I kick at the sand at my feet, holding onto the swing chain. I look up at the overcast sky. Great. Matches my mood completely. I can feel the uncertainty. Both in the clouds and myself.
I told my dad.
He responded weirdly. I don't know if it'd even count as a response. He looked at me for a few seconds, said, "really," and then headed up to his room. Ignored me for the next few hours. So I left to clear my mind.
I don't think it's working.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out, picking up.
"Hey, Ronnie," I sigh.
"Hey. You okay? You haven't responded to any of the Heathers' texts. Something wrong?" I swallow.
"Nothing huge," I say cautiously. "I just didn't really feel like talking to anyone today."
"Y/n."
"I'm fine." As I say this, I can feel that hot lump in my throat, the burn of my eyes as tears build up. I compose myself before talking more. "Promise."
"If something happened, you can tell me. I'll be here for you no matter what." I sigh.
"Meet me at the playground."
"Give me ten minutes." She promptly hangs up. I tuck away my phone, tilting my head back to keep the tears from rolling down my face. It's taking too long for her to get here. What am I doing? I'm just about to stand up when I hear the crunch of sand under shoes behind me.
"Hey, Ronnie."
"Hey." I don't look at her as she claims the swing beside mine. I anxiously rub my hands together. "What's up?"
"I, uh..." I swallow hard. "I came out to my dad."
"What did he say?" I close my eyes.
"He said 'really' and then went to be alone." I finally look at her. "What the hell does that even mean?" She purses her lips, reaching over and patting my arm.
"Y/n..." I leap to my feet.
"I mean, come on. It's me. I'm me. That's who I am. And he just..." I hear my voice quaver. I clench my fists and sit back down. "Shit..."
"I'm sorry, y/n." I shake my head.
"Don't. Don't be." She stands up, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around me. I bury my face in her shirt, quivering. "I just... I wanted him to know."
"I know you did."
"It wasn't supposed to happen like this. He would have accepted me wholeheartedly. Right?" She goes quiet for a bit, holding me close.
"Right." I hug her tighter. She gently runs a hand through my hair. "I'm so sorry..."
"Please don't say that."
"But I am, that's so horrible, y/n. I-" I stand up, looking at her.
"Please, Veronica." She looks down, then nods.
"Okay." I wipe at my face with a fist, taking a shaky breath.
"I don't know what to do." She rubs my back. I plop back down on the swing. "I'm scared to go back."
"Y/n..."
"I am. I don't know why. People have it worse than me. I know that, but..." I pause, collecting my thoughts. "I just don't want my dad to see me differently because of who I am."
"Yeah." I grip the chains on either side of me.
"God, this sucks." She gives me a gentle push, and I slowly swing back and forth. "Veronica."
"Yeah?"
"What are you doing?" She cracks a smile.
"Hoping to distract you." She heads behind me, giving me a harder push. I tighten my grip, caught off-guard.
"Veronica-"
"Hold on," she murmurs in my ear. She pulls the swing back, holding it and me up slightly before running and pushing along. I let out a surprised sound as she lets go, her gentle laughter ringing out. I put down my feet, skidding to a stop. I turn to look at her.
"You are a child." She smiles.
"You're smiling." I look away, dropping it. But damn, it's hard not to. Her energy is infectious. I stand. She suddenly wraps her arms around me from behind, burying her face in my shoulder.
"Ronnie...?"
"I really am sorry, y/n. I'm sorry you're scared. I'm sorry you have to feel this way just because you're you." I turn around, hugging her back.
"Thanks, Veronica, but... Please don't ever be sorry for it. You don't need to be. It's not your fault." She nods once.
"Tell me what you need me to do." I sigh softly.
"Just... Don't leave. That's enough for me." I can practically see her smile.
"I can do that." She pulls away. "Definitely." I smile a bit.
"Thank you."
"Of course." She grabs my hand. "Where do you wanna go?"
"I don't know."
"Okay. Bookstore." I scoff.
"Fucking nerd."
"Says you, dorkwad." She squeezes my hand, pulling me in the direction of her house. "Let's walk back to my house, then we can drive."
"Bit of a long walk, no?"
"No. Not really. Unless you're a wimp." I smile.
"Fine. It's a short walk."
"Now we're talking." We reach her house after a few minutes, and get into her car. She shoots me a smile. "You feeling better?"
"I don't know." She focuses on the road.
"That's okay, too." She reaches over and gently pats my arm. "You'll be okay, y/n. I promise." I nod.
"Alright." It's quiet in the car when my phone buzzes once more. I swallow, looking down at it.
It's my dad.
I close my eyes, bracing myself as I pick up.
"Hello?" I say cautiously. I hear silence. "... Dad?"
"I'm sorry, y/n." I feel my heart crack a bit.
"Sorry? F-For what?" He doesn't reply for a few seconds. My heart's about to shatter when I hear him take a deep breath.
"I'm sorry for my reaction."
"What?"
"I'm sorry." He pauses. "I know that was probably an important thing for you." I wait for him to say more. "I didn't mean to scare you like that."
"Dad, I..."
"I just need you to know I support you, okay?" I feel my lip tremble. "You're my only child, and I'll always love you, y/n. Don't ever forget it."
"Okay," I whisper.
"I love you, y/n." I close my eyes, feeling a tear roll down my face. I wipe it away.
"I love you, too." He laughs lightly.
"So maybe I should've been asking about the girls in your life as opposed to the boys." I feel my face flush.
"Please don't." I can see his smile.
"Where are you right now?"
"I'm with Veronica. We're heading to the bookstore."
"Just get home safe, okay?" I nod to myself, taking a shaky breath.
"I will." I pause. "Bye, dad."
"I'll see you later. We can talk more when you get home." He hangs up. I let my phone slowly drop from my ear, breathing out. I open my eyes, looking at Veronica. She meets my gaze.
"Well?" I smile after a few seconds. She slowly returns it.
"He's..." I pause. "He said he was sorry, and he loves and supports me." She grins, reaching over and taking my hand.
"I'm glad." I look down, interlocking our fingers. She looks over at our joined hands, then smiles, maybe more to herself, as she looks back to the road. I do the same.
"Me, too." She gently rubs circles onto the back of my hand with her thumb, causing my heart to flutter and my face to burn. I look out the window. She pulls into the parking lot, unlocking the doors. I still hold her hand. She looks over.
"Something wrong?" I swallow, then lean over and hug her. "Okay." She gently rubs my back. I slowly pull back, looking into her eyes for a beat too long. I tear my gaze away.
"Okay. Let's go."
My foot anxiously taps on the floor of the bus, my knee bouncing. It's been an hour. One more to go. I wonder if the other passengers are annoyed by my jittery nature. I pull out my phone, scrolling through my contacts. I open my texts to my dad.
"One hour, dad. Almost there."