You wince as you pull your top up over your head. You catch a glimpse in the mirror of the large bruise forming across your ribs where Vi hit you. Your mouth occupied with the aftertaste of blood, your cheek sore with an invisible bruise.
You turn the shower on for the second time today, to wash the blood and sweat off your body. You scrub yourself thoroughly, washing away any ounce of left over frustration or anger. The latter harder to push down the drain.
You open your mouth under the stream, allowing water to enter so you can wash it around to get any excess blood out.
You turn the water off, wrapping a towel around yourself then using another to dry your hair. Though the shower washed away some of your thoughts, others decide to stay and remind you they're there.
You were still livid with the exhilaration of beating Vi. Reminiscing on the feeling you felt when that knife broke her skin. You could have killed her. You would have killed her. You remember that feeling of power wash over you. The power that sat in your hands in the form of a knife.
No.
You mustn't get caught up in the anger and power of it all. That's how things end badly.
You draw deep breaths, calming yourself down from the high of exultation. The feeling of your throat like sand paper distracting you from any bad and interdicted thoughts.
You eye the bruises along your neck, most of them darkening while others just forming from the most recent fight. You notice another new bruise forming on your upper arm. Another print from Kylo's large gloved hands.
It seems to be that whenever that man touches you he leaves a mark. You wonder what his thoughts were when he grabbed you. The way he looked at you when he held your arm. He was frightened, perplexed. But something else was present. Something almost like hunger.
That can't be right.
You wrapped your towel tighter around yourself. A warm drink and some laying down could do you some good.
You open the door of the bathroom, the cooler air from the bedroom nipping at your uncovered skin as you exit.
You run your hands through your hair, eyeing the clothes you set out at the end of your bed.
The air soon shifts around you. A presence intercepting your senses.
"Nice towel."
You jump at the sound of Kylo's voice. Immediately throwing your hands up to cover your body.
"What the fuck!!" You yell at him, holding the towel tight around yourself. "Get out!"
Kylo's large form sits in the single chair located in the corner of the room beside the window. Ignominy causes your cheeks to fluster. You feel so caught off guard.
His dark form fills the space in the corner. His body dressed in all black, his gloved hands resting atop his thigh. He tilts his head at you, his curls touching the brim of his collar.
You look at him wide eyed. "What the hell are you doing in here?!"
He purses his lips as if considering your question before standing from the chair, straightening out his textured tunic as he takes steps forward.
The coldness you felt before is soon turned hot with the flush of your skin. You take steps toward the end of the bed, eyeing the clothes laid out.
"Don't." He says. His voice stern as he knows your intention. You pull your hand away from reaching out to the clothes. Standing still in the spot, you try to cover as much of yourself with the towel as possible.
"If you're going to hurt me, just get it over with." You try to hide the tremble in your voice but it breaks through anyway. Your breath comes in uneven waves, images of what he might do to you for speaking to him the way you did flash before your eyes.
Choke you again? Hit you?
"I'll do neither."
You snatch your gaze to him. Puzzlement and concern flooding you as you realised he just read your thoughts. No way he just did that. But you didn't feel him. You usually feel him.
"It's what I'm best at," he says, a smirk crawling onto his lips. "Your skills have lessened over time."
"B-but how can I not feel you?" You question, tugging at the hem of the towel to cover more of your legs.
Kylo continues to draw toward you, his head tilting the other way. "Like I said, it's what I'm best at. You've let your guard down, which made it easier to just slip right into that mind of yours."
Some understanding fills you. You become frightened. How much has he seen?? You worry about your attempts to send messages to Takodana, or the tech knife still hidden under your mattress. You reassure yourself. If he knew those things, he would have killed you already.
You take a deep breath, looking to him. "What are you doing here?" You ask, barely a whisper.
He pauses for a moment before answering. "I saw something today." He says, deadpan.
You huff and rolls your eyes. "Oh really? How fascinating." Sarcasm dripping from your words.
He holds a gloved finger out to you. "Attitude." He takes another step, your grip on your towel growing tighter.
"I saw something today when I touched you."
You realise he's talking about back in the training room. His expression changing when he held your arm. His eyes wide, scanning your face at what he saw. What did he see? He must have been in your mind.
He was close now. The heat of him practically reaching out to you. This was so wrong.
You swallowed empty substance. You pointed your chin out, looking up at him. You won't be intimidated by him, even in this circumstance.
"And what might that be?" You question, watching as he eyes you over, burning your skin with his gaze. He smirks again, beginning to circle around you. You tense at his actions.
"I saw you," he starts, your eyes facing forward while his are on you. "I saw you driven and ardent. But what you were driven by surprised me."
A little worry rises in you. You beg for it not to be anything to do with the darkside. The darkness he desperately wants you to allow in. You can admit you've felt it before. The pull. But you're strong enough to resist.
You look to the ground, brows creased. "What was it?"
You feel him brush past your back, circling onto the left side of you. You feel him lean down closer to your ear. His word is quiet and clear.
"Desire."
You shoot your gaze up to him. Your eyes wide by his word. Desire of what?
"Dreaming, yearning, thirst." He lists as he finishes his steps in front of you.
You can't help it. A smile crawls onto your lips and you huff a short laugh, shaking your head at him.
"You're kidding right?" It really is laughable. It's bullshit. What was he playing at?
Kylo crosses his arms over his chest. "I'd felt it long ago, ever since I saw you on Jakku. Only, I didn't know that's what it was until now," the realisation of his words kicks in. You're so confused. He tilts his head again. "You may feel it in time...hell, you may even feel it now."
You push past him, walking further to the centre of the room. "That's ridiculous." You say. What the fuck is he going on about? Thinking you feel desire and thirst. About what? Him?! He's got to be kidding.
"I know what I saw." You hear him say behind you. You spin on your heel, looking toward him again. His dark stare never leaving you. Only ever distracted by your presence.
You place a hand on your hip, the other holding the towel in place. "And what would your little girlfriend say about this, huh?" A mocking smile tugs at your lips while you think of Vi. "What would she say if she found out you were here saying these things to me while I'm standing here in nothing but a towel."
Kylo's brow twitches. A cocky smile present.
"Nothing?"
An annoyed growl comes from your throat. Bold little bastard. You push at his chest.
"Fuck off. What you say is the most absurd thing I've ever heard come from that mouth." You take a step forward, confident in defending yourself making itself present. "I would never think or feel those things toward you in all of my life."
A purposely confused look draws across his features. "Who ever said you feel them towards me?"
Fuck. You heave a breath, that confidence you felt soon deflating. You feel your cheeks flush. Now what is he going to think? That you do feel something towards him? That you condone it?
He smiles at your embarrassment, his eyes looking over your face. Eyeing over your skin, the curves and features. You break.
"Don't do that." You say, your voice trembling and awkward.
He tilts his head at you, rolling his jaw while continuing to look at you the way he does.
"Don't do what?"
The amount of times you've had to tell him is ridiculous at this point.
"That stupid eye thing."
He narrows them at you, but not in a threatening way. He takes a step forward, closing the distance between you in one movement. You want to move backward but the end of the bed brushes against the back of your legs. Trapped.
"I know what I saw." He says again, this time more serious. You freeze when you see his expression. It was the same expression as what you saw when he grabbed your arm in the training room.
Hunger.
He slowly raises his hand toward you, flinching when you feel his gloved fingers touch base with your shoulder and trailing across your collarbones. The scar on your shoulder tingling.
Your breathing comes uneven, your lip trembling. You've never thought about him in this way. Never wanted him to touch you, to admire you. It was wrong. It felt strange.
You push his hand away. "Don't touch me." You snap.
He snatches his eyes to you, his hand and body going unmoving. "Don't you want to know if it's true? Don't you want to feel those emotions?"
No one is a stranger to desire. Sure, you've felt it before having plenty of one time partners back at home and the occasional one on missions. But this is different. This is him for goodness sake. Even if deep down you did magically want to feel those things, you can't. He is supposed to be your enemy.
He draws his hand away. His eyes heavy and captivated. When you think he's given up, he draws his fingers up along your arm. Your skin burning lines under his touch. You don't want to seem scared. You don't want to give him the advantage.
He draws them up reaching your shoulder before running them back down toward your hand. You shudder at the contact.
"Why are you doing this?" You breathe, looking at his fingers contact with your skin. You're so confused. Not just in him, but in yourself. You should be kicking and screaming and telling him to fuck off. To never touch you again and slap him for doing it anyway.
You didn't think it was possible but he takes another step forward, his lower chest just brushing again your upper. He doesn't answer your question.
His fingers trail back up toward your shoulder then moving across and up to your neck. The skin on your neck is tender. The bruises still only trying to heal. He slowly and unthreateningly palms his hand on your throat, holding it as if to choke you but that sort of pressure never comes.
He eyes his hand on your neck, something almost like shame ridden across his face. "I shouldn't have hurt you." He says, his voice low and barely audible.
You swallow under his hand. Eyes narrowing at him. You're not trembling anymore.
"Then why did you?" You ask.
Kylo's eyes flicker to you, boring into yours. He waits for his answer just as long as you do.
"Because you drive me fucking crazy."
He says it like you should have already known. Like it's obvious.
Your brows knit together, your lips parting at what he's said. "Because you drive me fucking crazy."
His light hold on your throat begins to disintegrate, his touch trailing downward, lowering itself between your collarbones before reaching your upper sternum.
You close your eyes. "Don't." You sigh, his fingers stopping just above where your towel wraps around your upper body.
"Why not?"
You flicker your eyes open to look at him. You bring your hand up and wrap it around his wrist softly, pulling it slightly away from contact with your body.
You lick your lips, tilting your head at him. "Because this is wrong." Accusation soon rises, your voice no longer coming soft like a whisper. "What are you planning to do? You trying to make me give into what you've said? What are trying to get me to admit?"
"I'm not trying to get you to admit anything."
"You're trying to get me to come to terms with something you saw in a vision. Some fantasy what you've created in your head." You seethe.
He abruptly grabs the top of the towel, gripping it tight. Your body jolting at his hand. You can feel the leather of his fingers resting against your sternum between your breasts.
He pauses. He looks like he could lash out, strike you until the attitude and rudeness are rid from you but he doesn't. He's distracted.
He looks down and realises where his fingers are. He goes unmoving as you feel them loosen the grip on the towel and push to rest fully against your chest.
Your breath hitches. Why are you not moving? Why are you just standing here and letting him do this? Your chest feels heavy, you look up at him. His features are different somehow. That constant anger not lingering. He doesn't even look like himself.
Why is he doing this? Why is he so suddenly captivated by you? He wouldn't be doing this unless—
You cut yourself off from your thoughts. You realise his eyes have found yours. Knowing what you're thinking. You continue.
Unless he was feeling the same thing. Unless he felt it too, that same feeling in himself that matches the one he saw in you.
You stare at him, looking over his expression. You shoot your hand out and grab hold of his upper arm, opening your mind to follow the bridge between yourselves that he started by looking into your thoughts. You do the same. Taking the bridge in the opposite direction.
You nearly buckle from what you feel. His thoughts and emotions overwhelming you.
You see anger, frustration, violence and death. But you also feel want, desperation, craving and desire. But what he feels these latter things towards makes you more shocked.
He's feeling these emotions toward you.
They aren't just recent, but have been there since the beginning. Since the moment he saw you again, he was drawn. Someone from his past, someone that could be as powerful as he is. His thoughts were full of you. He wanted you.
You rip away your hold on him. Your knee's strength crumpling from holding you upright. You sit back on the end of the bed. Head reeling at what you just saw.
You breathe out slowly. Your breath coming in uneven waves, your chest heaving up and down. You look to the ground, your mind conflicted and chasing thoughts.
Kylo stands above you. You notice as his knees slowly bend to crouch down in front of you, your eyes now gazing over him.
You feel his peer on you. He's watching you. Watching you take all of this in. He feels your conflict and reeling.
He tilts his head. "Look at me."
Your eyes hesitantly move from the floor to him. His lips downturned, eyes dimly alight. Your brows are so creased they begin to ache. Kylo rests his elbows atop his knees, never not looking at you.
"I know you feel it," He slowly but surely moves his hands close to your knees, drawing circles with the back of his fingers. You shiver. "Don't be frightened of the feeling. Let it fuel you. Let it take over."
His hands lay flat on your knees, your legs drawn together to prevent the towel from riding up.
He steadily runs his hands up both of your legs, moving to the outside of your thighs until he reaches your hips beneath the towel.
You burn at his touch. Your breath hitching as you accept it. For a reason you don't have the answer for, you don't resist. It's not just that you don't resist it but you allow it. You're allowing him to touch you.
His gloves splay out over your hips under the towel, your hand shooting to hold it steady to cover your privates.
He looks to you, eyes wide as he takes you in. "You don't have to hide yourself from me."
Your breath doesn't steady. The feeling of his hands on your hips, his warmth on your skin nearly makes you ready to risk it all.
This is so wrong. But yet, something about this is so right.
His hands move to the top of your thighs, his thumbs trailing down between your legs.
You shoot your hands to grab his wrists, stopping him from going any further.
"Enough." You breathe. Tightening your grip on his wrists. You can't take it anymore.
He waits a moment, before following your command. He takes his time to remove his hands from underneath the towel, your skin growing cold when his touch is gone.
"All we have is time." He says, resting his elbows back on his knees while we continues to crouch in front of you. You can't look at him. You wouldn't even be able to look at yourself.
Embarrassment and a little shame rises in you. Angry at yourself for letting him do that. But he didn't force himself on you, you just gave in and allowed it. What's the matter with you?
As if sensing your shame and need for an interruption, you hear a faint knock on front door. You look up towards it from your bed, confusion as to who would be here at this hour. Maybe they're here for Kylo. But how would have they known to come here?
You stand from your position on the end of the bed in unison with Kylo. His face is also to the door, his form blocking your vision immediately, practically acting as a second wall between you and the door.
You hold the towel against your body. "Could you um—"
Your intention is clear, and Kylo is smart enough to understand. He makes way for the door, saving you from answering it in a towel.
The moment he leaves the bedroom, you exhale a breath you didn't know you were holding in. You feel lightheaded. You feel stupid, angry at yourself.
You quickly throw on the clothes that are folded on the bed, wincing again when you lift the shirt up over your head and walk out towards the door.
Two stormtroopers stand in the doorway, Kylo addressing them. You draw toward Kylo's side keeping your distance, looking toward the troopers.
"Everything okay?" You ask, to no one in particular.
"General Hux requests yours and the Commander's presence." One of the troopers says without hesitation.
You look up to Kylo, brows furrowed. He doesn't return a gaze. You look back towards the troopers.
"Is there a reason?" You ask, not caring to respect protocol - speaking without permission from your superior.
The trooper's helmet looks down to you. You can feel his consideration to tell you or not.
"The General says there was an attack tonight by an anonymous assailant," he straightens his back. "We believe it was an assassination attempt."
You shoot your gaze to Kylo, your eyes wide with shock. Kylo slowly turns his head to look at you. That can't be right. You say in your mind, opening up so he can hear. I killed the Lieutenant.
Confusion is evident on Kylo's face also. Maybe his accusation was incorrect. Maybe the Lieutenant wasn't the one wanting to get people killed. Who was the assassination attempt on?
The trooper clears his throat, his peer fixated between you and Kylo. "His request was argent. We should be going."
Kylo raises a hand in the troopers direction, silencing him. His hand is raised in his face but his eyes are still on you.
"I will escort Zero and myself promptly," he says deadpan. The troopers don't move. "That'll be all."
With a short pause, the stormtroopers soon make their way back down the corridor. Kylo takes a step forward, ready to exit your quarters.
The room fills with silence, while the two of you stand untalking.
Kylo slowly turns on his heel, looking down at you. You bravely meet his gaze, looking up to face since moments ago. You remember his hands on you, the warmth of him on your skin.
No. Don't think about it.
He looks you up and down, taking you in. He clears his throat about to say something before you interrupt him.
"Let's just go." You say before walking past him and out the door. You knew he would of said something about your moment or how he knew what he saw. The desire that matches his.
You walk down the corridor. Only a few seconds pass before you can hear his footsteps behind you.