I WOKE UP 5 minutes ago but all I've done so far is stare at myself in the mirror across from my bed. The bags under my eyes are very prominent because I stayed up a majority of the night trying to get Rafe's words out of my head. I don't need my first day of eleventh grade to be terrible, I really don't. He might just hate me because I'm me and he's him. Two different people with very different reasons for being so angry.
The group chat is binging every two seconds giving me a headache so I just silence my phone while I force myself out of bed. Rafe graduated last year so I don't have to deal with his glares and slick remarks that he thinks are whispers. Topper and Kelce are still there though, they'll probably report back to him.
Eventually I get dressed and ready, head downstairs and say good morning to everyone. They all talk like I'm on egg shells or a mental break, again. "What?" They all sip their coffee and pretend everything is fine. "I know you heard the fight." I look at all of them. Their act is given up.
My mom is the first to say something,"I'm sorry. I didn't know he'd go to such extremes—in front of us."
I prop my elbow on hand and leaned against the counter,"Not like you stopped him." She never does, she barely defended me even when my dad was in my life. She claimed she did but I never believed her. I grew up learning to defend myself when no one else would.
My mom rolls her eyes,"I can't just curse Rafe out in front of Ward."
"You can—you're choosing not to." She makes a pissed off look at me while the boys give me warning glares. It makes me want to laugh because I know they agree with me.
I feel multiple vibrations in my pocket so I take my phone out and see JJ calling me.
"You're up for school?" I smile even though he can't see me.
"John B woke my ass up. We're down the road. Be quick dumbass."
I scoff and hang up. I go over to my mom, give her a kiss on the cheek, tell the boys bye and swiftly go out and wait for the van to pull up abruptly.
My stomach keeps dropping at the thought of entering the school. It's not that I hate school, I actually like it. It's just some of the people in it and their egos. Of course there are people I'm friends with outside of the Pogues but we made it so we had a lot of classes together. I even told the principal that I had to switch lunch periods because who 'bullied me was in it.'
No one that did is in it. I just wanted to be with the group.
Suddenly, I hear van tires turning the corner and see the infamous Twinkie with its infamous driver, John B. They pull up and Kie swings the door open. I walk over to them,"You guys ready? We're old." I pout. "No, it's a scholarship year." Pope groans. "You're smart, you'll be fine."
"Get in the paddy wagon,"JJ grabs my wrist and drags me into the van. My heavy backpack makes me stumble and hit the ground of the van making all of them laugh. "JJ you ass!" I adjust myself and slap JJ on the arm.
"Ow!" He smacks me back so I curse at him and smack him which causes a slap war between us.
"Stop! You're children." Kie yells at us even though she was smiling.
"Guys, make me accidentally crash the van so we don't have to go to school." JB looks really tired in the mirror which is weird because he cares about school and getting the sleep to pay attention. I hope there wasn't another argument with his dad.
JJ did sleepover though, maybe something happened because JJ is pretty awake which only happens when he stays up late and his body tries to make up for the energy. "You like history, just think about that."
"I love it but my dad has been like extra—stuck in the Royal Merchant. It's getting scary." John B has concern all over his face from what I could see in the mirror. So, I was right. An argument broke out.
"Maybe Big John actually has a lead. Maybe we will be rich John B. Don't doubt him!" JJ tries to reassure him but I don't think it works that well. "If you guys get rich can you buy me a Corvette?" I lean over the driver's seat in John B's face but not blocking his view. "A Corvette? Can you even drive a stick?" John B laughs in my face at his own question. I couldn't but I would learn for one...
I frown,"No."
"I could probably drive stick." JB and I look at Pope.
"You can barely drive manual." Pope just got his permit and I hate when he drives. He gets so scared making us all scared. Pope frowns and slumps in his seat. I see the school down the road and kids and freshman getting their brave faces on.
Some with Gucci book bags making me want to roll my eyes. I feel hands on the back of my thighs and then I'm pulled into JJ's lap with a gasp. He looks good—No, no. Shut up Sam.
"What the fuck, J?" I try to get up from his lap but he holds me down making me look at Kie who is just as confused as I am. JJ flips his hat backwards and stares at me,"Promise you won't talk to your wonderful ex?"
Okay, as per usual JJ is treating me like a child. My fist no longer hurts but it still stings when I think of Adrien and my fist making him bleed. I want to apologize but I also don't want prove Adrien right.
That I am crazy and that I always come back.
Plus, I don't want to deal with JJ being disappointed in me again like the other night. "Do you think you should wear a glove? To hide your fist?" Kie points at my fist that hold less severe bruises than before but still hurts to touch. "The glove would raise more questions don't you think?"
Kie sighs in agreement,"Yeah. Just stuff it in your pocket."
I raise my hand up and shove it in my pocket. John B finally finds a parking spot amongst the Porsches and freshman kids that definitely don't even have a permit but drive to school. I slide the door open and Kie, JJ and I hop out. I look around subconsciously looking for Adrien's car. The pimped out car is nowhere to be found. I mentally curse at myself for even looking.
"God, the amount of freshies is scary. Fuckers need to stop having kids." JJ says as we walk altogether to the school. I feel eyes on me. Judging eyes.
I turned to my right and of course I see Amelia, Elaine, Ava AND Adrien. I squint towards Adrien and see his face bruised and cut but he doesn't have a black eye so I guess I didn't beat him too hard.
My hand starts throbbing in my pocket which causes me to wince. "Triple A and druggie staring at us." JJ and I stare right back at them. Adrien has his arm around Amelia and they send evil looking smiles at us. Ava isn't paying attention and neither is Elaine. Ava and Elaine always let Amelia boss them around. She loves power and I'm convinced that's the only reason she let Adrien fuck with her. I doubt she genuinely likes him, she doesn't like anyone but herself and her dead dad.
The doors are open to the school as some stand in the halls but most are outside. "I want to go home already." Kie groans as our feet hit the tile floor. I don't even remember where my locker is if I'm being honest. It felt so forgein to be here even if this is my third year here. This whole summer felt like a different life in itself. I hope next summer isn't as traumatic.
Moving into my mom's best friends house to get away from Weston—my dad—was a thing in itself that I don't think I'll ever be used to. Moving from a small two bedroom house to one with five bedrooms and a pool was quite the difference. Then the whole Adrien thing and Amelia and everything else.
"Guys, what if we all went to college together?" My back hits a locker as I look at them. "Wait, someone besides Pope is going to college? I thought we wanted a t-shirt company." JJ acts confused.
"I don't think I need a college degree to be a fisherman Sam." John B adjusts his bag and matches JJ's facial expression. "Hello? I'm right here." Kie waves her hand around. "You don't need college Kie, you're a trust fund baby." Kie rolls her eyes at me,"I still want a job. Like a proper one. I can't work at the diner my whole life."
"You could because when your parents die you'd get a bigger chunk because you worked so hard your whole life there." Pope states matter of factly. We all give him a look,"Pope."
"Sorry."
The bell rings and because we made it so most of our basic classes are together we got a head start together to avoid the confused freshman. "Do you think that hot teacher is still here?" JJ asks and the sad part is I know exactly who he is talking about. "Dena? You're sixteen, JJ. Give it up." We're the first in the class, taking our seats right by each other. JJ shrugs,"So? I'm good looking, I'd like to think. You think I'm good lookin' sunshine?" JJ throws his bag on the seat in front of me to block the dude who tries to sit in it.
His question makes me roll my eyes and I feel the heat on my cheeks but he always asks stupid questions like this. Why was everything he's doing lately making me feel this way? I refuse to gain feelings for him. I need someone else, fast. "You look like a clam," I smile at JJ. He laughs at me,"A sexy clam!" He shouts which makes us all shush him but I'm still giggling as we did. "Just because the girl is breathing doesn't mean she's into you JJ." John B tells him.
Just as JJ is about to retaliate, Adrien walks through the door. My stomach drops.
"Oh, shit," Kie whispers.
"Hey, he's going to sit with his asshole friends. Don't worry."JB tries to reassure me and I really wish it worked. "He's bruised from you. He won't do anything in school." JJ is also trying to reassure me in the best way he can. "Why don't we report him for dealing?" Pope ask.
"Because he'd rat out his buyers and some of your friends are ex buyers." I tell Pope who just shrugs his shoulders.
Eventually, the teacher walks in and starts blabbering about his summer and asking about ours. Doodles fill my notebook paper as we got the basic back to school introduction. JJ and John B keep giggling as Kie and Pope tell them to shut up. I'm trying to keep my head down because of Adrien and his friends. The thought of them being three rows over makes me sick.
A knock on the door makes everyone shut up and me look up. My teacher walks over and in walks—a really pretty boy. Blue eyes and dark hair that combines so well I choke up for a second. "New student?" JJ leans over to me. "Yeah. I haven't seen him, I'd remember him" I look at JJ who gags at my words. I swear I see a hint of jealousy in his eyes. Something I've only seen when he was with Lily.
"Introduce yourself!" The teacher smiles.
The boy seems shy so he needs some encouragement.
"I am Dean." He keeps going back and forth in his heels. His shyness makes him cute in a way. "You don't have a last name?" Adrien obnoxiously shouts to Dean.
"Uh—Bark. Dean Bark."
"Like a dog?" Adrien asks. I send a glare his way and he catches it. He smirks at me making me send an even more intense glare. It doesn't affect him at all though. "Adrien, be quiet. Dean, you can pick any seat."
He looks around and weighs his options. I look at the chair in front of me and pick up JJ's bag and pass it to him. "What the hell?—" JJ whispers to me "—you've got the hots for him?"
"Shut up." I grit my teeth at JJ and then turn to smile at Dean.
Dean Bark. I'd have to find his insta later.
Dean smiles back and take the seat in front of me happily. "Hi." I say as he puts his bag on the floor. He smiles,"Hi."
Even his smile is pretty. Maybe this is what would drive my small feelings for JJ away, maybe Dean is all I need to stop myself from ruining a friendship.
I feel glares on the side of me but I can't tell if it's JJ or Adrien, either way I don't want to look.
The first day of school goes by pretty quickly as it usually does. Dean bounced around my head a few times throughout the day and JJ bugged me about the 'cute boy with a dog noise for a last name,' all day.
"You should've seen her adjust her posture like fucking a member from 5 Seconds of Summer walked in or some shit—"
"JJ, shut the fuck up. Keep making fun of me and I'll just go back to obsessing over Adrien."
John B lets out a puff of air,"JJ, let her like Dean. Even though it's a bit quick because I thought she had someone else in mind." I panic and kick him in the calf when I remember he thinks JJ and I like each other. He sticks his tongue out at me and rolls his eyes. "Bailey is in my gym." Kie tells us. "So you have a friend in the gym?" I ask. Kie looks taken back,"Friend? You dated her."
"And ended on good terms. You're fine Kie." We turn the corner to where the van is,"Guys?" Pope is in front of us but pushes us back. We all question him but he just tells us to shut up.
"Adrien and his crew are at the van!" I panic as well and try to push past Pope to see but he pushes me back, "No. Stay behind me. Maybe we can wait it out."
The panic and anger set it, "I'm not waiting Pope!"
"Are we about to get into a fight? These two fuckers aren't even healed!" Kie points at JJ and I who just wave. "Let's try to talk to them." John B suggests. He is absolutely crazy and stupid if he thinks that's gonna work. "There is no talking to people like them, bro!" I shout at JB. "There's only fists and blood." JJ backs me up.
"You're both dramatic. Let's go bubbas." John B pushes past Pope who throws his hands up in defeat. We go over to the van surrounded by Adrien and three of his friends. John B is the first to speak,"Hey guys. Isn't your pimped out Nissan over there?" He points at the row of cars with shitty spoilers. "Well your shitty van—" Adrien smacks the hood of it "—is right here."
I'm fed up with this bullshit. I'm the next to speak up, "What the hell do you want, Adrien?" Being closer to him now I can see the cut across his cheek from either me or JJ. Guilt racks my brain but I ignore it in exchange for anger. "What do I want? I want your boyfriend over here—" He points at JJ which makes me step in front of JJ impulsively "—to pay for fucking up my face."
As expected, he didn't want to tell his friends I also beat his ass and from how hard I was going, the cut is probably from me. "You're acting like you didn't get your ass beat up twice in the same day." JJ tries to move past me but I put my arm out and he stops. "I got jumped and might I add your girlfriend—who's obsessed with me—"
I wave my finger in his face,"I'm not his girlfriend nor am I obsessed with you. You played me like you do with everyone else."
Adrien steps closer to me and leans down in my face making the Pogues step closer to me, "You thought I would love you? You really are batshit." He says and my breath quickens, not because I'm scared but because I'm angry at him and myself because the bruises on his face are from me. The cut is as well. I'm constantly having an internal battle of feeling or wanting to leave more bruises on his face.
I feel like my fucking dad.
Even if we weren't dating when I put my hands on him. I don't say anything to him because his words hurt me. I thought in the beginning he did love me, did he not even love me when we were friends? "You need to leave Calt." JJ shoves him in the chest making Adrien stumble a bit. "Really? Wanna go again Maybank?"
"No he doesn't—" John B tries to stop them but JJ gets closer to Adrien.
I stare at his two friends, Joey and Conner. I know they are in the drug business as well so maybe they beat him up. "Are these two the ones who put your ass in the hospital?"
"We patched things up," Adrien quickly says.
"They send your ass to a hospital and you patch things up? That's a bit absurd." I figure if I manipulated Adrien a bit into being mad at his friends he'd fuck off and argue with them. "We have a business not just a friendship."
"Sounds like the mafia. Y'know Adrien, as shitty as a boyfriend you were, you are a good friend. Did you deserve to get your ass beat?" Adrien isn't the smartest. Even though he used to try to manipulate me I don't think he would realize when he is getting manipulated. "Shit happens. A deal fell through and I paid the price."
"With almost your life?" Half my pity is faked. "Sam, shut the fuck up—" Adrien looks at all of us and back at me "—I don't even have time for your bullshit therapy. I have business with them I need to do. Move." Adrien pushes past J and I along with his friends who follow him like lost puppies.
It worked, he's too dumb.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and laugh in relief. "Do you just gaslight him?" Kie looks oddly proud at me which makes me feel even better. "Manipulated but he's dumb. Maybe there is talking with him." I strut into the van with some new confidence in knowing I can manipulate Adrien like he did to me all those months.
JJ and Pope pile in the back with me. JJ got in and pulls me in for a hug. "I am very proud of you. Very girl boss of you." He ruffles my hair but I cringe at him. "Girl boss?"
He continues to hug me,"Yeah isn't that the meme? Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss."
The whole van erupts into laughter and J just stays confused,"What? Guys, I have Twitter-"