/𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐒\ [𝒔. 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌]

𝟔.𝟞.𝟨

"it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." ~ E.E. Cummings

~december 1976~ ((continued))

Sirius woke up the next morning in the Potter's living room with only a fuzzy memory of the night before. His main reminder was the constant throbbing in his head and the way his entire body felt like it might collapse if he tried to stand up. He slowly turned his head to survey the room. Light was streaming in between the drapes over the windows, illuminating the dwindling fire in the hearth and James curled up under a quilt in a nearby armchair. He tried to move, to sit up, to do anything, but it hurt too badly and he collapsed back onto the cushions.

His hand grazed something soft and he jumped, only to see that it was the top of Artemis's hair. She was leaning against the couch, her head resting on her knees, fast asleep. He moved his hand away from her hair, but looked down at her affectionately for a moment. She must've fallen asleep sitting at his side. He couldn't help being a little bit pleased at this.

Artemis stirred a second later, woken by Sirius's movements a moment earlier, and raised her head, running a hand over her face and hair.

"Hey there," Sirius said, his voice a barely audible rasp.

She started and turned to him, eyes suddenly wide. "Sirius- you're awake-"

"Didn't think I'd wake up?"

She gave him a wry smile, but wasn't able to hide the tears in her eyes. In an instant, she threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. Sirius winced and she sat up quickly. "Sorry, sorry, I forgot-"

"It's fine," said Sirius. He felt better than he had in days at that moment. "Were you here all night?"

She looked confused. "I've been here all holiday."

"No, no, I mean-" He pointed vaguely to the spot she'd been sleeping in.

Her face reddened ever so slightly and she avoided his eyes. "I mean, yeah... we weren't even sure you were going to make it, Sirius, I mean- shit! Don't ever scare me like that again, understand?" Her voice had gone fierce and she glared at him in the familiar way he'd seen a million times, only now they were on the same side.

"I won't," he said gently. "Hey-" He reached out and took her hand with shaking fingers, weak from the disaster of a Christmas the night before, "Hey, I'm not going to."

Their eyes met and she chewed on the inside of her cheek, agitated, but she didn't move her hand away. She tried to steady the tremor in his fingers, holding him more gently than she'd held anything in her life, like he was made of glass.

They both sprang apart when the door opened and Sirius winced and rubbed at his forehead. Mrs. Potter strode levitating an enormous tray of food and coffee in front of her. She set it on the coffee table and moved to Sirius's side, next to Artemis. "Oh, good, you're up." Her tone was sharp but relief was etched all over her face. She gently removed Sirius's hand from his forehead and replaced it with her own, feeling for a temperature.

"I'm not sick, Mrs. Potter," said Sirius, trying to brush her away, but his hands felt like cotton.

"You never know what kinds of side effects... these kinds of curses carry," she said, pulling out a potion she'd made that morning and pouring it into a glass. "Drink."

"Usually when people tell me to drink, it's in a much more fun context," Sirius muttered, but he took a sip. Shivers ran through his body and he gagged.

Artemis went to wake James up. She looked over her shoulder at Sirius. "Don't throw up."

"Thanks for the encouragement."

She smiled and went back to shaking James awake. "Hey, hey- Prongs. He's up."

"Huh?" James stirred and his blanket fell onto the floor. "Oh... oh! Sirius!" He leapt from his seat and hurried to Sirius's couch. "Hey, mate," he said, leaning over the back of the couch and pushing Sirius's hair from his face. "How're you feeling?"

Sirius waved James away and downed the rest of the potion. "Really getting sick of the whole dramatically-sweeping-my-hair-out-of-my-eyes move," he said, but he gave James a lingering smile as he handed the glass back to Mrs. Potter.

Artemis knelt down at his side again and helped him sit up, positioning a few pillows behind his back with expert care. Mrs. Potter watched with a mixture of amusement and bittersweetness in her expression. She'd never seen Artemis act this careful with anyone, and she'd never seen Sirius take help willingly from anyone but her. James watched too, but with fleeting restlessness, his hands wandering for some way to help.

When Sirius was settled and Mr. Potter joined them, everyone seating themselves around the couch, Sirius began his explanation. He took a deep breath and looked to James, who gave him a comforting nod. "Right, well- it was Christmas and we were eating dinner and I- ah- I think I said something maybe a little disrespectful to my dad, and I didn't think it was that bad, honestly." His eyes flitted around the room and he tried to cover up a twitch, but it didn't work. "Um-"

"Sirius, you don't have to..." Mrs. Potter said softly. "If you don't want to..."

"No, it's fine," he said quickly. He didn't want them to think he was too weak to even talk about it. "So... after dinner, once everyone had left, my dad called me into the kitchen and he said- um- he said I'm a man now. And so he kept going on about how I've got to dress different, and I've got to act different, and be a noble part of the family... and something in me just snapped." He met Artemis's gaze then and her eyes reflected pure understanding. "I just went crazy on him, I don't even remember what all... happened." The truth was he did. He remembered every detail of the night. The yelling, the blinding light of the spells, the pain in his chest, and then his shoulder, and then his head, and then all over. "So my dad fought back, but he's not the best with... talking. So... he likes to use spells. And his fists."

Everyone looked down then and Sirius immediately felt bad. The tension in the room was too much. He hated the looks on Mr. and Mrs. Potter's faces, and the way James and Artemis were looking at him... like they couldn't decide whether to pity him or be angry on his behalf.

"Anyway, I got out of there. I packed a bag and left and I just started running... I don't really know how long I ran for, but I made it to a muggle part of town. And I was sort of freaking out- well, I was really freaking out, and somehow- I honestly don't remember this part- but I stole a muggle motorbike. I just-" His voice cracked and he stared down at his hands. "I just had to get out of there."

"We know," James said, his voice impossibly tender.

Sirius nodded and stared down at his hands. "Right, well- that's about it. I just started driving... and then I was here... and then I don't remember anything after that until this morning."

Artemis was staring at him. So he didn't remember waking up in the middle of the night. He didn't remember saying, "I'm going to hold you to that." She shook it off, trying not to overthink it.

Sirius's eyes were shining and he quickly swiped tears away, blinking hard and not meeting anyone's gaze. "I just can't go back there," he said, and his voice broke at last, too choked up to speak.

There was a long silence, broken only by Artemis. "You're not going back," she said, her voice soft but forceful. "You never have to go back."

~

Remus showed up the next day after receiving an owl from James detailing the events of Christmas night. He'd written to Peter too, but he was away on holiday and couldn't come over. He made his excuses with his parents and finally convinced his dad to apparate him to the Potters the next afternoon. The second he stepped inside, he was overwhelmed by the smell of fresh baked cookies and Artemis flinging herself at him, pulling him into a tight hug. "Moony!"

"Art!"

"Oh my god, the amount of stress you boys have caused me in the last week-" she stepped back and gave him a wild-eyed look. "It's unforgivable."

He laughed and pulled a bar of chocolate from his pocket. "Will this help?"

Artemis gave him a relenting smile and took the chocolate. "Consider it forgiven."

"Remus!" Mrs. Potter said, hurrying to give Remus a hug. "Here, sit down, you always look far too thin. Artemis, will you tell James to come out here please? And see if Sirius wants any lunch while you're in there."

Artemis headed towards the living room. Remus started to follow her, but Mrs. Potter held up a hand. He gave her an indignant look. "Can I at least say hello to Sirius before you shove all the food in your house down my throat?"

"Fine."

Once Remus had hugged Sirius and they'd caught each other up on their holidays, Mrs. Potter called them back into the kitchen. "You go ahead," said Artemis, watching James and Remus leave the room.

She sat down on the couch next to Sirius, who was sitting up at last and had enough strength to hold a mug of tea with both hands. He looked over at her, but didn't say anything. She wasn't looking at him. She was staring at the assorted medicines covering the coffee table, a far-off look in her eyes. "What's up, Blake?" Sirius said at last.

"Why do you smell like dog fur?"

He snorted. "I think I may have transformed while I was running from my house. It's all sort of a blur."

"You need a shower."

"You're telling me," he said drily. "I'm going crazy in here, Art."

She nodded. "I know. I'll get you outside as soon as you can stand up without your legs giving out."

"Thanks."

She was silent for another long moment, then she pulled her knees to her chest and looked over at him. "Do you remember the night you showed up here?"

"No."

"None of it?"

He hesitated, running his fingers through his hair absently. Then, he fell still and looked at her, their eyes meeting in the solemn quiet of the living room. Outside, the snow was falling harder than it had yet that week, and they could vaguely hear the voices of James, Remus, and Mrs. Potter in the next room over. "You said we wouldn't fight anymore... if I lived. Which I did."

"Yeah, you did."

He gave her a lopsided grin. "Bet you're regretting that one now."

She gave him a smile that was impossible to read, and then rested her head on his shoulder. "No, actually, I'm not."

James, Remus, Sirius, and Artemis spent the rest of the day entertaining themselves with board games, cards, and anything else they could think to do to keep Sirius entertained on the couch. The four of them delved into a game of Wizard's Monopoly, letting it occupy them for hours.

"I'm... buying the Hog's Head," James said proudly, sorting through his money.

The rest of them stared at him dubiously. "James, have you been to the Hog's Head?" said Artemis.

Remus burst out laughing. "The place isn't worth shit, buying it isn't something to brag about!"

"I think Abe would disagree," James said, proudly taking the property card and lining it up with Ollivander's and the Leaky Cauldron."

Sirius tilted his head to survey James's cards, his eyes twinkling with laughter. "Mate, you've got the worst properties on the board."

"I'm supporting struggling businesses!" he protested.

Artemis scoffed and rolled the die. She was still sitting next to Sirius on the couch, leaning back with one hand propped on the cushion. She moved her piece and landed on Platform nine and three quarters. "Hmmm..."

"Oh, don't act like it's such a tough decision," said Sirius, settling back onto the cushions and laughing.

She gave him a wounded look. "It is! It doesn't match the mood of the rest of my properties."

"You have Hogwarts!" cried James. "It's literally the way you get to Hogwarts!"

"Fair enough," she said. "I'll take it."

Once she was done sorting through her money and Remus handed her the property card, she propped herself back on one hand again, surveying the board strategically. Sirius sat forward and his hand brushed hers. Neither of them moved. He'd been trying to distract himself from the constant pain racking his body all day, and for a second, the feeling of Artemis's hand on his and the increasing pounding in his chest were the best distractions he'd found yet.

~

Artemis was cutting Sirius's hair. It was a week later, and Sirius finally had found the strength to stand up and get a shower and change his clothes. He was feeling better than he had in a long time, tucked into a blanket on the Potter's couch with the fire crackling in the grate and Artemis standing behind him with a pair of scissors, cutting his hair the way he liked it. Remus and James were out chopping firewood with Mr. Potter, something Sirius and Artemis could only speculate was going terribly.

"And... done."

Sirius ran his hands over his hair and looked up at her with a wide smile. "You're fantastic."

"I know," she said sweetly, and vaulted over the back of the couch to sit next to him.

He kept feeling the length of his hair, reveling in the layered lengths around his shoulders, wispy and soft from being washed at last. "Hey..."

"Hey."

She was looking at him curiously, not knowing why his tone was suddenly so serious. He set his arm on the cushion behind her and thought about what he was going to say for a long time. "Look, I'm really sorry for the Christmas party. I mean it. I don't know why I got so mad about the whole Regulus thing, and I know you don't like people fighting your battles for you, and you could've dealt with what he said yourself. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you, and I blew it out of proportion, and-"

"Sirius," she said softly. "Shhhh. None of that matters now. I don't care, genuinely, I don't. I mean, don't ever do that again, because it was annoying as hell." He laughed softly. "But yeah. It's alright. I'm just mad my only dance that night was with Regulus."

He hesitated, trying to figure out if she was being genuine or not. He decided she was. "Oh yeah?" he said, a smile slowly growing on his face. "I'll dance with you right now."

She raised her eyebrows condescendingly. "Oh, honey, the only dancing you know how to do is whatever those moves you try to pull at Gryffindor house parties are."

"Are you kidding?" he scoffed indignantly and put on the haughty tone he used at his parent's pureblood parties. "Well, honey, I was raised by the upper class. I happen to be a marvelous dancer."

"Oh really?"

"Come on."

He stood up with some effort and headed to the record player, grabbing the cheesiest record he could find in Mrs. Potter's collection. Minnie Riperton's, Loving You, crooned through the speakers and Artemis made a face. "Oh my god, I hate this song-"

He took her hands and spun her around. "Excuses, excuses," he said, "-you're just scared I'm a better dancer than you."

"Bullshit." Her eyes flared at the challenge and she wrapped an arm around his neck, keeping the other clasped in hers.

They stepped to the music, Sirius leaning on Artemis ever so slightly to keep his legs from giving out at the effort, but he wouldn't stop for the world. She was laughing, looking up at him with shining eyes as he waltzed her around the room, twirling her and humming ever so slightly to the music.

"You're ridiculous, Sirius-"

"Here, hold up, I'm going to dip you."

"No!"

He was already dipping her low, expertly, and she held onto him for dear life. Their eyes met and her giddy smile faded ever so slightly. They were inches from one another and she realized he wouldn't let her drop. She could trust him. His eyes were warm and his lips were so close to hers. She realized in that instant the gravity of how she felt for him. It wasn't just a crush. She wouldn't trade him for anyone in the world. For once, she was truly content in the arms of someone and he wasn't even hers.

Sirius was acutely aware of the smell of her perfume and her strawberry scented lipgloss. Her hair hung back behind her in wild waves. A few seconds stretched out to feel like hours, but he didn't want the moment to end. She was so close to him. She was holding him and smiling and... this was all he wanted. This was what made all of the pain of the last week fade away. He leaned in and her smile faltered, but she didn't move away. She closed her eyes, and-

The door banged open and Sirius jumped, dropping Artemis onto the floor. "Shit!" he yelped kneeling down to check that she was okay.

"Ouch," she said weakly, reaching up to lightly punch his arm.

James and Remus stood in the doorway, peering at the two of them with vague confusion. "Why'd you throw Artemis?" James asked, clueless to what had been happening.

Sirius couldn't help the twinge of annoyance in his chest at their timing. He'd been so close. "We were dancing."

"Huh," said Remus. "Looks a lot like Artemis is laying on the floor."

Artemis stood up and gave him a look of amused annoyance. "You guys are idiots."

James grinned and held up a tray of cookies his mum had made. "Fresh baked! Come on, let's keep playing Monopoly."

"You good?" Sirius asked Artemis, trying to find some semblance of the look he'd seen on her face moments before.

She dusted herself off and gave him a superior smile. "Thought you said you were a better dancer than me."

"Oh, shut up, Blake."

She watched him on his way back to the couch, as he grabbed a cookie and ruffled the back of James's hair at the same time. Did that really happen? she wondered. Seconds ago, she'd thought they might kiss. Or maybe... she didn't know what she wanted. But now, they were back to normal. He was offering her a cookie and making jokes about her Monopoly properties like nothing had happened. Maybe he didn't feel the same thing she had. Maybe she was just another thing to do, another girl to charm with dancing and witty jokes. Either way, she couldn't stop the creeping sensation in her chest that he meant more to her than she cared to admit.

~

Artemis couldn't sleep that night. She tossed and turned in her bed, wondering how Remus slept through it all on the floor beside her. He was impossible to wake up. At last, she slipped out of bed and pulled on her jacket. Slowly and carefully, Artemis crept down the stairs and out into the fresh fallen snow. She stood in the backyard, a few feet from where Sirius had lain motionless the night he arrived. The motorbike he stole was still crashed against a tree, seemingly beyond repair. Sirius had been talking to Mr. Potter about it, asking if it might be salvageable.

Artemis tore her eyes from the motorbike and pushed the memory of Sirius laying half-dead in the snow from her mind. She stared up at the stars and the scattered flurries of snow drifting from the sky. Her breath came out in clouds and she shivered slightly, but she didn't mind. Her mind was moving a mile a minute, thinking about everything that had happened that year. It was nineteen seventy-seven now. It didn't' feel like it. She didn't feel like she'd been at Hogwarts for six years. It didn't feel like she hadn't seen her mother in... two years? Three years? Time didn't feel real.

She'd been thinking about visiting her mum for the summer for a long time now. She wanted to see her. She wanted her mother to see how well she was doing without her. She wished she wasn't as angry as she was, but she couldn't help it. After seeing Sirius the way he was, it made her wonder how she'd looked after the tons of times she'd shown up to school or to James's house with bruises and after-effects of living in the house her mother sent her to. She tried to tell herself it wasn't Jane's fault. She didn't know anything about the wizarding world, but another part of her knew her mother was smarter than she gave her credit for.

And Sirius... that was another issue. Not even an issue, just a... she didn't know what he was. She didn't know how to feel or what to think when he was around. She'd spent six years in the most tumultuous love-hate relationship of her life, but it felt like the coin had finally landed.

And she loved him. She admitted it to herself, at last, as she stared up at the stars in the cold, still winter night. She knew it more now than ever. She was happiest when they got along, and James was right. He understood her better than anyone in the world.

So that was it, she told herself. It was Sirius.

ok ok, i'm done with december, let's keep moving

just wanted to get to chapter 666 hehe

sorry if there's any typos/grammar errors/inconsistencies, i didn't have the motivation to edit this one