"Don't you call him what you used to call me."
- Harry Styles (Cherry, 2019)
________
Y/N's POV
I would never get used to sleeping on this damn couch. No matter how much I toss and turn in an attempt to find a comfortable spot, I could never. Most nights, I would wake up with an annoying pain on my lower back, which would lead to an endless amount of discomfort. Needless to say, these past fifteen months have been nothing but uncomfortable. But, the only reason why I put up with it for so long was because I wanted to stay by her side through it all. I would go through fifteen more for her.
I was sleeping soundly until I heard laughter coming from the door. I slowly stirred into consciousness, the seemingly aggressive bright light from the room hurting my eyes. So, it took a moment until I could fully open them. And when I did, the first thing I saw was Robbie wheeling Lizzie inside back to her room as they conversed about something that made her laugh.
I situated myself into a seated position, already feeling out of place. Robbie looked at me apologetically before helping Lizzie back to bed. I ran my hand through my hair, fidgeting in place because suddenly the air was too thick for me to handle.
"I'm sorry if I woke you up." Lizzie mumbled, finally making eye contact with me.
I smiled gently, "That's okay. Are you hungry? I could get you something to—"
"Oh, no, that won't be necessary." She said, "Robbie and I already ate." I watched as she fluttered her eyes at him, making my heart ache. "But, you're more than welcome to leave to grab something to eat. You don't have to stay here the entire time."
It was like I didn't exist, she continued her conversation with Robbie, completely undermining my presence. I stood in the corner of the room, feeling out of place. A sudden sting-like pain in my chest appeared, and all I could do was feel it all out. I was hoping that she would give me a second look, including me in whatever conversation they're having, but she didn't. Like I've said before, it's like I don't exist.
My phone buzzed nonstop inside of my pocket. But, before I could leave, I stopped on my tracks, hoping somehow she would ask me to stay because I would. I gazed at her with all of me, waiting for our eyes to connect, but it shines for someone else. And it's not me. I took that as a cue, and left her room before answering Athena's call.
Y/N- Hey
A- Are you on your way?
I took a long pause, not knowing what she's talking about.
A- Y/N? Are you there? Hello?
Y/N- I'm sorry. I'm having a rough morning. What is it that we have going on today?
A- We have a meeting with one of the investors today and a band session right after. I take that you're not coming?
Y/N- I could still make it, I can leave the hospital right now and—
A- Stop. It's okay. Miles, Ronnie, and I have it under control. You're obviously needed there more than here.
Y/N- I don't know about that
My tone is quiet, yet full of disdain. I paced around the room, but stopped when my eyes landed on them, laughing. Watching their interaction, something I've longed to do with her, felt like a dagger straight to my soul. As much as I should have looked away to save myself from the heartbreak, I couldn't.
A- What's wrong? Did something happen?
Y/N- She still can't remember me. In her eyes, I'm nothing but a stranger and she sure treats me like one. And here I am, watching her with her ex-fiancé while she laughs at something he said. It's like I don't exist.
A- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure she'll come around. If there's anything I've learned from you, and all of the advice that you've given me, what a mind forgets, a heart remembers. So, keep your head high, and if you need anything, don't hesitate to give me a call.
With my gaze still following them, I wish I could say that I firmly believe, without a doubt in my mind for it to be true. What Athena said. But, it's hard to believe something as far-fetched as that when I'm witnessing the love of my life look at someone the way she used to look at me.
"Are you heading inside?" MK pulled me out of my thoughts.
"I'm not sure I should be here." I mumbled under my breath. "I feel so out of place."
"Well, don't. You are exactly where you need to be." MK's gaze is soft, like she's trying not to cry because of my situation. "I wouldn't want you anywhere else." I nodded listening to her speak genuinely. "Anyway, I'm hungry. Let's go eat breakfast."
Before I could react, MK pulled my hand toward the elevator that soon led us to the cafeteria. I followed as she chose a spot for us outside. We got our food from the various choices that the hospital has to offer before we came back outside, our seat overlooking the city of LA.
I felt bad for spacing out, but I couldn't help it. From the looks of it, MK seemed to be telling me something that excites her, but all I could do is think about Lizzie and Robbie alone in the room. I barely made a dent on my food, not because I wasn't hungry because I was, my mind is occupied with the lingering thoughts of what could be happening in the room right now as we speak.
I flinched a little when I felt MK's hands encasing my own delicately, "I know how hard everything must be for you. I wish I could say I know what you're going through, but I would be lying, and I don't want to do that. So, instead, I just want you to know that I'm here for you. Whenever you need me. I hope you know that."
I gave her a weak smile as a single tear escaped my eye. MK noticed my weakness, and slid her hand beside my face as her thumb pushed the tear away. I took comfort within her touch, somehow finding solace.
"Now go eat." MK said sternly. "We're not leaving this damn cafeteria until you finish your food." She laughed, and I did the same thing. "Finally! I made you smile. You should do that more often. It looks good on you."
I blush, "Thanks to you."
"The pleasure is all mine."
• • •
After breakfast, we decided to take a calm morning stroll by the garden. My mind drew me back to how these last fifteen months treated me, and how mentally exhausting it has been. I find myself walking mindlessly, and without a single thought, the way she looked at me when she woke up appeared flashing in my head, reminding me how I was looked at by the person who I love the most in the entire world, looked at me like someone who she wouldn't look twice in the street. And that thought hurts.
I took a seat on the bench, "I feel like I took a million steps backwards." I started before I pulled out the collar that my bear, Butter, wore around its neck. "It feels like we're destined to break each other's hearts. I wish I could tell her that we're each other's childhood best friend. But, if she doesn't remember me now, what makes me think she's going to remember the younger version of us?"
"I knew you looked familiar." MK said. "The moment I saw you, I knew I saw you somewhere. I couldn't quite pinpoint where, but it all makes sense now. I remember everything."
I chuckled, sniffling my tears back, "I don't know if she ever told you, but I was going to propose to her the night of our anniversary. I knew the moment I laid my eyes on her, and even the years we spent apart that she's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's her. It's always been her."
"You'll still get the chance to do that." MK squeezed my hand for assurance. "I'll make sure of it. You'll be happy again."
"I sure hope so."
"You will." MK pulled me in a warm embrace, rubbing my back soothingly as I took comfort against the crook of her shoulder. "Everything will work out in the end."
• • •
When MK left, I went back to Lizzie's room and found her sleeping comfortably. I tip-toed my way inside quietly so as to not wake her. When I noticed that she wasn't completely tucked in, I made sure to even out the edges so she's warm and toasty. I also decided to change her bandages, so she wouldn't get any infection. It's a good thing she's a heavy sleeper.
"You've always asked me why I fell in love with you when we were together." I started out slow and careful. "I don't think I could ever tell you completely as to why. I didn't fall in love with you because I was lost or lonely or broken or needed to be fixed. I fell in love with you because you loved me when it wasn't even on my mind. You hugged me when I needed to be held. You laughed at my stupid little jokes and you were always there even when I didn't know I needed you. I fell in love with you because of the million things you never knew you were doing."
I looked at her with every bone in my body, every cell, and the blood that rushes to through my veins. I slid my hand in between the cracks of her own, thankful that there was a moment in time where she was mine, and I was hers. No one else. We loved each other unconditionally, and knew in the deepest parts of our soul that we are made for each other.
I leaned my head against her bed, facing her, somehow finding the silver lining to this situation. I remember everything she forgot, and whenever I get the chance, I will remind her of all the things and the reasons as to why she fell in love with me. I thought long and hard about it before I drifted off to sleep.
When I woke up, to my surprise, I found Lizzie staring at me. It took a second for me to realize what was going on until I fluttered my eyes completely. I expected her to pull away, maybe even look at me disgustingly, but she didn't. She remained in eye contact with me, her gaze soft against mine.
"You know, you snore when you sleep." Lizzie stated as she formed a weak smile on her lips. "You woke me up."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I needed to wake up anyway, and your faint snores were a good alarm." She cracked a joke, taking me by surprise. "I'm starting to think that you don't actually have a home and that you're some crazy stalker fan that somehow got my sisters to play along."
I chuckled, "As exciting as that sounds, no I'm not some crazy stalker."
"You could also be an intruder..."
"Hmmm... what else?" I played along.
"I haven't quite figured you out yet, but I'll let you know."
"Please do." I smiled. "But, anyway, do you need anything?"
Lizzie shook her head, "No." But her stomach made the most monstrous noise, making me laugh.
"Your stomach says otherwise." I teased. "I'll go get you something to eat." I ruffled her hair before seeing myself out to make a quick call.
Y/N- Hey, Miles, are you guys done with the meeting?
M- Yeah, we just got done. Is everything okay?
Y/N- Yes, but I do need a slight favor from you or any one of you guys.
M- Sure. What is it?
Y/N- Would you mind going to Mr. Smith's Thai place by Venice beach, and order the special #2. They should know what that is already.
M- Alright. I'll let you know when I'm at the hospital.
Y/N- Thank you. I owe you one.
M- It's no problem. I'll see you in a bit.
I went back to the room and found Lizzie waiting for me, "Food is coming. I would say I hope you're hungry but by the way your stomach was rumbling a few minutes ago, I don't need to."
"Haha, very funny." She rolled her eyes. "But, I do have something to ask you."
"Go ahead."
"Would you want to go with me to my physical therapy later today?"
My face lit up, "I would love to, of course."
A simple gesture was more than enough to light up my heart. Something simple to her was more than that for me. I couldn't stop smiling to myself and every time I did, they would come back as if it never left. For once in fifteen months I felt important.
The food eventually, and thanks to Miles' race car driver driving skills, he got here quicker than he anticipated. The food was still warm, and I could smell the food strongly, making me hungry even more. I entered her room excitedly as her face lit up with a smile as soon as she saw the two plastic bags.
"Oooh, what'd you get us?"
I started to take the content out of the bag, "I hope you're craving Thai food because that's what I got you to eat."
"Thai food?" Lizzie asked innocently, in thought.
"Yeah, is that okay?" I asked but she didn't answer. I continued to unravel some of the saran wrap that was covering the food before putting her takeout box on the table.
I made sure to slice the peking duck into bite size pieces so she wouldn't struggle. I was really focused, trying to make sure everything is good and all she has to do is eat them. I set the dessert aside for later before diverting my full undivided attention to her.
"Is everything okay?" I asked carefully. "I could get you something else if you don't like—"
"No, it's not that." Lizzie smiled. "Everything looks good. It was just that, looking at this made me feel... nostalgic. I don't know, maybe I'm just hungry."
I chuckled, "You probably are." I joked. "But, anyway, I have a question for you before we eat."
"Go ahead."
"I suppose you don't remember anything whatsoever about the show, Lucifer?"
Just as I thought, Lizzie shook her head, "No, can't say that I remember anything about it."
"Great, you'll get to watch your favorite show for the first time again." I said melancholically. "Trust me, you'll love it."
I put on the show and we ate in silence as both of our attention were plastered against the screen of the television. Every once in a while, I would steal quick glances at her, finding it adorable at how much she's enjoying herself. The look in her eyes, and the way she's enjoying the food made my heart flutter just like they used before everything happened. I saw hope.
"What's for dessert?" Lizzie asked excitedly.
"Good thing you asked." I looked back to grab the container. "Here you go."
"Tiramisu?"
I nodded, "You remember having them at some point?" I asked, hopeful.
"No, but they look really good." Lizzie muttered under her breath before taking the first bite. "Yeah, I'm in love."
I chuckled as we ate together. Fortunately for me, Lizzie really loved the show, just as I anticipated, we ended up watching more episodes. MK and Ashley joined us four episodes in. They brought clementine, and started eating it as a snack. Lizzie wanted some, so I peeled a few for her, and began to feed her it, which surprisingly enough, she let me. MK gave me a teasing look at one point, making me roll my eyes playfully.
During one of the breaks we decided to take because our eyes were strained from staring at the screen for too long, the four of us conversed about my recording studio business and how well it's going. MK was the one that led the conversation for the most part, and all I really did was answer whatever questions they had for me.
Unfortunately, before we could continue to watch the next episode, MK and Ashley had to leave because of work related, leaving me and Lizzie alone once again. I excused myself out when I got a call.
Y/N- Hey, 'Thena, what's up?
A- I know you're busy over there and I want nothing more than for you to stay, but do you think you could swing by the studio for an hour or two? It's just that you get along with one of our main investors and I'm afraid that they won't renew our contract if you're not here to explain what you were working on.
I paced around the hallway, in thought. I stopped my tracks when my gaze followed Lizzie through the crack of her room door. If I go, I'd miss her walk therapy, and I could possibly save my company from losing one of my biggest investors. But, if I don't go, and I stay, I would be able to accompany her to her appointment, which could lead us to bond. And for the first time in a while, I saw a spark between us, and I don't want to lose that advantage. So, I took a gamble, and stayed. Athena understood.
Lizzie and I watched a couple more episodes until I accompanied her to her physical therapy appointment. I watched from afar as one of the residents explained what she would be doing for the next hour, at her own pace. Lizzie was a little wobbly at first, as expected. She held onto both railings the entire time as she made her way to the path. She struggled to get through it, but managed to walk without trembling toward the end, causing her to celebrate.
I ran toward her, joining in on the fun she's having. We cheered loudly as she pulled me into a hug, her head buried deep against my chest. I froze for a moment, taken aback by the sudden gesture. I felt my heart skip a beat or two.
"I did it!" Lizzie cheered like a little kid. "Did you see me go?"
I smiled longingly, "Of course. And you did great." I squeezed her cheek, causing her to scrunch her nose.
• • •
By the end of the night, I ordered pizza for dinner while we watched the stars above. For someone who doesn't have much of an appetite after her power nap sure does know how to eat five slices in under ten minutes. And she's still going, which amazes me. I don't think I've seen her this way. I'm definitely intrigued.
"So, how did we meet?" Lizzie cleared the silence.
"It depends which one we're talking about." I cracked a joke, thinking about how we met for the first time when we were kids and how we met years later at the club for the first time as well.
"What do you mean?"
I chuckled lightly, "Nothing. But, to answer your question, I met at the club I used to work at. I was the DJ, and you were drunk out of your mind with Scarlett and a few of your friends. I guess Scar took your bag by accident and left so I had no choice but to carry you for five miles."
"Carry me?"
"I drive a motorcycle and there was no way I would let you ride in the back because you would fall." I laughed as I recollected the memory. "So, I carried you on my back for five miles and let you stay in my apartment because I didn't know where you lived at the time."
"Wow, I can't believe I let myself get that drunk to where I can't even stand at my own feet."
"Do you want to know why you took all those shots that night?"
Lizzie hummed as a response.
"You told me that you would take a shot every time you would look at me." I drew a faint smirk on my face. "It sounds a bit stalkerish now that I'm talking about it, but I can't blame you." I joked around, making her laugh.
"I hope you don't think I believe you." Lizzie giggled as she shivered when a slight breeze passed by.
I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her, "Thank you." She buried her hands inside of the pockets. "So, which one of us asked to be someone's girlfriend?"
"You." I said carefully.
"What? Me?" Lizzie scoffed.
"Yes, you even had a little cute picnic set up for it." I smiled at the memory. "You said you weren't a hopeless romantic, but I completely disagree because you knew exactly what you were doing that night."
"I'm going to need to see some proof before I give you the victory." Lizzie laughed, giving my shoulder a slight jab.
I returned the favor. I looked up at the sky full of stars, "You know, star gazing is one of the many things we like to do together. Every chance we get, we would lay a blanket and spend the rest of our night watching the stars. I even bought you—" I stopped myself from continuing on.
"That sounds terrific." Lizzie said softly, her gaze connected above. "Stars are so mesmerizing."
I looked at her with all of me, "Yeah, they are." I smiled, not talking about the stars but her.
When our gaze connected, a faint smile appeared on our faces. It was like the world stopped moving for a moment, and all I could feel was the steady beating of my heart as she stared at me longingly, her emerald eyes glimmering through the moonlight.
There was a moment of silence. It feels as though neither one of us wants to be the one to look away. I saw her features softening against my gaze, and for the first time in a while, it didn't feel like she's looking at me like I'm a stranger. Somehow, in some way, she recognizes me despite the lack of memory of our history. The moment felt right, so I started to lean in, and she was doing the same. But, unfortunately, she pulled away just in time before we could complete the contact.
"We should probably head inside." Lizzie said. "It's getting pretty late."
I nodded and helped her walk inside. I assisted her to bed as she got comfortable. I made sure to tuck her in so she wouldn't be shivering at night. Despite our almost kiss, I have high hopes that one day, we would be able to complete the contact and she'll realize that what a mind forgets, a heart remembers.
"Goodnight, Y/N."
"Goodnight, Lizzie."
I looked up at the ceiling with my right arm supporting my head. I smiled at how fast everything changed for the better, and the fleeting moments we had. This is going to be a long ride, but I'll make sure to enjoy it as much as I can before it ends.
————
A/N: Kind of a fluffy chapter between the two. I'm sorry I took so long posting this chapter. I've been busy with so many things but I'll make it up to y'all as soon as I can. But, OMG, did y'all see episode 4 of Hawkeye?! I'm on my knees for Yelena. She looked so hot and the look she gave Kate was *chefs kiss* 🤌 ugh, I can't wait for more scenes with them in it.
I turned 22 a few days ago, and I had so much fun drinking the night away. Responsibly of course lol. But, anyway, have a great day y'all! And see you guys in the next chapter!