I wave goodbye to Ross as I leave the team gym, the two of us parting ways. My shoulder feels empty without the weight of my gym bag but I'm left to just observing my teammates. It's not my favorite but everyone's agreed it's what's best. I'm too weak and malnourished to perform at the level that I need to. But both the team nutritionist and the other one think that sitting out for a few weeks and not utilizing the gym by my house as much will get me back on track. So to the sidelines I go.
Tugging the hat on my head farther down, I start my trek home. I could easily call a cab or ride a bike or hop on the train and even though I feel like I'm drowning in anxiety, I opt for the walk, hoping it'll help.
I make it a block before unease starts to bloom inside me. The urge to look around at my surroundings, searching for threats increases with each step until I hear my name.
The close proximity of it makes me jump, my heart leaping in my chest as I whirl around to face him. My back hits the wall of the building I'm beside, knocking any air that remained in my lungs out. The basement flashes through my mind until I see a young guy, fear in his features as he stands startled before me.
It's Raf. I tell myself.
I suck in a breath, pressing myself hard against the brick building until I can feel all the bumps and edges of the stone. My hand pressed flat, gripping at the ledges to ground myself. I listen to the noise of the city, the constant distant protest of a horn, air brakes releasing as a truck stops, low murmurs of radios that seep out of windows as cars shuffle past.
"I'm sorry." Raf's voice hits my ears, panicked and nervous as he watches me.
"I-it's fine." I murmur, willing my body to peel itself away from the brick but I can't just yet.
"I'm really sorry Holt." Raf apologizes again.
A breath rushes from lungs and with it a question that's been on my mind since Raf didn't come to the center the last several weeks. "Where have you been?"
His eyes drop to his Jordan's, his hands clutched around a backpack that hangs off his back, heavy and loaded down.
"Around." He mutters.
"Are you safe?"
He shifts uneasily on his feet, his eyes tired and darting as he looks around. I peel myself away from the wall, trying to steady myself so I can help Raf.
His dark eyes meet mine, wide and full of fear as he chokes out "I messed up."
"What do you mean?"
A person leaves the building we're standing in front of, the door chiming as they call something over their shoulder and I startle, shifting away out of instinct.
Raf shakes his head, his grip tightening around his backpack. "I tried to get my dad in trouble so he'd get in trouble with his probation officer."
I suck in a breath, I know that feeling of desperation. Where all rational thoughts and the fear of consequences leaves you because the alternative is far worse than anything else.
"What'd you do?"
I can still see the cops face clear as day in my mind. The shock that filled his features, the resonating crack as I broke his nose. It sends a shiver racing up my spine, my stomach turning sour.
"It doesn't matter." He shrugs his shoulders in defeat. "It didn't work. But if I go home he's gonna beat my ass."
My chest is tight, my hands twitching to find Blue. "What're you going to do?"
He stares at the ground, finding interest in the worn sidewalk. "I don't know but I can't go home."
I can see he's made up his mind, his jaw set in determination. But I also know how shitty it is to be on the run. To have nothing and no one. No matter how prepared Raf may think he is, he isn't.
"You can't run away Raf." I hear the desperation in my own voice, how badly I want him to realize that it's not an option, it can't be.
"I don't have a choice, Holt." He bites at me. "What am I supposed to do!? I can't go home. He knows it was me. If he doesn't kill me first I'm definitely going to juvy."
I can feel panic trying to close in on me, aware of the people that watch us as they pass. Everything in me is telling me to run, to flee to safety but I can't leave Raf like this. I can't leave him alone.
"Just come with me." I tell him and I start down the sidewalk clinging to the remaining control I have.
"Wha...?" He stammers, but I can hear his shoes against the pavement behind me.
"Come on." I repeat.
I don't know how to fix this. I don't know what I'm doing but my dad was right. Raf showed up, he trusts me.