I'd already known I was in big, big trouble the second Phoenix gave me a taste of his cooking abilities. But as I watched him twirl around the kitchen like a pro, seasoning and layering the lasagna before he then shoved it into the oven, I realized I was in way over my head.
Because the way he insisted I didn't lift a finger and kept pushing me away when I approached him to help, both warmed my heart and baffled the hell out of me. I wasn't used to anyone waiting on me hand and foot, but when Phoenix did it, he seemed to actually enjoy it.
Still, it was frustrating, and ended with me standing in his way most of the time. I'd lost count of the amount of times we ran into each other, with Phoenix muttering a silent curse every time our bodies collided. It was a dangerous but exhilarating dance, one that made me want more.
So much more.
The chime of my cell phone forced me to look away from the handsome racing driver, who was currently cleaning while waiting for the lasagna to finish. I unlocked my screen and smiled at the message Rafi had sent me.
Your dog is so weird.
A snort fled my lips when I noticed the picture he'd sent along with his message, causing Phoenix to glance over at me.
I waved him over with a laugh, showing him the image of Rimmy's snout being stuck inside a bag of potato chips, his head raised to the ceiling.
"Damn." Phoenix chuckled, his eyes glancing at the top of my screen. "He's with your brother?"
I typed out a quick reply to Rafi before sliding the phone back in my pocket, my eyes finding Phoenix's.
"Yeah. He takes him whenever he can and I need him to."
He nodded, his eyes still lingering on me. You could practically see the question dancing in his irises, a question he wasn't sure he had the right to ask.
"I didn't tell him where I was going," I answered his unspoken words. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he'd wanted to know.
"Why?" he asked.
I took a step toward him, reaching for his hand. A smile crept up my lips when he instantly closed the distance, letting our fingers intertwine without hesitation.
Truth be told, there were a ton of reasons for me to not tell Rafi about this. There was the fact that technically, I was Phoenix's boss. To add on to that, he wasn't just a rookie anymore now. He was a full-blown Formula 1 star, with cameras following him everywhere and groupies standing in line to meet him.
But the reason why I didn't tell anyone, not even Ames or Jas, about this date... was that I was scared shitless.
Phoenix scared me. And I don't mean in the frightening way, but in the way that he had a power over me that left me speechless and paralyzed. I didn't know yet how this evening would proceed, where our souls would end up by the end of the night.
All I'd known when I'd met my brother, was that I'd wanted this night to be just for us, without any disturbance of a worrying thought.
"Because this evening should be about us. If I'd told my brother about it, he would've riddled me with questions and demands and threats... and then he would've knocked on your door and do the same to you."
Phoenix nodded and squeezed my hand before he led it behind my back, forcing me to close the distance between us. His chest pressed against my own as he leaned in and smirked, though the way his lips twitched up told me there was more than just amusement in his actions. There was mischief, defiance, and a whole damn library of determination lingering in his voice when he whispered in my ear.
"Next time... let him come knock at my door. I've had ten years to find the answers he's looking for, and I don't mind sharing them."
My breath hitched as he leaned back slightly, not enough to give me a chance to breathe, but the space between us sufficed so he could shoot me a look that made me weak to the knees. The intensity in his eyes had always been uncanny — even more so now that he'd matured.
"Don't underestimate who I am and what I am prepared to do, Florence. I'll respect your pace but believe me when I say I won't let anything — and I mean, anything, change my course. Because right now, I like where we're headed."
I was dizzy by the time he shot me a wink and let go of me, allowing me a break from the tension.
It took a minute or two, a minute or two that Phoenix spent watching me, patiently waiting for a response.
"Well," my voice was barely audible by the time I found the right words, "let's hope we don't get into any turbulences on our way there."
I'd expected a grin, a chuckle, maybe a smirk as a reaction to my words. But I didn't expect the whole-hearted laugh that escaped Phoenix lips before he shook his head and leaned toward me and pressed a swift kiss on my cheek.
"Oh, Miss Nyx. We both know that's not possible. After all, you can't forget... You are the daughter of Chaos, the goddess of the night. If anyone is drawn to the storm, it's you."
***
"Alright, we're done." Phoenix grinned as he pulled the lasagna out of the oven, filling the entire kitchen with a heavenly smell. He cut two slices and put them each on a plate before he walked over to the wall, where he opened a tiny metal door that was at eye level to him.
I cocked my head to the side when he put the plates inside and pressed a button on the wall next to it before he made his way back to me.
"What's that?" I asked, but Phoenix responded with a wink.
"Follow me." He grabbed my hand, led me out of the kitchen, and flicked on another light that illuminated a spiral staircase at the corner of the restaurant.
I walked behind him, once again trying hard not to stare at the way his body moved as he guided me up the stairs and opened the door to the rooftop. The warm summer night air made me inhale deeply, and I allowed the oxygen to wake me up while I glanced around the area. It was a rather small but comfortable space, with sofas, hammocks, and seat cushions on the ground.
Phoenix led me to the grey hammock without a word. I took a seat, watching him rush around the rooftop as he lit a few large candles before he approached a small door on the wall. He opened it and pulled out the two plates he had put in the wall earlier.
Hah. So that's where they went.
I couldn't help but laugh as he walked up to me, arm stretched out like he was a fancy waiter.
"Your dinner, Miss Nyx."
"Thank you." I chuckled, taking the plate from him. "This is... um... pretty." My gaze wandered to the edge of the rooftop, where the twinkling lights of the small town of Spielberg reminded me just how on our own we were up here, in the middle of the woods. It was Phoenix's definition of romance; just the two of us, watching the night sky.
"I'm glad you like it," he said, sitting down next to me. The hammock swung with his movement and we ended up sitting closely to each other, his left side pressed against my right. He cleared his throat before nodding to my left, where I found a small fridge attached to the wall. "There's water in there, as well as champagne and OJ. In case you're in the mood for mimosas..."
My laugh resounded through the open area, and I shook my head while nudging his shoulder, the memory of that day slowly creeping into my mind. "Shut up."
"I will now." He grinned. "'Cause I'm starving..."
And just like that, we started our dinner. It was too damn easy to lose myself in this heavenly lasagna, every bite somehow tasting better than the last. We sat in comfortable silence, sipping water and eating the food he so perfectly cooked for us.
Phoenix even took care of the dishes once we'd finished our meal, placing them into the weird elevator thing in the wall before he joined me back in the hammock, our legs dangling off the large end. He was just about to lie down when his jeans started vibrating, the feeling making me lean back so he could reach for his phone.
I didn't like the frown that appeared on his lips as he glanced at the screen, and when I followed his gaze to read the caller I.D., I furrowed my brows in confusion. "Why don't you answer?"
He looked at me for a quick second, then silenced the call. "It's not a conversation I want to have right now."
"Why? I bet she saw the race. She probably wants to tell you how proud she is of you."
His chuckle was deep but humorless, and this time I was the one frowning, not understanding what was going through his mind. It bothered me; I wanted to know more about him, about how his mind worked, and what happened in his life.
"Pretty sure that's not the case, Flo."
"What isn't? That your mom is proud of you?"
Phoenix shrugged before leaning back on the hammock, forcing me to lie down with him so I could see his face properly. The faint candlelight gave him a celestial shine, and I had a hard time looking away from him when he turned to face me, his green eyes strikingly beautiful in this glow.
"I mean, I'm pretty sure that's not why she's calling." He finally admitted, his hand reaching out to me.
"Then why is she calling?" I asked, knowing I was walking on very thin ice. This didn't seem like a topic he wanted to dig deeper into, especially not today.
"I really don't want to talk about that..." He sighed while watching his fingers move across my cheek, brushing short strands of hair behind my ear. The way his eyes followed the movement warmed my heart, and I found myself mirroring the action, my thumb now brushing over his stubbly jaw. His gaze found my own, and I could practically see the storm brewing in his emerald irises as he exhaled once more. "But I'm not twenty anymore, and I'm so tired of keeping secrets. It's exhausting and fucks with my morale."
I couldn't help but smile at his admission. Once again, Phoenix proved he had changed by miles.
"I get that."
"Figured," he responded with a smirk, one hand still resting in my hair. His eyes searched my own for a long moment, almost as if he was asking himself for permission to tell me whatever was going through his head. "My mother and Sebastian Williams are getting married," he finally said, sighing deeply. "I've been trying to get her away from that guy for the past decade, and just when I think I got her to the point where she'd leave him... She sends me a text. A fucking text. Telling me about the wedding this summer." His fingers trembled as they left my hair before he turned around, facing the evening sky with a grimace. "I haven't spoken to her since. I really don't want to."
I swallowed hard, trying to find the right words. There wasn't anything I could tell him that would make him feel better, and so I simply reached for his hand, giving it a tight squeeze.
"I'm sorry..." There wasn't much else I could say. The mere thought of having that rat as my stepfather made my skin crawl, and with his and Phoenix's history, I could only imagine what he felt like at this moment.
The only thing that made little sense to me was why they would be getting married now, when they'd already been together for a decade. It seemed off, but then again, people could get married whenever they wanted. It wasn't my business to ask those questions.
"It's no one's fault but her own." His statement was harsh, frustration lingering in his voice. "I don't know why she's doing this. I tried to ignore him for the past ten years, but now she even wants to take his last name and I just... It bothers me."
Again, I didn't know what to say to him. But it didn't seem like he needed me to, either, his gaze suddenly finding my own as he turned to look at me. "I don't want to get into this now, though. I just figured you should know, because, well... Secrets didn't work that well for us in the past, and I've learned a thing or two since then."
I nodded, smiling softly. "Thank you for trusting me," I whispered, inching closer to him. There was barely any space left between us, but somehow, it still felt like too much. "I'm here if you want to talk about it. And I'll listen, too. I've learned a thing or two as well, you know..."
"Good to know." The smile on his lips made my heart stop, and I had to force myself to keep breathing when he added, "I'll get back to that. Not tonight, though. I got other plans for tonight."
"And what are those plans?"
His grin broadened as he captured my chin with his thumb and index, angling me so I would look right into his eyes. "Tonight, I want you to tell me about yourself. We've lost ten years somewhere between my stupid decisions and your success. I want them back."
I couldn't help but grin at his determination, the fire in his eyes reignited and aimed right at me. "Well, what do you want to know?"
I'd expected him to ask about my career, maybe my family, and even my friends... But damn, I hadn't expected him to be so thorough. Phoenix had a ton of questions, and while I always knew Phoenix was better at listening than he was at talking himself, I definitely underestimated just how great of a listener he was.
For the next few hours, he asked about every aspect of my life, and I practically felt the way his eyes were glued to my lips when I responded elaborately every time. He asked about Rimmy, how I survived with Rafi as a brother, and even why I cut my hair the way I had it at that moment.
"Because it's convenient," I said with a laugh, totally ignoring that some strands kept falling into my face and how Phoenix stopped my heart every time he brushed them back to where they belonged. "Are you done asking questions now? I have some, too, you know." I averted the attention from me, genuinely curious about Phoenix's life.
The sky had darkened by now, leaving us under the calm glow of the stars and the moon. When I looked at Phoenix in this celestial light, I realized that while many things had changed about him, one thing definitely hadn't. He still belonged to the night like the moth to the moon.
"I still have about a thousand," he retorted, smirking. "But go ahead."
His hand found my own, and he played with my fingers, twirling them around, tightening his grasp and then loosening it, all while listening to my questions. "What made you go sign with Azure Racing this season?" was one of them, to which Phoenix responded with a bright smile.
"You."
My eyes widened, but Phoenix was nonchalant as ever, his shrug almost comical in this conversation.
"Well, I mean... Michael had asked me to join the team. I was skeptical, even though I really didn't have a different seat at the time." His eyes stayed focused on our intertwined hands, watching how he pressed our palms together. He let his fingertips create a path across my wrist and up my arm, his gaze intently following the movement. "I was shattered. That Silverstone accident two seasons ago crushed me, and after all the physical therapy Idir had put me through, I just... I don't know. I was demotivated. It felt like I lost my purpose for this sport, you know? I looked in the mirror and didn't know who I was anymore. I mean, really, who was I, if not a Formula 1 driver?" He chuckled deeply, not once looking up at me as he continued to retell his experience. "So when I couldn't drive that year, I became someone else. No idea who that guy was, but it surely wasn't me."
I blinked a few times, trying to get rid of the tears that welled from hearing his story. I'd figured it hadn't been easy for him, but never thought it'd been that bad. Part of me regretted not being there for him during that time, even though rationally, I knew it wasn't anyone's fault.
"But when Michael called and offered the seat, I felt like someone must be playing tricks on me. It didn't fit the narrative, you know." He shook his head, almost as if he was still not believing what'd happened all those months ago. "Idir did his job, though. He convinced me to give it a shot, and ultimately, we went to the Azure headquarters. That's when I saw you."
His gaze found mine now, the faint moonlight reflecting in his dark irises. I wanted to trace the outline of his smile as it tugged at the edge of his lips, but instead squeezed his hand, silently urging him to continue.
And of course, Phoenix understood.
"Well, I mean, I heard you first. Didn't even see you properly... But that didn't matter. I just knew you were there. And I could feel it, Flo. I could feel why I should get that seat. It was nature's weird way of giving me a second chance, and it didn't matter how that happened. What mattered was that you were a part of it." Determination lingered in his voice, and I swallowed hard when he palmed my cheek, his thumb brushing over my chin. "My career would not have progressed the way it did if it weren't for you. I hope you know that."
My heart felt heavy from the weight of his words, but the light in his eyes told me he was serious about all of it, about every syllable that'd fled his lips. "It was your work that got you here, Phoenix."
"Yeah, but..." He shook his head, his brows furrowed before he ran a thumb across my cheek. "You don't understand. I mean, fuck, I don't understand it either. I just know that I have never been this determined to win this damn championship."
"It's because you'll get it," I said. "I just know you'll be champion by the end of the year."
He studied me for a long moment, the smile on his lips broadening in the most beautiful of ways.
"That's why," he said, his thumb running across my bottom lip. "That's why I want to win. Because you're not lying when you say that. You believe yourself when you tell me I can achieve those things."
"I believe in you. That's how I know it'll happen."
The spark in his eyes jumpstarted my entire body, sending an electric chill down my spine that made my breath hitch. "Hmh..." He chuckled quietly as his gaze flicked to my lips. "I told you not to do that."
"What?"
Phoenix propped himself up on one elbow, protecting me from the moonlight when he glanced down at me. My hand moved with him and stayed on his chest, where his heart hammered violently against my fingers. "I told you not to say things that make me want to kiss you," he whispered. "I don't want to break my promise."
My heart mimicked the rhythm it felt in his own, picking up its beat until it was violently hammering against my ribcage. My fingertips felt electric as I reached out for his face, letting them brush along his cheek.
"You know, one thing I learned in the past years is that sometimes, just sometimes... Promises are made to be broken."
The smirk on his lips broadened as he nodded slowly, dark hair falling into his face. "I said I wouldn't kiss you until the night is over. But it's almost over, anyway, right?"
I grinned. "Well, I hope not, but we can pretend like it is."
"In that case..." He lowered himself so we're mere inches apart, his smirking lips ghosting over my own as he whispered, "I'm going to kiss you now, if that's alright with you."
I nodded. "That's more than—" My response was cut short by his lips finding my own, engulfing me in the warmest and most exhilarating kiss we'd ever shared. My heart soared as I bathed in the familiarity of his touch, our fire reigniting with every second that passed. I didn't even try to control myself as my hands roamed over his back, pushing him closer to me, diminishing the useless distance between us.
He deepened the kiss with his hand deeply buried in my hair, asserting control while he angled my head so that our tongues could dance perfectly. I didn't bother hiding my moans, and he didn't stop attacking my senses in the most dangerous way possible. I always thought I'd experienced every kiss there was; the explosive type, the soft and comfortable type, the one that made you breathless...
But nothing would ever compare to this. Nothing would ever feel like kissing Phoenix McCoy.
Because it felt like coming home, like our bodies instantly found themselves within each other the longer we touched. We were in a heated frenzy, sharing a kiss that was nothing like anything I could've ever dreamed of. It was hot, rough, deep, but also soft, caring, and so damn emotional that my head spun.
Phoenix didn't just give me this kiss — he made sure he knew who I was, made sure I could trust him, before he took that step. The mere thought of him planning this all so faultlessly made me breathless almost as much as his lips did.
I thought I would've needed to come up for air, but the stars must've aligned perfectly tonight, allowing us to just lose ourselves for a moment. The moment stretched into what felt like hours, and still, when Phoenix pulled back, it felt like it wasn't long enough.
"Fuck... I missed you." He caged me in and stared me down, intently watching how I took deep, heavy breaths. There was no way I could calm the storm in my chest, but part of me didn't even want to.
"I missed you too."
Phoenix's lips twitched into a smile that was so damn kissable, I felt myself inching closer to him again. He didn't hesitate; he simply kissed me again, short and rough.
Being kissed like that should be illegal. He was the worst drug out there, no doubt.
By the time we came back up for air, his dark hair was all over the place, and the storm in his irises had evolved into a hurricane that I just knew would turn my life upside down.
I didn't mind, though.
Truth be told, I was just waiting for it. There was something about being with a man like Phoenix that was addicting, even if dangerously so.
And the longer we looked at each other at that moment, the more I knew, no matter how much I'd tried to deny it in the past...
I was still in love with Phoenix McCoy.
Because, as we all knew, irrevocable love was just that.
Unrectifiable.
Once it existed, there was no going back.
Author's Note
Hey, folks!
Well, here it is. I know you've been waiting for this one. Damn, I mean, I have been waiting for this one, too. :D Can't wait for the next chapters now. The rollercoaster is going up up up!
Take care of yourselves!
Lots of love as always.
xx Jane
P.S.: Happy Birthday, @whoreformarvelmen_ <3 I just finished editing before I'm going to bed haha!
Good night, y'all.