Y/N: Where was I?
I was speaking slowly and dragging my words.
Y/N: I was at a village a little ways off from here. Sorry for making you worry.
Aoi: Don't apologize... I knew you were leaving, but seeing how you returned... I was just concerned. You looked so... sad.
Y/N: Let's just say I'm not feeling one-hundred percent right now.
She stared at me and tried to break down the situation.
Aoi: Something must've happened that I'm not supposed to know about. I won't ask you to tell me, but it makes sense that you wanted to see Shinobu now...
Y/N: Why's that?
Aoi: Shinobu was just like you are. She was so upset and sad about something but refused to talk about it. Even Kanao won't tell me. I can take a hint, so I won't ask.
Y/N: I appreciate it. Don't be too concerned about us though, we'll be better by the afternoon.
I told Aoi I'd be fine by later, but she still sat outside with me for a while. It was very early in the day, so she had time to blow before having to get to work. I didn't feel like talking much, but she understood that and respected my wishes. She didn't know what had me so sad, but she knew that I was grieving and gave me silence. After an hour or so, Aoi stood up. The sun had fully come up and the day was beginning.
Aoi: People should start waking up soon. I need to go back in.
Y/N: Alright. See you later. Thanks for sitting with me.
Aoi: Any time. You can come to find me if you need to talk, but I won't pester you about it anymore.
Y/N: Whenever I can, I'll tell you. Thanks again.
Aoi: And don't stay out too long. It's cold out.
Y/N: I won't.
She was glad that I was actually talking again. She smiled and went back inside.
**I can't grieve all day. Come on and get a grip, Y/N... Be strong for everybody else's sake.**
I stood back up and headed back inside because it actually was a bit cold outside.
**I don't have my haori... Of course, it's cold.**
I headed to a washroom and rinsed my face. I stared at myself and wondered how I got here.
**Why wasn't fate on Rengoku's side? Fate is always looking out for me, and I don't even deserve it. But I guess this was fate... It can't be changed and we can't go back. That's what Kyojuro would've said, right?**
I dried my face off and left. I had to go back to Shinobu's office to grab my haori before she woke up. I got to the room and quietly opened the door to go in?
Shinobu: Oh? Why so sneaky?
I looked over and saw Shinobu sitting at her desk. She still had my haori thrown over her head and was using it as a blanket.
Shinobu: Come in, don't be shy now. What brings you over here so early?
**Aoi said she was sad... This feels like regular Shinobu to me.**
Y/N: I came to see if I left my haori here, but...
Shinobu: I apologize, here you are.
She took off the haori and gave it back to me.
Shinobu: I was wearing it because it really was quite warm, and... Well, anyway, I woke up on the couch with that jacket and a blanket thrown over me. I know it was you who did that for me.
Y/N: Sorry if I overstepped my boundaries by coming into your office without permission.
Shinobu: What's mine is yours. You wanted to talk, right? About...
She hesitated to speak. She knew perfectly well that I wanted to talk to her about Kyojuro Rengoku's death.
Y/N: A crow informed me while I was out on a mission... It said that as a Hashira I could know, but that I was to refrain from sharing that information. I didn't know who else to turn to but you, Lady Shinobu.
Shinobu: Have a seat.
I put on my haori as I walked over to the couch. I couldn't help but realize how nice the haori smelled.
**Did Shinobu wash it, or is this all-natural? What am I even thinking right now..? That's all unimportant.**
I sat down on the couch.
Shinobu: In my tenure as a Demon Slayer, I never lost many allies... Rengoku's death is one of the worst feelings I've had since the death of my own sister.
I sat quietly and didn't respond. I wanted to let her speak without interruption.
Shinobu: I tell you this because I can see on your face that you're worried about me. I don't want you to think that I, or any of the others, will lose the will to fight because of this. I know it hurts, Y/N, but neither should you.
Y/N: I won't, but I can't shake this feeling of uselessness... Wasn't it my job to be there when another Hashira needed help?
Shinobu: I specifically requested that the Master send Tanjiro and the others on that mission. Kamado had questions about his Breathing Style that I believed Rengoku could answer. I wanted them to meet. It's not your fault that you weren't sent there. If anybody's to blame, it's me.
I realized how bad what I was saying was now that Shinobu flipped the script onto herself.
Y/N: I take it back, nobody is to blame. It was just a series of unforeseen events... Even still, I wonder if I was there could I have even done anything.
Shinobu: It's no use wondering what you could've done. You need to think about what you can do in the future.
I looked at her desk.
Y/N: Is that why you're researching different toxins?
Shinobu: Mhm.
**I get it... Shinobu's heartbroken about the news, but she's strong enough to keep moving forward. Sure, she may break down at times, but she doesn't let it incapacitate her the way that I do... I need to do better.**
Y/N: I haven't felt this poor since I lost my family. How do I handle this pain, Lady Shinobu?
I felt my eyes starting to tear up, but I quickly wiped them.
Shinobu: "Set your heart ablaze."
Y/N: What?
Shinobu: That's what Rengoku used to always say when he felt somebody needed to push themselves. Even himself.
**Push myself? Is that what she's implying? In what way?**
Shinobu: Think about it.
I stared at her. The words she was saying conflicted with the feelings she had. She was trying to be helpful and encouraging for me, but I knew.
Shinobu: Y/N, I feel badly about you feeling badly about me.
Y/N: That just went over my head. What?
Shinobu: Don't forget you were once a junior of mine. I relish the fact you care so much about me but don't worry about how I'll cope.
Y/N: But-
Shinobu: Tanjiro and the others should be returning soon assuming the Kakushi had no problems. Y/N, they need your sympathy more than I.
She was lying. I could see through her smile that she was still grieving and that she was hurting more than I was. She was just trying to be strong.
**She's trying to keep a stone face... She's hiding it just like I was before...**
Y/N: I'll be here, Shinobu... You don't have to keep your feelings spent up inside. Just say the word and you know I'll come, right..?
Shinobu: Come here for a moment.
I walked over to her desk. She stood up and hugged me.
Shinobu: Your heart is too big. I thought I was cheering you up, but I guess the opposite was true. I wonder what goes through your head sometimes.
Y/N: Likewise.
Shinobu: Thank you for being here. Coming to see me and all. But truthfully, I'll be okay. Promise that you'll check in on the others for me?
She let go of me.
Y/N: Sure whenever they get here. See ya later then.
I headed for the door and got ready to leave.
Shinobu: Oh! Y/N?
I turned around and she pointed to the blanket that was on the couch.
Shinobu: Don't forget your blanket.
**That isn't mine.**
Y/N: That's not my blanket. I assumed it came from this room.
Shinobu: Upon further inspection, it looks like it belongs to a patient room.
I walked over and picked it up.
Y/N: I'll ask one of the girls if they know where it goes.
Shinobu: Yes! They're very reliable, my cute assistants. Thank you, Y/N.
Y/N: Of course. See ya then.
I left the room with the blanket in tow. Talking with Shinobu somehow made me feel better and feel worse. I was no longer worried about her, but now I was more worried about how Tanjiro and the others were handling things. Tanjiro had such a pure soul that he could experience heartbreak over a demon. Kyojuro's death must've hurt badly.
**Be alright everybody. I pray you're all okay.**
I walked through the halls looking for Aoi, Naho, Sumi, or Kiyo. I couldn't find any of them, so I kept looking.
**I left Mikio alone outside when we got back. I can't neglect her, I know she's sad too.**
I decided to stop looking for the girls and go check on Mikio. When I got to the patient room she was staying in, I found her in bed sleeping. I walked over to the bed and looked at her. Even in her sleep, she looked like she was still sad.
**I hope she's not having a nightmare.**
???: Oh, it's you, Y/N.
I turned around to see Susanoo standing behind me.
Y/N: Hey, Susanoo.
Susanoo: Is that Mikio's blanket? We were looking everywhere for it. I told her it was gone and she said I was going crazy.
I looked at Mikio. She had a blanket over her, so I didn't know what Susanoo was even going on about. I gestured to her sleeping.
Y/N: Is this not her blanket right there?
Susanoo: No, no. That's mine. Hibiki offered her his blanket earlier, but she was too prideful to take it. Once she fell asleep, I gave her mine.
**I can put things together... Mikio was the one who put that blanket over me when I fell asleep in Lady Shinobu's office. She took her own blanket and slept through the chilly morning for my sake.**
I handed Susanoo the blanket I was carrying.
Y/N: Here you go, then.
Susanoo: I want my blanket though...
Y/N: You two can trace back when she wakes up.
I put my hand on Susanoo's shoulder.
Y/N: Thank you for looking out for her. You and Hibiki.
I looked around the room and Hibiki wasn't there.
Y/N: Tell Hibiki I said thank you. I took Mikio out and... Well, just know she's earned some rest.
Susanoo: Are you okay? You don't look too good.
I smiled at him. I could tell my smile was crooked, though since I was trying to force it.
Y/N: I'm okay. Later.
I looked at Mikio again before I left. I couldn't help but feel bad for her. I put her through physical stress and the news from the crow put her through mental stress.
**Maybe I put her through too much for her first day... I hope she doesn't want to quit because of this.**
I left the room and went on my way. I was still tired because the only sleep I got was in that chair I fell asleep on in Shinobu's office. While heading up to my room, I ran into Kanao.
Kanao: Y/N, hello.
Y/N: Oh, hey Kanao. How are you?
Kanao: I am good.
**She's been with Shinobu. I'm certain that she knows. Maybe I shouldn't bring it up anyways.**
Kanao: Are you crying?
Y/N: Crying? No?
She reached into her pocket and handed me a handkerchief.
Y/N: I'm not crying, Kanao. What made you ask that?
Kanao: Your eyes are very red.
Y/N: Oh...
I handed her back her handkerchief.
Y/N: Thanks, but I'm just tired.
Kanao: I understand. Maybe you should go to bed.
I hadn't properly slept going out on that mission with Mikio. Normally I'd be fine, but I was drained now.
Y/N: I think I'll take you up on that suggestion.
Kanao: Okay, goodbye.
I watched Kanao as she headed off. Our interaction was short, but I would've been able to tell if she was bothered by the Rengoku news.
**Does she know? Surely she does, right? Maybe it's just not hitting her as hard.**
I dragged myself through the mansion until I reached my room. I was too exhausted to put down my gear as I plopped onto my bed and crashed. I was no longer in a position to get depressed and sit stagnant waiting for somebody to rescue me. I had to keep
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