Judged, beaten, invisible to them, not knowing how much I've been feeling. What is wrong with my relationship with Benjamin? Why are they against my happiness with him? How come Benjamin is the only person in my life that truly read me and knows what I have been going through in my life. My family deserves my reaction back there.
Here I am in my old room; filled with memories, hurt and betrayed, but above all fed up with the nonsense that my family carried. I keep wondering if my mom, Crimson, would accept Benjamin for my happiness and understand how much I love him? I really don't know... her words never really awakened me most of the times I shared with my own happiness before him.
I remember reading her diary from a few weeks ago, it mentioned how she met my dad in one of her classes. She was hopelessly in love with him and then he changed. Would my mom warn me too about the information about Benjamin? What would she say to Edward when I told her the truth about what happened in my past?
I hate sleeping in my room alone, it gives me chills and flashbacks of nightmares. But Benjamin here, beside me, is the only thing I want from him. We haven't spoken since my announcement, I keep wondering what he's actually thinking behind me, wrapping his arms around me as I look at old picture frames when I was young. Small me smiling, dressed in colorful dresses, and me playing with my siblings, specifically Leo and Della. Patrick was a full-on teenager at one point. My family in frames are not the same in the present...
I couldn't help but wonder if Benjamin is sleeping or not. As I look up at the ceiling, while he is beside me. "Are you awake?"
"Yes." I turn to face him, with his black-brown eyes looking straight at my simple brown eyes. "Are you ok?"
I shrug helplessly, "I don't know, Benjamin. I really thought that my family would support me. It's clear that they're not moving on."
"It's because of me, Lia... I told you that you cannot choose me over your family, you said it took a long time to accept you into the family. But the way Leo and Patrick treated you at the table, it's not right. I wish I could've defended you, but I saw your emotions and I knew if I say one word, they'll get back at me."
"It's ok, Benjamin... You're right, about my family. I'm not sure whether they're accepting me as part of their family or not... 'The adopted one', I fucking hate when my brothers called me that. Do I need to be reminded of that? No."
Benjamin smiles softly and caresses my hair behind my ear. "Do they know that, Dahlia? You need to speak up, not for me, not for your family, not for Crimson. But for yourself..." I smile at Benjamin's words and I come to him and lay my head on his chest to listen to his beating heart as I drove myself to sleep.
The sun shines through the window, smearing on Benjamin's sleeping face. I look at the clock and see it is 9:30 in the morning. I begin to hear the silence in the house, leaving me knowing that everyone in the house is sleeping. I get ready for a day of me letting my natural, wavy hair down and getting dressed for the day. I'm wearing a simple gray turtleneck with gray sweatpants along with black sneakers with a brown trench coat.
I kiss Benjamin's head while he's sleeping and leave him a note that says "Thank you for your advice. I'm heading out to speak up for myself. I'll be back soon. Love you." I head out to the door and drive to the location I never considered Edward and Marsha's house. If I need to speak up for myself, I gotta do something worse than my family. I need to talk to the monster, Edward.
I don't even know what the fuck am I doing... but I'm doing it. I ring the doorbell and revealed Marsha in her usual elegant, formal wear for her office. She is shocked to see me here. "Dahlia! What a surprise!"
I smile at her, but at the same time, I feel sorry for her. But I continue with my plan, "Is Dad here? I would like to speak to him." Marsha widen her eyes and let me come in.
"I'll tell Edward you're here. Make yourself at home."
Once she left me I make myself at home in the backyard. Their backyard is wider. It Is wider than my house. I remember me reading the book rather than talking to Cali, not being friends with her. I was so terrified, counting the minutes until the curfew ended. I forget the chills in my arms and stand up before me as the calming breeze blows my fears away. "Well, this is unexpected..." I turn to the person and indeed it is Edward. With usual smug face with his smile.
"Well I thought by coming here, I would either get burned or hang from the branch of your tree." Edward laughs at my sore joke, an instant flashback of him laughing while I'm crying. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "I would like to inform you that I would like my family to come to my home for Christmas if it won't change your plans of visiting them."
"Not at all, Dahlia. I think it is suitable for fathers to spend the holidays with their family..."
"Like last year?" I distinctly remember my family choosing not to visit him after the news of his affair and how my mother was heartbroken. Nothing more heartbroken when she found out that Leo kept his secret for his father. "What I "unexpectedly" came here is that I have news to share." Edward nods, awaiting my news, while his hands are in his pockets. They should be... "I am engaged with Benjamin."
Edward gives me an unreadable reaction and bluntly responds, "Well it's obvious why he wants to marry you." My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and curious what excuse for him to infer my relationship with Benjamin. "For your money."
I laugh helplessly while I'm snorting at the irony here. "Wow...That's a better response I expect from you. Good for you! Congratulations! Keep up the good work!"
"This isn't funny, Dahlia."
"It is for me... Look, I wanna share this news with you before anyone tells you the worst, then I'm leaving here. According to my plan. No fights or arguments."
"Why you said yes, that's a bit I can't fathom." I scoff at his remark. "Remind me, is it three or four months since the divorce came through? Quite convenient." I look at him, why is he doing this to me? How dare he, using Mom in this conversion. "Well, let me see the ring then."
I cross my arms, not giving him my power with his childish manners. "Come on, don't be shy. I'm sure it's quite a rock he got you. I spent three months' salary on your mother's and you, my dear, are far greater. I know Benjamin's basically still in school, but for occasions like this, I'm sure he pushed the boat out."
"You really are a bastard."
"Say the woman who is marrying one for your finances..." He grabs my left hand, harshly, out of my crossed arms. He laugh, "Poor you, Dahlia... what a cheapskate rock you have, you should be embarrassed by his choice for you."
I pull my hand away from him, "As I said according to my plan, I didn't ask for your blessing. I want to inform you. Which I've done, I'm gonna go."
I begin to walk away, but he stops me. "I'm trying to help you, Dahlia, believe it or not as your father. You spend hard work on your career and your lifestyle with your money. I just don't want you to make the wrong choice."
I widen my eyes and turn to him, "Like you compel me to!?!"
"Ah! There it is. What this is really all about. You getting revenge on me."
I laugh sarcastically, "Are you kidding me?!?"
"It would be a lot easier and a lot cheaper if you'd just admit, you're still thinking about it. About us. Let me ask you this, Dahlia, do you think of me while you're fucking Benjamin?"
My eyes were close to tears of anger and disgust, many emotions comes over me. I shouldn't come here, meeting with him makes it worse. But now I realized, I'm not gonna let him win.
I walk toward him, face to face, "Edward, you remember how we both were? Thrilling, full of passion and desire for you. You welcomed me in any hazes you taught me. Me as your service, give you the pleasure you needed. Like nothing else matters. Keeping a secret just the two of us?"
Edward smiles softly, refreshing his memories, eyes full of possessiveness, and sighs, "I remember."
Eyes full of seriousness with tears of anger, "If I had known from that moment what was coming and who you really were, I would never obey in every fiber of my being, you fucking pedophile. Don't you think for one second that this has anything to do with you."
I turn away from him and walk away, "Where shall I send the flowers to? On second thoughts, I'll hold off. Cause you and I both know you'll never go through with it!"
"Oh, yeah? Watch me!" I give him a flip. Walking to the backdoor, going to my car with anger. I don't regret my words to Edward. I'm done with this. I'm done with this bullshit. I'm done being quiet. I'm done letting anyone take advantage of me.
I drive through the roads by my sanctuary, thinking about my mom. I remember my mom got hits from Edward. Multiple times. There was one time she told me the story of what happened; one night when Edward was hitting Mom. She decided to leave with her children, Patrick, Della, and Leo who was one year old. She packed everything with her clothes, her children's clothes, and made plans where to go. The one thing she stopped is how Edward almost commit suicide. He had a drinking problem and he tried to kill himself in his car, poisoning himself with gas. My mom saved him and took him to the hospital. She carries on the abuse in her life for her children. Her children came first.
I remember Mom telling me that story when I was writing my first novel. I was shocked and felt pity for Mom. She is still carrying that guilt. She told me that she wished she left, but she didn't because of Edward. Edward. Edward. God, he is truly a monster for all of us. Mom, Patrick, Della, Leo, and me. I'm not letting him win. As Benjamin said, I'm going to speak up. Loudly.
Blasting the horn, so loud, I couldn't care about Mom's neighborhood. Shutting my eyes, letting myself restrain myself, waiting for my family to come out. I keep honking loudly and not letting go. Patrick, Eimear, Della, Mom, Leo, and Benjamin come out urgently.
Patrick stopping me, "Dahlia! LIA!!! DAHLIA!!! Stop!! Stop!!"
"Fuck, Lia! I was asleep!" says Leo.
"Is everything all right, Dahlia?" says Mom.
I get out of my car and walk to my family full of anger and so ready to speak up. "I need you all to hear me."
"With the neighbors too?!?" Patrick turns to Eimear, "Give us space, go back inside."
"No! Eimear is part of our family. She has a right to be here, Patrick! You know better!" Patrick looks at me in shock and Eimear is secretly smiling at me.
I take a deep breath and announce to my family, including Benjamin, "Last night, I don't regret anything because I reacted the way everyone treated me. Us. Benjamin and I didn't do anything wrong. We're in love, however disgusted or absurd you might all find that. It's the 21st century, it's time to live in the present by the fact we're getting married-"
Leo interrupts me, "Yeah, sis, we get the memo."
"LEONARDO DAY, DON'T INTERRUPT ME!" I look at him harshly, while his face is scared and shocked by my comeback. "Benjamin makes me happy. That is all I needed for my life besides you. Every day in my orphanage life, I have been longing for a family who accepts me. It's clear that you do not. I may be your 'adopted sister', which is the term I hated in the past 10 years. That is not all I am. I listened to your concerns in your lives. I went to every event you want me to support. I give you all advice to achieve in your lives. I love each one of you, even in bad circumstances. That is what is called being a sister. I am your sister.'
"In the past 10 years of my life, I felt invisible by you making me feel the 'other one' by the color of my skin. By the accent, I'm talking to you. By the way, I am 22 years old, living in a career I'm passionate about. I'm done letting anyone change for who I am. I'm done being quiet. I'm done letting you take advantage of my choices. I'm done with the bullshit of being in a relationship with Benjamin. Benjamin loves me for who I am, and I love him for who he is.'
Benjamin smiling softly in the corner of my eye, "We're getting married soon. The one I dreamed about for years. Your support would be lovely. After the eventful dinner, I would be glad to be kicked out of my childhood home. I'm letting each one of you understand what I am feeling. All I want from each of you is to accept me as your sister and give me the love I've been longing for. But in the absence of that, I ask you for one last time about the bullshit. Please keep your mouths shut."
My family goes silent looking down, while my mom's eyes are full of tears. Eimear smiles softly at me, and I give her a nod. I walk to Benjamin and hold his hand, both of us enter the house without looking back.
As Benjamin and I are packing up to leave the house, my sister, Della enters the room. Benjamin excuses himself to leave, waiting for me to come in the car. "Sis..."
"Look whatever you're going to say, out with it." I zip my suitcase and look at my sister sadly.
"That was seriously cool!"
"Really? It didn't feel like it..."
"Pure She-ra!" I laugh softly at my sister's comment. I remember we watched that anime series when we were young before the reboot. Della looks at me, seriously, "Listen, Dahlia. I didn't know how much of an outsider you were... I mean I noticed every time our stupid brothers called you, adopted sister, you look down. Especially last night, I felt guilty for not comforting you after the reaction from our family. You are always my sister, Dahlia. I love you."
My eyes are filled with tears and I walk to my short, petite sister and hug her. Tightly. She hugs me back while my chin is on her head. "I hate how tall you are, that's what I don't love about you." I laugh heartily at my comedian and look at Della. "I should have congratulated and hugged you last night, but I didn't. Cause I'm so supremely shit at a commitment of any kind. I can't see past myself, so I am sorry. I lied to you about me and Emily. I told her that I wanted a time out after our fight, but she couldn't take it anymore. She thought it was a break-up, so I fucked up. I know you're the captain of the ship, but seeing how you are with Benjamin... So I just came here to say congratulations!"
"Della, it's ok. Benjamin and I aren't perfect as you can see clearly. I love him and he loves me. That's all it matters. What matters about you and Emily is that you both love each other. So fight for her, Della, and get her back when you can. Just be there for her and know that love is hard. Some days it'll come at you and Emily, but all you have to do is fight for her. Call her and talk to her, give her an understanding. I love you too, sis." Della smiles softly at me and gives me one last hug before I depart with Benjamin.
When we arrive at our home, Benjamin hugs me tightly. I close my eyes to feel his warmth. "I'm proud of you, Lia."
"Thank you... for everything. I mean it."
I feel him smiling at the back of my head, "I know." He pulls away from our hug and looks at me, lovingly and passionately. "So what is your dream wedding? What you've been wanting for years."
"Well... first I have to write and you need to study. Secondly, what I want for my wedding is to marry the right person, and that is you. In autumn." He smiles at me and kisses me softly. He brought our bags in our bedroom while I was deleting my first draft of the sequel. Before I begin to write, I hold my mom's necklace to tell her that I love her and give her my thanks for being here with me. In my heart and in my writing hands.
From that moment on, I began to write. Mia finds her light, as she finds her light. Her mother, and more importantly, her name.