Dear Sean,
Yes, now you are a stranger for me. I don't accept you as my man now.
I was really surprised to know that in my last letter that I wrote to you, you just noticed one thing. It was my intention of revenge cheating on you so that you may understand the pain and hurt of ultimate betrayal that I am going through which is caused by the man who has been my whole world throughout my life when I got married and left my parents behind forever.
Trust Hurts us Deeply!
You cannot replace love and mend a broken heart with a cheap date or a night of sex.
By the way do you really know me ?
Isn't it funny that the rest of the letter was meaningless and worthless to you.
Remember two wrongs don't make a right.
Let me share the reality of the crap that you made me go through. I want to heal and healing comes in 5 stages, which I've now seen them all.
I have learnt in my therapy that there are five stages of suffering of infidelity betrayal trauma. The first stage is of 'Denial' when I was numb and acted like it didn't happen just to try to keep things normal. I'm sorry you entered my life. I have only myself to blame that I made you stay. I was in denial for so long that you and I are not meant to be together.
The second stage is of 'Anger' that's when I blew up and tell the betrayer what we really think. I was in the second stage when I wrote the second letter to you. The anger is natural. Revenge resounded in my heart and soul where once only love existed. Such a terrible, an absolutely terrible sentiment replaced that. Revenge sounded like the most beautiful thing to me at that moment. Throwing it back at you is natural too just because I'm traumatised. It takes a lot of time and working to get through so many emotions, contemplating this revenge is a therapy in itself for catharsis. So I would not do anything rash.
Do you know what my therapist told me about the anger? She said, "Just know that anger is his fuel and your enemy, keep your head high and your thoughts positive, focus on yourself and let karma do the rest. Stay strong!!"
The third stage is of 'Bargaining' which I don't know how I'll face. Yeah, this one really sucks. I may tell you "If you will come back I'll forgive and forget." I don't think I'll be ever able to do it. Because we shouldn't give in, never!
The fourth stage is of 'Depression' which is self-explanatory. Yes, I am suffering from PTSD 'Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.' Your ultimate betrayal has caused it. I am at all-time low of my life.
The final stage is 'Acceptance' which is almost the end. We accept that it's over and move on to bigger and better things! I am waiting it to end as soon as possible.
I want to share it with you to throw the light on my intention of revenge cheating/affair. As you can see that during the second letter I was very much on second stage of anger.
Moreover I don't want to hurt a man who owes me nothing by involving him in my revenge.
I know if I hooked up with a guy you would hit the roof. However, I'm not that type of a woman. I don't want to do it because my revenge cheating will only be an ego bruising hurt for you, not a heart ripping and soul destroying hurt similar to the one that you have caused me. Cheaters have no empathy or integrity so it is very fortunate of you that you will never experience such a pain from me at least.
I don't want to act on feelings but make logical decisions.
I've had opportunities to cheat but I respected my relationship and my partner so I never have even thought of it. I can't stand the thought of another man touching me after 25 years of devoted marriage. I can't indulge in the same filth of obscenity as you did and expect not to be just as filthy. Why should I lose my integrity and moral compass because you did the same?
Why would I now want to join the elite 'cheaters club' and forever have to admit that I've cheated on my spouse for grimy revenge?
Moreover I don't want to hurt a man who owes me nothing by involving him in my revenge.
Now I am not talking about cheating, that is of no interest to me. I am talking about me being the same Serena as I was before discovering your dick's journey through all the easily available hell holes of the whores around you. But at that moment of rage I wanted you to start to wonder about it though. I wanted to make you very perturbed about me . I wanted you to start thinking I can be as low as you are if that will make you able to understand what you have done to me. I wanted to make your stomach churn with disgust and hatred,. wanted to try to put blames and accusations on you like you do to me. I wanted you to feel manipulated and gas lighted like you do to me. I wanted you to live in chaos and turmoil like I am now because of your misdeeds done to me .
I just played with the idea of cheating on you for a quarter of a minute in my mind and all I kept discerning was how you were engaging in this crap-shitty behaviour. I couldn't even enjoy thought of the flirting with anyone, cheating is beyond imagination. It just made me more upset.
I wanted to expose you and your whores in front of everyone who matters. Cheaters stoop very low as humans so they have to hide and lie about who they truly are and what they do because they know how wrong they are, they know the damage they are causing but they cannot get away with this hogwash. Since it's easier to blame the person we don't love at all as a spouse you were committed to me not those skanks. 'You are not your thoughts, you are your actions.'
Cheaters don't generally stop at one incident. So the unimaginable, irreversible, heart-wrenching damage that you did to me, you will do the same to the next person. Moreover, if the other women didn't respect the boundaries of a married man, do you really think they will respect whatever relationship they are in? In the end, both of you will do more damage and cause more pain to each other than I could ever do.
So I just want to live my life, sit back and watch the train-wreck unfold. I want to be patient for the Karma to hit back on you.
When I wrote that letter I wished your whores to die with their ugly families too. I wished they get murdered or hit by bus or fall off a cliff. The situation was already bad I just wanted to make it worse to ease my hurt and pain . I fantasize about smashing the faces of your whores but the legal ramifications are almost certainly not worth the hassle.
One more important point of thought came to my mind when I thought of taking revenge on the women who spoilt our relationship. It is a very important point. What purpose will be served by causing harm to the whores? When a man decides to cheat on his wife he doesn't care who the other woman is so basically? She should be handily and easily available. So you are the main culprit here. You needed a woman rather any woman to fulfil your lusty desires. So whoever came in front of you, you took them to enjoy your cake. You would have cheated with any hoe. Yes definitely you must have cheated without thinking about any particular woman. You have, you must have bedded any woman you got.
I have a speciality if you remember, I have moral high ground so I never make permanent decisions during temporary situations. Things usually pass and taking the high road is a huge relief when all is said and done. It can be a powerful feeling to not stoop.
Karma is a boomerang.
However philosophically I do not consider a revenge affair to be cheating. Once a partner cheats the marriage vows are broken and you no longer have any obligation to honour your commitment to the cheater. But I want to gift myself with the peace and self-respect that you will never have being a cheater.
Though I have thought of few ways of taking revenge on you because I feel my anger is more towards you. There are a few ways but they are far away from a revenge cheating, avenge affair or a hook-up.
I think the first one is to divorce you without even a single thought of giving you a second chance. So my revenge will be having no contact with you in future, you will not be able to see even your kids. Isn't it cruel enough as revenge? I have these harmful thoughts but I don't think I could ever fall to this level and hurt the person that I have loved throughout my life.
If I ever give you second chance then it will just be for our kids and their future, not because I have any feelings for you.
At one point I wanted to destroy the life of the ladies who had sex with you destroying their career, smashing their families and going physically after them. But you know I live in a society, we are social animals so it will cause damage not only to me but to our kids also. It will not make me feel any better. It is against my own values, self-respect and moral fibre so I will not be able to look myself in the mirror as an ideal to my kids. Yes, I am still angry and have malicious thoughts of hurting you. So I have thought of having a cheating affair or a hook up but it is a harsh fact that me having a revenge affair or cheating won't do anything but give you a reason to think that what you did was ok and possibly do it again. The best revenge is either immediately leaving you without any second thought or living my best life while staying without the trash of reoccurrence of infidelity in future.
By the way do you think that our life is a show on investigative Discovery channel? No. It is real life. Real life is different. Not every woman is wicked, evil or criminal. At the end of the day you or your hoes aren't worth ruining my life for!
I guess at a point of extreme rage I thought of making the other women involved with you suffer by smashing up their families physically but we live in a society. It will cause further damage to me and our kids and it will not make me feel any better.
Yes, I feel unstable sometimes with the harmful thoughts of getting revenge but I don't think I could ever pull-through it physically, mentally or emotionally. I do not want to be a sinner just like you or your whores.
I want to wish you luck and those women. I don't need to be as dirty as you. I was, I am and I will always be faithful till I'm in this holy matrimony.
I want my healing to take place.
I have to focus more on working on healing and being there for my kids. So for your kind information, I have zero desire for the revenge cheating or hook-up but I have a lot of anger inside me. I am very busy in healing myself. Honestly I have already paid a lot for the curse of being your wife. I pray a lot and that helps me with my anger. I have gotten to the point that I pray for your redemption also. I have the immediate need of taking care of my responsibilities towards my kids which needs to be put over my other unworthy desires.
I think revenge affair for men may be a masculine thing. How can you let go of the one who took your wife away from you? I think this cures your hurt feelings and satisfies your ego. Your manhood is hurt. We feel ashamed that another man did this to our wife. It sounds a bit strange but it seems to us like an attack on our masculinity. I think it is very common for the menfolk to look for revenge as an act of outlet of aggression against the other man which is very natural due to their basic nature. you may tend to think like that it will help you to heal and give you peace of mind fighting for justice and be fair and even.
If I do it, I'll be in my torturer's shoes. I'll be experiencing what you did to me first hand: how you disregarded me, how you disrespected me, how you violated me. Every move I'll make, every conversation I'll have with someone else I'll experience my partner did the same with someone else knowing I was just a mere placeholder, nothing more than a convenience. I will truly be experiencing just how worthless I have been to you. I strongly condemn such an experience. I'll never go for such horrifying painful experience to be carved forever on my heart and soul.
I think the desire to revenge cheat is natural. An affair puts so many doubts in our minds with the hurt self-esteem and rejection by your mate. We want to know if someone else wants us, finds us attractive or that we are good enough for anyone of the opposite sex. I want to focus on rebuilding my esteem. I don't want to waste any more time on the past or the people I cannot change. I have a positive vision for my beautiful future and perhaps allow someone worthy in my life after the healing makes me whole once again.
I guess I would have decided to take revenge in a positive manner that too in case I would have been alone. But now my kids are on the top of the priority list. I actually consider your actions as a way to end this already dying relationship. Do you want to divorce me? Just tell me point blank today. State and move on. Right now I am focusing on rebuilding my self-esteem in my life I don't want to waste any more time. I cannot change the past. I just wanted you to feel just a glimpse of what I was feeling. I wanted you to understand the pain you had caused. Revenge hook up may give you a fleeting sense of vindication, but it won't solve anything. Broken trust hurts me deeply. You have lost the trust of a queen for your skanks.
Sleeping with someone else will not take my pain away. I won't become someone I'm not because I'm hurting. I won't lower myself. I don't want to regret it because revenge cheating won't solve anything or make me feel better in any way. I can't stoop to that level. I had to process the temptation to get even. Two wrongs do not make a right. I aim to be independent and start living, focus on my achievements, look forward to new adventures and open a brand new chapter in the book of my life. Best revenge is to succeed in life.
I am proud of my character, integrity and dignity. I do not want to blot my character or undermine my own values and principles out of spite.
Sorry to burst your bubble!
I want to share what my therapist told me analysing about my momentary desire to take revenge by a hook-up when I was under the effect of extreme rage. It's what a therapist once told me. 'You have a dog. The dog pooped in the house. You have a few options. You too can poop in the house but that will not only make the dog stink, but you too. You can either try to retrain the dog to not poop in the house if he is young and adaptable ( but sometimes you can't train old dogs) or you can get rid of the dog and his shit altogether and clean your house forever.'
Let me tell you that these letters are also a part of my healing process.
Do you think you know me really well after all these 25 years or we have lived as complete strangers for each other?
No you don't feel like my husband who closely knows me for more than 25 years.
Don't worry. Revenge hook up or cheating is not my cup of tea because I love myself, my integrity ,my character and my kids far more than this stupid game to feel better about making you hurt. It was just the moments of rage that made me write it that I want to do it but what surprised me that only the mention and just writing about it made you feel so bad.
Think about it if I actually do it.
Ha ha ha!
I just wanted to see the expression on your face but I can't as I am not present here but I can assume that it upsets you.
Let me tell you that I will never do it though I have contemplated a lot about it in the incessant fits of rage towards you.
Naah!
I'm not going to do it.
Read this letter again for the justified rational and logical reasons that I will never attempt such an act.
A deceived shattered wife,
Serena