heard footsteps approach her and turned to see Boran Alp, his expression far from just grief.
Ceyda paid him his condolences, knowing Boran and Osman's other Alps were much closer to Siddik.
Boran did not respond but continued standing, staring straight ahead, his jaw clenched. Ceyda was in no mood for his drama and decided to leave as he ruined her moment. She sighed, "If you have nothing to say to me, talk to the water." She started climbing the stepping stones when Boran grabbed her arm, the jump of it causing her to gasp sharply and almost lose balance.
When she steadied herself, she glared at Boran. "I almost slipped," she informed through gritted teeth. "What are you trying to do? Get your hand off m-"
"So, you didn't just lie to yourself, but everyone around you, ha?" he questioned, jerking his head toward her, his honey-brown eyes darkened.
Ceyda raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"
"Why did Bamsi Bey say Siddik found love?" he said clearly.
Ceyda sighed heavily and shoved off Boran's hand, stomping up the stairs as Boran followed her, and she explained, "Obviously, it was the love of his new family, his new home. Allah, Boran, why do you always make a big deal out of everything."
Boran shook his head. "He said it while looking at you. Obviously, you did something."
Ceyda balled her fist. "Yeter, Boran," she snapped. "I did not do anything. Enough with these accusations, enough with your suspicion. Whatever I do is none of your business anyway. And this is not the time for such words. Just...just leave me alone."
Boran nodded in understanding, the anger not leaving his face. "I'm worried for my friends. And if you hurt anyone else with your carelessness-"
Ceyda rolled her eyes and simply walked away, confusing Boran. "I... I wasn't done talking!" he called, but Ceyda only shook her head until he was silent.
"Not a second of peace-"
"No more games, ha?"
Ceyda shut her eyes and exhaled in frustration. "What is it now?" she lashed out before realizing who it was when she turned around.
"Yes, what is it now?" Konur questioned with a hard expression. "You told me you wanted to be more than friends. You told me no more games, but what do I see now? You told me all this despite whatever was going on between you and Siddik. Allah give me patience..."
Ceyda's eyes widened, and she struggled to form words. "I didn't...that's not...you're..." She let out an angry and frustrated grunt and turned her back on him, balling then opening her hands repeatedly.
Konur shook his head and tutted. His next words immediately broke the control Ceyda tried so hard to keep. "I am not my brother who you can sleep with anytime."
Instantly, Konur's face flew to the other side, Ceyda's hand balled into a fist, her eyes wild with fury. "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! What does it mean?!"
Konur wiped the small cut on his lip after he steadied himself. "You know very well what it means...I saw you in the forest...you accepted his marriage proposal, then you came to me, and God knows what you were doing with poor Siddik Alp. How many games you've been playing, Ceyda...how many games you've been-"
"Really?! You know everything, don't you Konur Alp? Well, let me tell you something you don't know: my life is mine! My business is mine!"
Konur scoffed. "Your life is yours, ha? Then, why do you say you want to spend a life with me? If that is the case, then this is my business too, especially what you say to my brother. That day in the forest-"
"So, you were stalking us, ha?! When will you leave me alone, Konur? When will you trust me enough to do so? What is your problem?" She panted in confusion and hurt.
"You, Ceyda!" Konur spilled. "You are my problem. Once you stop getting yourself hurt all the time, I'll step back."
"But I did get hurt! I did! I get hurt every day either physically or mentally. And let me just tell you now Konur, these physical wounds were never as hurtful, as cruel, as the mental ones. Not even close. Your words now, the words of a friend...are so much crueller than the doings of the enemy." She sniffed back tears, then stated, "I am a warrior, Konur Alp. I'm an Alp. It's time you set aside your softness and move on."
"If I moved on, you would die!"
Ceyda stared at him, a mix of emotions covering his steely eyes. "No, Konur..." she whispered sadly. "If you moved on, I would live."
Konur blinked and furrowed his brow.
"What's going on here?" Boran intervened before they started yelling at each other again. "Have you two no shame? Yelling and fighting when the tribe's still mourning? And why are you always fight-"
"Stay out of it, Boran," Ceyda interrupted, her eyes not leaving Konurs' who quickly dissolved into anger once more.
"He's your friend and your Abi. Treat him with respect."
Boran glanced at Konur's hard expression, then nodded at Ceyda, but her menacing eyes were set on Konur. "Abi, ha? Abi..." She laughed darkly. "You've done a great job as an Abi, haven't you? Losing your brother and all." Konur's jaw and fist clenched. "Losing your brother to the Mongols..." Ceyda took a step closer to him and smirked evilly, the light from her eyes dim, as always these past few days. "Losing your brother to me."
Konur lost it and threw his fist at Ceyda just as she had done. "Konur!" Boran warned, holding back Konur's arm and wincing at Ceyda's dark chuckle. "So, you finally admit it, ha?"
Ceyda's chuckle only darkened. "Bak, Boran. My carelessness hurt your friend. Look, he's bleeding." Boran swallowed, then looked at Konur's face which was indeed wounded. Konur narrowed his eyes at Ceyda. What has gotten into you?
"What if I hurt him more? What would you do then?" She smirked and raised her fist again. As self-defence, Konur shoved off Boran's hand and blocked her blow, striking her hesitantly when she did not back down. "What have you become, Ceyda...to Hell with you and your fake friendship, your fake love!"
Boran held back Konur again, grimacing as Ceyda held her head in her hands on the ground. She rubbed the side of her head and furrowed her brow, looking up at Konur when her vision came back. What's gotten into you? She blinked and looked around, then felt something warm trickling down her cheek, something bright red. She widened her eyes at her finger then looked up at Konur again, suspicion arising.
"Why are you silent now? Don't you have anything else to spit at me?"
Ceyda squinted her eyes at him in utter confusion. "What are you talking about?" She slowly got up and glanced at Boran who watched her carefully. Konur's sternness turned into slight confusion. Ceyda glanced between the two of them. "What? Why are you staring at me? And why are you so mad?"
Konur started shaking his head as Boran blinked multiple times. "You lie now too? You still play games?" Konur sighed. "No, Ceyda, no. This won't work on me. I will not fall for any more of your traps, do you understand?"
Ceyda tilted her head in puzzlement, then noticed his lip was bleeding. "Konur, you're hurt-"
"And whose fault is that..." He chuckled in amusement, scaring Ceyda. "'You're hurt,'" he mocked. "I'm dead." Ceyda gasped. "I'm dead to you...and you are to me."
"Did-did I hurt you?" Ceyda asked, still staring at his wound.
Konur scoffed. "Your mere existence hurts me." Unable to look at her anymore, he turned around.
Ceyda swallowed, thinking long and hard. She could not remember how she got here and what she had done for Konur to say such words. But she did know that hurting her friends and hurting Konur were the last things she wanted. After a prolonged silence, she said in a low voice, "If I am a pain to you...if I have caused you this much suffering...then I should leave."
Konur blinked at her dramatic change of personality. But he would not give in to another of her games. Not again. "Leave, then. Leave me alone."
Ceyda glanced at Boran who only stared at the ground. She may have done something to him too. She was a danger to her friends. She was a pain to everyone around her. If she wanted to ease their suffering, she needed to leave. For good. Still thinking there was some hope, she slowly reached out for Konur's arm. "I'm sor-"
He shut his eyes and snapped his head to her. "Leave." Ceyda stared at him. "I don't want anything to do with you." She inhaled deeply to stop herself from shaking. "Leave already!"
"I'm going!" she shot back, making her decision. She glanced at Boran again but there was no more hope; no one wanted her to stay. Leaving would be best for everyone. "Goodbye, Konur Alp," she murmured, turning away.
Konur blinked back a tear; there was no going back on his words now.
Ceyda stared ahead for a few seconds before storming away to Kahraman who was already by the forest. She heard Boran say something, but his words were muffled out by her confusion, anger, and hurt. All she could hear now were Goktug's last words to her: He will hurt you, and you will come back to me.
"Yah!"
"Goodbye, Ceyda...Alp," Konur murmured back, but it was far too late.
---
The scent of the forest welcomed her again as Ceyda trotted through what she thought was her usual trail which would circle the forest from the inside, then out. Her mind was elsewhere, and it was like someone else was leading. "He wouldn't...he wouldn't hurt me on-on purpose, would he Kahraman?" Ceyda whispered, remembering the blood on her face and Konur towering over her. "And I... I would never...I could never hurt him the same way, r-right?" Kahraman whinnied softly to comfort her. She remembered her hand balled into a fist, the bruise on Konur's cheekbone and the cut on his lip. She remembered feeling so...so angry for just a mere second. But she couldn't remember why. "What did I... w-why can't I..."
Suddenly, Ceyda felt like she was being choked. She could not breathe. It felt like the walls in her throat were closing in, stopping the passageway of air that would flow into her lungs. She clutched Kahraman's mane as she struggled. Kahraman, sensing her discomfort and hearing her wheezing, neighed. She brought her trembling hand to her heart where it felt like something was stabbing it. She gasped for air but no air would come. She squeezed her eyes shut and prayed to Allah, centring her mind.
"Breathe, Kizim, breathe."
"I c-can't, Bab-Baba," young Ceyda wheezed shakily.
It had been a few days after the Mongols attacked the Kayi Tribe, led by Gundogdu Bey, and Ceyda's elder brother's death. The entire tribe was struggling to move on from the brute and cruelty of the Mongols and their murders. While many of the tribe's grief turned into anger over these days, Ceyda's grief did not. Her sadness turned into terror and confusion. And these led to panic attacks.
Sungur Tekin held his daughter's shaking hand and rubbed it. "Close your eyes," he told her, and she shook her head rapidly.
"N-no, no. Then I'll see it...I'll-I'll see it happen again," she stammered through gasps, remembering how she stood by her tent while a Mongol soldier mercilessly slaughtered her brother, how they slaughtered children and women along with the men, how they left her home overturned and destroyed and burnt.
"Kizim, I'm right here. Nothing will happen, I promise. Close your eyes," her father reassured, and she did. "Now, inhale deeply through your nose." It took a few tries, and Ceyda whimpered and squeezed her father's hand a few times, but she finally did it without shaking. "Then, breathe out through your mouth. And think only of the good things. Like...your aunt's cooking, and how I'm going to train with you tomorrow-"
"Y-you are?" Ceyda's excitement started taking over, and she opened her eyes, but her father only smiled and closed them for her, continuing to instruct her to breathe properly.
"Better?" Sungur Tekin asked warmly after a few minutes when her shaking and breathing steadied.
Ceyda opened her eyes slowly and nodded. "Now, what was this training you were talking about?" she asked curiously as her father chuckled, shaking his head in delight before hugging his daughter in relief.
She loosened her clutch on Kahraman's cream mane as she remembered her father's words and breathed. After she was mostly steady, she leaned her chest against her horse's back, Konur and Boran's images from earlier resurfacing.
Her confusion started turning into anger and frustration. She jumped off Kahraman and paced around. "'To Hell with you and your friendship, your fake love,'" she mocked. "What fake friendship, Konur? What fake love?" She squeezed and opened her hands several times to stop the tingling that was arising in her fingers. "It was real! It was all real! Why don't you understand from the way I look at you, smile at you, talk to you? Why do you need me to say it to your face when you can't even yourself? Why do you blame me when others show a liking? When I merely glance at others? Why are you such a-such a-" She couldn't even find the right word to describe how she felt about Konur right now and just threw back her head and yelled until birds screeched and flew out of the trees. She yelled for everything and everyone that wronged her and her wrongings to them.
Kahraman neighed, making it seem like he was yelling with her. Ceyda clutched the sides of her head to stop the pounding headache she never thought would return, then held her face in her hands, letting herself lie on the cold forest floor.
"Allah..." Ceyda whispered, unable to hold back tears as she spoke. "You help those in need. You never leave those who serve You, who believe in You, who love You, alone. Give me a sign that shows me I'm right. I'm right to leave my friends, my brothers, my-... Konur. And if I'm not, send me back to the right path. Işaret, Ya Rabbi, send me a sign."
After about what seemed like a lifetime of mixed feelings, Ceyda felt the ground vibrate. She pressed her head closer to the ground and listened to the sound of hooves. Someone was coming. And they were very close.
Ceyda forced herself to stand and patted her horse as she looked around cautiously, thinking of what to do next. Not wanting to be seen, she let her horse hide behind the cover of thick bushes and trees. "Stay," she told him before drawing out her weapons and waiting further away from him so that if he made a noise, it would not be heard, but if she was in trouble, he could gallop to the tribe.
What arrived was not what Ceyda expected at all. Instead of a person, it was a horse. A stormy white horse with a light grey mane and tail. Ceyda furrowed her brow as she recognized it. "But this is..." She gasped, and Goktug's words played in her mind again.
She looked around frantically, coming out of hiding and walking toward his horse. Finally, a few feet from the horse was a tall, armoured man with a thick blonde braid. She could not yet see his eyes as his back was turned but ached to.
Desperation, longing, relief, sadness, and guilt all overwhelming her, she ran toward him, wrapping her arms around him from behind. His scent greeted her and she relaxed against the only warmth in the dark, cold forest.
"You were right," she sobbed into his back, finally understanding his words that taunted her for so long. "He-he betrayed me...you were right. I'm so sorry...I'm so, so sorry for everything. For hurting you, refusing you, I-I take it back. I take it all back." These were the only things she could say. "Please," she begged after an excruciatingly long period of silence. "Say something."
More silence. Then, "I'm sorry, Ceyda..." It was so low, so quiet, not even a whisper, but she heard. She loosened her grip and turned him around, looking into his ocean eyes. But now they were icy. Ceyda furrowed her brow as her eyes scanned him. His face wasn't clean; bruises and cuts marked it, and Ceyda was certain those were not the only ones. She gently touched the cut on his cheekbone and watched his hard stare. It was like he was glaring at her. "G-Goktug?" she whispered.
A sharpness in her neck made her groan. She slowly brought her hands to it, finding a small, sharp object. A dart, she concluded. A sleeping dart. But that would mean...Mongols. "Goktug," she cried out, confused as to why he stood still as a statue.
"Aferin, my son! Well done!"
Ceyda would recognize that voice anywhere. That evil, horrible voice.
"Hello, daughter."
---
...is this cruel enough for y'all?
GAHH THIS STORY ONLY HAS LIKE 3 MORE CHAPTERS LEFT JSFKJSHDK ... ok so i have a lot of endings planned...u guys want her to end up with goktug or someone else like no one from the show but another imaginary character..hmm...or should i just kill her off muahahaha
i had smthng like this ending planned from the third chapter and its finally here gahhh thank u guys for bearing with me on this long....long...full of struggle and some crying...journey ❤️
ok why do i start crushing on the villains of every turkish show like brain calm down
ahem...so you know when your family finds out you write and starts telling all their relatives and wants to read everything and you're just there like "ya know this might not be age-appropriate for ya-" T_T
Yeah...these kinds of long random life story A/N's mean an update will come in a long time :]