The next day is a blur that I move through like a zombie.
Doctor's fuss over me, shuttling me from one room to the next.
But I guess if there's one perk of being with the Avengers it's that you get quick medical attention...
"Last one," Doctor Palmer says with a small smile as she opens the door to a small exam room. "Just wait here and I'll go find Doctor Jefferson—we're running a little early, so she might be busy."
"Alright," I nod, biting down at the guilty feeling in my stomach. Today was her day off but she agreed to come in and make sure all of my tests could be done at once. I seat myself on the grey cushioned chair against the back wall and try to distract myself with the colorful posters.
Both Bucky and Natasha came with me, but doctors keep forcing them to stay in the waiting rooms because of confidentiality.
Rude.
The clock shows 3:22 when the door opens. I straighten but rather than being greeted by a doctor, Bucky strolls in.
"What are you doing in here?" I ask confused.
"Figured you could use some company," he smiles.
"How'd you get past the receptionist?"
"You forget I was trained to be sneaky," he says, walking towards me and bending to place a kiss on my forehead.
"Ah yes, how could I ever think a 6 foot tall man with a metal arm would be conspicuous?" I ask sarcastically.
"I'm wearing gloves. I blend right in," he smiles before rolling the doctors chair in front of me and dropping onto it. "So, how are you feeling?"
"What, are you playing doctor now?" I raise my eyebrow.
He gives me a glare before shaking his head. "No, you've just been going all day and seem exhausted."
He noticed.
I nod. "Apparently this all had to be done, so..."
"Apparently?" he asks, mouth quirking up.
"Yes apparently. I'm happy not knowing if their super solider serum is carcinogenic, or if I have irreparable brain damage... but here I am," I shrug.
"Hey," he whispers, meeting my gaze, "those are important things to know."
"Why? If there's something seriously wrong with me and it can't be changed, I would rather not know. I would have rather not gone through all the tests and needles and machines... I've had enough of tests," I bite out.
"I'm sorry, Y/N, I didn't realize this bothered you so much..."
I run a hand down my face. "I don't think I did either," I sigh. "I'm sorry for snapping. I'm just tired and I haven't really processed anything. I feel like I've been on autopilot and now I'm just done with it all."
"We can leave, you don't have to stay if you don't want to."
I study his face for a moment before shaking my head. "This is the last doctor, I should just get it done with. Besides, this is the only doctor I'm actually interested in seeing," I mumble, staring at the poster of a pregnant woman on the back of the exam room door.
"Do you ever want kids?" Bucky asks quietly, following my line of sight.
"I never really thought it would be an option for me. I didn't expect to get close enough to someone to have or adopt kids with. And I don't think I could raise a kid alone, so it went out the window. I really had chocked my life up to just be me."
"And cat's," he adds.
I smile and pull my attention down to the hem of my sweater. "Yah, and cats. But... being around you and the team, it showed me how my abilities aren't something that need to be hidden. That I don't have to be hidden. That the life my parents prepared me for wasn't the only possibility. And now..."
"And now?"
"Now, I feel like I've had one more thing taken out of my control. My choice was taken away. And it doesn't just impact me. If Hydra raises those babies, they won't have a choice in their lives. They'll be raised to be weapons, not humans, and that's not fair. None of it is fair," I say, trying to keep my voice from wavering.
Bucky reaches over and threads his fingers through mine. "I'm sorry," he whispers.
I shake my head. "It's fine. I'm just tried. I'll be fine," I smile over to him.
"Didn't we agree to not invalidating your feelings?"
"Who's invalidating?" I ask with a small smile. Bucky sends me a flat look and I huff. "Fine. Sorry. I just—I don't know. I don't know to feel. About any of this. I've been back, what? Less than twenty-four hours? It doesn't feel real... I'm back, I'm safe... yet I keep having these waves of absolute dread that wash over me and I just want them to stop. I should feel relieved, but I don't... I don't know how to deal with the fact that I was gone for a year. Most of which I can't remember. I don't know what they did to me, and I'm terrified."
"I know, doll, I know. But you can't just push those feelings down. You'll drown," he whispers.
I nod. "I know..." I say quietly.
He smiles gently and pulls our interlaced hands up and places a kiss against my knuckles.
A knock pulls my attention towards the door, and it opens to who I assume is Doctor Jefferson. I straighten again and Bucky lets go of my hand turning to face the doctor.
"Hello, Y/N, it's good to meet you, I'm Doctor Jefferson," the elder woman greets, looking from me to Bucky. "Hello young man. I think you're in my spot."
"Young man," Bucky whispers and lets out an airy laugh before standing and leaning against the exam table to my left.
"Now, Y/N. I was filled in on some of the details of what happened, and I am very sorry. What you have gone through must be extremely difficult, but I hope I can help you with any questions you may have. We will go through some of your history and some questions before we do the exam and tests, does that sound alright?"
"Yah, that's fine," I smile, forcing myself to focus on her, rather than what I was just saying.
"Before we get started, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," she says looking over to Bucky.
"No—I, could he stay?"
"This is rather personal information, there are privacy issues," she explains.
"He's my—partner," I blurt. "Please let him stay."
I beg that my face isn't as red as it feels.
"Alright... he can stay until we do the exam."
I feel my shoulders relax. "Thank you," I smile.
"Let me grab a chair from the hallway, that way you don't need to stand," she says, standing from her seat.
"Oh, no it's alright. You sit, I'll go find one," Bucky says, pushing off the table.
"There's a few just around the corner to the left," she says before he slips from the door. "Handsome fellow," Doctor Jefferson smirks at me.
I let out a laugh.
Fellow.
"You have no idea how happy he'd be to hear that," I smile.
Bucky returns a moment later, planting the chair to my left and taking a seat before Doctor Jefferson pulls out a note book.
"Now I need some of your medical history. Have you been diagnosed with any conditions such as PCOS, endometriosis, fibroids?"
"No."
"Has anyone in your family had those issues?"
"I don't know. I was adopted and... I don't know anything about my birth parents."
"Alright. Do you have an Ob-G?"
"Yes, back in Chicago. I haven't seen them in... over two years."
"I'll get in contact with them and have them send your information over to me. That way I can see if there have been any changes. Was there anything in particular you saw them for?"
"Just the usual. I have an IUD if that's important. I've had it for four—five years now."
"What type?"
"Hormonal."
"Alright. Are you sexually active?"
"Yes."
"Is he the only one you've been with?"
I try not to laugh at Bucky as he shifts awkwardly beside me. "No, I've had a few sexual partners."
"Multiple at the same time?"
Bucky coughs.
"No," I laugh. "And he was the first within the last 6—uh, sorry, I guess it's been... two years. I keep forgetting how long I was gone for..." my smile drops. I feel Bucky's gloved hand wrap around my own, squeezing gently.
"It's alright," she nods and writes something. "I want to talk about the egg removal procedure. Was it only the once, or did it happen multiple times?"
"I think it was only the once. But there was a long period of time that is almost completely blank. I only have flashes of what happened..."
"Alright. We should be able to get an idea of how many were removed through a few tests."
"How many would they have taken?" I blurt out.
"A typical procedure is approximately 15."
"Is that a lot?"
"No, not considering how many the average woman has. It shouldn't make too much of a difference in the future if you want to have children."
"Okay..." I nod.
"And were there any other procedures done that you know of?"
"I'm sorry, I'm really not sure..." I say quietly, looking down to my hands.
"Don't worry. I don't mean to upset you; I just need as much information as you can give me so I don't give you the wrong answers," she smiles gently.
"No, I know. It's just frustrating not knowing what happened."
She nods in understanding. "Do you have any more questions before we get started with the exam?" I shake my head. "Alright," she says turning her attention to Bucky, "if you would wait in the hall until we're finished."
Bucky nods before turning to me. He presses a gentle kiss against my forehead before looking at me. "Just call if you need anything, okay?" I smile and nod. He stands and heads to the door.
Just get through this and you can go home.
"I'll wait in the hall, and you can change into that gown. Just let me know when you're finished. We'll do the exam and ultrasound first, then blood work after."
"Sounds good," I say, pulling the gown from the exam table.
⁂
"Fury sent word earlier. They found some files on you at the facility," Natasha says as we get into the car.
"Did he tell you what they said?" I ask, bucking my seat belt.
She shakes her head. "He said to call when we're back."
"Was Wanda able to find anything out?" I ask
"He didn't say anything about her, so I'm not sure."
I nod and settle into the seat.
The city passes in a blur as I think about what I've been told today.
'We'll have the results from the MRI back to you as soon as possible.'
'It is possible that the serum could cause organ damage, so we will have to do regular blood work to monitor you.'
'Your IUD was removed. I can schedule you to have it replaced.'
'Your body heals at a rate I have never seen. I would be interested in doing further testing to see how their serum works.'
We finally pull into a parking space, and I sigh in happiness.
Finally, home.
When we get to the common area, Tony, Rhodey, and Thor are chatting on one of the couches in the living area while Steve and Sam talk in the kitchen.
"How'd it go?" Sam asks from behind the island. He mixes something in a glass bowl on the counter,
"So fun. Exactly how I like to spend my Thursdays," I say, blank faced.
"Fair enough," he laughs. "Would food help?" he asks, holding out a plate of biscuits.
"Maybe," I mumble, grabbing one.
"Family recipe. I guarantee they'll make you feel better," he smiles.
I pull myself up onto the stool beside Steve and take a bite.
Damn.
"Okay, it makes me feel a little better," I send him a small smile, taking another bite.
"The Wilson's aren't just known for their good-looking men," he smirks.
"Okay, your ego is pulling the mood back down," I joke, rolling my eyes.
"Alright, alright..." he laughs, adding spices into a bowl of flour. "But it's true. We are known for our good-looking men. I mean look at me," he gestures to himself. Everyone starts cracking up as he turns and poses in different positions.
"You have nothing on a super soldier," Steve gets up and walks around the island, pulling his arm up and flexing.
I cover my face, smiling big and peeking through my fingers at the two of them.
"And you have nothing on a God," Thor declares, joining the other two and puffing out his chest.
Someone lets out a wolf whistle behind me and I can't help the laughter from escaping me. I shake my head at the three men trying to out-flex each other.
"If you're all done with your pissing contest, I would love to know what's cooking," I laugh, nodding to the deep frier set up on the counter.
"I'm making Po' Boys for dinner. Thought comfort food would do everyone some good," Sam smiles.
"Want any help?" I ask, looking at the different in ingredients spread out.
"Ever cleaned shrimp before?" Sam asks. I purse my lips and shake my head. "Come on, I'll show you. It's not hard," he waves me over.
I push off the stool and join him on the other side. He shows me how to de-vein and clean a shrimp before gesturing for me to do it.
It takes me longer than him, but it eventually gets done. He nods at my work and pulls the large bowl of shrimp between us, and we both set to work cleaning the creatures. For everyone one I do, he has three finished.
"Jesus your fast," I comment, watching his quick and sure movements.
"Grew up cooking. I had to keep up with my mom," he laughs.
I nod and grab another, cleaning and chucking it into a second bowl.
"Hey F.R.I.D.A.Y., could you play some music?" Tony asks from the couch.
"You've got it," she says before the familiar riff plays over the speakers.
I clean a few shrimp before Tony suddenly appears beside the island, singing along, eyes roaming over the food being prepped. "Another one bites the dust, and another one gone and another one gone, another one bites the dust."
"Hey, I'm gonna get you too, another one bites the dust," I mumble along quietly.
Rhodey joins us at the island, now snacking on a biscuit and smiling at us all.
"You can beat him, you can cheat him, you can treat him bad and leave him when he's down, but I'm ready, yes, I'm ready for you," Sam adds, head bobbing while his fingers work quickly.
Everyone is chatting and jamming, and I can't wipe the smile off my face when the song ends and changes to Summer of '69.
I laugh and sing along.
Dad loved this song. Said it reminded him of the 'good old days'. He was like five in 1969 but I always just smiled and nodded.
"Those were the best days of my life," I sing, chucking the cleaned shrimp into the bowl.
Bucky, Steve, and Natasha sit at the island, smiling at Sam and I singing. The song ends and I squeal as Dancing Queen comes on, unable to hold back my excitement.
"You can dance, you can jive having the time of your life! Oh, see that girl, watch that scene, digging the dancing queen!" Sam belts beside me.
"Friday night and the lights are low," I sing, "looking out for a place to go."
"Anybody could be that guy, the night is young and the music's high!" Natasha sings, surprising me. I send her a big smile when our attention is pulled to Steve.
"You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen!" he sings, surprising me even more than Natasha.
I sway my hips, trying to focus on the shrimp. "You're a teaser, you turn 'em on!" I sing, pointing to Sam beside me.
"Leave 'em burning and then you're gone," he sings back
"Looking out for another, anyone will do, you're in the mood for a dance!" Steve sings out, getting up from the island and coming around to where Sam and I are.
"And when you get the chance, you are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen!" We sing loudly with our arms in the air.
With the shrimp forgotten, we dance behind the island, and I'm barely able to get the last lines of the song out between my laughter. I'm out of breath and my cheeks hurt from smiling by the time the song ends.
"I do not understand your music," Thor looks at us as if we're crazy.
Should I Stay or Should I Go comes on and Tony perks up again.
"This is the stuff I was talking about," he nods along.
I guess he's not much of an Abba fan.
"Darling you've got to let me know, should I stay or should I go?" I sing quietly, getting my breath back. I look up and see Bucky smiling. He doesn't sing but he seems to be enjoying the show. "You always tease, tease, tease, you're happy when I'm on my knees," I sing.
His eyebrow shoots up and I realize what I just sang at him.
Oup.
He's seen you naked and you're worried about song lyrics?
He laughs and shakes his head and I look back to the shrimp.
"One day it's fine and next it's black," Tony continues, oblivious of my embarrassment behind the island.
Despite the dance break and my utter uselessness, most of the shrimp is cleaned and ready to go. As I finish the one in my hand, Sam gets through the other four and goes to the sink to wash his hands. I grab the bowl of innards and dump it into the garbage before dropping the bowl into the sink and washing mine.
"Okay, shrimp and oysters into the buttermilk then into the flour, then into the fryer," he says, emptying a container of oysters into a small bowl.
"I'll prep them if you want to use the fryer. I've never used one before," I say.
Sam nods and we set to work. I give him small batches and after twenty minutes, all of the meat is cooked. He pulls out a few loafs of French bread and slices them before laying them, the shrimp and oysters, mayo, another sauce that I didn't catch the name of, lettuce, tomatoes, and pickles, across the counter.
"Alright, everyone can come make their sandwiches," he says, "Remoulade shouldn't be too spicy, but in case you can't handle the heat, just use the mayo," he smirks.
I take a step back and nod for everyone to get theirs.
"I will admit, Midguardian food is good," Thor says with a mouthful.
"Louisiana food," Sam corrects.
Once everyone else has theirs, I start making my own, my mouth watering at the smell. I lean my elbows against the counter and take a bite of the sandwich. "Sam. Why didn't you start a restaurant? This is amazing," I hum, taking another bite.
I missed good food.
"We do sell our food, but we actually have a fishing business. That's where focus is. Glad you're enjoying it though," he laughs.
Everyone chats back and forth, and I take a few more bites of the sandwich before I feel my stomach turning. I set the sandwich down and head to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water. No one else seems bothered, so I take a sip and try to tune back into the conversation.
The rolling in my stomach only gets worse and I can feel a sweat break out on the back of my neck.
"I'll be back in a minute," I mumble with a small smile, slipping out of the kitchen and towards the stairs. I hurry up stairs and into my room, getting to the toilet with just enough time to vomit.
It takes a few minutes of slow breathing before I feel okay enough to finally move. As I stand, I reach into my drawer but pause when I remember my tooth brush is in Bucky's room. I head back into my room, deciding to change into a pair of sweats and a hoodie before slipping across the hall to Bucky's. I brush my teeth quickly and head back down stairs.
"Feel better?" Bucky asks.
I eye him confused before realizing.
The changed clothes.
"Oh yah, much," I say, sending him a close-lipped smile.
I eye the sandwich on the island warily. I ate about half of it, but I don't want to waste it, so I pick it up and take a small bite. Almost immediately, I feel the nausea pass over me and place it back down.
While the other's chat I notice Sam step closer to me. "Don't worry about finishing it. It's okay if you can't," he whispers. I send him a small smile and nod. He pulls my plate away and tosses the rest of the sandwich into the bin.
"Oh, I just realized, where is everyone?"
"Bruce went back to the tower, he's doing some research for S.H.I.E.L.D., Vision went with Wanda, and Peter had to get some certification for one of his courses, so he had to head home to study. May wanted him back so she could do some de-stressor stuff with him before hand; meditation or, something," Tony explains with a confused look.
"Oh..." I mutter, feeling a little guilty for pulling him away and not even saying goodbye.
Then I realize.
Courses.
"Peter graduated? Before I left, he was studying for senior exams..."
"Yah," Tony says with a small smile. "Yah, he's taking an associate's degree in engineering at a college in Manhattan."
"That's great," I say, still trying to process how long I was gone for. "And who's May? His sister or something?"
"His Aunt. His parents passed away, so he lives with her," Tony answers, placing his plate into the dishwasher.
I nod.
The whole orphan thing is unfortunately common in this group.
"Hey, Y/N, we should give Fury a call back," Natasha says from across the island.
"Oh right, yah let's do that now before he has a shit fit for keeping him," I halfheartedly laugh, trying to distract myself from the weight of the situation.
My stomach still doesn't feel great, so I bring my water to the conference table, watching Natasha press a few buttons until Fury pops up on the screen.
"Evening everyone. Hope everything went well today, L/N?"
"As good as it could go... Natasha said you found notes on me?" I ask. Someone comes to stand behind me and places their hand on my shoulder. Without looking, I reach up to thread my fingers through Bucky's, glad for the feeling of support.
"Yes. We found a few files as well as surveillance. We still don't have many details, but it's enough to make a general timeline of your imprisonment." I nod and he continues. "What you remember checks out with the notes we found. You were in isolation for 17 days before being pulled out for the first procedure. The next day you were brought in for the serum, then sedated heavily for 13 days while you were being monitored. As you explained, they had decided to test your abilities against their agents, and when you tried to kill them, Stadelhofer shocked you with enough voltage that should have killed you. It seems that she also wanted to test your durability, and thankfully, the serum was enough to keep you from any major harm... You were unconscious for a day before they started electroshock therapy, which was done regularly for the last year or so. During that time, it seems that you were subjected to various medical procedures, however there is very little information on what they were. There were also notes on... flogging... and the healing process... It seems that it was part of your compliance conditioning," he says gently before clearing his throat. "Within this time, you were seeing a Doctor Holden, although we haven't been able to find out exactly what his role was, and unfortunately, he is one of the doctors MIA. At this time we believe he was the one responsible for the majority of your conditioning, but we don't know for certain... Three weeks ago, Stadelhofer began prepping you for AI, and yesterday was the day she had the procedure scheduled... Lucky you got out when you did," he finishes and my mind reels. "I can send over the notes and videos if that is something you want?"
"Yes. Please."
"Alright... You'll have them momentarily. I just to warn you, they're graphic. You may not want to go through them right away."
"Noted..." I nod before remembering. "Has Wanda learned anything?"
"A few things, but nothing of major importance yet. We'll keep you updated," he says shortly and I can't help feeling like he's not telling us something. "In the meantime, I'm sending over security for the facility. In case there are any attempts of retaliation from Hydra."
Tony looks ready to argue when he closes his mouth. I don't miss when his eyes flash over to me with a guilty look. "Alright. When should we expect them?" he asks.
"They will be arriving in the next two hours. They'll set up surveillance stations around the facilities perimeter and be staying in the old quarters in the South building. They won't be bothering you in the facility unless necessary. This is just temporary until we get more details on the whereabouts of remaining Hydra members."
"What about the missing agents and doctors? Anything about them?" I ask.
"Nothing yet. We have Wanda trying to get information on where they might have gone and have already checked two locations, but both have been dead ends. We have no idea where they went."
"Great. Well, I guess we just have to wait... By the way, are the other patients from the facility alright?"
"Yes, they're all receiving medical attention before being sent home. The records we found state that they were transferred from the Swedish facility."
"Good. Okay." I nod.
That means no one died during the fire.
"If you don't have any more questions, I'm going to get back to the investigation."
"No, I'm good. Thanks Fury."
"Goodnight, everyone," he says before the video gets cut off.
Everyone is silent, their eyes burning holes as they watch me.
"Anyone want a tea?" I ask, trying to break some of the tension in the room as I let go of Bucky's hand and stand up. Everyone shakes their heads as I walk past and back to the kitchen. I fill the kettle and set it to boil before opening the cupboard to look through the teas.
"Y/N," I hear quietly behind me. I look over to see Tony bracing his arms against the island. "What did he mean by flogging?"
I turn back and stare at the labels, trying to make sense of the words. "You know... whipping," I mumble, grabbing a blue box and pulling a bag out.
"They whipped you?" Natasha asks.
"I guess so, yah," I answer, dropping the bag into a mug and reaching for the honey.
"Oh my God," she breaths. "I'm sorry—"
"I know. You're all sorry," I interrupt her. "It's over. They're healed. I barely even remember it." I snap the lid closed on the honey and gently place the bottle back onto the shelf. I brace myself on the edge of the counter and take a deep breath, staring at the honey spreading across the bottom of the mug. "A lot of shit happened when I was there. And I get that it's shocking to you guys, but the constant apologies are just... I just want to forget it happened. Move on."
"Y/N, just forgetting about it isn't going to help you. You need to learn to deal with those memories," Sam says gently.
"Then I'll deal with them later. I've been back one day—right now I just want to focus on the fact that I'm not there anymore. Okay?" I snap. "Just stop with the apologies," I whisper.
The kettle clicks off and I grab it to fill my mug, the scent of chamomile wafting up and reminding me of home.
My childhood home, when my mom and I would spend rainy days in the living room reading to each other. We would drink pot after pot of tea and just hang out under blankets. Dad would usually take advantage and watch his soap-operas in their bedroom where me and mom couldn't make jokes about an over dramatic actor.
I could really use them right now.
I would love for them to walk through that front door and bellow my name telling me to get my ass down to help put the groceries away because that would mean they would be here. To hear their bickering over the fact that it was the others turn to make dinner. Or arguing over which one I liked better.
I feel my nails bite into my palm.
Stop.
Stop or you never will.
I take a breath in and pick up my tea. "I'm sorry for snapping," I sigh, masking my face before turning around, seeing all of them sending me worried looks. "It's just a lot and... it's hard."
"It's okay. Just, let us know what you need, alright? We're here for you," Steve smiles gently from beside me.
"I know, and thank you. You guys have done so much for me. Even before yesterday—I really appreciate all of you," I say quietly.
They all nod but continue giving me sad eyes.
You can all stop staring at me now.
I shift and look down to my tea, wanting the attention off of me.
"Don't get used to the charity. You'll be expected to start paying room and board soon," Tony quips, pointing a finger at me.
Steve lets out a grunt and Rhodey sends Tony an irritated look.
"For God's sake Stark. Not the time," Natasha glares at Tony.
I smile into my tea as I take a sip. Tony sends me a smile and a wink.
Thanks Tony.
"Who's up for a movie?" he asks, pulling more attention away from me.
"Yes please," I smile.
A distraction would be nice right about now.
"Anything except a cartoon," Rhodey says.
"Agreed. No talking animals," Bucky adds.
"I seem to remember you saying you loved The Lion King?" I ask him with a smile.
"And I seem to remember you saying you weren't going to bring that up," Bucky says walking over to me.
"Hmm, no. I'm pretty sure I said I wouldn't tell Wanda. She isn't here, so..." I shrug.
Bucky glares playfully at me before pulling me towards him by the hips. "Technicalities, doll," he whispers, leaning his face towards mine.
Someone coughs beside us. I turn to see Steve still beside me, eyeing us from the side. "I'm sure we can agree on something..." he says, pushing from his spot and heading to the living area.
"I'm never telling you something in confidence ever again," Bucky says, pushing away from me dramatically.
"Oh, come on, everyone loves the Lion King," I laugh, following behind him.
"It's the principle! Never again!" He flops onto a couch, back against the arm rest and legs splayed across the couch's entirety. I shake my head at him before his arm wraps around my waist and pulls me onto the couch between his legs.
"Babe, watch my tea!" I hiss, trying to hold the mug steady as some sloshes over the edge.
"Babe? Babe. I like it. Much better than partner," he says, and I feel my face heat up as everyone turns to look at us.
Did I actually just say that?
"By the way," he continues, "why did the doctor let me stay when you said I was your partner? Like work partner? Friend? I was confused."
"Oh, Bucky's officially your partner now, huh?" Tony asks with a brow raised.
"Oh my God, kill me right now," I groan. "He came to visit in the room, and I didn't want to be alone..."
"I'm still confused babe, why would she let your work partner stay?" Bucky says, chest rumbling against my back.
"Partner is just a gender-neutral term for boyfriend-girlfriend. I figured if I said that she would let you stay. And," I say, turning to him, "no making fun of me calling you babe when you've called me doll basically since we've met."
"Who said I was making fun of it? I like it," he smiles smugly.
"I'm sure you do," I mutter before turning back around and sinking a little further against his chest.
His left arm wraps gently around me and his fingers trace patters against my forearm.
I catch Natasha smirking over to me, but send her a glare.
"What about The Mummy?" Steve asks.
"It's a good one. I'm down," I say, taking a sip of my tea.
The lights turn off and I'm sucked into the movie.
⁂
"Was this supposed to be a knock-off of Indiana Jones?" Steve asks.
I open my mouth but close it.
Is it?
"Kinda felt like it was," Bucky comments.
"At least it wasn't sexist," I shrug.
"Anyone want to watch another movie?" Tony asks, flipping through options.
"I'm actually gonna pass and take a bath instead," I say happily, pushing off the couch. "See you in a bit, yah?" I ask down to Bucky, who smiles and nods.
I rinse my mug out and drop it into the dishwasher before calling a 'night' to everyone and heading up the stairs. When I make it into my bathroom, I start filling up the soaker tub with steaming water and put on some chill indie music, letting the singers quiet voice distract my mind from the day.
Steam rises from the tub, and I swirl my hand around, appreciating the near-scalding temperature. My mom always got mad at me for making my baths so hot, but I can't help it. When it's filled, I toe the water and step in, sinking happily to my chin. My eyes shut and I rest my head against the back of the tub, the heat almost immediately lulling me to a half sleep.
After what feels like an hour, the water has cooled, and I pull myself out. I hurry to wrap a towel around myself and walk into my bedroom, heading into my closet.
My closet...
It's not the first time I've been in here since yesterday, but it feels strange, like it's not really mine. Moreso than before I was gone.
Now it feels fake, imaginary.
I focus my thoughts on my actions; pulling a pair of leggings from a drawer, then a sweater from a hook, then socks and underwear from a drawer. After changing, I walk back into my room as I dry the ends of my hair, noticing my watercolors sitting on my desk.
Somehow, there isn't a speck of dust on anything, despite everything seeming to be in the same place as it had been before I was gone.
I wonder why they never moved anything...
My eyes roam to the window and although the scene is familiar, the color of the leaves remind me once again that it's almost the end of summer. In a split decision, I grab the paints, some paper, and a few brushes before filling up the bottle with water and chucking everything into my bag. I grab the throw blanket off my bed and head out my door, making my way down the stairs and out the back door silently.
When I get to the tree near the water's edge, I place my bag down and wrap the blanket around me, dropping to lean against the trunk and look around. The last time I was here the entire forest was a swath of green. Now, the early colors of fall are specked within the trees. I grab my phone and hit play on the same playlist as earlier before pulling all my supplies out and getting to work.
I focus on the mottled trees across the lake against the sunset sky. It's not long before the sun is gone and only dregs of light illuminate the area—alright since the painting is done, but I wish I had of been out here longer.
I set everything down and look out over the water. The loamy smell of the lake is calming, and even though I'm here, I feel a sense of longing. I miss it.
Despite reminding myself that I'm here, I miss it.
Movement catches my eye and I turn to see Bucky walking towards me with two steaming mugs. "I hope that's tea," I smile.
"Actually, something better," he says, handing me one.
"Oh, hot chocolate!" I gasp. The scent reaches my nose and I almost moan.
I forgot how much I love hot chocolate.
"I was hoping you would enjoy it," he smiles, squatting beside me.
"Come here," I say, unwrapping the blanket from around me and scooting over. He sits beside me and grabs the edge, wrapping it around him as I do the same with my edge, cuddling in closer to him.
"What were you doing out here?" he asks.
"Painting," I nod to the page under my pallet. "And just... sitting. How'd you know I'd be out here?"
"Where else would you be?" he jokes before shaking his head. "I saw you come out earlier."
I roll my eyes and take a sip of my drink.
We sit in a comfortable silence, crickets and water adding to the calming music from my phone.
"It was nice seeing you have so much fun earlier," he says quietly out of the blue.
I think back and let out an airy laugh. "I don't know the last time I had that much fun," I say honestly with a smile. "Actually, I think it was Christmas. My parents and I were making breakfast; music was playing, we were all singing. My dad was making dad-jokes and mom was trying to hit the high notes," I remember. "We always had music on in my house. Always playing on a speaker or through the tv."
"What did you guys listen to?"
"Oh, everything. Not country as much, but... oldies, R'n'B, metal, sad rap, even some classical."
"Sad rap?"
I nod. "What do you listen to? I know you said your favorite was... oh who was it... Benny Goodman, but what else? You didn't seem too into the playlist earlier," I joke.
"It's not bad; I like some new music, but I'm partial to the oldies... Glenn Miller, Ella Mae Morse, Dick Haymes..."
I hum, pulling my phone from the ground and opening my music. "Dick Haymes, huh?" I ask, clicking on a favorite of mine.
Bucky gives me a confused look, looking from me to my phone. The song Everything Happens to Me plays and I feel myself humming along.
"I haven't heard thing song in... God, I don't know how long. I think I was actually out dancing just before I was drafted and this was played," he says airily. "How do you know this song?"
"I told you, I listened to a lot of different music," I smile. "Did you go out dancing a lot? Before?" I ask.
He's mentioned it a few times, but I never had the chance to ask about it.
"Used to all the time..." he mumbles with a small smile. "And haven't since. Especially considering dancing today is very different from what I'm used to," he chuckles.
I debate for a moment, then throw embarrassment out the window. I drop my phone to the ground and stand up, putting a hand out to him.
"What are you up to, doll?"
I just nod to my hand.
He smiles and takes it before standing. He must get the idea because he grabs onto my waist gently and pulls me closer.
"You're gonna have to show me what to do again," I laugh.
"I take this hand," he says holding my right hand up, "this hand goes here," he says, placing my left on his shoulder, "and mine goes here," he places his hand back on to my waist. The song changes to something slower and he starts swaying us side to side. He pulls us so our bodies are flush against each other, then tilts his head to place a kiss against my neck, sending tingles down my spine.
"Let me kiss you tonight, while the stars in the sky give a heavenly light," he mumbles against my skin. He pulls away and presses a quick kiss to my forehead, bringing a smile to my lips as I tuck my head into the crook of his neck.
I don't know how long we rock back and forth, but multiple songs change and I'm in a daze of music and comfort.
"We should probably head in soon," he mumbles.
"Should we?" I ask, pulling my head up to look at him.
"Mhmm," he says, looking from my eyes to my lips.
I close the distance and push my lips against his, sliding my arms around his neck while his hand reaches around to brace the back of mine. I press against him, and we walk backwards, knocking into the tree.
"This is familiar," he chuckles before crashing his lips against mine again and I hum, sliding my hands up to grip his face. I feel him start to drop and in a blink were on the ground and I'm straddling his lap.
I giggle and feel his hand travel down from the back of my neck to slip under my sweater. His fingers are cold as they trace shapes against my spine, and I smile against his lips. My hips begin to grind against him automatically, and his chest rumbles in appreciation.
"Maybe we should head inside," I mutter.
He chuckles and pulls away, taking hold of my face gently. "We should head inside. And then we should go to sleep," he says, pressing one last kiss against my lips. I pout dramatically, and just like last time, he leans forwards and nips my bottom lip.
"You can't do that and not make me want to drop my panties," I groan.
Bucky's head tips back with laughter. "You will be the end of me," he chuckles. "Come on, we really should get inside."
"Fine. But only cause it's kind of cold," I mumble, pushing myself up and grabbing his hands. He stands and gives me a quick peck before I reach down to gather my things while he grabs the empty mugs and blanket. He wraps it around his shoulders, then wraps an arm around me, surrounding me in warmth as we make our way back to the Compound.
When we get inside, he shrugs the blanket off himself and nods to the common area. "You head up, I'm gonna drop these in the kitchen."
I nod and slip up the stairs and into Bucky's room, placing my stuff onto the desk and pulling the blanket off. I fold it and place it beside my things as he walks in, then tug my shoes off tuck them and my bag beside the desk. As I turn, he holds one of his shirts out, and I can't help the smile that overtakes my face at the familiar gesture. I change into it before slipping into the bathroom to brush my teeth then flop onto the bed and let out a yawn, watching Bucky finish getting ready.
He shuts the bedroom lights off, the sliver of light from the bathroom setting the room with a dim glow as he drops beside me and pulls me over to rest on his chest. His fingers play with my hair and I sigh, shutting my eyes.
I missed that.
"Want me to put a movie on?" He asks quietly.
"Yah, whichever you want," I mumble.
My vision blurs as he flips through the options on the tv and I blink, trying to clear my eyes. Despite my attempts to stay awake, the beat of Bucky's heart is soothing, and I knock out before he chooses what to watch.
Another long chapter with so much to think about!
Can we all agree that Sam's family definitely has good-looking men? And they cook?!
For real though, there was a lot in this chapter, the necessary doctor's visits, the bonding, the first kiss since Y/N's been back.
Why do you think she was sick? And what do you think will happen next?
Lmk what you think and please hit that star, and possibly add this to your library ;)