SHAWN AXCEL'S POV
"How about your projects, bro? Ang dami pa nating kailangan gawin para sa completion ng grades ngayong nalalapit na ang finals. Apat na araw na lang."
I take a single glance at Miles who's worrying about me. I have unfinished works in all of our subjects but I can do that later. For now, I'll just accompany Zeriel and stay on her side. Masyadong masaklap ang sitwasyon niya ngayon kaya kailangan ko siyang damayan. My works can wait, though.
"Kaya ko namang gawin lahat ng 'to kaya 'wag ka nang mag-alala. Mauna na 'ko sa inyo." I tapped his back and slung my bag over my shoulder.
"May quiz tayo sa Martes, baka makalimutan mo. How could you review in that state? Mag-aaral ka habang nagbabantay sa patay?" Miko raised his brow on me.
Napabuntong hininga naman ako."Maybe yes. Ano ba namang magagawa ko, kailangan nasa tabi ako ni Zeriel. Until now she couldn't believe that his grandpa passed away. Iyak pa rin siya nang iyak."
The old Zeriel that I never used to know was starting to show up. She's still mourning because of his grandpa's death. It's been two days since that painful night and until now she couldn't get over that's why she kept on blaming herself. No matter how Alina and I will do, she won't listen to us.
Isang beses na lang siyang kumakain sa isang araw. Halos hindi na nga siya matulog at palaging nakatulala sa kabaong. Ayaw niyang magsalita o kaya gumalaw man lang. Ni hindi na namin alam kung anong gagawin sa kanya.
"Zeriel, let's eat. Nagluto ako ng pagkain, bago ko lang na natutunan. Tikman mo tapos sabihin mo sa'kin kung masarap ba o hindi." I handed her the plate with a slice of sugarcoated pancake.
Napaigtad naman ako nang itabig niya 'yon kaya muntik nang matapon sa sahig. Kung hindi ko lang nasalo ay baka nagkalat na ang bubog sa sahig.
I let out a sigh and placed it on the other side of the table."Kung hindi ka kakain, magkakasakit ka. Alam mong ayaw ng Lolo mo na nagpapabaya ka nang ganito. "
"Gusto kong siya mismo ang magsabi sa'kin n'yan. I want him to be back. Miss na miss ko na si Lolo." She's starting to cry again so I move closer to her.
Walang minuto, oras, at araw na hindi siya umiiyak. Kaya ginagawa ko ang lahat para manatili sa tabi niya sa bawat iyak niya. I don't want her to feel alone...again. This is the only thing that I can do for her.
Hinagod ko ang likod niya."Kahit wala na ang Lolo mo, binabantayan ka pa rin niya. You know that he loves you that much. Ikaw lang kaya ang nag-iisang apo na nag-alaga sa kanya kaya espesyal ka. Don't ever think that you're useless because you did everything for him. Napasaya mo siya kaya magaan ang loob ng Lolo mo na namayapa."
"P-Pero...hindi ko kase talaga kaya..M-Masakit pa rin."
I kissed her forehead."Hmm..Alam ko. But you should stay strong and don't think negative things. Isipin mo na lang na masaya siya kung nasa'n man siya ngayon."
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya napakalma pero masaya ako at nagawa ko siyang patulugin sa mga bisig ko. Since we're staying in her Lolo's house, I carried her to the guest room where she sleeps whenever she's going to stay here for the whole day. Sa sobrang puyat niya, hindi na siya nagising kahit no'ng pagkalapag ko sa kanya sa kama. I just felt relieved because she could finally rest herself and gain some strength.
The whole house wasn't that messy so I just arranged the other stuffs to make everything clean. Alam ko na kung paano mag-ayos ng mga gamit at kung paano magluto. Pwedeng-pwede na akong mag-asawa. Lol! Hihintayin ko muna na maging ready na siya.
"Sorry, I just came. Lumabas muna kami saglit ni Rynier kase monthsarry namin ngayon," paghingi niya ng paumanhin sa'kin.
I opened the door wider for her to get inside."Nah, it's okay. Naiintindihan ko naman. If you're going to ask where's Zeriel, she's sleeping in the guest room. She's too tired that's why she fell asleep."
"Mabuti naman at nagawa mo siyang patulugin. Even me, I couldn't even do that to her. Iba nga naman talaga ang epekto mo sa kanya." She shook her head unbelievably.
Napatawa naman ako at pinaupo siya sa kusina. Binigyan ko siya ng pagkain na niluto ko kanina at saka bumalik sa lababo para hugasan ang mga pinggan na nakatambak. She might forgot to wash the dishes after eating and maybe its because her mind was still preoccupied. Marami pa kase siyang iniisip at naiintindihan ko 'yon.
"May I mind if I'll ask you about her career? Linggo na kase sa susunod na araw kaya baka may schedule siya ng photoshoots. She's still the Zeriel who's known for being a model," I said as I wiped my hands using the dry cloth.
She sighed, probably unaware."Ngayon ko nga lang naisip, eh. Buti na lang at sinabi mo. Don't worry, I'll go to their entertainment later and talk to her manager. Sasabihin kong on leave muna si Zeriel for personal matters."
"Sige, mas mabuti pa nga. We shouldn't pressure her that much since she haven't recovered yet. Magpapahinga muna siya at kailangan nasa tabi niya tayo para hindi na niya maramdaman ulit na nag-iisa siya," I said while thinking deeply.
"Tell me honestly. Mahal mo na ba siya?" she asked out of a sudden.
Natigilan naman ako sa sagot niya pero kalaunan ay napangiti na lang."Hindi pa sa ngayon pero...malapit na ako ro'n."
Nagising ako dahil may yumuyugyog sa balikat ko kaya agad akong napabangon. I blinked twice until my vision was clear and I saw Zeriel standing in front of me. Tiningnan niya ako na para bang hindi siya makapaniwala kaya kumunot ang noo ko.
"Good morning, sir? Ipagluto mo na ako ng pagkain," she demanded me as if I'm her servant.
Napahilamos naman ako sa buong mukha ko."Y-You...You wake me up just to cook food for you? Zeriel naman, eh! Anong oras na ba?"
"It's already 8:00 o'clock in the morning and my stomach is grumbling. Ang tagal mo naman ba kaseng gumising," reklamo niya pa.
"Ay shit! Pasensya na talaga." Tumayo kaagad ako at nagmamadaling pumunta sa kusina.
I'm so tired. Pumunta kase ang mga kapatid ko kagabi kasama si Katria kaso natutulog pa rin si Zeriel no'ng time na 'yon. They stayed here to look out the coffin while I'm doing my works. Minadali ko pa ngang gawin ang mga works ko para magawa ko rin 'yong sa kanya. Yes, I did it for her because I know she's not yet in the mood to do it.
'Yong mga gawain niyang puro mathematical problems ay tinira niya kaya ako na lang ang gumawa lahat. She hates that subject so I couldn't just set that aside. Baka bumaba ang grades niya at ayoko namang mangyari 'yon. She always wants to be on top so I'm always beside her to support her.
"Bakit naman ngayon mo lang ako ginising eh gutom ka na pala?" nakasimangot kong tanong sa kanya habang pinaghahanda siya ng pagkain.
She winced at my reaction."You look so tired so I didn't wake you up. Hindi na rin ako nagluto kase---"
"Kase mas gusto mo ang luto ko. Alam ko naman 'yon kaya kumain ka na." I smirked as I started to eat.
"Nagpapatawa ka ba? I was reading my emails right after I woke up so it took me hours to finish all of it. Akala mo naman dahil 'yon sa'yo." She rolled her eyes on me.
I laughed to tease her but immediately stopped when she glared at me. Napansin ko pa nga ang pamumula ng pisngi niya dahil alam kong kinikilig siya. I smiled secretly because of that but I acted normally when she's going to look at me. Mahirap na, baka mainis pa.
"I suggest you not to attend your photoshoots tomorrow. Gusto kong magpahinga nga muna para naman makabawi ang katawan mo. Besides, I know you can't do it that great if you're just going to force yourself and pretend that everything's okay," I said while blowing her hair.
Kakatapos niya lang kaseng maligo at napagpasyahan kong ako na ang magpapatuyo sa buhok niya para naman hindi siya mapagod. I already finished taking a bath before her so I'm free to do it.
"Alam ko rin namang hindi ako papayagan ni Alina kaya dalawa na kayo. I'm also tired of arguments so I'll just stick to your decision. Baka naman sa susunod pwede na akong pumasok ulit." Kinuha niya sa'kin ang blower at ibinalik sa lalagyan bago kumuha ng suklay.
Inagaw ko 'yon sa kanya at pinaupo siya ulit."Ako na muna ang gagawa sa mga gawain mo habang hindi ka pa tuluyang okay. By the way, my brothers were here last night together with Kat. Hinahanap ka nila para sana kamustahin ka."
"You told them the address? Ano namang sabi mo?" Napaharap naman kaagad siya sa'kin.
"Sinabi kong bumalik na lang sila bukas dahil tulog ka pa. I don't want to wake you up because you're too tired. Umiyak nga si Katria, eh," I chuckled as I finished combing her hair.
She looked at me unbelievably."You're not kidding me, right? Bakit naman iiyak ang gagang 'yon eh hindi naman siya ang namatayan. Parang tanga lang?"
"Nag-aalala raw kase siya sa'yo. She said you're friends and she loves you---"
"Ew! Sinabi niya talaga 'yon?! Kadiri talaga siya." She rolled her eyes heavenwards so I couldn't help but to laugh at her.
I want to figure out if she's really okay so I told her that we'll do our works. Nagulat naman ako nang pumayag siya kaya sabay namin 'yong ginawa. I also made snacks for the both of us and did all the household chores even if I also have so many works to do. Kaya ko pa namang pagsabayin kahit na papaano.
"Why aren't you doing yours? Tambak na ang mga gagawin mo d'yan sa gilid, oh." She's pertaining to my works on the other side.
Hindi ko na lang 'yon pinansin at tinulungan siya sa kanya."Okay lang naman. I can handle it all by myself. Marami ka rin namang kailangang tapusin tapos deadline mo na sa Martes at finals niyo na sa Biyernes."
"How about you? Kung makapagsalita ka parang kayang kaya mo talagang tapusin lahat 'yan sa iisang araw. When is the deadline of your works?" she asked while typing her on her laptop.
I finished drawing a scenario for her project before looking at her."Same deadline with you. 'Wag mo na kaseng isipin 'yon, kaya ko naman talaga eh. Basta ba nasa tabi kita."
When tomorrow comes, I asked her for a favor and it's to go to church. She rejected it again and again but I eventually, I made her agree. I just said that a church is not for perfect ones but for the sinners and then she think of it. Ako rin ang nagdesisyon kung anong susuotin niya na babagay para sa simbahan. I just let her wear a simple high waisted jeans and a tshirt with a pair of flat shoes. She may be wearing simple outfits but it doesn't lessen her beauty as a model. Kahit naman anong suotin niya, babagay at babagay sa kanya.
She asked me what to do when we're already inside the church. Hindi naman ako mukhang pari o apostle pero tinuruan ko pa rin siya gaya ng tinuro sa'kin Kat noon. Speaking of them, they were already outside the church when we arrived.
"Zeriel! Oh my Zeriel! May points ka na sa langit. Geez. Nagsimba ka talaga?" pangungulit ni Kat nang makarating kami.
She glared at me and then turned her gaze on Kat."Ang daldal mo masyado, 'no? Wala na talagang preno 'yang bibig mo?"
"Pasensya na, dear. Pinanganak akong maganda eh." She clings her arms on Zeriel and dragged her inside.
I want to ask her on a date after the mass but I realized that we shouldn't have fun since his grandpa just died. Dinala ko na lang siya sa central park na paborito kong lugar. Pumunta kami do'n sa parte kung saan kami unang nag-date. It's not that a happy moment but memorable as well.
Nagdala naman ako ng pagkain sa likod ng kotse ko kaya doon kami kumain. Hindi man naging gano'n kasaya ang unang beses na pumunta kami rito, at least nakabawi naman sa pangalawang pagkakataon. Kahit eto lang, masaya na ako.
"Masaya ka ba sa tabi ko? Aren't you just forced to come with me?" Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla kong nabanggit 'yon sa kalagitnaan ng pagkain namin.
She stared at me for a while before looking away."Ano ba sa tingin mo? Am I going to let you live with me in the same house if I'm not?"
'Yong sagot niyang 'yon, binigyan ako nito ng pag-asa na tuluyang mapalapit sa kanya. Seems like she's starting to open up her heart again. And I'm still waiting for the time that she's finally ready. No regrets and hesitation.
Nang makauwi kami sa bahay ni Lolo, nando'n si Alina at Rynier para magbantay at hintayin ang pagdating namin. Alina embraced her with a tight hug and they get inside. Lumapit naman ako kay Rynier at saka umupo kami sa may veranda. Hahayaan ko muna silang mag-usap do'n dahil alam kong alalang-alala si Alina sa pinsan niya.
"How are you? Halatang masaya ka kahit na malaki ang eyebags mo," sambit niya na parang natatawa sa itsura ko.
I raised my eyebrow at him."Hindi ko alam kung inaasar mo ba ako pero alam mo naman ang sagot d'yan. With her, I'm always happy."
"Masaya ka pa rin ba kahit hindi gaanong malaki ang grades na makukuha mo sa finals natin? Ang sabi sa'kin nila Miles at Miko, nagtambak na raw ang nga gawain mo. You're aware that if you will pass it late, there's an equivalent minus points in every work," he said seriously.
Napabuntong hininga naman ako at isinandal ang likuran ko sa upuan."Hindi ko naman nakakalimutan 'yon, bro. Kaya lang hindi ko pwedeng hayaan na si Zeriel ang mahuli sa pagpasa. She wants to achieve higher to prove herself to everyone so I must help her. Isa pa, hindi ko naman pinapabayaan ang mga kailangan kong gawin. I want to finish her works before mine."
"Paano kapag ikaw ang nahuli sa pagpasa at hindi gaano kataas ang grades na makukuha mo gaya ng inaasahan? What would you do?" He glanced at the door to make sure that they're not listening to us.
I tip tapped my fingers on the table."Finals lang naman 'yan, malaki naman ang kuha ko no'ng prelim, mid-term, at semi-final. It's not a big deal. 'Wag mo nang isipin pa 'yon."
"Bahala ka, pinapaalalahanan lang naman kita. Its up to you because the decision is yours. Hope you'll finish it before the deadline." He gave me bump fist and followed inside to visit Alina.
When Monday came, it was another heartbreak for Zeriel since it's the last day that she can behold her grandpa. Nagmimisa pa lang ilang luha na ang nailabas niya at sumobra pa no'ng libingan na talaga. She's the one who occupied the best place for her Lolo. Isa siyang sementadong hindi kalakihang bahay at may mga bulaklak sa loob. I know it cost a lot of money but for sure, she doesn't care about it all.
"Tahan na. 'Di ba sabi ko maging malakas ka? He's always beside you even though we couldn't see him. 'Yan na lang ang isipin mo palagi," pang-aalo ko sa kanya.
She didn't answered me back, instead she hugged me so tight and accepted my comfort. Sa kanilang lahat ng parents niya, mga kapatid ng Papa niya, at iba pa niyang mga pinsan, siya ang pinakahuling tumahan. She decided to stay in Lolo's grave and told him everything she didn't had a chance to say when he was still alive.
"L-Lolo...If you're really at my side, please guide me through everything..A-Ayoko nang maligaw ulit ng landas." She touched the tomb with care like it would leave a scratch if she didn't.
I put my hand on top of hers."Kung sakali mang maligaw ka nang landas, si Lolo ang gagabay sa'yo sa tamang direksyon at ako naman ang magsisilbing daan mo patungo sa iyong destinasyon."
"Sigurado ka bang naririnig niya tayo? Baka nagmumukha lang tayong tanga rito," nakasimangot niyang sambit.
I chuckled softly when I realize that she's starting to cope up."Of course, he's listening. Alam mo ba, no'ng nasa hospital pa siya at ako ang nagbabantay sa kanya sa loob kasama 'yong nurse, binilin ka niya sa'kin. I cried that time even though it's kinda embarrassing because the nurse was inside the room."
"Y-You cried? Ano bang sabi niya sa'yo?" she asked curiously.
Tumungo ako para pagmasdan ang puntod ni Lolo."He told me that I can soften your heart that no one can. That I am the way for you to find the real version of happiness. Ang sabi niya 'wag daw kitang iiwan para sa kanya kase hindi niya na raw magagawang alagaan ka pa. Kaya kahit na anong mangyari, mananatili ako sa tabi mo hindi dahil inutos ni Lolo kundi gusto ko."
"Hindi natin hawak ang hinaharap kaya anong malay natin? You might be on your side for now but how about the next day. What if...I left you?" wala sa sarili niyang sabi.
I looked at her with determination in my eyes."E 'di sasama ako sa'yo. Hahanapin kita sa'n ka man magpunta. I won't let you go without me. Sa lahat ng bagay palagi mo akong kasama, asahan mo 'yan."
Pagkatapos no'n, bumalik kami ulit sa bahay para kunin ang natitirang remembrance niya kay Lolo. I prepared all our things because we're going back to the condominium. Inisa-isa ko talaga ang mga projects ko para masigurado na walang maiiwan na kahit isa rito. Dahil kapag nakabalik na kami, gagawin ko talaga 'to agad agad.
"What do you want to eat? Ako na lang ang magluluto para sa lunch natin. Kahit ano, lulutuin ko," I said while looking for something to cook inside the refrigerator.
"Beef steak and Chicken curry," she shouted from inside the living room.
I quickly searched it on the google and followed the steps. Mabilis naman akong matuto kase para lang naman 'tong Math kaya lulutuin ko na lang. Kung dito lang talaga ako nakatira sa condo niya, ipagluluto ko talaga siya kahit oras-oras pa. Sasamahan siya minu-minuto at mamahalin siya segu-segundo.
Try ko kayang i-hugot 'to sa kanya, baka sakaling gumana tapos kiligin siya. Ako na siguro ang pinaka-masayang nabubuhay sa mundo.
"Anong nginingiti-ngiti mo d'yan? Mukha kang bagong takas sa mental." Bigla siyang pumasok at binuksan ang ref para kumuha ng fresh milk. I noticed that she kept on drinking it everyday.
Pero 'yong ekspresyon niya habang nakatingin sa'kin, parang baliw talaga ako sa paningin niya. Pero okay lang naman, at least sa kanya ako baliw 'di ba?
I smirked while putting the raw chicken to the frying pan."Iniisip kase kita at saka 'yong mga magiging anak natin."
Napaatras kaagad ako nang may tumama sa noo ko kaya nakabugsangot ko siyang binalingan nang tingin. He throwed the empty fresh milk on me. Good thing it didn't hit my eyes. Baka hindi ko na makita ang ganda niya.
"Manganak kang mag-isa! How are you so sure that I'm going to say yes to you? Hindi ka pa nga nakakalahati." She rolled her eyes on me.
Tumalikod ako para hindi niya makitang ngumingiti ako."Bakit? Ayaw mo sa'kin? Hindi pa ba sapat ang pinapakita kong motibo sa'yo na mahal kita?"
I jumped a bit when I heard something fell on the floor. My lips parted when I saw the broken glass on the floor that she was about to pick up. I immediately walked towards her direction and holds her hand to stop her.
Shit! Mabuti na lang hindi siya nasugatan.
"Bakit 'to nahulog? Nabitawan mo? You made me so nervous. Akala ko pa naman nasugatan ka." I pulled her away from the broke glass so that she won't step onto it.
When I look at her, she's avoiding my eyes so I bit my lower lip to stop myself from smiling. Kumuha na lang ako ng walis at dust pan para ligpitin ang kalat at saka ako bumalik. I was about to approach her when I smelled something burned. We both look at each other and panicked, not knowing what to do about the burned chicken curry.
"Why didn't you lessen the fire even if you knew that I wasn't paying attention to you work? Tingnan mo, mukha ng uling ang luto mo," she blamed me.
Napakamot naman ako sa batok ko habang tinatapon ang dalawang curry na sunog."Pasenya na. Do you want me to fry new chicken curry? Babantayan ko na ngayon. Hindi na ako lalandi."
Hindi niya ako sinagot at umalis na ng kusina, hindi man lang tumango. Did I say something wrong? Is she mad at me? Pero bakit naman? Dahil ba sa sunog na chicken curry?
I shook my head to set it aside and focus on frying. Luto na ang beef steak kanina pa tapos hanggang ngayon nagpri-prito pa rin ako. Baka lumamig na 'yon pagkatapos ko rito. Minadali ko ang ginagawa ko para makapaghanda na ako ng kakainin namin. It's already 12:30 in the afternoon yet we haven't eaten lunch. Baka pagalitan ako ni Lolo mula sa langit dahil ginutom ko ang apo niya.
Everything was settled in the table and all I have to do is to call her. At dahil sinapian ako ng kademonyohan, nakaisip na naman ako ng kalokohan. Zeriel will freaking reject me after this. I just want to tease her.
"Mine! The food is ready! Kakain na tayo." I laughed a little while waiting for her to enter the kitchen.
Nang makarating siya ay agad siyang umupo sa harapan ko habang hawak pa rin ang phone niya. She's busy watching something because she kept on scrolling on her phone. This is it.
"Mine, open your mouth. Susubuan kita."
Agad naman niyang sinunod ang sinabi ko habang naka-focus pa rin ang tingin niya sa phone niya. I smiled secretly, watching her chewing the food. Pagkatapos niyang lunukin ang kinain niya ay saka lamang siya napabalik sa ulirat niya.
"Anong ginawa mo?! Bakit mo ko sinubuan? Y-You...You're---"
"Okay lang naman. Mukha kaseng busy ka sa phone mo kaya sinubuan na lang kita. You opened your mouth so it means that you like what I did." I started eating using the spoon I used to her.
Hinampas naman niya kaagad ang mesa kaya naubo ako bigla."Are you crazy? Bakit mo ginamit ang kutsarang sinubo mo sa'kin?! Yucks!"
"Nahiya ka pa eh, nahalikan naman na kita," I smirked as I saw how her reaction changes from pissed to shock.
Gusto ko talagang matawa para inisin siya lalo kaso bigla na lang siyang nag-walk out at hindi na kumain. I stood up to chase her because I know she's short tempered. Bago pa man siya mapasok sa kwarto niya ay naabutan ko na ang kamay niya at pinaharap siya sa'kin.
"Hey, you mad? Sorry na kung inasar kita," I pouted, hoping that it would work out.
She glared at me but didn't let go of her hand on my hold. Siguro hindi niya na naman napansin 'yon kase paniguradong kanina niya pa winaksi ang kamay ko. It gives me a different feeling while holding her hand because of it's softness. Parang gusto ko tuloy 'wag na lang bitawan ang kamay niya.
"How long are you going to hold my hand?" She raised her eyebrow at me.
Napangisi naman ako at hinila siya para yakapin. I kissed her forehead like what I usually do. Nakasanayan ko na 'to kapag yakap ko siya. Tinupad ko 'yong pangako kong hindi ko siya hahalikan ulit sa labi niya kapag hindi niya sinabi.
"Hanggang sa ikaw na mismo ang kumawala sa pagkakahawak ko."
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